Topless at a club.

[UCFKevin]

I've been seeing this girl for a little while, she's absolutely amazing, we're perfect together. We just fit amazingly well, we can talk about anything, the making out is incredible, I love being with her and vice versa. We're seeing each other exclusively.

 

Her friend came in town the other day and they went to a club downtown. We talked the next morning and she was tired and felt gross from all the drinking they did. So they had fun, apparently.

 

Last night, I'm at her place, and we're asleep, and it's in the middle of the night and I hear her call the friend she was with, and her friend's boyfriend was all upset and I heard her saying, "Why is he mad? There were pictures? Am I in them? And they're online? Oh God, that's so embarassing, we need to get those pictures off."

 

They talked for a bit more, thinking I was asleep. When she hung up, I asked her what was in the pictures.

 

Turns out they went to some Playboy party kind of thing and they got drunk, got up on stage, took off their shirts and made out in front of everyone, and someone from their high school was there, took pictures and put them up online. Of course she wasn't going to tell me this, but when I found out, it just...really really sucked.

 

She blamed it on being drunk, but Christ, that gives you leeway to do stupid s***? Oh, I flashed everyone and made out, I was drunk, I can't help it. What's next, oh, I went home with some guy, I was drunk, I couldn't help it. Whoops. What the hell?

 

We talked for a while and I told her how I felt about it. I hated it. I hated that she did it. And I hate it most of all because now I can't really trust her. If she's going to blame that kind of stuff on drinking, who knows what else could happen?

 

She feels really awful about it and there was all this drama and now I just have absolutely no clue what to do. Trust is the cornerstone in any relationship with me. if there's no trust, there's nothing. If this was just some chick I was banging for fun, I wouldn't care, no big deal, but that's not what this is. I can see myself with her in the future but now, the future's hazy.

 

She knows exactly how I feel, and I told her I just needed some time to deal with it. But the trust issue is just gnawing at me. I hate this.

 

Thoughts, anyone?

[westernxer]

What a predicament... she definitely has a wild streak that monogamy won't (or can't) cure. Being drunk is always an excuse... it only gives you the courage to do what you're afraid of doing when sober. She's copping out on you.

 

The warning lights are on now... you'll just have to monitor the situation and see if it's really worth it to be with her in the long term. It sounds to me like she still needs to sow her wild oats. Girls night out is never an innocent get-together. Not the first time I've heard something like this go down.

 

Sorry to hear about this, especially since you're such a cool guy.

[melina]

Hi

 

A while ago you posted under the subject "guys who make fools of themselves". I responded saying that I wouldn't want to start going out with a guy who gets up on tables completely drunk, singing and having girls tucking dollar notes into his trousers. I said that I would be worried that he is a player and generally tends to go home with chicks he picks up in bars.

 

Your response: " what a lame lame comment". You obviously didn't get my point.

 

Let me assure you that I can see why you'd have a trust problem with a girl who takes her top off in public. I would, too.

 

It simply attracts horny guys who will try to get into her nickers. I am not saying that your girlfriend is acting upon it but I simply hate being hassled by drunk guys when I go clubbing anyway so I could never see the point in behaving like that and attracting those drueling monsters.

 

I sometimes behave pretty "sleazy" on a big clubbing night out but solely with my boyfriend around! We dance, make out and behave silly but it feels safe and most of all I won't have some drueling drunkhead chasing and "accidentally" touching me!

 

So, tell her what your worry is! If she's a considerate girl she will fully understand!

[alphamale]

tell her that you and your buddies are going out to the tittie bar because you missed her "show".

 

swift retaliation is called 4 here.

[Lonestar]

Prior post was right, Kevin. If you can get on tables and do your thing, you shouldn't be judging your GF because she had a little fun when she was drunk. Taking your shirt off is not the same as sleeping with someone else. You shouldn't automatically assume that she could head down that road just because of this. You will doom your relationship from the start.

 

You're hurt because you're jealous. Your skin is crawling because other horny guys were wanting to f*ck your woman and she was half naken putting on a lesbian show. Your ego is bruised. If you really care about this girl and want to be with her, then you need to drop the double standard about who can put on a show when they're drunk.

 

Or you could always go find another woman who wouldn't do something like this if that would suit you better. Maybe you're finding out she just isn't your type.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Lonestar

Maybe you're finding out she just isn't your type.

even when totally drunk most women will not take their tops off, then simulate lesbian sex acts, and THEN do those in front of a group of people.

 

this woman has issues. WTF would she do at mardi gras? have a public gang bang with 20 dudes??

[melina]

are you sure there weren't any drugs involved?

 

the only few times I acted embarassing was when drugs were involved

[shamen]

Originally posted by westernxer

Girls night out is never an innocent get-together. Not the first time I've heard something like this go down.

 

I've never had a girls' night out like that! And I have girls' night out with my girls all the time. Our get-togethers are always pretty innocent.

 

 

 

Sorry, Kevin, that this happened to you. That does stink.

 

But, I can see why Melina brought up the point about you dancing on the tables from your other post. Needless to say, she took it a BIG step farther with the taking off of the shirt and the making out, but it's not like you're not prone to doing silly drunken things...

 

Do you consider her making out with another girl cheating? If you do, then maybe this is the time to end it? I was going to say that one can't equate this experience of hers with her potential to cheat on you with a man, but some people would say that it doesn't matter what sex the person is that you kiss...

 

I don't know. If you can handle what she did, then I would maybe put the brakes on the relationship a bit. Give yourself some time to let yourself trust her again. My trust level would fly out the window with this incident. But then again, if I saw you dancing on a table with you getting dollar bills stuffed down your pants, I might not trust you too much either... No offense, Kevin, just stating my feelings.

 

How did she feel about your dance on the table? Out of curiousity.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by shamen

I've never had a girls' night out like that! And I have girls' night out with my girls all the time. Our get-togethers are always pretty innocent.

[shamen]

Kevin,

 

Sorry to hijack your thread for a sec, but I have to respond to ALPHA's comment that my girls' nights out are pretty innocent as bs...

 

OK, ALPHA... for my last girls' night out, we met at a bar, had a beer and talked. Then we went to a restaurant and ate dinner, had some wine and then we went home. Pretty scary, huh? Oh, and we didn't talk to any men that we didn't know but the server.

[UCFKevin]

I'm not too cool with her kissing another girl. A kiss is a kiss, even if it's "okay" for it to be with another girl by today's standards.

 

I honestly don't think it's the same thing whatsoever, what I did, and what she did. I removed no clothing, I didn't put myself at any kind of risk, drunk guys downtown seeing a bunch of girls topless and making out on stage in front of everyone? That is completely different than getting up on a chair and singing and dancing. She didn't really have much ofa reaction to what I did, she just thought it was kinda funny. Plus I readily told her about me doing that the day after it happened. She had absolutely no plans to tell me what she did. She was planning on keeping it to herself and hoping I never found out.

 

And there are also the pictures that were taken and put on the internet. Even more lovely.

 

I'm going to try to give her time, but like you said, trust is gone out the window.

[shamen]

Originally posted by UCFKevin

I'm not too cool with her kissing another girl. A kiss is a kiss, even if it's "okay" for it to be with another girl by today's standards.

 

I honestly don't think it's the same thing whatsoever, what I did, and what she did. I removed no clothing, I didn't put myself at any kind of risk, drunk guys downtown seeing a bunch of girls topless and making out on stage in front of everyone? That is completely different than getting up on a chair and singing and dancing.

 

She didn't really have much ofa reaction to what I did, she just thought it was kinda funny. Plus I readily told her about me doing that the day after it happened. She had absolutely no plans to tell me what she did. She was planning on keeping it to herself and hoping I never found out.

 

And there are also the pictures that were taken and put on the internet. Even more lovely.

 

I'm going to try to give her time, but like you said, trust is gone out the window.

 

I know what you mean about the kiss thing... I mean, for me, a kiss is a kiss. Doesn't matter the sex of the person.

 

You're right, you didn't take off any clothes. It is different. What she did was way worse. I totally acknowledge that. But girls did stuff dollar bills into your pants... That would freak me out.

 

The fact that she was trying to keep it from you is disconcerting, to say the least. And the pics. Ugh.

[softrider]

can you post the link to these pictures?

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by softrider

can you post the link to these pictures?

 

That's against the guidelines.

[UCFKevin]

The dollars down my pants thing was a little out there I guess but there was nothing ulterior about it, they were just goofing around, and I willingly told her about it.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by shamen

OK, ALPHA... for my last girls' night out, we met at a bar, had a beer and talked. Then we went to a restaurant and ate dinner, had some wine and then we went home.

u forget to mention all the phone #s you gave out or all the business cards you collected from men. it may not be like this every girls nite but it is sometimes!

 

I know what gurls nite out is all about. It is the same as boys nite out. U dont' fool me SHAMEN.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by alphamale

 

u forget to mention all the phone #s you gave out or all the business cards you collected from men. it may not be like this every girls nite but it is sometimes!

 

I know what gurls nite out is all about. It is the same as boys nite out. U dont' fool me SHAMEN.

 

Why did they meet at a bar? Why not just order drinks at the restaurant?

[westernxer]

Originally posted by UCFKevin

The dollars down my pants thing was a little out there I guess but there was nothing ulterior about it, they were just goofing around, and I willingly told her about it.

 

At least you had the good sense to tell her afterward. It shows a sense of responsibility on your part.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by westernxer

Why did they meet at a bar? Why not just order drinks at the restaurant?

because WESTERNXER, to meet men (single or otherwise) they need to go somewhere where there are men so they can flirt and get free drinks and give out phone #s. Women are usually looking to trade-in their current model boyfriend for a newer model b/f who is better lookin' and makes more money .

 

Girls nite out rarely happens at the movie theater or at the library or at Bill Knapps restaurant.

 

I used to date this woman long time ago and she would frequent this bar with her "girls nite" female friends sometimes. My work buddy would go there too on ladies nite. She never met him cause him and I worked together. I would tell him to keep one eye on her and her activities and low and behold I got two conflicting stories of what when on:

 

alpha: "so janet, what'd you all do at the bar last nite"

janet: "oh we hung out, drank, danced with each other and chatted bout girlie things"

 

alpha: "so what did janet and co. do at the bar last nite"

buddy: "oh, they were talking to guys and fliritng and getting free drinks"

 

[westernxer]

HAHAHAHA!!!!

[BrotherAaron]

Damn, Kevin, you've been posting about how good things have been going with this one too! I remember you saying it took a year and a half before you met someone even halfway worth your time - that's this girl, right? Well, I'll tell you what, it sounds like she was looking for attention. I would say that kiss was just that - attention seeking. It's better than her kissing some dude in a dark corner, right? Understandable that the trust is shaken, especially after her lying about it.

 

Anyway, you're level headed, you give good advice, and I think you'll figure this out alright

[Bryanp]

Hello Kevin,

 

I think this was really bad news. You have been in a relationship for over a year and what does she do:

1) Goes to club and jumps on a table

2) Takes off her top so everyone can observe her breasts

3) Starts kissing on the mouth her girlfriend who takes off her top to appear to stimulate lesbian action in front of the crowd

4) Has someone takes pictures off her unbeknownst to her and puts its all over the internet.

 

How in the world could you be proud to have her as your significant other? How could you possible take her seriously anymore? What makes it all the worse is that

1) She tries to hide it from you and you only found out because she thought you were asleep.

2) She blames it on drinking.

What do we gleam from this:

1) She had no intention of being honest with you.

2) She apparently blames it all on the drinking and it is now clear that she cannot handle it at all.

3) Will this mean next time she will have sex with someone and blame it on drinking as an excuse?

4) I think if she was that drunk she put herself at great risk. She went topless in front of a crowd of people. Apparently she was so drunk she did not know pictures were being taken. God knows what could have happened to her that night.

5) It also seems like she likes her girlfriend way too much to have both of them topless and kissing in front of a crowd.

 

The bottom line is:

1) Apparently she has no problem keeping secrets from you.

2) She has no problem being an exhibition in a crowd behind your back.

3) She is unable to handle drinking

4) Enjoys messing around with a girlfriend.

5) Apparently has no problem making you look like a fool in that you are in a committed relationship with her.

6) How can you feel special that you have a girlfriend on the internet kissing her special friend while both are topless in a nightclub?

7) Finally, how could you possibly trust her when she is not with you when she is out on the town with friends drinking?

If you cannot have a respected, honest and trusting relationship then what do you really have? Why would you wish to be with a deceitful person? She had no intention of telling you anything. Now you have to wonder are there others things she has not told you about?

I wish you luck but the red flags are out for you to see. It is now up to you if you wish to see them.

I wish you luck.

[Pocky]

In my opinion, the only thing her behavior tells me is she's probably not ready to be in a monogamous relationship.

[moimeme]

She blamed it on being drunk, but Christ, that gives you leeway to do stupid s***? Oh, I flashed everyone and made out, I was drunk, I can't help it. What's next, oh, I went home with some guy, I was drunk, I couldn't help it. Whoops. What the hell?

 

The process of courtship:

 

1. Meet someone you think is great

2. Go out with that person - the first while everything is great and the person is still great

3. Continue to go out with that person - now you're getting hooked

4. Continue to go out with that person. You learn more. Some of the stuff you start to learn isn't that great/is bloody awful or isn't that bad.

5. Based on 4, decide that 3 was based on not really knowing the person very well. Decide that 4 was either a deal-breaker or something you can live with. Often your decision is clouded by 3.

6. a Continue in relationship managing to deal with the not-too-serious things that are not great OR

6.b end the relationship and go back to 1.

 

Really, I think people who behave very badly and think it's ok to blame booze for it are demonstrating fairly serious character flaws. Either she's extremely immature, in which case she'll need a few years to wise up, or else she's terminally a flake and she's not a good bet. Either way, I think this could be the beginning of the end.

[UCFKevin]

For the record, it hasn't been a year, I dunno where that came from. Nowhere near that long.

 

We talked again. She cried again. I didn't know what to say again. She knows I'm pissed, she knows I think it's trashy and she knows it's disrespectul because I told her all that. I'm not going for a guilt trip, I'm just being honest with her.

 

I dunno what the hell I'm gonna do.