BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Poor advice. Your first sexual experience might just be with a girl you'll spend years with, or even marry. You want to start a relationship with a lie like that? Plus it's unnecessary. I've been with dozens of women. I can't recall the question of my experience ever coming up. Except of course with my first girlfriend who devirginized me and that was cool because she was experienced and more than happy to teach the ropes to her inexperienced boyfriend.. but I digress. No need to lie. Don't go there. Ignore any advice that suggests doing so. who says even the OP would be comfortable spending the rest of his life with his first? Link to post Share on other sites
warshaw Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 who says even the OP would be comfortable spending the rest of his life with his first? I said that it's possible that his first could be his only, or his first could be a long term relationship and either way it's not a good thing to start with a lie. Especially a lie that is not necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
you_can_not_see_me Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 (edited) Don't lie. Honesty is important! My ex lied about his lack of experience and I never forgave him. Not after 4 years. I do believe your virginity isn't something to lead with...but if you want actual intimacy you need honesty as well. :eek:why would you hold it against a guy for lying about his lack of experience? Its like a guy saying he can't forgive his girlfriend because she lied about being able to dance. Being annoyed I can understand but being upset for 4 years is crazy! Edited September 15, 2015 by you_can_not_see_me Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Not sure if this is the right place for this. I'll try to keep it short. Four years ago I turned 23 and graduated from college. I had been living a hermit's life up to that point, so I had no friends, no social skills, no job prospects, and I'd never been on a date, kissed anyone, or even held anyone's hand. I spent the next four years conquering my fear of meeting people, and now I have a decent social life and a kickass career. I'm way more pleasant to be around, I've been lifting weights so I look fairly good, and I'm in a really stable and fulfilling part of my life. I've achieved everything I set out to do four years ago and more. Except where dating is concerned. I focused entirely on other areas, and now there's nothing left but this. I finally started going to therapy early this year after sending a girl a message on OKCupid sent me into a month-long depression spiral, and haven't fared much better since then. At this point I can message people on dating sites and make small talk, but I can't get myself to go beyond that and make any kind of move. I went on one date a month ago, and she never got back to me after that so I guess I blew it. That's been really hard to deal with. I'm struggling with the idea that no one would want to deal with a 27 year old virgin and all the inevitable baggage that goes along with that. It seems like a lot to ask for someone to lead me through my first sexual experience, and I don't know how I'd broach it to someone without weirding them out. The alternative is never bringing it up and faking my way to the bedroom, but I can't imagine that I could pull that off without screwing up and causing an embarrassing disaster, so I feel like being upfront is the only way to go. I've never experienced love or intimacy, and it's killing me. Life doesn't seem worth living without it, but every day that passes puts it further out of reach, making me more desperate and frenzied to get it done. Why would anyone want to put up with my problems? Is there any hope for me? I am 31 and in basically the same situation as you. The last paragraph in particular struck a chord with me. Unfortunately this is something you can tell yourself you don't want but you are always going to want it. There is always hope, for a long time and some here will attest to this I totally lost hope in ever finding this intimacy and in truth I am no closer now but I am more positive about finding it and experiencing it. The worst thing you can do is let this consume you, I have been there and its an incredibly dark place to be, your life suffers in other respects, your whole personality changes. My advice is to always be happy being you, yes you can alter and change aspects to make yourself attractive, physical or intellectual. Its tough to say which to change but subconsciously we all know where we can do better. Do you have anyone with potential at the moment? The key here is to remain positive because when you are negative you project that without actually realising it. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I'm held up in the general transition between nice platonic encounter and what makes it a date. I can chat about whatever for hours and have a great time meeting new people one on one, but clearly at some point something has to be said or done to transition it into romantic territory. I don't know how or when to do that, and the thought of having to do it at some point terrifies me because of my total ignorance. Thanks for your other advice, that's definitely helpful. If anyone has any more tips, I'm open to anything. Again this sounds a lot like me in the sense how does one transition from a great conversation to romantic interest. I am told and I have read its body language to some extent. One person I met up with, we ended up eating off each others plates and there was this deep connection each time I looked at her. Is there anyone at the moment who interests you and is worth chasing? Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 what is the OP's height? because obviously girls place a lot of emphasis on height Link to post Share on other sites
MissMoni Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 What's the big deal about being a virgin? I'm 26, female, a virgin, have dated -- I just don't want to have sex until I'm married (for religious / moral reasons). The only people who would care about you being a virgin probably are self conscious about losing THEIR virginity. Do what you want but don't lie about it -- that's stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
bluestealth Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 27 and being a virgin? That's nothing I'm 30 and recently had sex for the first time. I'm a late bloomer and didn't start dating until this year and have been with my first GF for almost two months now. It's not baggage unless you let it be. Basically I just acted natural around her. I never brought the subject up or asked about her experience. When things were getting more intimate and close to sex she started asking me about my history since she was curious how many partners I'd been with, which was smart for her to do. I told her the truth and she didn't mind at all that I hadn't had sex before (she preferred that over someone who'd slept around). The next time we saw each other we went to third base and then a home run Being new to dating I was wondering how I'd handle escalating things from great conversation to also being romantic. This is how things played out for me: First date began and ended with a hug; there was great conversation and chemistry Second date we held hands and I went for a hug and quick kiss on the lips at the end Third date ended with a hug and slightly longer kiss Fourth date heavy making out and French kissing for a while Fifth date continued heavy make-out Sixth date we became official after 3 weeks (still making out a lot) Seventh date continued heavy make-out Eighth-Tenth dates went to second base (feeling up her breasts over clothes) Eleventh date went to third base and then home run; been together for 6 weeks We did go on a lot of dates before having sex but the amount of time over this period seemed right for both of us. I'm truly lucky to have met this girl! Hopefully sharing my experience here will be useful to others who are in the same situation as I was! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
warshaw Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 We did go on a lot of dates before having sex but the amount of time over this period seemed right for both of us. I'm truly lucky to have met this girl! Hopefully sharing my experience here will be useful to others who are in the same situation as I was! Sure beats losing your virginity to a sleezy hooker. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 OP, we are quite similar in some respects. I was very studious and anti social as a youngster and was very concerned when I started to date in my mid twenties. It was a waste of time worrying about it, and yes I was awkward my first time/s and it can be a challenge not having any dating experience to draw upon or think "what do i do in this situation? Is my/her behaviour the norm?". You'll come to realise that no one really has any clue regardless of how much experience they have. There are no rules and everyone has a different dating style and different backgrounds and ideas about the world around them. You have a lot going for you, so be confident and comfortable. You've made lots of friends, you have he social skills for that. Now dating shouldn't be too hard because you have those skills. Your limited experience is not an "issue" or "baggage", I am worried that like me, you seem very sensitive. I remember being vaguely disappointed when my first online dating guy vanished after having messages back and forth. But your reaction to online dating worries me. It does get easier and you become stronger with each failure. But online dating can be tough.. rejections after having dated for a while, or breakups, they suck pretty badly. Hopefully your psychologist gave you some good tips on how to cope with setbacks. The virgin fact is really not as big a deal as you might think. Your first step is dating and finding someone you are comfortable with, and I think the rest will work itself out. Be confident and relax! Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 27 and being a virgin? That's nothing I'm 30 and recently had sex for the first time. I'm a late bloomer and didn't start dating until this year and have been with my first GF for almost two months now. It's not baggage unless you let it be. Basically I just acted natural around her. I never brought the subject up or asked about her experience. When things were getting more intimate and close to sex she started asking me about my history since she was curious how many partners I'd been with, which was smart for her to do. I told her the truth and she didn't mind at all that I hadn't had sex before (she preferred that over someone who'd slept around). The next time we saw each other we went to third base and then a home run Being new to dating I was wondering how I'd handle escalating things from great conversation to also being romantic. This is how things played out for me: First date began and ended with a hug; there was great conversation and chemistry Second date we held hands and I went for a hug and quick kiss on the lips at the end Third date ended with a hug and slightly longer kiss Fourth date heavy making out and French kissing for a while Fifth date continued heavy make-out Sixth date we became official after 3 weeks (still making out a lot) Seventh date continued heavy make-out Eighth-Tenth dates went to second base (feeling up her breasts over clothes) Eleventh date went to third base and then home run; been together for 6 weeks We did go on a lot of dates before having sex but the amount of time over this period seemed right for both of us. I'm truly lucky to have met this girl! Hopefully sharing my experience here will be useful to others who are in the same situation as I was! Once again, your late bloomer story is very inspiring 1 Link to post Share on other sites
craw Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Some women are turned on by the fact that you're a virgin. Being able to teach, dominate and discipline.... Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Some women are turned on by the fact that you're a virgin. Being able to teach, dominate and discipline.... I heard a lot of Cougar women are like that Link to post Share on other sites
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