I am the OW: Happy ending or not? What do you think?

[BigEyedGirl]

This is my 1st post here, but I've been reading almost every thread:

 

I had a boyfriend for almost 2 years. The relationship was great, we've done a lot of traveling together, shared the same hobbies and the same dreams. But for the last months of our R I've gone trough a very stressful time at work, worked from morning till late night and all I did was venting at home. He did nothing wrong, he was always there for me, but all I did was snapping at him. Things got worse and we broke up 8 months ago, he said he needed space, that I am not the girl he knew and he ended it. I know I've hurt him a lot. And now I am sorry for it.

He also said, that he'll always be there for me and just because we do not work as a couple it does not mean we cannot be just friends (again).

 

Two sleepless months followed the breakup,I felt empty and numb, could not eat, could not do anything. But I managed to get on track again. He did not cross my mind too much. We had LC, spoke once in a week and met for coffee 2 or 3 times.

 

I started dating again and met some wonderful people, but I figured out I was not ready for a serious relationship yet. Then I met one very nice guy, who was very sincere from the start. He said he cannot commit to anyone, and all he can offer is an open relationship. I started dating the guy, still seeing him. We have a nice time together, made a lot of new friends trough him. He is exactly what I needed. A light and breezy relationship, no questions no explanations needed.

 

At some point, my Ex also met a girl and he said he was madly in love. But this madness lasted only 3 weeks when things started falling apart.

 

Two months ago, he called me late at night saying we need to talk. We met the next day, and he said he still loves me and wants to work things out. He wants to breakup with his current GF, but needs more time for this. (and that's the only thing I have a problem with. He says he cannot do it right away, because she is emotionally unstable, she's been dumped by her BF of 9 years, some months ago and had a hard time recovering, and he says he needs to break up slowly). She also has a 4yo child, who got very attached to my ex.

 

I accepted this and we started seeing again each other. Old feelings came back and I realized I am in love with him.

We see each other 5 days a week, he sleeps at my place, we go to movies, have lunch and dinner together, went on several weekend trips together, go out with friends, kiss in public, hold hands, plan future trips, but there is still ... her. They have a LTR and meet only 2 days a week or so. And even when they are together, he calls me 2-3 times a day.

 

I'd like to believe this not a typical affair. I know this guy (we've been friends long before getting together) he never cheated on his GF's before.

He is the perfect guy for me, and I am blaming myself for realizing this so late an treating him the way I did. Now I am kinda stuck in this situation. I am hoping for the best and have a good feeling about the outcome. But maybe it's just in my head and I need someone to bring me down to earth again.

What do you guys think?

[Zagan]

"She is unstable and I have to end things very slowly over time" is an incredibly common excuse used by cheaters who want the best of both worlds. And if you allow it then it will continue on for as long as you are allowing it.

When those words come out of somebodies mouth the answer should always be "Ok, well you call me in the future and let me know when it's over and depending where I am in my life, we'll see if we can start over".

You're letting him have his cake and eat it. Maybe after he ended it the first time he really doesn't want to reconcile 100% and is enjoying the good parts of the relationship without having to commit to the bad.

If you really want to end a relationship with somebody you do it. There is no 'slowly over time gently' .. If somebody is unhinged it's going to hurt whether he does it now or in 6 months time. Except in 6 months time she has the added hurt of knowing he's been cheating on her. So it's really nonsensical to even do the 'gently gently' thing. He knows this, but he's enjoying two women.

[purplesorrow]

Considering he was capable of breaking off a two year relationship with you, his excuse sounds bogus. If he really wanted to dump his girl, he would. How long do you think it will take for her to be stable enough? Won't all of that time build a stronger relationship between the two of them? I don't see how that will make breaking up with her easier.

[Lois_Griffin]

Zagan's right.

 

You're being played.

 

You're actually Plan B.

 

Things started out hot and heavy with this girlfriend and he was instantly 'in love.' And then supposedly, her crazy came out at the 3-week point.

 

Come on. It's not like he'd been with her for 12 years and her crazy just came out last week. He'd been with her 21 lousy days when it started going downhill. I have more of a commitment to my Poland Spring water guy than he did to her at 21 days.

 

So inside a month he knew this was not good and he still stayed. What the hell does ANYONE at the 30 day mark owe anyone else? He could have left if it was so horrible. He CHOSE not to. And he wants you to believe that he's been with her ever since because he 'fears' what will happen since she's so imbalanced. Oh brother.

 

He's got quite the story he's peddling.

 

It would appear you're Plan B. He's not going to break up with his 'crazy' girlfriend because he doesn't want to, not because she's imbalanced. It's because he doesn't WANT to. He's still getting something from that relationship so he's not willing to give it up yet. So he feeds you the bullsh*t story about how imbalanced she is and turns his lying face to her and lies to her every day and night about how he's spending his time alone watching TV and missing her every minute.

 

This guy is a snake.

 

And he's got you thinking he's a catch and oh so honorable because he's such a nice guy he cant bear to see this woman harm herself.

 

What a CROCK.

 

You can continue to be Plan B - his alternate setup when this girl finds out what he's up to and dumps his ass, or you can find your self respect and tell Romeo to show a little integrity and clean his damned front porch because you won't be visiting until he does.

[anika99]

OP, I could be wrong but I seem to recall you posted about this situation on Loveshack under a different username a couple of months ago. It was either you or someone with the exact same circumstances as yours.

 

In any case, when does this boyfriend foresee this emotionally unstable GF becoming emotionally stable so that he can break up with her? If she is so emotionally unstable that she cannot handle a LD bf breaking up with her then it may be quite a while for her to get better. Perhaps a couple of years of intensive counselling and medication. Is your BF helping seeing that she gets help for her mental problems so that he can eventually free himself of her?

 

Sorry but he is making a fool of you. His story is so lame. Ask yourself exactly how postponing this break up with the GF is going to get easier over time? The longer he puts it off the more attached she and her child are going to become to him. His sad excuses are just lame.

[anika99]

Oh and how is this the perfect guy for you? He is deceiving his long distance gf and making a fool out of you. How is this low class no class guy perfect for you? He is developing his relationship with other chick while keeping you as his back up girl in case things don't work out with the new girl. Would the perfect guy for you treat you so deplorably? You need to raise your standards.

[BlueBlood]

Yeah. Time to leave this trainwreck behind you. He's happy as can be and using people without any reserve. Pft can't break up with her because she's too emotionally unstable. Lol. Pathetic.