He will never leave his wife for you.

[Goodbye]

One thing to consider about divorce, especially if the MM/MW has children: In order to go through with a divorce, your desire NOT to see your spouse has to outweight your desire TO see your kids every day. I think most MM/MW are dissatisfied in their marriages to one extent or another, but not enough to do anything about it in terms of making a real change. Instead, they manage the issues by having an A, to meet the unmet needs. Selfish, cowardly, and very common.

 

Another thing I've frequently thought about is whether I would really want the xMM if he was available. I wouldn't. He has shown himself to be exquisitely selfish, deceitful, conflict avoidant, hypocritical, and duplicitous. I don't know how I could ever trust anything he says. He is an opportunist who thinks of his own best interests first. He gives lip service to being one kind of man, while his actions show something else altogether. Complete lack of integrity. Frankly, I'd rather be alone than having to look over my shoulder all the time because I couldn't trust him.

 

 

This sums up so many of the affairs I've read about on here, and it certainly applies to my exMM. I know he "loved" me (quotes because I don't know if it was love or obsession or both). But when he'd do the old cost/benefit analysis of moving out of marital home with full-time access to son vs. splitting marital estate and time with son; staying with the W always won. I believe that his W was probably a good woman although he described her as a wretched, controlling thing who was a shoddy mom at best. She is probably lovely, now that I am able to see the whole picture clearly, many months out. It takes a special kind of dick to do that...lie to a woman to get her to be your unknowing "mistress" to fulfill whatever is lacking in your own marriage or self esteem, but have no true intentions on comprimising any of the marital lifestyle which you've built.

[Grapesofwrath]

This sums up so many of the affairs I've read about on here, and it certainly applies to my exMM. I know he "loved" me (quotes because I don't know if it was love or obsession or both). But when he'd do the old cost/benefit analysis of moving out of marital home with full-time access to son vs. splitting marital estate and time with son; staying with the W always won. I believe that his W was probably a good woman although he described her as a wretched, controlling thing who was a shoddy mom at best. She is probably lovely, now that I am able to see the whole picture clearly, many months out. It takes a special kind of dick to do that...lie to a woman to get her to be your unknowing "mistress" to fulfill whatever is lacking in your own marriage or self esteem, but have no true intentions on comprimising any of the marital lifestyle which you've built.

 

In the case of my xMM, and even more special kind of dick. He never had any intention of leaving his marriage. He thought things at home were pretty awesome, or so he said. Happy, fulfilling, nice family life. Lots of material comfort. Solid image in the community. In-laws who adore him and think he's the alpha dog. He just wanted to have an A on the side because he could. I mean, why should he have to deprive himself of the fun, sex, and excitement of an A? Because it would devastate the wife and family he purports to love? Don't be silly!

 

Just kicking myself.

[movingon123]

Movingon123

 

I am so sorry for your pain. I really feel it :-(

 

Thanks for sharing that....it's a painful read. Many women reading this may not feel their MM is capable of doing this. I hope others can take something away from that.

 

I am sorry it's so difficult for you. I spent some time asking the same questions...'what the hell was all this about?! What did I even mean to you??'

 

I think the key when you don't have closure on something is to change the way you think about it. Acceptance. It's so hard. But...I can tell you that it really does get better.

 

Take good care and thanks again x

 

Thanks for your kind words. It's helpful to have others understand what you're dealing with. It's only been about 2 months, but I have had some days of acceptance. I have children but am divorced and it is hardest when they are with their dad and I'm alone. That's when I brood and pick everything apart and cycle through all the emotions.

 

I've been ever so slowly building a new life for myself and so do get out with friends a bit during that time. I miss mm's daily emails and the prospect of seeing him but am doing my best to replace that with other things. Years ago I lost a child at 23 weeks pregnancy and while that was enormously difficult, this seems more difficult for some reason. I think it is the lack of support because you can't tell anyone since it was an A.

 

Let that also be a lesson to others: the secrecy surrounding the A will extend after it is over and if you are single you will be horribly alone but at least you will be able to wallow in your sadness. If you are M, you will have to deal with it without letting your H or kids know which must be extremely difficult.

 

I'm glad you are doing so much better - it gives me hope!

[Goodbye]

Thanks for your kind words. It's helpful to have others understand what you're dealing with. It's only been about 2 months, but I have had some days of acceptance. I have children but am divorced and it is hardest when they are with their dad and I'm alone. That's when I brood and pick everything apart and cycle through all the emotions.

 

I've been ever so slowly building a new life for myself and so do get out with friends a bit during that time. I miss mm's daily emails and the prospect of seeing him but am doing my best to replace that with other things. Years ago I lost a child at 23 weeks pregnancy and while that was enormously difficult, this seems more difficult for some reason. I think it is the lack of support because you can't tell anyone since it was an A.

 

Let that also be a lesson to others: the secrecy surrounding the A will extend after it is over and if you are single you will be horribly alone but at least you will be able to wallow in your sadness. If you are M, you will have to deal with it without letting your H or kids know which must be extremely difficult.

 

I'm glad you are doing so much better - it gives me hope!

 

 

So true. Because of the secrecy involved in affairs, when you are broken hearted, you grieve alone. Those in whom you can confess will generally tell you to "just get over it." All the pain of loss with none of the comfort. Sad.

[Grapesofwrath]

I've been ever so slowly building a new life for myself and so do get out with friends a bit during that time. I miss mm's daily emails and the prospect of seeing him but am doing my best to replace that with other things. Years ago I lost a child at 23 weeks pregnancy and while that was enormously difficult, this seems more difficult for some reason. I think it is the lack of support because you can't tell anyone since it was an A.

 

 

Those days without the kids are brutal. I think divorced moms are particularly susceptible to MM. The loneliness, the schedule, a lot of other factors. It's a wicked little brew and we fall prey to it.

[Goodbye]

Those days without the kids are brutal. I think divorced moms are particularly susceptible to MM. The loneliness, the schedule, a lot of other factors. It's a wicked little brew and we fall prey to it.

 

 

Yes. And, being divorced myself, I see divorce as a viable option to an unhappy marriage. I too had to really consider how hard it would be to split the assets and time with the kids. Because I was able to work it out and make a divorced life work I assumed he (exMM) could as well. He could, he just wasn't willing. Difference was, he probably was not REALLY unhappy in his marriage, as I was. He was just pretending to be unhappy to rationalize screwing around behind the W's back. But I agree, divorced moms are particularly vulnerable.

[Mount]

No you are still not accurate, MM himself is the priority, neither wife nor you.

 

 

By the way, what about other things your MM kept all promises other than leaving wife - both small and big promise? Did he keep each promise during your two years relationship, if not you should have been warned sooner.

 

 

I agree with you, Mount. That's an important message. Even if plans are being made, the MM may well just go back to his wife. The man I was seeing went back to his wife as he said he could not cope with destroying her life and that of his family. His wife was his priority. I was thrown crumbs here and there and, when it came down to it - she was always going to take priority over me.

 

The wife will always be a priority.

[Popsicle]

Yes. And, being divorced myself, I see divorce as a viable option to an unhappy marriage. I too had to really consider how hard it would be to split the assets and time with the kids. Because I was able to work it out and make a divorced life work I assumed he (exMM) could as well. He could, he just wasn't willing. Difference was, he probably was not REALLY unhappy in his marriage, as I was. He was just pretending to be unhappy to rationalize screwing around behind the W's back. But I agree, divorced moms are particularly vulnerable.

 

Yep, you nailed it.

[movingon123]

Those days without the kids are brutal. I think divorced moms are particularly susceptible to MM. The loneliness, the schedule, a lot of other factors. It's a wicked little brew and we fall prey to it.

 

Yes, that time is tough, but I also appreciate the break a bit, too. My xH has always traveled (airplane) for most of the week for work so I was always the main caretaker 24/7 (even when he was here) and I now get a break which is nice. And yes, part of why I stayed in the relationship was because I didn't want my kids to know I was seeing someone so was happy to have it a secret. It fit my needs as well. We mostly only saw each other during the day or on the weekend when my kids were with their dad. His child is grown. I never had to get a babysitter and go out on a date. My kids are older so would have been unhappy with that.

 

All of that said, though, I will never, ever be in a relationship with a mm again! The heartache is brutal! I certainly never went looking for it but if there is ever that possibility again I will run as fast as I can!

[Ruffian1]

Yes the heartache is brutal.

 

 

Hardlesson, you said

 

 

"It was then that I had hit rock bottom. I had never felt so ill in my life. I couldn't eat and lost a lot of weight. Everyone was worried about me. I am usually the 'cheer leader' at work but could not even manage a slight smile for anyone. I felt physically sick constantly and could not sleep. I became a shadow of the woman I was. My GP could not believe it when I went to see him (he has been my GP for years) and referred me to psychological services and I was given urgent therapy"

If his BS had found out then this would be what happed to her too (only triple the pain + kids),the innocent victim(s) of the A.

 

 

It is just wrong to do to another person. . . period.

 

 

So not worth it, hugh?

 

 

Glad you met a honest man.

[Lady2163]

Until you found out he was married, you were being deceived. Okay, after you found out he was married, you were being deceived as well. It is reprehensible to me that he could lie about that for so long. Two years? He had time to get divorced. Whew.

 

It almost reminds me of bait and switch. You didn't find out he was married until you were already hooked. Albeit, you discovered it on your own, not because he told you. Don't you wish you had an honest friend who had said, "take a step back and look at this" or "let's go away for a few days and clear your head"?

 

I do think there are a lot of married men who do leave. With the divorce rate still close to 50%, a lot people do leave, but I also think the ow or om is a soft landing spot and a rebound relationship more than what we see on here. I have an acquaintance who moved two blocks away from her husband and kids....and then five days later moved 30 miles in with a man. Her husband was actually all right with the fact that she had been cheating, BUT the kids had a tough time accepting new man that Mommy loves so very much.

 

You will heal from this and I have no doubt you will thrive.

[Got it]

Yes. And, being divorced myself, I see divorce as a viable option to an unhappy marriage. I too had to really consider how hard it would be to split the assets and time with the kids. Because I was able to work it out and make a divorced life work I assumed he (exMM) could as well. He could, he just wasn't willing. Difference was, he probably was not REALLY unhappy in his marriage, as I was. He was just pretending to be unhappy to rationalize screwing around behind the W's back. But I agree, divorced moms are particularly vulnerable.

 

I will put the caveat in here that even miserable someone may still choose not to divorce. My father, no affair, wanted to divorce early on but did stay together for the kids. We have hashed things over 100s of times and his argument of finances and kids still stands for him as reasoning regardless of my counterargument to it. No option seemed like a good option (my parents had a very toxic and unhealthy marriage that was unhappy for everyone involved and did cause its own damage on the kids). But it is a personal choice and one he does not see himself doing differently.

 

My mom, did have an affair when the kids were babies, while very unhappy in the marriage, did not leave because of financial concerns.

 

So a very happy divorce for everyone when it finally happened when the youngest kid went off to school and a much better family unit now, divorced, than ever was with them together.

[USEDOW]

i too have been driven to despair by the same head messing you have been subjected to. I have spent the last three years depressed and feeling futile. I know he didn't deserve me to trust him but it turned out he WAS playing happy families, despite seeing me regularly every day and never having a holiday with her for three years, his BS thought everything was fine. Well I still don't get it but it nearly killed me. I am NC now after a six year intense affair where I know he loved me. The difference is that it nearly drove us both crazy and he actually believed some of his own bull**** as he was so screwed up with keeping me hanging..... he forgot some of the stuff he had said to me as he had obvoiously lied to her that much that he had to believe it himself. But it had destroyed my ability to have another relationship despite being quite attractive I am repulsed by men. We were so close that it felt psychic, we would know where the other was and constantly meet but I have cried so much wanting him , it made my eyelashes actually start to fall out.

Edited September 14, 2015 by USEDOW

[Got it]

i too have been driven to despair by the same head messing you have been subjected to. I have spent the last three years depressed and feeling futile. I know he didn't deserve me to trust him but it turned out he WAS playing happy families, despite seeing me regularly every day and never having a holiday with her for three years, his BS thought everything was fine. Well I still don't get it but it nearly killed me. I am NC now after a six year intense affair where I know he loved me. The difference is that it nearly drove us both crazy and he actually believed some of his own bull**** as he was so screwed up with keeping me hanging..... he forgot some of the stuff he had said to me as he had obvoiously lied to her that much that he had to believe it himself. But it had destroyed my ability to have another relationship despite being quite attractive I am repulsed by men. We were so close that it felt psychic, we would know where the other was and constantly meet but I have cried so much wanting him , it made my eyelashes actually start to fall out.

 

I am very sorry you were/are in so much pain. Have you sought therapy? No relationship is worth such an impact on your life. And while it absolutely can be impactful we do have some level of control on how much things impact us.

 

Please don't let one person destroy your view of all other people of the same sex. Don't give him that level of power.

[USEDOW]

Thank you GI. I do not want to hijack but i have so much empathy with the OP. I am done. I thought he was my soulmate. In fact I still do. It is just that he lacks the ability to make a change to his life and everyone will suffer. I saw him pass me today and he never even waived. That was like a knife in my back. How can you love so much and lose everything. I still believe he loves me if you can even understand that. It has been the most overpowering and intense love i have ever felt. But now i can see he has turned to stone and i am sure not just with me.

[sandylee1]

I'm glad you're in a much better place now. Unfortunately, I doubt the OWs in affairs now will heed your warning, because everyone thinks their affair is different. It takes hitting rock bottom to see it for what it is.

 

Sadly, many waste a lot longer than 2 years with a man who isn't available. Time ticks on while the MM has his family and enjoys the comforts that go with it. While the single OW is an invisible secret. Very sad indeed.

 

Well done to you.

[hardlesson]

Hi Usedown

 

I am so sorry for your pain. I really do understand your feelings. We have very similar stories. I think many of us do. I was like you in that I was completely overwhelmed with the MM I was seeing. I felt a deep connection with him on many levels. I just loved everything about him. Just loved him, every part of him. I loved his smell. His eyes. His nose. I loved his style. I hung on every word. I used to curse time when I was with him, willing it to stop so I could be with him longer. I dreamed about us marrying. I completely loved this man with everything I had. Physically, no matter how hard I tried to resist, it was like nothing I have ever experienced before. He was everything to me. But all I was to him was an escape from the old routine...some excitement in the bedroom....A play thing. I felt like that towards him and he tricked me into believing he felt the same towards me. I didn't realise it at the time but now I can see it as clear as day.

 

Why should you be the one to suffer here?? It's always you that's suffers. Always you that's making sacrifices and damaging your health and wellbeing for it. Why should you be the one taking all the hits here?! It's alright for him....he's got his comfortable, loving wife at home (they tell you she isn't but she likely is) and he has his excitement with you on the side. He's alright. All the while, you are getting more and more desperate and ill. Any man who can put a woman through that...well.....I think we can all think of a few words to describe them. So sorry. Rant over. But I'm so angry about how these men treat women.

 

I would also question whether a man can love someone when he can walk past them and not even acknowledge them.

 

It isn't that he lacks the ability to change. It's that he doesn't want to, as hard as that sounds. If he really loved you and wanted to be with you, he would. He's given you the mess around and you no longer serve a purpose - so he'll just cut you out.

 

I'm so sorry. I guess I'm a bit wound up by this right now. I am angry that a man has made you question your future relationships and has screwed with you. Please....don't cut men off for good. We've learned a really important lesson here. We know to stay away from this type of 'man' from now on.

 

I don't know if there is a private message facility here on this site. But if there is and I haven't upset you, I would be happy to message you considering I've been where you are right now and I'm on the other side.

 

I think I have some more work to do around my anger towards that man! :-)

 

Xx

[hardlesson]

Sandylee

 

Thank you for sharing. As an ex - OW I totally avoided such postings because I didn't want to face up to the truth. I thought my affair was different. I honestly thought my MM would leave his wife. I was 100 percent about it. I read your post nodding my head......I just hope that all the messages on here will go towards convincing even a small number.

 

I just want to urge anyone who is seeing a married man to get out while they can. End any contact. X

[hardlesson]

Lady2163

 

Thank you for sharing. I understand what you say about divorce stats......but I wonder how many of those men are actually divorcing to set up a life with their mistress! Not very many I imagine.

 

Thank you for sharing that xx

 

And thank you so much everyone else who has contributed xx

[goodyblue]

Lady2163

 

Thank you for sharing. I understand what you say about divorce stats......but I wonder how many of those men are actually divorcing to set up a life with their mistress! Not very many I imagine.

 

Thank you for sharing that xx

 

And thank you so much everyone else who has contributed xx

 

There are a few here that are married to our FMM. A lot of the time they just don't come on LS. I know some IRL too.

[hardlesson]

Thank you for sharing, goody blue.

 

I think that the majority of men who are in comfortable relationships at home will not leave their wives for their mistresses. My observation is that many MM will tell their OW that their marriage is on the rocks....is down the pan......was over years ago and it simply isn't true. I appreciate if all those things were accurate then I'd want to get out of a marriage too. However, I would argue that the overwhelming majority of men having affairs with a comfortable, loving wife at home is not gonna leave it for the OW. Well. We can clearly see that from the message boards on this site. The painful thing is, is that these men will convince the OW that their marriage really is in trouble and.....I can't believe I thought this.....We just believe what they say.

 

I sneaked on a social networking site a year or so ago, out of curiosity, I looked him up. He was posing with his wife like he was madly in love with her and not a trouble in the world!

 

I am glad things worked out for you with your FMM and glad you have found happiness.

[Mount]

Also pls keep in mind not every case is the same in this world. Also as the OW or (X)OW, you or everyone should be aware they are not teenage girl living in the pink la la dream land anymore, everyone should have know better. Always never falling love with "words", always "action" or the result from doing is the king.

 

For some case, because the MM has not able to extricate himself from current marriage, and the relationship with OW has been well known at family side or more, in this case OW would not want MM to leave marriage anyway because MM has been satisfying OW's each wish small or big to demonstrate his devotion, despite his many times failure to go through exiting marriage. One more attempt to leave marriage only cause more distress at every side, MM, OW and MM's home side.

 

Just remember, not every case is the same.

 

Sandylee

 

Thank you for sharing. As an ex - OW I totally avoided such postings because I didn't want to face up to the truth. I thought my affair was different. I honestly thought my MM would leave his wife. I was 100 percent about it. I read your post nodding my head......I just hope that all the messages on here will go towards convincing even a small number.

 

I just want to urge anyone who is seeing a married man to get out while they can. End any contact. X

[cocorico]

There are a few here that are married to our FMM. A lot of the time they just don't come on LS. I know some IRL too.

 

Yep, I'm another of these. Absolutist statements such as "they *never* leave" or "they *always* choose the BW" are vulnerable to easy disproving, because clearly there are example to the contrary.

 

More germane, perhaps, to the thread, is, "will *my* MM leave?" rather than "do they ever leave?", and obviously that's a lot harder to call.

 

The OP claims she was 100% certain her MM would leave, yet he didn't. Others were certain their MM would leave, and he did. Some left unexpectedly, others leave and go back... Which would suggest pretty much that it's hard to predict.

 

But I would say two things matter:

* is he doing what he promised to do, wrt taking actions for you to be together (assuming that is what you're wanting)? If not - that is a problem, and doesn't augur well for him leaving.

 

* are you happy with the R as it is today (rather than just hoping you'll be together, someday)? Is the R adding more to your life, making it better than your life would be otherwise? If not, it doesn't matter what the future may or may not bring. He R, as it is now, is not good for you and you'd do well to walk away.

 

If those two factors are present - you're happy in your R currently, and he's doing what he said he would towards making Happy Ever After happen, then hanging in there makes sense. If either of those factories are not present, hanging in there represents a triumph of optimism over good sense, and you should be prepared for disappointment. If neither factor is present, then hoping and waiting smacks of denial, or even desperation and delusion, depending on how unhappy you are and how "embedded" his actions reveal him to be in the M (things like, another baby, moving to a new home, taking exotic holidays, etc can all weigh in here...).

 

Having faith in your SO is touching. Having blind faith, in the face of all evidence to the contrary, can just set you up for heartache. Be realistic about your own situation. After all, you know it best.

[USEDOW]

Hi Usedown

 

I am so sorry for your pain. I really do understand your feelings. We have very similar stories. I think many of us do. I was like you in that I was completely overwhelmed with the MM I was seeing. I felt a deep connection with him on many levels. I just loved everything about him. Just loved him, every part of him. I loved his smell. His eyes. His nose. I loved his style. I hung on every word. I used to curse time when I was with him, willing it to stop so I could be with him longer. I dreamed about us marrying. I completely loved this man with everything I had. Physically, no matter how hard I tried to resist, it was like nothing I have ever experienced before. He was everything to me. But all I was to him was an escape from the old routine...some excitement in the bedroom....A play thing. I felt like that towards him and he tricked me into believing he felt the same towards me. I didn't realise it at the time but now I can see it as clear as day.

 

Why should you be the one to suffer here?? It's always you that's suffers. Always you that's making sacrifices and damaging your health and wellbeing for it. Why should you be the one taking all the hits here?! It's alright for him....he's got his comfortable, loving wife at home (they tell you she isn't but she likely is) and he has his excitement with you on the side. He's alright. All the while, you are getting more and more desperate and ill. Any man who can put a woman through that...well.....I think we can all think of a few words to describe them. So sorry. Rant over. But I'm so angry about how these men treat women.

 

I would also question whether a man can love someone when he can walk past them and not even acknowledge them.

 

It isn't that he lacks the ability to change. It's that he doesn't want to, as hard as that sounds. If he really loved you and wanted to be with you, he would. He's given you the mess around and you no longer serve a purpose - so he'll just cut you out.

 

I'm so sorry. I guess I'm a bit wound up by this right now. I am angry that a man has made you question your future relationships and has screwed with you. Please....don't cut men off for good. We've learned a really important lesson here. We know to stay away from this type of 'man' from now on.

 

I don't know if there is a private message facility here on this site. But if there is and I haven't upset you, I would be happy to message you considering I've been where you are right now and I'm on the other side.

 

I think I have some more work to do around my anger towards that man! :-)

 

Xx

 

 

Yes I know him so well, IT WOULD seem that he doesnt care, he was trying to deny me....he is trying to get me out of his head... he has his mother staying 3 weeks and that is adding to the guilt (keeps the mind of the marriage too) and his daughter possibly. That's what his life has been about, sticking his head in the ........!! I think they may have been with him but either way I didn't waive either. It hurts so much. I will be on line this time tomorrow perhaps we can talk briefly. Post on here. I would like to chat to someone with similar heartbreak.

[Got it]

Yep, I'm another of these. Absolutist statements such as "they *never* leave" or "they *always* choose the BW" are vulnerable to easy disproving, because clearly there are example to the contrary.

 

More germane, perhaps, to the thread, is, "will *my* MM leave?" rather than "do they ever leave?", and obviously that's a lot harder to call.

 

The OP claims she was 100% certain her MM would leave, yet he didn't. Others were certain their MM would leave, and he did. Some left unexpectedly, others leave and go back... Which would suggest pretty much that it's hard to predict.

 

But I would say two things matter:

* is he doing what he promised to do, wrt taking actions for you to be together (assuming that is what you're wanting)? If not - that is a problem, and doesn't augur well for him leaving.

 

* are you happy with the R as it is today (rather than just hoping you'll be together, someday)? Is the R adding more to your life, making it better than your life would be otherwise? If not, it doesn't matter what the future may or may not bring. He R, as it is now, is not good for you and you'd do well to walk away.

 

If those two factors are present - you're happy in your R currently, and he's doing what he said he would towards making Happy Ever After happen, then hanging in there makes sense. If either of those factories are not present, hanging in there represents a triumph of optimism over good sense, and you should be prepared for disappointment. If neither factor is present, then hoping and waiting smacks of denial, or even desperation and delusion, depending on how unhappy you are and how "embedded" his actions reveal him to be in the M (things like, another baby, moving to a new home, taking exotic holidays, etc can all weigh in here...).

 

Having faith in your SO is touching. Having blind faith, in the face of all evidence to the contrary, can just set you up for heartache. Be realistic about your own situation. After all, you know it best.

 

I do agree and think blind faith is a major red flag. One should never have blind faith in anyone. Ever.

 

My approach was to take what he said as truthful, watch his actions to see if they were falling his words, reevaluate often and know that at any point I may hit my cross roads and needed to do right by me. But he did met almost every request/expectation and did work to prove his love to me every day (something I love about him still - I have never had a man love me like he does).

 

I am sorry for those who are in pain and I do cringe at absolutes as there are no such thing as absolutes. I do think people tend to go into affairs assuming a higher likelihood of next steps (or I should say women) than in a regular relationship. And that is a misstep.

 

And having been a MOW, in an affair with a MOM, I can say no one was happy or comfortable at home. That does not mean some are not in affairs for purely the icing on the cake, but that is not all affairs.

 

But however things go, don't lose sight of yourself and don't ignore today. No one is worth sacrificing your happiness over whether that means in the middle of the relationship or mourning the loss of it. We have one life here and it only punishes "you" by staying stuck in the past. ((((((((((())))))))))