DreamP Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 To be clear, I don't have a physical drinking problem. But sometime I wonder if I drink more than I should. When I was younger (20s), I only drank when going out with friends, about once a month. Always in the evening and never along. Now in my 40s, I often (about twice a week) drink at home by myself. About 2 drinks, just enough to give me a nice buzz. It's alone and something on the weekends I have started drinking as early at 12noon. I know this is not a lot, but the reason I drink is because I am sad and lonely. Often sexually frustrated. These things are not going to change. I eat health and exercise. But being in an unhappy relationship is not going to change. Drinking gives me a short reprise from my sad marriage. I find myself looking forward to drinking more and more. I know myself so I know I'll never drink to a point it will disrupt my life or become an alcoholic, but I sometimes wonder if I rely on it too much for happiness. For example, its Friday night and I'm on my computer drinking because my husband is too busy playing games on his computer. If I wasn't drinking, I would be getting mad and hurt. But with a nice buzz going, I don't care about his inattention. So I feel drinking is actually a better solution. Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 To be clear, I don't have a physical drinking problem. But sometime I wonder if I drink more than I should. When I was younger (20s), I only drank when going out with friends, about once a month. Always in the evening and never along. Now in my 40s, I often (about twice a week) drink at home by myself. About 2 drinks, just enough to give me a nice buzz. It's alone and something on the weekends I have started drinking as early at 12noon. I know this is not a lot, but the reason I drink is because I am sad and lonely. Often sexually frustrated. These things are not going to change. I eat health and exercise. But being in an unhappy relationship is not going to change. Drinking gives me a short reprise from my sad marriage. I find myself looking forward to drinking more and more. I know myself so I know I'll never drink to a point it will disrupt my life or become an alcoholic, but I sometimes wonder if I rely on it too much for happiness. For example, its Friday night and I'm on my computer drinking because my husband is too busy playing games on his computer. If I wasn't drinking, I would be getting mad and hurt. But with a nice buzz going, I don't care about his inattention. So I feel drinking is actually a better solution. Those who work in the substance abuse treatment field would say that these things indicate that there's at least a tendency for alcohol to be/become a problem for you. Most will also say that if you're asking... ...it already is. Best of luck to you, OP, in however you decide to handle your sadness and loneliness... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
warshaw Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 As you suspect, yes you do have a drinking problem. There's only so much help you can get from a bunch of internet strangers. That's why there's AA. Give them a call. See what they have to say. At the very least its a reason to get out of the house so you aren't staring at your husbands back while he plays computer games all day and night. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Sorry that you're in a sad marriage where your husband would rather be playing video games on his computer than spending time with his wife who craves his attention. But...drinking isn't going to permanently solve how you're suffering with sadness, loneliness, sexual frustration and lack of attention from your husband. Perhaps you should consider marital counseling for both you AND your husband so that you can address to the counselor and to your husband how him ignoring you is making you feel; and to also discuss how it's making you want to drink in order to get a 'nice buzz' so that you don't feel as lonely or as frustrated as you always feel. If you suggest marital counseling for you and your husband but he refuses to go (for whatever his reason is) - you may need to consider divorcing him so that you can eventually find a man who WILL give you the attention, sex and love that you need. Some people would rather feel alone, sad, lonely and sexually frustrated being single and on their own as opposed to being in a relationship or marriage with a person who is mistreating them and making them feel this way. . Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Hey Dream. Two drinks twice a week is probably a lot less than many casual or 'recreational' drinkers allow themselves, so I wouldn't worry about it myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 You aren't depending on a drink for happiness, you're using it to make the pain more bearable. Like Jen said, your alcohol consumption is much less than that of many ppls weekend outings. It's not interfering with your day to day duties and you aren't drinking yourself into oblivion. The fact that you are asking proves you're mindful of your actions, which means you have a firm grasp on the situation . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 The number doesn't sound too bad, but the reason is terrible. Why kill brain cells because your husband is being a jerk? Have a talk with him. Tell him that he needs to treat you right, or you will leave. Mark a date that's reasonable for him to change. If he doesn't, start the divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 While you can't qualify alcoholism by a certain amount, I don't think anyone who drinks 2 drinks twice a week is even in the ballpark of being an alcoholic. And to be honest as someone whose had a history of alcoholism in my family, it's borderline offensive to even joke like that. But your marriage sounds like a mess... you need to take control of the situation you are in rather than feeling trapped by it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Hi OP, You don't have a drinking problem, you have a husband problem. A sit down is in order and possibly marriage counseling. Neglect in marriage to me is unacceptable. He either works with you to fix this and to get your marriage back on track or you move on with your life with someone who will find you much more interesting than a video game....what is he....20? I'm a forty year old man and I like to play an occasional game, but I'm old enough to know that life is short and I would rather live in the world of me with my beautiful bride than in someone's fantasy world. Good luck, Grumps 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueBlood Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 A lot of the phrases you use are pretty textbook concerning, you're getting into the "and I can stop anytime I want!" neighborhood of lines that chemically dependent people use. You are using alcohol to dull your situational pain. You are self medicating, alcohol is your drug of choice. Are you a heavy drinker? No, you are consuming a non alarming volume of alcohol per week, but keep in mind tolerance will build and eventually you'll need more to get a buzz. That's true with almost any drug we put in our bodies. It's part of why treating chronic pain patients is so very hard. At this point? I'd look at removing the situation, the pain. You're basically touching a red hot curling iron, then taking Percocet to help the pain, when you could just stop touching the darn curling iron. So tell me about leaving or altering your cause of pain. What's in your head concerning that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 I drink about the same amount. But with completely different reasons. You have much more of a problem than I do. I do it socially and because I enjoy beer tastings and sampling all that is made within the world of beer. You are doing it for much more negative reasons. So yes, you have the beginning of a problem. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Are you able to stop without issue? By issue, I don't just mean physical withdrawal, but obsessive thoughts? The preoccupation is what often gets women, and it is definitely not uncommon to drink to "escape" a ****ty marriage. PM me if you want, I run a women's recovery group. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamP Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 Are you able to stop without issue? Yes. I know I don't have an addiction. An addiction does not develop over a month or 2 of drinking. Sometimes I go a week or two without drinking. Usually if I have other things to occupy my mind, like work or being able to see friends. I can also drink to enjoy alcohol without it being just to drown out my sorrows and I sometimes don't drink when I am feeling really depressed. Then some weeks I drink several times. Usually around my periods I have a harder time handling my depression and I drink more. However I have noticed that I find it easier to pour myself a drink than feel unhappy. For now, I've decided to give us the solo drinking. I just don't like the idea of getting too comfortable with relying on alcohol too much. It was an easy escape. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Your drinking for all the wrong reasons. Make a list of all the great things drinking has done for you and the bad things its doing and that will answer your question. Oh and if you attend those AA meetings you'll need to come back here and get help on how to break a smoking addiction if you don't already have one. Link to post Share on other sites
h57zf Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 To be clear, I don't have a physical drinking problem. But sometime I wonder if I drink more than I should. When I was younger (20s), I only drank when going out with friends, about once a month. Always in the evening and never along. Now in my 40s, I often (about twice a week) drink at home by myself. About 2 drinks, just enough to give me a nice buzz. It's alone and something on the weekends I have started drinking as early at 12noon. I know this is not a lot, but the reason I drink is because I am sad and lonely. Often sexually frustrated. These things are not going to change. I eat health and exercise. But being in an unhappy relationship is not going to change. Drinking gives me a short reprise from my sad marriage. I find myself looking forward to drinking more and more. I know myself so I know I'll never drink to a point it will disrupt my life or become an alcoholic, but I sometimes wonder if I rely on it too much for happiness. For example, its Friday night and I'm on my computer drinking because my husband is too busy playing games on his computer. If I wasn't drinking, I would be getting mad and hurt. But with a nice buzz going, I don't care about his inattention. So I feel drinking is actually a better solution. Don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you're drinking to escape from something. Associating alcohol with the negative emotions and then wanting to dull the pain is not a good place to be. I used to be going down the same path as you. I think you need to try and address your marriage as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 You're using alcohol as an escape. It's no different than someone choosing sex or food or drugs as their escape. The amount may not be alarming right now but you're choosing NOT to feel and not to deal with the reasons WHY you're drinking. And until you do, you're at serious risk of it becoming more than you handle. Don't fool yourself. Most recreational users have had the same thought process about knowing themselves well enough never to become a full blown addict only to have have gone on and lost everything. The fact that you're asking the question and seem to be aware of how the dots are connected is half the battle. That's something to celebrate. I strongly suggest you check out an AA meeting if only to safeguard yourself from inevitable harm. The real work will come when dealing with the reasons behind the escapism. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted November 8, 2015 Share Posted November 8, 2015 To be clear, I don't have a physical drinking problem. But sometime I wonder if I drink more than I should. When I was younger (20s), I only drank when going out with friends, about once a month. Always in the evening and never along. Now in my 40s, I often (about twice a week) drink at home by myself. About 2 drinks, just enough to give me a nice buzz. It's alone and something on the weekends I have started drinking as early at 12noon. I know this is not a lot, but the reason I drink is because I am sad and lonely. Often sexually frustrated. These things are not going to change. I eat health and exercise. But being in an unhappy relationship is not going to change. Drinking gives me a short reprise from my sad marriage. I find myself looking forward to drinking more and more. I know myself so I know I'll never drink to a point it will disrupt my life or become an alcoholic, but I sometimes wonder if I rely on it too much for happiness. For example, its Friday night and I'm on my computer drinking because my husband is too busy playing games on his computer. If I wasn't drinking, I would be getting mad and hurt. But with a nice buzz going, I don't care about his inattention. So I feel drinking is actually a better solution. Everyone I know that has/had problems with drugs or alcohol didn't start out saying, 'I think I'll become a drug addict/alcoholic', no it happened with consistent use that increased. I know yours has been a period of several years, although it sounds to me like a snowball effect is taking place that is increasing in momentum. I would suggest dealing with this another way... I know this way works good, although it is very destructive for you. You can train yourself not to react... we forget how powerful our minds really are and how we can re-direct emotions with our thinking. Good luck friend, I really hope things change for the better! Link to post Share on other sites
chriswatson Posted November 25, 2015 Share Posted November 25, 2015 Try drinking less, Its not good for you as well as for your future. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 2 drinks a couple of times a week doesn't seem like a big deal to me. Rather, I binge drink. I don't drink at all Sunday through Thursday, but on Friday and Saturday, I may drink 8 to 10 beers and a pint of whiskey. I once drank an entire 750 of whiskey in one afternoon / evening. I know I have a significant problem So, I guess what I'm saying is 2 drinks a couple of times a week doesn't seem like a lot to me, but for you, it may be. Or not Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 I can't imagine why anyone would say 2 drinks twice a week is anywhere NEAR the same ballpark as alcoholism. Is that a conservative American thing? Here a couple of drinks with dinner is just what people do, including geriatrics who have done so all their lives while maintaining a successful career and family and are in brilliant health at the age of 80. So quantity-wise, I don't think there's a concern at all. But your reasons for drinking reveal an issue in your life that might consume you (and lead to a lot more drinking and yes, potentially alcoholism) if you don't address them. Why are you still with this person? Is he trying at all to fix HIS addiction? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 To be clear, I don't have a physical drinking problem. But sometime I wonder if I drink more than I should. When I was younger (20s), I only drank when going out with friends, about once a month. Always in the evening and never along. Now in my 40s, I often (about twice a week) drink at home by myself. About 2 drinks, just enough to give me a nice buzz. It's alone and something on the weekends I have started drinking as early at 12noon. I know this is not a lot, but the reason I drink is because I am sad and lonely. Often sexually frustrated. These things are not going to change. I eat health and exercise. But being in an unhappy relationship is not going to change. Drinking gives me a short reprise from my sad marriage. I find myself looking forward to drinking more and more. I know myself so I know I'll never drink to a point it will disrupt my life or become an alcoholic, but I sometimes wonder if I rely on it too much for happiness. For example, its Friday night and I'm on my computer drinking because my husband is too busy playing games on his computer. If I wasn't drinking, I would be getting mad and hurt. But with a nice buzz going, I don't care about his inattention. So I feel drinking is actually a better solution. It isn't the amount you drink, it's the reasons why you're drinking. Don't let the typical stereo type of an alcoholic stick in your mind - Not all are falling down drunks, hammered 24/7. There are many 'functional' alcoholics. It really comes down to solving and fixing your reasons why you drink and how it makes you feel. Is there something else you can do to make yourself feel better? You're allowing the drinking to mask pain, thus making it a habit. Turning to the bottle to help ease and ignore what you are feeling. Sounds like you and your H need marriage counseling and need to really have some honest conversations. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts