TeddyPSmith Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 I'm wondering if this has happened to anyone else. My wife and I have been separated for 5 months. Married for 8 years, together for 11, and with a 3 y/o daughter. I found out that she was having an affair before she moved out. This ended it forever with no hope of reconciling. I dropped about 25 lb through lack of sleep, not eating, and generally obsessing about the details of her affair. HOWEVER, I never actually MISSED her. I never crawled into a corner and cried about losing her...until now. Sometimes my weekends without my daughter can be sad but this one is different. I woke up very depressed and wanting my ex back. I now realize that she is in a very serious relationship with the affair partner and I hear quite happy. That is like an extra teaspoon of salt in the wound. Has this ever happened to anyone? Delayed emotions? I really feel terrible and just needed to put the words out into space. Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 It's likely the changing of the season. I've been divorced for 14 years and am happily single by choice, but at the first blush of Fall weather, I do miss not having a "significant" other to cozy up with. Not so much in any other season. It's just something about Fall. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Are you really missing HER or are you just lonely and missing companionship, closeness, intimacy and security? Because you can have those things with a new woman. Link to post Share on other sites
happyman64 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Maybe Teddy your mind just got warped around the fact that your wife is still married to you, she is in a serious relationship with someone else and you are just realizing that your marriage is going to end. That can be a delayed reaction and you are just starting to mourn the death of your relationship. Did your wife admit to the affair before she left? Did your wife ever give you a reason why she cheated? I find it disrespectful when two cheaters get serious while stiil married. The only ones that do not find this odd are the cheaters themselves. Mourn away. Heal. And then go find a good woman to have in your life. How is your daughter doing Teddy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TeddyPSmith Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 That's a good question. There were lots of things that aggravated me about her and many times I didn't like her. I still loved her, though and she was my best friend. I was wondering more about the delayed reaction. I think I've got an issue with accepting or confronting/feeling emotions. Like I can somehow make them disappear. Probably not a good thing and I'm not sure how to fix that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TeddyPSmith Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 Maybe Teddy your mind just got warped around the fact that your wife is still married to you, she is in a serious relationship with someone else and you are just realizing that your marriage is going to end. That can be a delayed reaction and you are just starting to mourn the death of your relationship. Did your wife admit to the affair before she left? No but I found out the day she was moving out Did your wife ever give you a reason why she cheated? She always gave reasons (complained). I wasn't surprised she left but was mindblown that she had an affair I find it disrespectful when two cheaters get serious while stiil married. I guess so. I think the respect has been DEMOLISHED. I guess she could still disrespect me further, though The only ones that do not find this odd are the cheaters themselves. AGREED! Mourn away. Heal. And then go find a good woman to have in your life. Great idea How is your daughter doing Teddy? She's doing very well. Thank you very much for asking Link to post Share on other sites
thekarmacist Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 teddy, did you suffer abuse as a child? i see many who have come from such backgrounds describe this delayed onset grief which can begin months or even years later. i myself have recently experienced this phenomenon - starting to feel the pain approximately 5 months after the dissolution of a 7 year relationship. hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TeddyPSmith Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 Certainly not by my family but I was picked on and a nerd most of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
thekarmacist Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 nerds are the best. don't forget that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TeddyPSmith Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 Ha! I agree! Link to post Share on other sites
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