Lostkate29 Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 I don't want to make this huge so I'll try keep it as brief as I can, my exAP and me finished 6 weeks ago when his long term girlfriend and mother of his children found out we were together and all hell broke lose. He came around my house and explained he loved me, always will but he needed to go back and keep his family together (5 kids with the gf). I broke my heart but understood and went completely NC from that day forward. I have spent the last 6 weeks thinking about everything and how disgusted in myself I am to have been apart of hurting his family etc. I fell in love with this guy but I should of been stronger and walked away when things weren't so deep but I didn't. I regret that sincerely I wasn't raised a liar but I became one. Our children go to the same school ( I'm divorced) so it was always inevitable that we were going to see each other again I have literally dreaded taking my daughter in each day as I didn't want to bring it all back. But I got my sh*t together and did it ...faced the school and him everyday and managed to not look or contact him once. Then today I'm getting ready to go out after a week of having to see his car drive past me, stand and wait for our children I was finally looking up and happy for a good night out when suddenly that familiar name pops up on my phone..... "Hey, I'm so sorry, I've wanted to send this since I left you, I will always love you, I just had to do what was right for my family, but every night my head hits the pillow it's you I think of....always will... I know you hate me but please know I love you and always will. I just wish we could turn back time and I met you first" WTF am I meant to do.... The guy is getting married in a space of weeks I haven't replied I'm terrified and to think I have to see his face on Monday at the school gates I actually feel sick. Need some advise to keep strong, you guys are the best xx thank you xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostkate29 Posted September 12, 2015 Author Share Posted September 12, 2015 I should say he's been driving up and down the road at our children's school so many times I've caught him driving past my car but I thought I was reading into things.... Now I know he was doing this on purpose.... Mind games.... It's killing me. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Heartbreaking he would marry still. Always keep that love and fond memory but keep it still...don't move don't reply. Just stay silent. If the future together is in the cards after a divorce later then ut will be so but he's going through with a wedding so let it be. Keep going. You have to. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Gee, how many 'I' and 'me' could he got in a single text. Ignore him. There's nothing new for you there. He didn't come back. He just wants to see if he still has you in a string. Don't give him the satisfaction of lnowing he's affected you. No contact. No contact. No contact. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gracie_1 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Take the message...file it in your heart and then close the door to any future relationship with him. Make that message the last words you accept. Block his messages, emails, calls, etc... you know how to do it. Your AP has a very large plate in front of him with five children, an upcoming wedding, and a fiancee that has to deal with the knowledge that he's been having an affair before they were even married. What a bitter pill for her to swallow. If protecting your own heart isn't enough, think of your children. Kids have big ears and they can be cruel. You surely do not want any conversation he and his fiancee have to be repeated to your children at school. You most surely do not want a face to face confrontation with her, especially in public. Women scorned tend to watch very closely. The worst part is over don't go backwards!! Someday soon you will probably see his next AP dropping off HER children. Hopefully your wounds and heart will have healed by then.. Many hugs... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueBlood Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 What a heartless man. Marrying a woman he doesn't love and that he lies to (what a lucky gal is she, am I right?) plus using your heart as a punching bag. Dude has some serious toxic treasonous issues. You don't want that kind of crap around your child. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Just pretend like you never heard those words because they mean nothing and go in with your life. He is going on with his. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 You have to try to seem him for the big creep he really is. Do you think he tells his fiancé that he's always going to love you and that he wishes he met you first? No? What do you think he tells his fiancé? I think he probably says things like she's the one he really wants and you were a big mistake. How does it feel to know that is likely trashing his relationship with you to everyone else? He didn't send that message to make you feel good. He sent it to stop you from moving on with your life. Nothing has changed. He didn't say he was calling off the marriage or coming to you so he still has nothing to offer and he knows it but the selfish little man doesn't want to set you free so that you can find someone to marry and have kids with. No he wants to keep you down and keep you stuck in this pain. His message wasn't a nice gesture, it wasn't an act of love. It was a selfish ploy to try to stop you from getting over this and moving on. He is a selfish self serving person. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Adoraxx Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 I have to agree with the others - funny how it's always so clear when you see this about someone else's situation even when your own situation is pretty similar - he is very selfish!! My xMM always does this too... he ends contact and then he returns (by email!) , telling me things like 'I love you' and 'I miss you' but then when push comes to shove, it takes him days and weeks to finally come to me in person and then I get to hear the same old, same old again: how guilty he feels etc etc, and that he really can't come see me. Oh and I also got to hear (again) how he would be with me if things were different (just like your MM told you). So WHY the texts (in your case) and WHY the emails (in my case)? I think they want to string us along indefinitely. They want the good life with their girlfriend/ wife (don't believe him if he says that he doesn't have a good relationship with the gf... surely he does or else he wouldn't take that huge step of marrying her!! ---- and my xMM even always tells me what a good life he has and how he loves her etc etc) yet they still want us to be 'there' , waiting and pining away for them. It gives them such an ego boost!!! They don't want to have us yet they don't want someone else to have us either. So proud of you for facing the school and him everyday... I used to have to see him at school too (not anymore because his kids are bigger now), and he still lives VERY close to me and I have to tell you that I've been in hiding for months now. I'm afraid to leave my backyard/ house because I'm scared of running into him and to see him look at me with those cold eyes which he reserves for when he sees me 'in public' (heck, even when there is no one around) Your MM wants you to feel bad and that's why he added "I know you hate me". He knows that you will (if you are anything like me) obsess about that and get upset about it, and he probably thinks that such statements will make you contact him. If you contact him, nothing will have changed... It's so hard to get rid of that HOPE!!! Hoping that he will have changed his mind, hoping for this, hoping for that... That's my biggest struggle. Keep reminding yourself of how this guy is getting MARRIED in a few weeks. He doesn't HAVE TO get married, no he is choosing to get married. Try to think of him fitting on his wedding suit, looking in the mirror, smiling at himself... think of him preparing himself excitedly for getting married... No way that this is man is going to cry on his way to the altar. No one is going to drag him there, he is going to choose to walk there all happy and chipper...... Is there any way that you can avoid him on Monday? Different school entrance perhaps? Oh, and you can also tell yourself that you didn't get that text.. That's something that I sometimes try to do... Just so I won't feel bad for not responding... I try to pretend that the message never arrived and that I have no idea that he ever wrote to me. I know it's hard though so I'm wishing you lots of strength!!! And big hugs xoxoxo 6 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 A sure way to put an end to him contacting him and throwing garbage your way is to forward the message to the fiancé. That will make him throw you under the biggest bus available. It's normal, it takes a while for the crazy in love feelings to tame, but after his honeymoon when oxytocin will bond him to the mother of his kids, he'll shrug it off. The point is that he wants to be there, and not with you. All your options are to keep up the good work and avoid, block and not respond, or forward his correspondence to the future wife. Those are the two only things that convey that you are serious, and not available for anything with him. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Cloudcuckoo Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 I don't know if this will help, but I remember after the affair blew up in his face when I discovered it, my husband didn't want his other woman to think he was the jack@ss he really was at the time. He didn't have to say anything, I knew. It's who he was then. Didn't want the world to know what a nasty individual he was capable of being. As others have said already, he's telling you what he knows you will react to, to keep his 'spare' soother on side when his soon to be wife gives him earache. you are wise to ignore this awful man, and it will get better with time. Try to aim for indifference if you can, that always gives your heart freedom from all the anguish I believe. Imagine actually BEING his poor wife...now there's a lifetime of self flagellation....the man is truly vile darling, don't spare him another breath. Wishing you strength and peace on your journey forward. Cuckoo 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostkate29 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 Thank you guys to all of you, you speak so many wise words and from the experience I know you know what kind of man I'm dealing with. The weakest part of me wants to reply and tell him it's all ok like I always did, comfort him as I've seen him looking at me at the school gates like a puppy that's been kicked but .... The stronger part of me thinks.... "You did this to yourself" and I may be reading into things but he's trying again?.... No I can't do it..... I can't go back to being that lieing cheating person that on a daily basis it was becoming harder and harder to look my daughter in the eye because I knew I wasn't any role model I'd be proud of. I'm going to leave him, his soon to be wife and children way alone. I won't be apart of destroying them any further for my selfishness. I just wish he could of left alone but like he's told me many times before..... "I'm weak".... "You have imprinted on my life constantly" but he's acting kind of obsessed even my mum noticed on one of the morning school runs that he was purposely driving wrongs ways (the way I drive, as we live in opposite directions) my mum said... He's trying to watch you.... I felt like crying because he won't let me move on..... Well I'm going to try as much and hard as I can to move on and remind myself he's not a good man he's just saying words and they don't mean anything to me anymore. Thank you again. I really do cherish you all xx 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 You are doing the right thing. He has no clue what LOVE is. He is after one thing from you. SEX . And if you stick with it and refuse to give it to him, when he believes it he will stop the games. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 What a selfish man he is. Poor fiancee marrying this cheater. She's just trapped with 5 kids I imagine. Don't respond. Block him out of your life. Your daughter doesn't need to hear people calling you horrible names. Stay well clear. Link to post Share on other sites
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