scarlyjones Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 I just wanted to say that Im a girl,....and in being a girl,....I know that alot of females in here will probably get pissed at me for saying this but here goes anyway: 1. We KNOW that you have every right to get mad when we take our shirts off at a party even if we say you dont. 2.Yes,...we WOULD get mad if you did something of the same calibur,..again,..even if we dont admit it. 3. Yes,..we DO think its cheating even if we make out with another chick. Im just real sick of some of these girls who think its not cheating when they suck face with other chicks while drinking for the entertainment of some group of horny guys. They think its not cheating as long as they shout from the rooftops that they arent a lesbian, so its not cheating. Whatever. Like we would be all cool with our guys suckin' face with some hot chick as long as he told everyone that he wasnt attracted to her. PAAAAAAAAAAAAALllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeezz. Its cheating. plain and simple. If you have someone in your life,....you dont suckface with ANYONE else. MAN, WOMAN, RODENT, MARSUPIAL,.....whatever............ Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones I just wanted to say that Im a girl,....and in being a girl,....I know that alot of females in here will probably get pissed at me for saying this but here goes anyway: 1. We KNOW that you have every right to get mad when we take our shirts off at a party even if we say you dont. 2.Yes,...we WOULD get mad if you did something of the same calibur,..again,..even if we dont admit it. 3. Yes,..we DO think its cheating even if we make out with another chick. very true, so long as the boyfriend doesn't care. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Morality (and guilt as a response) have to do with your inner feeling and not with what your boyfriend allows or disallows. Actually I didn't seem to care about my BFs and cheating on them when I didn't love them. But I would never cheat on someone I love who also loves me. But it's true that I wouldn't do things that my BF minds even if I think they are no big deal. But I also wouldn't do things I personally find to be wrong even if my BF was okay with them. Anyway, in Kevin's GF's case, I think the whole point of going to the Playboy party, getting drunk, and making out with a girl was TO BE WITH A GIRL. I think she wanted some lesbian experience at any cost. She knew she'd meet lots of good-looking girls at a playboy party (I dunno what it is, but I am trying to imagine). She got drunk and she was so into it that she didn't pay attention to the guys. If she were into cheating on you with guys, she would've been making out with guys. It's girls she wants when she gets drunk. That doesn't make her a slut. And I am absolutely sure she didn't do it to please the guys as scarlyjones suggested. You don't really know whether she feels guilty or not. The fact that she didn't tell you only speaks that she knew it would upset you. But she might as well feel ashamed and regret what she did. But it's true that taking their shirts off in front of guys is kinda too liberal. She went too far. I would say the whole thing without the shirt taking off would be merely a drunken lesbian experience, the kind she can't get when she is sober and pretty much innocent. The nude part is the only thing I think sucks. In any case, I don't think it's a big enough reason to break up with her. You will never have an ideal woman. Sooner or later you will discover their faults. You can't run away every time you realize your girl is not perfect. Make her promise that she will be absolutely faithful to you from now on and make a deal about what "faithful" means. That should include rules about your behavior too. And make some rules about drinking when you're not together. By the way, did you give your phone number to the girl who requested it from you when you had a nite with the guys? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Boy, oh boy, have people's ideas of 'not perfect' ever changed. So what if a man got drunk, got naked, and started kissing another guy in front of a crowd. And photos were taken? And he tried to hide it? IMHO this was not a 'mistake'. It was bad behaviour facilitated by alcohol. And, as others have asked, what will happen next time she gets drunk? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Well the point is you're all trying to persuade Kevin that he should take this very seriously as in break up with her. I am saying he should work this out, if possible, and see if they can act more dedicated to each other in the future as in she won't take her shirt off in front of everyone, get drunk and kiss girls, and he won't be giving his phone number to every girl who asks for it. If people love each other anything is possible. You guys all pretend to be saints. If you're not then you must be very boring! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 There is a vast chasm between being a 'saint' and going to a bar, stripping, and making out with another woman. That some of us don't consider that to be a great evening's entertainment doesn't automatically mean we're 'boring'. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Oops... I meant if you ARE saints then you must be boring! Moimeme, you sound like you see yourself as a saint (yet not boring). Are you? (a saint) Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Yes, RP. You've got it. That's me. A saint. Pope Benedict just missed me this time out. I'll be on the beatification list next time. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 I do see a difference between Kevin getting drunk and singing and her getting drunk, taking off her shirt and making out with someone else in front of people. If you want to forgive, then go ahead, but you can't compare those two. I also don't find being drunk is good enough as an excuse. On very few occasions I had been quite drunk and still didn't end up doing this kind of things. I don't think this is something that can't be forgiven, but I'd be wary and wonder if I really knew my partner. It's a good moment to think about your partner and if there was indeed compatibility or not before continuing a relationship were people might have very diverging opinions on morals. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer Morality (and guilt as a response) have to do with your inner feeling and not with what your boyfriend allows or disallows. true, but some boyfriends encourage it, and some girls do not see this as against their morals, so there is no guilt to be felt. in that case, this kind of thing would be fine. there are couples that are swingers...while we may consider it immoral, they certainly don't...and obviously neither partner minds. therefore, it is not a problem. in kevin's case though, he considers her behaviour immoral and does not encourage it, which is where the problem lies. bottom line, it may be forgivable for some, but for kevin, it seems like he's leaning way toward the "not dealing with it" side. nice new pic, by the way. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 bottom line is,...we want to do what we want no matter who it hurts,...but DONT want the people we love to do the same because it may hurt us. Selfishness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 I didn't make it to the end, but one question I have is how old she is. It's just skanky (frankly, its not too different from a Girls Gone Wild taping), it shows that she's somewhat immature (weak minded), somewhat attention seeking (another way of saying young and impressionable). I also don't see this as a cheating thing as much as its just a very, very aggressive attention ploy. Someone above said it better, but she got drunk, TOPLESS and started in on her pal primarily for the visual pleasure of a bunch of drunk, horny guys and 'cause she loved the attention. That's pathetic, weak egoed, and shows that she's definately NOT her own girl. I definately wouldn't consider this girl LTR material. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Kev, after reading through your thread here, some advice is great by most, afew are waaay off base as well... Listen to your gut, that inner voice. Since the trust is up in the air and the fact that she really had no intention of telling you and it was 'overheard' as she thought you were sleeping, maybe you need to ask yourself IF she had come right out and told you when she got home WOULD you still feel the same? Either way it would have hurt because she kissed SOMEBODY else - Who cares if it was a female, the kiss happened. And the boob show too. Dumb on her part and maybe now she'll realize that you can't just DO stupid stuff and not expect it to comeback and bite ya in the ass 100X harder. Consquences, and she's learning about that now isn't she. I feel for ya, you got a tough choice to make. End it and move on or stay and see what happens - if the trust comes back etc...IS she worth fighting for? Can you picture her NOT in your life? Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Dit. Awe Kev..I'm so sorry. That really really sucks. Not even the fact of what she did..because thats bad in itself..but the fact that she kept it from you and probably would have never told you had you not overheard that conversation. Thats what you have to think about. And your leaving and all you will have is trust and well right now thats shot. I agree with WWIU..Can you see her not in your life? Link to post Share on other sites
billybadass36 Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 I don't know if I can be of any help, but something like this happened to me at the very outset of my relationship with my fiancee. We were just starting out, and I flipped out, justifiably. It was in the very beginning of our relationship before we had established clear cut boundaries and we were still feeling each other out...it was like maybe 2 months into our relationship. I told her that if she wanted to be with me that she was going to lose a LOT of her freedom for the foreseeable future because I'd trusted her blindly. She blew it when she was drunk. So I was like, "Whatever. I thought we had something special here, but I guess not. I thought she might have been 'the one', but I guess not. I'm going to emotionally detach myself from this woman and just have fun." Then I pretty much just treated it like a physical relationship, told her that I didn't see us going much farther because I couldn't trust her but that I liked having sex with her just the same. She didn't like that and she proposed that we move forward, emotionally or whatever. She came up with this idea and we had an understanding that since she wanted to be with me, but since I didn't trust her and didn't want to get close to her and then get hurt again, from that point forward, she agreed to have no personal space and that she was going to be accountable to me for every minute she was out of my sight to earn back that trust. She agreed to this because I'm quite the catch and she was devastated that she's "ruined" what she called "the best thing that ever happened to her". Well, eventually we got over it and we're getting married, and now, about a year later, there's no mistrust between us at all. The question you need to ask yourself is if this woman is able to make this kind of sacrifice for your relationship. Is she that into your relationship to make a fundamental change in her social behavior? Is she willing to forego her privacy to the degree that my fiancee did? I doubt it. I'm actually shocked that my relationship worked because I'm a jealous, controlling prick, and this incident flat-out ended this relationship for me when it happened. When it happened I'd decided to just have fun and not get too involved with this women. As time went on, though, it all ended up alright. People CAN and do make mistakes. I've made several. That doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship is doomed. You just need to find out how much she wants to be with you. How willing is she to make fundamental changes in herself to make you more comfortable? I'm sure she's embarrassed and pissed at herself for losing control like this, but that's not your problem, it's hers. As far as you're concerned the trust is gone. Act accordingly. Don't trust her until she proves to you that she can be trusted. If anything remotely like this happens again, you can simply cut the cord and move on with little emotional attachment. At least in theory. This response probably doesn't help much, but whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer Oops... I meant if you ARE saints then you must be boring! It's been my experience that people who display this type of behavior are more boring overall. They generally lack a good deal of intelligence and personality so they parade themselves around like sluts for attention to compensate. Not to bash your (ex?) gf, Kevin, but IMHO, not showing your tits to everyone who requests it does not make one "boring". That's ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Is it a possibility that she thought you'd get off on hearing about the incident (as some men do)? Are you concerned at all that she could start batting for the other team? Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Awwww, Kevin, I'm sorry. Okay, first of all, this was a Playboy party??? Didn't she think that it would be wild?? Did you know she went to the party?? My BF got burned by the girl he dated before me. Something like this that ended up everyone nude in the hot tub. In the beginning she only confessed to getting IN the hot tub. Then later he found out they were drinking and smoking pot (which he hates). Much later he found out she didn't have a swimsuit and no one else did either. He pretty much thought after that moment that they all had group sex- and I'm thinking that they did. My point is- who knows actually what really happened?? To me, girls night out is dinner and a movie with my best girlfriends- it is not drinking dancing and partying at a Playboy party, but that's just me. I don't feel the need to visit places like this because I'm not looking to hedge my options or hook up with someone else. I wouldn't want my BF doing something like that either. It's a respect thing to me in a relationship. She kissed someone else- who cares if it's a girl?? To me, that's cheating. I also feel like you do- she's only feeling bad because she got caught. She didn't come to you and tell you herself- which I would have had more respect for. Heck of a mess........only you can decide what you want to do- but I'm with Billy- if you decide to stay with her- she better be trying double hard to earn your trust back. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 I don't see kissing another woman as same as kissing another man. If you mind that your GF is bi-curious that's another issue. IMHO, attending this playboy party and getting so drunk is a little problem. Taking her shirt off is a pretty big problem. Kissing another girl is not a problem at all. Not in terms of moral. But you need to discuss the rules of fidelity that will be set up for the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted May 16, 2005 Author Share Posted May 16, 2005 Well, we talked last night, a long long talk, and we're gonna try to work it out. And honestly, today, I feel fine. I really do. I feel like we got everything out in the open and everything's been worked out and we're just gonna take it day by day and see how it goes. I still hate what happens, but it was a big mistake that she regrets big time, so I'm not gonna keep on making her feel guilty and stuff. Screw it. I hate to say this but it could've been worse. s*** happens. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, go to hell. Here's hoping it won't happen again. I feel pretty confident that it won't. If it does, I'll deal with it, and things won't end as they did this time, but I doubt it'll happen. So yeah. We're gonna try it out. We work too well together. I may have trouble trusting her but in time, hopefully, my trust will be back. It's definitely possible. She said that she won't go out drinking and get drunk anymore, and I told her if she wants to get really drunk, to just do it with me and she was fine with that. And I believe her. Link to post Share on other sites
scammy Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Remember this the more fuss you make the more she will be wowed by her ability to control men. Conduct yourself with dignity DO NOT bring the incident up anymore. The better you act the worst she will look for taking advantage of you. My opinion is do not get any more attached for a period of time, tell her something like you have to focus on work. It's great that you have worked it out but what happens now is oh so important. Be wary follow up on her not stalk but ask specific questions who what when where how... when she goes out alone keep a little distance until you are satified intellectually,not emotionally, that she is sincere... If she fails and resents the questions and she is a great lover then keep her around but do not get attached. keep her for a stop drop & roll and keep looking for someone with emotional depth. I am sorry if this sounds like I am a A*&^ maybe I am its what I would do.. oh yeah I would hope you are practicing safe sex. I really feel for you you seem like a pretty good guy Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 Congratulations, Kevin! Nobody is perfect and those who are able to forgive, compromise, understand, and get over certain things will be better off. Not saying that you should put up with any crap your partner might possibly serve you with though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted May 17, 2005 Author Share Posted May 17, 2005 I am not one to put up with crap. I'm simply giving her another chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 That's great Kevin if that's what you really want, I'm happy for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 Originally posted by UCFKevin I am not one to put up with crap. I'm simply giving her another chance. In my opinion, you handled it well. People make mistakes - even people we care about. Link to post Share on other sites
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