All outta love

[Jw2015]

There are a certain number of reasons ppl fall out of love, this question/ inquiry is directed more for the women (although guys please weigh in ) in a LTR of 1-3 years with serious marriage talk and plans;

 

 

I was wondering if the reasons a woman could fall out of love is a lack of gift buying (flowers ect)/surprising? going out/planning dates? what if your partner didn't do anything special for your bday? and bigger question would be, would you express these things if it bothered you or say/pretend its all good? would you let your partner know if you were feeling different about the relationship and try to improve it or would you just wake up one day and say I don't love you/ in love with you anymore? or for you is it love the person for who he is not what he does?

 

 

and if you don't agree with this , what do you think are legitimate reasons for falling out of love?

[Snakechammah]

Sometimes in the course of this journey we call love, some traits will surface that makes you question if the person you are with is actually right for you.

 

With my ex, there were several factors -including his behaviour during an argument - that set my alarm bells ringing. I remember thinking, in the midst of a measly argument and his 'over-the-top' reaction, that I could never spend the rest of my life tolerating this behaviour.

 

That, and many other things that surfaced as months go by, that made me realized he wasn't the one for me and eventually I ended it.

[Frank2thepoint]

what do you think are legitimate reasons for falling out of love?

 

The problem with this question is the person that terminates the relationship, considers their reasoning for doing it as legitimate, while the other person in the relationship is rendered confused, looking for a legitimate reason.

[Got it]

I am a talker so would have brought up my concerns ad nauseum. Now whether the other person actually paid attention and heard it is another story. I can't control how they are going to perceive things, here things, act on them, I can only exhaust every avenue I feel is reasonable and then do what I feel is best.

[TaraMaiden2]

Purely, totally from a woman's PoV (as I am one, and cannot speak for menfolk) and having also been party to numerous counselling sessions during which time women recounted their opinions and reasons for wishing to terminate the relationship - it seems to be a generally widespread factor that men 'quit trying'.

 

It's not necessarily about the flowers, cards and dinner out.

 

It's about taking the woman for granted, becoming complacent and making assumptions that if the lady is still present, she must be enjoying the relationship experience.

Guys fall into a routine, and settle down, happily, seemingly unaware that the Effort to maintain the hardware is still a pre-requisite and repeated requirement.

Men often counter this with "Well she stopped trying as well!" but fail to see that it's a bit of a catch-22, 'pushmipullyu' situation....

 

While I hesitate to pigeon-hole and stereotype people, it seems to be a general trend that the guy acts, and the woman reciprocates.

If guys are the traditional 'hunter-gatherers', it's up to them to take the lead and be demonstrative, appreciative and attentive.

 

In turn the woman (the traditional 'nurturer/carer') reciprocates by responding favourably to the flattery, kindness, attention, consideration, and by making the guy feel as if all his attentive efforts are worthwhile.....

 

When the lurve stops flowing, the lady thinks of going.

 

I realise this is a huge generalisation, and really does simplify everything to the Nth degree.

But it's a scenario I saw repeated time and again.

No matter how professional, independent and liberated the lady, if the appropriate (to her) attention was lacking, she felt starved of it, and felt that this was no longer a viable situation to be in.

 

Of course, the root cure would be Effective and Constructive Communication....

[Popsicle]

In my younger years I would pretend nothing was wrong, even though I was secretly unhappy. Now I would gently bring it up, and hopefully, I have chosen a wiser partner who is perceptive and also sees the value of keeping the romance going.

[Ami1uwant]

A lot of rasons for failing out of love......

 

I was in a similar relationship of 3.5 yrs that ended mainly by her.

 

Why do I think IR happened...

 

1. Her lack of communication eith me

2. Her not opening herself up deeply

 

3. She had a teenage daughter. Do early on I said marriage wasn't going to happen because I made 60% more than she find so my income would factor into college financial aid programs of which at her income she qualified for. She understood this...maybe she wanted marriage but never talked to me about this because she understood why I would marry her till after her daughter graduated.

 

4. Because of her daughter, I think she really didn't want me to have some sort of relationship with her. Her daughter had serious walls up. When I finally broke through that, I think this was a big factor in the break up. Her thoughts were I shouldn't have any relationship with her daughter.

 

5. She had talked about can't waiting till her daughter "moved out" ( includes going away to college). I think I may have been collateral damage to her "midlife crisis" . She had her daughter young thus didn't have the freedom of her early 20s that others enjoied. I may have been collateral damage to that where she wanted not have to worry about/be responsible to anyone.

[preraph]

Sometimes you just reach a point where you have gotten to the bottom of someone and there's no mystery left , no excitement, and you just say, "Is this all there is?" Things are exciting in the beginning partly because you're dealing with an unknown entity and you're also projecting all the things you hope they are onto them and seeing if they live up to them. Of course, this is not realistic, but a whole lot of both men and women do it. The difference -- and this is nothing more than my theory based on personal experience -- may be that while men may be sustained more because the sex is good or regular or whatever, many women add a lot more needs into the mix and may not be content once emotional stimulation (from either real or projection sources) ends.

 

For women, most of their sexual interest stems from emotions. It's mostly all in their heads. For women, the man's sex and sexual confidence has to be really off the chart before it will sustain her there if emotions are waning. And for men, that might mean it's too one-sided sexually for them. So that's rare. But I have seen a woman or two stay in a relationship that was otherwise going to hell because "the sex was always good."

 

I can only speak for myself when I say that I don't like to get to the bottom of the vessel. I like a lot of depth. For me, that means I like creative types, literate types who read a lot of books, people who are continually learning, creating, exploring, and are passionate and always have something to talk about as a result of their pursuits. I also like someone who gets creative with their personal style and mixes it up. That's what keeps me stimulated. If I reach a wall where I feel this is all there is and I feel it's going to stagnate, I lose that lovin feelin.