emanr86 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 (edited) Hello to all that read this thread, I have a dilemma of my own that I've found myself in and can't get out of my mind, nor can i find peace with it. Last year I met a girl from Zurich Switzerland. We met online through a dating site I had used and somehow we ended up having the same interests in music and that's how conversations started up. She was planning to come to America near where I lived to search for schools of dance and we met up. We spoke online for about 3 months and dated in person for a whole month, and once it was time for her to go home again back to her country, I jumped the gun and asked her to marry me. I'm 29 and she is 27 years old, she immediately said yes to marrying me and she seemed pleased with the outcome. We got married in Vegas at a small quiet chapel and my family came down and helped us get our rings in order. We agreed that I would move in with her after my finances were in order to go to Europe with her.. 2 months later I finally got to Switzerland. I made a huge leap of faith being with her. I was really happy, but I found some really odd and troubling issues with her.. Once I got there she was not interested in changing her last name or sharing the same bank account, she even planned to get a new apartment with rooms separating each other. I didn't get why she was so adamant about having everything separated. I remember I kept trying to encourage her that we were married now and we really have to work together on all things.. I remember even giving her a choice if she wanted to marry me in the beginning, and she really seemed like she wanted this... Then around xmas time, I noticed she wasn't interested in really being WITH me at parties with her friends, she seemed like she just wanted to be alone.. I felt this strange feelings that she just didn't want me around and it hurt that whole night.. Finally I spoke up and asked her what her problem was lately.. She admitted to not being in love with me. After 3 months of marriage this girl was ready to call it quits and I had no idea why.. Her reasons never made sense. she was unhappy and depressed about being married, but she never would tell me why? She would always cut me off from getting any further explanations about her reasons. She even left me in her apartment by sneaking out when I thought she was just going for a small walk around the block. I noticed she would be gone for hours and not come home.. it was so weird and bizarre, i have no clue why she treated me as if she had to get far away from me.. I never hit her, or got violently angry with her, i'm not that kind of person at all.. I've barely had much of a chance to show her my true colors at all.. One day she came home with a plane ticket back to the US. I had to come home at New Years day of this year (2015) Since then it has been the worst times of my life... I still don't know why she would say yes to a marriage and then dump me without actually talking to me, instead she would just run away and sneak off to her family's home. I had to pay for the divorce by myself, and she's even gone as far as telling me to just move on and that i will "meet someone better"... I mean that is tough to hear that stuff. ....She won't talk to me about what happened, but she wants me to be her "friend"... How on earth am i to be a friend with someone who just dumped me out of nowhere and wasted my time and money to go so far away just to be with her?? How does someone move on from this situation? Edited September 13, 2015 by emanr86 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 By realising that this was a marriage that never was. It was a farce. Does this mean, for example, that she could have US citizenship? As far as I can tell, she just did a stupid dumb thing (in her mind) and extricated herself from it, as quickly, efficiently and with as little fuss (on her part) as possible. I doubt very much she will ever consider this a marriage. And take no notice of the 'let's be friends' rubbish. That's just her way of trying to be nice, (ha, ha...) because she knows her behaviour has been less than honourable. And that's putting it mildly. She has as much intention of remaining your friend as she had about continuing to be married to you. Zero. None at all. I'm sorry you had to endure such a sad and sorry episode. All I can tell you is to chalk it up to bitter experience, date for a long time (really silly to propose so quickly, though, don't you think?!) and be cautious about making plans with non-nationals. Don't let this put you off dating and marriage. DO let it put you off jumping into the unknown with both feet. Tied together. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author emanr86 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 I appreciate your reply and your honesty... You are very right and I regret making a big mistake in going so fast and not really taking the time out to learn things I needed to learn beforehand.. I was foolish about it. In that regard I have no one to blame but myself. It's just such a bull**** thing to have happen anyway, ya know? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 You're not the only one to blame here. Nobody held a gun to her head. Her further fault was the manner in which she mistreated you. At least she bought you the plane ticket. THAT was the LEAST she could do! I know it smarts. It's difficult, but try to be philosophical about it. Put it into perspective: You're alive, it was a (helluva) learning curve, you have no disease, and no kids. Things could be a lot worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Why would a Swiss national want US citizenship? That would be quite a downgrade. She either got cold feet, met someone else, or has a personality or mental issue and married to feed her ego. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author emanr86 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 Yeah i don't think she married me for citizenship, she's made it clear that she wasn't interested in that. Idk why she did what she did, but I'm still pretty bitter and angry about the whole thing, and I don't know how to find peace of mind. Whether she got cold feet or really does have some mental problem I'm not aware, I'll never know... I do know her family does have a small history with mental illness. Her brother in particular has something wrong with him, from what I found out, he might have schizophrenia.. He has seen therapists all his life, he has even had medications and has since stopped taking them. So idk her mental state at all.. She's very secretive about alot of things.. I later learned that her dad was gay, but she had the hardest time telling me that...Maybe she's embarassed by him for that but for whatever reason she had a hard time telling me... And i don't even care about that kind of stuff. It was a just a weird relationship. It was a relationship full of BS on her part... She wants to be friends only if I don't talk about the marriage between us... I told her to go to hell. I'm not interested in being friends with someone who puts those kind of restrictions on me. Like they just want to forget what happened and why.. Like it didn't affect me. I've been weak about handling this situation and that I know is true... I've begged and pleaded, I've sent dozens of emails going back and forth with my feelings... One day I'm angry the next, I'm asking for forgiveness and trying to ask her for friendship... I've been seriously pathetic and I can admit it freely. But lately i've literally told her to shove her friendship elsewhere. And I finally blocked her as well from messaging me ever again... For the first time today I actually feel better for it.. I'm still angry at her, but I feel I made a big step in getting better. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 She sounds like your classic narcissistic sociopath. The sooner you cut all ties with her, the less damage she can do to you. Let some other fool have her. Link to post Share on other sites
futureglory263 Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 hey emanr, sorry to hear about your story. it's totally understandable that you're bitter and angry. i hope though that you can move on from this and like a poster had mentioned that it won't prevent you from looking forward to a future marriage, if that is what you're looking for. i know that it may be helpful to find closure, that is to find a reason why she wanted to get out of the marriage, but unfortunately, it may never come. I think it's a good thing you did though to cut ties completely. The less you look back on this, the easier it will be to move on to better pastures. Link to post Share on other sites
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