GFs Co worker

[ColoredBlack]

Ive had my struggles with jealousy since forever but I have greatly improved over the past year ever since my gf nd I had a fight about it. Ive learned to just let things roll off my back.

 

 

That is of course until now that she has a new weekend job at a restaurant and works with a [] male bartender. He regularly cheats on his gf and since she finds him so hilarious she seems to also find that he gropes and kisses customers while having a gf, funny too. So that's a red flag itself.

 

 

Recently he told her how cute she was. Whatever guys do that, but she also told me how much he talks about his dick. This makes me very uncomfortable. Bad enough that he is her fave co worker to work with but the fact that his own penis is his main subject of choice is bothersome. Am I wrong for finding this inappropriate? Another guy talking about his junk all the time and she just going along with it sends very uncomfy vibes my way. There has to be some boundaries.

 

 

So I shot her a text about it last night asking her why she seems to hold this guy at such high regard and haven't heard back yet. Am I wrong for feeling both jealous and uncomfy about this? I think its a pretty fair assessment.

Edited September 13, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[smackie9]

She is telling you about this to make sure you know what is going on. You would definitely have something to worry about if she had revealed nothing about the goings on in her job. She isn't hiding anything and that is a good thing.

 

I worked in the service industry for 4 and a half years, and this type of thing with other staff members is very typical no matter how you disapprove.

 

Reality: your GF cannot prevent guys from hitting on her. This is something most women have to deal with no matter where we are and we are not going to walk around being a total bitch to men to ward them off.

 

You can feel jealous all you want but don't display it, it will only make things worse.

 

Remember it take two to tango and it take two to cheat. Don't blame the other party for your GF's poor choices if she does decide to. You can't prevent it from happening. You are going to have to trust your GF to manage herself.

[d0nnivain]

The bar business isn't like other jobs. People who are good at it know how to make others feel desirable & listened to. Hence they have some success with the opposite sex. It's a tough environment because there is a party-ing atmosphere.

 

 

If all she's doing is receiving his attentions but not reciprocating, cut her some slack. If she balks in that atmosphere it will be tougher for her to get her job done. If she starts spending time with him out of work, then you can get worried.

[greaterdevil]

I totally get it, and yeah it does kind of suck that she enjoys working with him rather than finding him to be a boorish slob. But the fact is, this **** is all too common in the restaurant industry. Especially bars/nightlife establishments.

 

While I don't blame you for feeling jealous, I would advise you to let it go as best you can.

 

What has helped me to get over jealousy was to realize that yeah, other men are going to hit on my fiancé. She is a massage therapist and there always will be guys who develop crushes on her (she also happens to be incredibly beautiful with a fantastic body).

 

At the end of the day, though, I trust her. I know she loves me and I don't believe she would hurt me. I've been cheated on before (twice, separate relationships) and the fact is if someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat. If not, they're not. No amount of jealousy, righteous or otherwise, is going to change that basic fact.

 

I am a restaurant manager and I would not let that kind of talk fly amongst my staff. It is inappropriate and leaves open issues of sexual harassment lawsuits. But aside from finding a new job, she really doesn't have many options other than ignoring him, which could result in a weird workplace environment for her.

 

Try to not let it bother you and know that she chose you, even if she doesn't mind this guy being gross and inappropriate at work. Like another poster said, at least she is being honest with you.

 

Good luck.

Edited September 13, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Darren Steez]

Look at it from another perspective, if you've ever done bar/restaurant work, not the most glamarous profession, long hours,hard work. It's usually better when you're working along side characters who make time go by quicker.

 

Are they hanging out after work hours? No? Texting, calling each other after work hours? No?

 

What exactly do you want your GF to do about him cheating on his GF? They just work together, no? Truth is you still haven't dealt with your jealously/insecuritity issues. Seems like your GF actually tells you what's happening at work with this dude.

 

Trust me on this try to chill with all this because you're going to drive her straight to this dude if you keep pushing this. Unless they're hanging out after hours or communicating outside work, there's really no need to worry.

Edited September 13, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Try]

Recently he told her how cute she was. Whatever guys do that, but she also told me how much he talks about his dick. This makes me very uncomfortable. Bad enough that he is her fave co worker to work with but the fact that his own penis is his main subject of choice is bothersome. Am I wrong for finding this inappropriate? Another guy talking about his junk all the time and she just going along with it sends very uncomfy vibes my way. There has to be some boundaries.

She cannot stop men from hitting on her, but she can and should tell him that she is in a relationship and that it is highly inappropriate for him to be talking about his penis to her. Yes there should be boundaries when you have opposite sex friends.

[Clay]

Seriously I wouldn't care if she messaged back. If she could not understand why this would be a problem from the start I would not want to be with her. To many people just allow this BS to go on in the first place. If she has no problem with this then your problem isn't with him. Its with her.

 

C

[ColoredBlack]

 

What exactly do you want your GF to do about him cheating on his GF? They just work together, no? Truth is you still haven't dealt with your jealously/insecuritity issues. Seems like your GF actually tells you what's happening at work with this dude.

 

The thing thats gets me tho is that when I had a co worker that was cheating on her boyfriend with a customer, she thought she was such a terrible person for starting an affair and truly seemed disgusted about it. But now this guy is cheating on his GF and it seems like a double standard. I guess he gets a pass because he is funny and entertaining?

 

Anyway, we talked about it and she explained how he hasnt been inappropriate with her and that he heavily flirts with two other co workers of theirs and she overhears all this penis talk and just finds it funny. I believe her and since she does tell choose to tell me about her work nights I trust that she would tell me if something inappropriate happened.

 

I don't like nor trust the guy but I do trust her. I guess I'll just have to see what interesting things he does next time they work together. :/

Edited September 15, 2015 by ColoredBlack

[h0000]

She is telling you about this to make sure you know what is going on. She isn't hiding anything and that is a good thing.

 

.

 

I beg to differ. Would you go home and tell your SO how this guy has hit on you how that guy has asked your number and call it " being transparent"? This is plain insensitive and unnecessary. Who wants to hear those sort of things?

 

Back to OP, I'd find it uncomfortable as well. I'd raise suspicions between these two. Not to say something has happened but if she sounds like she would enjoy those type of company (smooth talks, dirty jokes, flirty convos), something is wrong.

[Maggie4]

It depends on why she told you this. And I do wonder why. Is it -

- to complain about harrassment at work?

- to make you jealous?

- to give you a heads up in case...?

- to share with you something that made her happy?

To her, what is the significance of that guy talking about his penis? Why dignify something like that by talking about it? I guess the best scenario would be if she is feeling uncomfortable and she is complaining about it.

[ColoredBlack]

It depends on why she told you this. And I do wonder why. Is it -

- to complain about harrassment at work?

- to make you jealous?

- to give you a heads up in case...?

- to share with you something that made her happy?

To her, what is the significance of that guy talking about his penis? Why dignify something like that by talking about it? I guess the best scenario would be if she is feeling uncomfortable and she is complaining about it.

 

Good question. We tend to tell each others about our days all the time. We have a pretty open line of communication that way and she likes to tell me what she found interesting about her day. This was something found interesting I guess. But that is the thing she finds this guy too interesting imo. I have had time to calm my nerves now and I am telling myself there is no way she is interested in this guy beyond work.

 

However the fact that she does find him so funny and entertaining does still make me very uncomfortable. She has stated on more than one occasion that he is her favorite co worker. Hopefully it is just her form of entertainment to get her through the shift, but nontheless I dont like that she finds him talking about his dick so entertaining. It is still a wtf to me.

 

I know others in the thread have said this is what the bar industry is like but I have never been to a bar where the bartender shamelessly gropes female customers like this guy. He is clearly an extrovert turned up to 100 and she is not use to that probably. Her and I are pretty introverted in general. Whatever it is this guy clearly has some kind of magnetism on people. Blah.

[Space Ritual]

Talk is cheap. You just sit tight. If she starts talking constantly about him or spending time with him after work then you have a problem. It is incumbent upon her to take the lead here especially if you have voiced your concerns.

 

If you get the "I am going out after work with my co workers" and she starts acting squirrelly with her phone about the same time, then again, you would have a problem.

 

Beyond that, it's too early to tell.

[road]

The thing thats gets me tho is that when I had a co worker that was cheating on her boyfriend with a customer, she thought she was such a terrible person for starting an affair and truly seemed disgusted about it. But now this guy is cheating on his GF and it seems like a double standard. I guess he gets a pass because he is funny and entertaining?

 

 

 

This is a huge red flag.

[smackie9]

 

I don't like nor trust the guy but I do trust her. I guess I'll just have to see what interesting things he does next time they work together. :/

 

 

It's an oxymoron and irks me when I hear this.

 

IF YOU trust your GF like you say you do, then it shouldn't matter what she is exposed to, whether she is getting hit on, or whatever by some slimy charming bastard....she isn't so helpless/weak/stupid that she can't handle this or any other kind of situation on her own.

 

I call b ull sh it. If you truly did trust her, you wouldn't be such a worry wart over it. I'm callin it. You trust her to a point, but feel she could slip into his spell at any moment.....lame.