My struggle.

[Thecondor1991]

I cant seem to find anything worth fighting for anymore. I wake up every morning and find myself wondering how I even manage to crawl out of bed. I look at the people around me and all of them seem like they have something that gives them purpose. I honestly have nothing anymore.

 

A few months ago I was very much content with my life. I had a great job working in the construction field making very good money for a 23 year old. I had a beautiful girlfriend with two kids that I looked at as my own, and my dog who meant the entire world to me. Well needless to say all of that is gone now. After I lost my job due to lay offs in the company I struggled to find work for months. My job was helping me to save for a place for my girlfriend and I who were planning on building a family together, it also was helping me to save for school. I became depressed and to add to the depression my girlfriend and I eventually broke up.

 

Even though I was super depressed I managed to stay positive through the break up thanks to the nice folks here at Loveshack and the help of my Akita puppy. Unfortunately my puppy caught parvo and ended up passing away from it. This pretty much pushed me over the edge. I completely lost myself in my depression and became super distant from my family. I spent most of my time wrapped in my sheets and not wanting to leave my room.

 

After about two weeks I was an absolute wreck. I wasn't eating or sleeping and I barely said a word to anyone. The only thing I wanted to do was cuddle with my damn dog and talk to the love of my life again. This was especially messed up because I didn't have a friend I could talk to about any of this because my ex was my best friend. We had been friends for years before we started dating.

 

Things got a bit better when I was awoken one morning from the licks of a brand new puppy that my mom had went out and bought for me. and hes been my partner ever since. I also got a new job. So that sounds like everything should be working out now right? Wrong. I hate my job. I'm 24 now and I went from making 16 dollars an hour in a company that had plenty of room to grow, to making 9.25 and hour with no room to grow. The only reason I'm keeping this job is because its in walking distance from my house, which is important because I don't have a car. This 9.25 is doing absolutely nothing for me and I cant even save any of what I'm making because my family has fallen on some hard times so 90% of my checks go to helping them. The other 10% goes to food for me and my dog.

 

I talked to my mom about how I was feeling and I let her know that I was depressed about losing my girlfriend, to which my mom thought the best thing I could do was forgive her and try to salvage our once great friendship. after contacting her things have only gotten worse. We talk like we used to saying we love each other and texting periodically through out the day, but we still aren't together and she tells me that shes constantly being harassed by guys she works with. One guy even grabbed her boob and tried to get her into his van she has since reported him, but the fact that I cant do anything about all this is only making me feel worse.

 

After dealing with all of this I cant seem to even find enjoyment in my hobbies anymore. I used to love to play video games and build models and now I cant even stomach the thought of doing those things anymore. What am I supposed to do to give my life purpose again?

[ZA Dater]

My advice is this.

 

The greatest asset we all have is our mind and the way we think. Each day, don't get up thinking about what you don't have and what you don't like but think about positive things.

 

In every situation there is a positive but human nature being what it is, we often dwell on the negative rather than embrace the positive.

[Thecondor1991]

My advice is this.

 

The greatest asset we all have is our mind and the way we think. Each day, don't get up thinking about what you don't have and what you don't like but think about positive things.

 

In every situation there is a positive but human nature being what it is, we often dwell on the negative rather than embrace the positive.

How do you embrace the positive when there is so much negative. I mean I'm thankful to have a job and I love my family but that's just not enough anymore...

[futureglory263]

hi there. i'm really sorry to hear about the struggles you are going through. it definitely isn't easy to manage the feelings of depresssion when you are in the midst of it, but you can (and will) get through this!

i remember when i've faced struggles previously in my life, and people would say things like, "it's okay, you're young," and "just look at the stuff that you have now that you should be thankful and blessed to have," and yes, while those things are true, it didn't really help me practically..and i want to try and avoid doing the same thing. right now, you feel that things are just overwhelmingly negative, especially when you compare it to what once was. but as much as possible, avoid dwelling on the past! i know that's so hard, but practically that's one of the most useful pieces of advice i can give you.

 

let's talk about your job. you say that there is no room to grow- that may be true within your job, but there are certainly ways to grow externally (i.e. applying for another position at a higher level), once you get additional experience. Not having a car will definitely affect you in terms of possible work locations...would public transportation be an option? if not, have an honest talk with your supervisor, letting him/her know that you'd be interested if a higher paying position opens. meanwhile, work diligently (because it will always help when you need a future reference letter wherever you may end up), and pick up overtime, if it is available to help you on better financial footing.

 

i'm really glad to hear about your family's support right now. it sounds like your mom is really helping you as much as possible..and that's really great =) sadly, a lot of people just don't have that. do you have anyone that you're close with outside your family? if you don't, as you so suggest, get to know people and invest in each other's lives! we are meant to develop relationships and be part of community. don't know where to start? let me know if you want more practical advice in this area.

 

i don't think it may be the best thing to contact your ex-gf. there are several important reasons...because of the feelings of attachment that you still have, it is difficult, if not impossible, to just be friends. it is also misleading for her to tell you that she loves you if that's not where her heart really is. i'm not sure to the circumstances of your breakup, but generally speaking, it's quite rare for a relationship to come back to where it once was. people change, move on, etc.

 

again, as much as possible, avoid thinking about the past too much. it only works to make you regretful, depressed, spiteful, etc. it will hinder your ability to set goals, hope in the future and motivate you ahead. all it really does is work to bring you back down.

 

I know things are overwhelming right now. while i truly believe that your life has a great and awesome purpose, think more about what you find your worth in? is it in your job? unfortunately, jobs come and go. do you find your worth in being in a relationship? that too, comes and goes.

you say you have a job and you love your family, but that's not enough. can i ask you honestly? what would be enough for you?

[Thecondor1991]

hi there. i'm really sorry to hear about the struggles you are going through. it definitely isn't easy to manage the feelings of depresssion when you are in the midst of it, but you can (and will) get through this!

i remember when i've faced struggles previously in my life, and people would say things like, "it's okay, you're young," and "just look at the stuff that you have now that you should be thankful and blessed to have," and yes, while those things are true, it didn't really help me practically..and i want to try and avoid doing the same thing. right now, you feel that things are just overwhelmingly negative, especially when you compare it to what once was. but as much as possible, avoid dwelling on the past! i know that's so hard, but practically that's one of the most useful pieces of advice i can give you.

 

let's talk about your job. you say that there is no room to grow- that may be true within your job, but there are certainly ways to grow externally (i.e. applying for another position at a higher level), once you get additional experience. Not having a car will definitely affect you in terms of possible work locations...would public transportation be an option? if not, have an honest talk with your supervisor, letting him/her know that you'd be interested if a higher paying position opens. meanwhile, work diligently (because it will always help when you need a future reference letter wherever you may end up), and pick up overtime, if it is available to help you on better financial footing.

 

i'm really glad to hear about your family's support right now. it sounds like your mom is really helping you as much as possible..and that's really great =) sadly, a lot of people just don't have that. do you have anyone that you're close with outside your family? if you don't, as you so suggest, get to know people and invest in each other's lives! we are meant to develop relationships and be part of community. don't know where to start? let me know if you want more practical advice in this area.

 

i don't think it may be the best thing to contact your ex-gf. there are several important reasons...because of the feelings of attachment that you still have, it is difficult, if not impossible, to just be friends. it is also misleading for her to tell you that she loves you if that's not where her heart really is. i'm not sure to the circumstances of your breakup, but generally speaking, it's quite rare for a relationship to come back to where it once was. people change, move on, etc.

 

again, as much as possible, avoid thinking about the past too much. it only works to make you regretful, depressed, spiteful, etc. it will hinder your ability to set goals, hope in the future and motivate you ahead. all it really does is work to bring you back down.

 

I know things are overwhelming right now. while i truly believe that your life has a great and awesome purpose, think more about what you find your worth in? is it in your job? unfortunately, jobs come and go. do you find your worth in being in a relationship? that too, comes and goes.

you say you have a job and you love your family, but that's not enough. can i ask you honestly? what would be enough for you?

 

I wish I could answer that...To be honest I don't know. You see before all that stuff happened I was content, albiet bored, with my life. I was around 20, I wasn't working, Wasn't in school, and didnt really have much drive to do anything, but I managed to still enjoy life through my hobbies. After meeting my then girlfriend, who motivated me to get a job, and start growing up, I found new meaning in life,something that was worth striving for. I wanted to build a family with her, you know the white picket fence scene. She always pushed me to do better. If not for her I probably would still be doing nothing. She even enjoyed my hobbies with me. Even after dealing with everything I dealt with I still managed to keep cool and positive because I still had my dream of a future with her. However after we broke up I was left feeling completely empty, lost, and devoid of purpose. At first I chalked it up to "the break up blues" but now I'm just depressed. Im not even sad about the break up anymore, I've been done with that for a while now. Like I said, now I just feel drained, lifeless, and left without purpose. I used to enjoy video games, building models, and drawing, now I literally cant stand do do any of that. SO I cant even escape in my hobbies anymore because I just don't enjoy them. I've been looking for new hobbies and nothing sticks. I even got really big into working out. I lost about 15 pounds, I'm really cut, Have great abs, and now I'm completely bored with that.

Edited September 13, 2015 by Thecondor1991

[futureglory263]

If you feel that it isn't just post break-up blues, have you tried talking to a doctor about your depressive feelings?

It sounds like your then-girlfriend had a real positive impact on your life, and motivating you in your goals. now that she is not there, as you say, you are feeling devoid of purpose and meaning. it sounds to me that you have put your worth in the relationship you once had with your girlfriend, and now that she is gone, you feel left without purpose. On the contrary, your worth is found much deeper than in a relationship with a girlfriend. Friend, can i try and encourage you?

 

if we put our worth in the things this world offers, like jobs, relationships, people, even our families, they will all eventually fail us. unfortunately, jobs come and go, relationships can fail, our family members will eventually pass away, and people will hurt us. even if things work out for us, and we feel contentment, (just as you did before you met your girlfriend), there is still a part of us that feels empty (as you mentioned you were content, albeit bored).

 

You may feel like right now your life has no purpose, but indeed it does! Let me quote you a passage from Rick Warren's book, A Purpose Driven Life:

 

You are not an accident. Your birth was no mistake or mishap, and your life is no fluke of nature. Your parents may not have planned you, but God did. He was not at all surprised by your birth. In fact, he expected it. Long before you were conceived by your parents, you were conceived in the mind of God. He thought of you first. It is not fate, nor chance, nor luck, nor coincidence that you are breathing at this very moment. You are alive because God wanted to create you! The Bible says, "The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me." ...The Bible says, "Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love." God was thinking of you even before he made the world. In fact, that's why he created it! God designed this planet's environment just so we could live in it. We are the focus of his love and the most valuable of all his creation. The Bible says, "God decided to give us life through the word of truth so we might be the most important of all the things he made." This is how much God loves and values you!

 

Most people place their worth in the things of this world, which will all inevitably fail us. But if we place our worth, our purpose in that which cannot fail (God), we will life with purpose, with a hope that is lasting and eternal!