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How to deal with social anxiety


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MisUnderstood1

I have what I will call social anxiety. I've been trying not to label myself but there's no point in not doing so anymore because it's a real problem for me, has been for the longest time and seems to be getting worse as I get older. I've just started this grad program this week and it's a really great course; I'm thankful I got in. Coming into it, I knew there would be a major group research presentation in second semester and was okay with that (not like I have a choice), but I didn't know there would be a lot of group work and presentations in the classes as a whole :(, so now I'm just super nervous and feeling panicky already.

 

I've always had a fear of public speaking. They make me want to hide and run away. Sometimes I do try to feign extroversion but I have to force myself, which's just not me. I just don't have that bubbly, loud personality. I had a class this morning and because it was the day of that class, after the Prof talked for a while we had to introduce ourselves. This is a 3-hr class (all my classes are about that long) and b/c she talked for over an hour straight, we got a 15mins break, then the plan was for us to return and do our introductions, so she could get to know us.

 

I thought we would just have to say our name, our undergrad background and maybe one other thing, but when I returned there were 3 more questions on the overhead, making them 6 in total, so I left and here I am at the library. I was going to manage answering 3 questions but 6 is just too much. I just cannot talk in a group and my usual response is to run. During my undergrad, as soon as I found out a class had presentations I would take off and choose another without one. Now I obviously can't do that b/c the courses are already chosen for us and the marks will count but I don't know how to deal. I was supposed do a similar program last year, went there on the first day and didn't go back after that - for this exact reason.

 

Years ago, I also left Nursing school for the exact same reason. Now I wonder if I've chosen the right program. I could've gone into others that involved more solitary-type work and assignments. I don't plan to quit this time though, I just can't. But this is hard. I also haven't made any friends in my classes either, even though they're all with the same group of pple (43 of us in total). Some pple seem to be so clique-y. I thought I was done with cliques when I left high school. I've been trying to see if I can spot another quiet personality but so far, none. I met a girl on the first day and thought we could be friends but she has ditched me to be friends with another girl whom she shares the same native language with, so I am that girl who sits by herself and I'm okay with that.

 

I don't mind so much with not having any friends yet, I just want to be able to get through the classes without being nervous when we've to do some public speaking. I'm off to another class now. *Crosses fingers*.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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You have to put yourself out there more. From my experience you meet more people from clubs then classes or church. You cannot expect people to walk to you and instantly be friends. You were expecting that girl to be friends automatically. Did you suggest doing some of her interests with her or invite her for coffee? It takes two people to form a friendship. You can't just sit there in chairs and expect things to happen. Or you'll miss out on good friendships.

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GunslingerRoland

I don't know the proper advice on how to deal with the social anxiety, besides therapy.

 

However, I would highly recommend finding a local chapter of Toastmasters to work on your public speaking.

 

Also, I don't know what program you are in at school, but I get the sense if the classroom work is built around this much teamwork and collaboration it may be trying to prepare you for a career that will require the same. Maybe you aren't in the right career path to begin with?

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i too suffer from social woes, despite being impressive and liked with lots of qualities

 

my output when it comes to small talk is really non existant and i feel and over whelming pressure haunting me when i feel the expectation of having to converse with people

 

a big improvent strategy thats helped me rapidly is a thought i put through my head and just focus to keep saying to myself in such environments

 

keep saying in your head "I just dont want to give a f##k"

 

for me this fights off the demons, and although im not becoming a socialite, i can manage to walk thru shopping centres and not come out feeling sick due to anxiety

 

accept that a weakness is eating at you, and fight it away by continually saying

 

"I just dont want to give a f##k"

"I just dont want to give a f##k"

"I just dont want to give a f##k"

"I just dont want to give a f##k"

 

at least your being assertive to it, and finding an aggressive stronger frame of mind when the pressure comes onto you

 

still care for life, but when it comes to anxiety "I just dont want to give a f##k" anymore

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MisUnderstood1
I don't know the proper advice on how to deal with the social anxiety, besides therapy.

 

However, I would highly recommend finding a local chapter of Toastmasters to work on your public speaking.

 

Also, I don't know what program you are in at school, but I get the sense if the classroom work is built around this much teamwork and collaboration it may be trying to prepare you for a career that will require the same. Maybe you aren't in the right career path to begin with?

 

I definitely need therapy and considering it, but the ones I've looked up are just so expensive, like $150/session. Yes, you're right. They're trying to prepare us for the career. We will also be doing major presentations next year, in which industry professionals will attend, so I think they're trying to prepare us for that too. It's a social research & market-research oriented field. When I look at job postings, some require giving presentations, while others you're just doing research and writing reports, and/or analyzing data, so I'm sure I'll be able to find a position that involves more solitary-type work, which is one of the reasons I don't want to give up. I left nursing school years ago for this exact reason, but I obviously regret it because I would've found my niche in nursing, had I stuck with it. I don't want to quit this program. I don't want to keep quitting when I'm out of my comfort zone, but this week I made a bad decision not to do a presentation and it makes me look really bad now.

 

 

Two days ago, in one class, the entire class was dedicated to group work. We're to present the findings of the group work in the next class. To choose the group, the Prof bought us different candy and asked us to take one at the beginning of class. The pple who took the same candy would be in the same group. As luck would have it, I had spilled my top about half hour earlier with a drink and didn't want to get up and be seen. I just left about 5 mins later. I feel bad now. The Prof didn't see me leave but I'm sure she obviously realized it later. She kinda looked at me when I didn't get up to take a candy, so she knew. I don't want her to think I didn't want to participate or that I'm better than everyone else or something, which's not the case at all. The assignment is 5% (the group part and the presentation taking place next week) of our final mark, so I've already lost that. I will have to miss next class b/c it would be bad and embarrassing for me to be the only person sitting while everyone else is getting up to present with their group. I'm going to be forcing myself to do the group assignments and presentations now because I just have to, but idk how to rectify this situation, especially with regards to the Prof. I don't want her to think I don't care about the course. She teaches two of our designated courses. It's a close-knit program and I'm sure the Profs all talk to each other. The program advisor/co-ordinator also happens to be a Prof for another class. I don't want them to start talking about me or think I'm not serious. Besides the public-speaking/group-work/presentation aspect, I really like my courses and the program But idk what to do now. I've thought about sending her an email, but idk what I would say.

 

The program is also becoming quite clique-y. I don't fit in with my classmates, so idk. I feel a bit incompetent, not because I can't do the work but b/c everyone is more extroverted and outgoing than me.

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HeartbrokenNewbie

No u don't need therapy imo, u need medication. My life was nearly ruined through social anxiety, I got put on citalopram (long term) & although this helped calm me it took months to work & it only took the edge off things, it certainly wouldn't help sudden, unplanned social encounters... my Dr then prescribed a beta blocker & I would take this 40mins-1hr before any anxiety inducing social event.. it doesn't stop u thinking the usual anxious thoughts in the moment but it stops your body responding, so although on the inside I might be worrying my body won't shake, I won't go red, I won't sweat, my heart won't pound etc & in turn this calms your mind & allows u to think calmly (because u know no one else can notice) after a while of using the beta blocker (propranolol) I believe) it started to boost my confidence, it's helped me break through a barrier.. I'm not a Dr but I know how debilitating social anxiety can be & I really think it could be worth using my case as something u could talk to your Dr about..

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