date in 3 hours and I am so nervous

[kimmie]

I wrote a post here last night about a recently divorced man I met on the internet. You can read it if you like, to give you a better idea what this current message is about.

 

This guy just called and we are to meet at 6pm for drinks. I am extremely nervous. You'd think I would be excited to be meeting him but I have butterflies inside and they are flying in formation lol.

 

A big thanks to those of you who shared with me your advice on my situation but I'm still at a loss. I still have a nagging feeling that maybe this man is not really divorced, that maybe he's wanting to jump into something before he is ready, that he is on the rebound. I'm still trying to think of a way to get proof that he is in fact divorced.

 

One of my girl-friends made a comment to me this morning that I found interesting. She suggested that maybe this gentleman uses the Internet Personals to meet women that live a fair distance from him so that he can carry on a charade. She worked me up good saying maybe he is really not even divorced but how would i know because I have no way to find out?

 

Should I take the risk and meet him or follow my gut and write him off before even meeting him? If only someone could tell me what to do lol. kimmie

[Tony T]

Go ahead and meet him...but go with your gut as well. Meet him as long as it's in a public place and ensure your personal safety.

 

To see exactly what the status of his divorce is, tell him you're really sorry about his divorce. Then ask him which county he had to file in. That's all you need to know...the county where he filed for divorce. Then all you need to do is go to the Clerk of the Court in that county...and you can access many right over the Internet...give his name and pull up all public records about him. (Make real sure you have his complete REAL name.) An address would help but is not required. Or if you don't want to ask him what county his divorce was filed, if you get his address so you can "mail him a card" you can use this to get the name of his county...if it's not the same as yours.

 

If this guy gets weird because of your questions, that could be a sign he's up to no good. Just monitor this. I don't think it would be bad to just sort of smile and tell him a lady can't be too cautious these days. But don't let him know you're going to do the super snoop thing in the public records.

 

Not only will you find out if and when he got a divorce, or if and when he got married, you can also find out if anyone has ever sued him, if he's got judgements against him, if he owns property with mortgages...you can get all sorts of goodies about him from this one little place. If you have problems, there are people at the clerk's office who will be very happy to help.

 

Now, I will tell you that Laurynn, who posts advice often at Loveshack, is a master of this sort of investigation and she may give you some better information on what to ask this guy, signs to look for, etc. I hope she sees your post before you go.

 

But I would definitely go meet him, if for no other reason than for entertainment purposes. I mean...he's buying I would hope. What have you got to lose? If it ends up he's not divorced, you got some real first hand experience that will be valuable for the future.

 

Just give the ole guy the benefit of the doubt until you really have the goods on him.

[Rogue]

(Well, this reply is too late to do you good. Anyways here it is.)

 

You should write him off, Kimmie. You shouldn't even bother meeting him, except maybe to be polite.Lauryynn's advice, and that of your friend, all the others who posted cover most of the facts. Like the others, I think this guy isn't ready emotionally for a relationship.

 

You're not the only one this sort of thing happens to. About Christmas time, I met a very attractive young woman. She wasn't wearing a wedding ring, but she did tell me she had a young son. Anyways, it was clear that both of us were greatly attracted to each other, and she seemed like a genuinely kind-hearted person. She seemed sincere, and warm, and seemed to really like me. And I was starting to fall for her, hard.

 

But something bothered me. Her son must have had a Dad. Where was he? Well, at first she was a little ambigous. That immediately made me slow down and start to back off. After a bit more careful prodding, I found about she had an "ex", which I thought she meant "ex-boyfriend".

 

After even more tactful investigation, it wasn't an "ex-boyfriend" it was an "ex-husband".Whoa. I understood that some guys are real jerks to their wives, so it was easy to give her the benefit of the doubt. But there were still inconsistencies, such as living arrangement for their son. The father was taking a major role in raising the child, and seemed truly concerned for the child's well-being. He was taking care of the young boy most of the time.

 

Then after even more digging around, I found "ex-husband" wasn't quite as "ex" as I was lead to believe. They had filed for seperation two years ago, but that's not exactly a done marriage. I'm not even sure whether they were still living together during that time or what. But by then I had almost compleletly backed off. I was still hoping for some extenuating circumstances, or some heartbreaking story that explains everything.

 

Anyways, she didn't take long to enter a relationship with a "friend". Apparently, this good friend doesn't care that she's still married, and arguing with her husband about their son. They seem to be happy together, but deep down inside I felt it was wrong. I don't know the whole story, but I've heard enough.

 

SO you see Kimmie,this sort of thing happens but you shouldn't let yourself get dragged into someone else's marital mess. People in that sort of situation can be so deceptive. They are stuck in a marriage that was supposed to last but didn't.They want to move on, but the truth is they can't. So rather than accept the truth and deal with it, they try as hard to forget what the truth about their marriage . They are not always eager to be honest with someone they're attracted to.

 

There's always the spouse's faults, or special circumstances , anything to rationalize their behaviour. But they are still married, or at least emotionally involved witht their spouses. They should end their relationship first, as gracefully as they can. Or work things out with their spouse. What they shouldn't do is start something with someone else in the hopes that they will solve their problems for them. Don't be that someone.