Does my ex hate me because of NC?

[figgurinoutlife]

I have been doing strictly NC for a month. It was by my choice because I felt like she has been leading me on since we broke up last July.

 

We broke up mutually but still remained very close and had a friends/w benefits relationship till the beginning of March. She was very in love w/me and had never fallen for someone so quickly.

 

She knew I wanted back w/her throughout all this time after we broke up but she dated others and I was always there when she wanted me.

 

We broke up because I had to get my head straightened out, and I am very datable now, and she knows it, but she doesn't want to give me a second chance. So after 9 months of being her "friend" I snapped and started NC through an email. I felt after 9 months of being "friends" and walked on, and let me tell you I did everything for this girl, I had to at least let her know through an email that I couldn't take it anymore and that I did not want her to call me anymore, and that I do love her, but need to get over her.

 

If I didn't tell her not to contact me she would call me regulary every day.

Well she is mad because I did this to her (she was going through alot of stress at the time also), and she tried to call a few times afterwords to get something of hers back, I gave it to her. She then tried to call a few more times but I did not answer and she didn't leave any messages. Now it has been a month since I have talked to her.

 

My question is - Is she really mad at me since I told her in a semi-sweet letter that I have to do NC to move on. (This girl always wants what she can't have). Will she respect me more for growing some balls and not taking the bull**** anymore.

 

Do you think she is playing the game with me and not calling because she's waiting for me to crack and call her? Will she hate me forever, and did I do the right thing?

[westernxer]

It's her problem if she hates you forever. You did what you had to do to restore your head to its proper place. If she's upset, it's because she has no option but to respect your wishes.

 

Your top priority is yourself. Forget about her feelings... she's no longer your girl. She'll just have to grow up, and you're helping her do so.

 

Take it from someone who's been there.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by figgurinoutlife

So after 9 months of being her "friend" I snapped and started NC through an email. I felt after 9 months of being "friends" and walked on, and let me tell you I did everything for this girl,

don't be friends after a breakup, EVER!! and don't do everyting for women, just do some things.

 

My question is - Is she really mad at me since I told her in a semi-sweet letter that I have to do NC to move on.

she is mad cause she cannot control and manipulate you anymore like a puppet.

 

Will she respect me more for growing some balls and not taking the bull**** anymore.

most definitely she will!

 

Do you think she is playing the game with me and not calling because she's waiting for me to crack and call her?

Yes. Under no circumstance contact her 1st. Wait for her to call you. It may take time but chances are high that she will.

 

Will she hate me forever, and did I do the right thing?

No she will not hate u 4ever. Yes u did the right thing, totally.

[smile]

Its funny how I feel like my life is such a mess and nobody understands me , but then I come here and realize that the same things are happening to people all over the place. Our situations are so similar.. even to the 9 month breaking point. I was there through everything.. I thought that was what he needed. But the time has come to focus on what I need.

 

Thats where you are too. You need to demand respect. In the back of my head I am wishing that this is the slap in the face wake up call that makes the mixed up lover wake up and run to my house in the rain at 4am and scream into the night that he wants me back. But this isnt hollywood and we arent gaurunteed those kind of happy endings. Even though we all desperatly want them.

 

Its gonna take some time but we need to start living our lives again.No longer dependent on this person and their whims. No longer feeling this desire to bail them out or make them feel loved and safe. They know what we are willing to do. And only after we are gone will they be willing to appreciate it.

 

When he broke up with me the resounding response was "what is he crazy? nobody else is going to put up with his sh*t." I know he is mixed up and I know that he cares about me.. I am sure she cares about you, but that is no reason to settle for less than you deserve.

 

You deserve way more respect than she is giving you. My ex called everyday too.. and now I dont answer. I think you just get to the point where you have no more energy to deal with the bs and the wondering.

 

Who knows if she is playing a game... who knows of she is relieved... who knows if she is so pissed off at you she cant see straight.. but you cant care about that all the time. You are not there for her but you are still in the same place... worrying what does she think what does she want. You have to let her go.

 

I am where you are... and sometimes I just dont care. I think it takes time and effort. Busy yourself, live you life... enjoy what you have and take this time to think about what you want.. what you deserve.

 

I think you did the right thing. And I think you know you did. Its the loss that hurts. And, for me, the fear of being alone.

[figgurinoutlife]

wow, thank you all for the replies. It makes me feel much better knowing that I am doing the right thing. I guess the hard part is I feel like I'm abandoning her since I've been there for her 9 mos. after the breakup. But if she cares she will come seek me out again, and I know she is playing the game and waiting for me to call, she is hella stubborn. Just thinking that she may miss me makes me feel good and that is why NC is powerful. "Don't know what you had till it's gone." I think I would be more miserable if I was to still talk to her everyday, and knowing that she's dating around makes me nuts. Everyone says don't be friends w/your ex because they will never go back to you because they know your still pining for them and that you'll always be around so they can take their time and date someone else, while they know you will always be on the side and they can have you whenever they want. Maybe later I can be friends w/her when all the feelings are gone, but not why the feelings are still there - that is complete torture.

[upsetnhurt]

figgur,

 

Sounds to me that you are using NC for the wrong reasons.........don't use it with hopes that it will have an affect on your ex and somehow make her realize what she lost. Who cares about that and your decisions were based on the fact that you realized that she is not the right one for you nor will ever be. Use NC as a means to get healthier in your mind and capable of moving on with your life and achieving all that you want. Without that health, you will consistenly be depressed over her and not willing to go find someone who has tons more to offer without the baggage. Good luck.

[wow]

My question is why were you played for a fool for 9 months? What were your feelings and thoughts on the whole situation and did u hang around to get her back?

 

Now about me, my ex broke up with me nearley 2 months ago. We are still having sex and hanging out. I ignore her calls and act very busy. I do no favours for her, and I am starting to act like a guy who does not have time for her bull****.

 

Am i heading down the wrong road? I want to know now not in 9 months time.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by wow

Am i heading down the wrong road?

 

No.

 

You're still doing her a favor by having sex, though.

[outdated]

Originally posted by figgurinoutlife

Do you think she is playing the game with me and not calling because she's waiting for me to crack and call her? Will she hate me forever, and did I do the right thing?

 

She will not hate you forever- she hates you now because you've taken back your life. The way it should be. And she hates you because she doesn't want to love you, or lose you, even if she's doing so in a manipulative way. You're on the right track, there's no doubt about it.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by westernxer

You're still doing her a favor by having sex, though.

 

At a cost to yourself.

[wow]

Isnt the sex more of a favour to me?

So she could be using me for sex and try to manipulate me to do things with or for her.

 

She told me that she cant stand the idea that I could be with someone else. {Then why did u leave me crazy woman?}

She is planning holidays for us when we are not going out. This does not sound like somebody who ended a 4 year realtionship?

[outdated]

Originally posted by wow

Isnt the sex more of a favour to me?

So she could be using me for sex and try to manipulate me to do things with or for her.

 

She told me that she cant stand the idea that I could be with someone else. {Then why did u leave me crazy woman?}

She is planning holidays for us when we are not going out. This does not sound like somebody who ended a 4 year realtionship?

 

 

SOrry to say it mate, but you've become her puppet. She sees other people and doesn't care what you think, but can't see you with anyone else. PURE MANIPULATION. She gives you sex, which does benefit you, but it benefits her just as much, and she doesn't seem to have the emotions involved like you do. She is using the sex to hold you dear to her. After nine months it is obvious that she doesn't feel the need to be exclusive if she's getting everything she needs out of you without the pesky "boyfriend" dillemma.

 

If you feel like you can keep this up, by all means do, but I think you're better off cutting ties for a while and see who wants you to be their actual boyfriend, not their stand-by.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by wow

She is planning holidays for us when we are not going out. This does not sound like somebody who ended a 4 year realtionship?

 

Sure as hell doesn't... the girl is nuts.

[figgurinoutlife]

I was hoping to get back together through the 9 mos. of being "friends." She acted like a couple times that she wanted me back, but it was after one of her flings went sour, then she would be interested in me again for awhile. Yes, we did have sex until the very beginning of March, then it stopped. I agree with "outdated" in saying that why would she give you another chance when she's getting what she wants without the boyfriend/girlfriend title. I haven't had sex w/my ex in 3 mos. and that's the longest we've gone, and I bet she wants to again. As a matter of fact one of the last things she said to me before I started NC is "I don't want to date you, but I do wanna f*** you right now." The attraction is still there.

 

Is it possible that she is a commitment phobe and now that I am perfect relationship material she got scared off?

 

All in all I do feel I did the right thing, but there is that occasional doubt that creeps in thinking "stay her friend," but if I'm always around she will never miss me.

[outdated]

Originally posted by figgurinoutlife

if I'm always around she will never miss me.

 

Exactly.