somebrokendude Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 About half a year ago the girl I was with for 4 years and I broke up. See that thread for all of the details. Her and I have been talking here and there over the last couple of months, almost always with no issues. We've met up for happy hour a few times and were able to enjoy each other's company, minus one night. Long story short for that bad night: a couple weeks prior she called me after quite some time of NC. She found out that I had accepted a position in San Diego and thought maybe we should give it another shot. Nothing happened in the following two weeks and when I asked about it during that bad happy hour she didn't think it would work. Things escalated to an argument and a not-so-happy hour and we didn't talk again for about 6 weeks. The past month or so we have been talking again with no issues. She asked to meet for my birthday a couple of days ago and I agreed. Later that night she and a friend of hers met back up with me and all the friends I was celebrating with. Everybody seemed to be having a lot of fun with each other, no awkwardness, no rude comments, nothing like that. All of my friends are very aware of how and why we broke up and my best friend talked with her about how he/everybody misses her being around, how nobody hates her, etc. The end of the night arrived and she was headed home. She wasn't sure if she should get a cab home with her friend she came out with or hang out a little bit longer with me and my friends. I welcomed her to hang out if she wanted to and offered her a ride home, which she accepted. We ended up going to my house first because she wanted to see the pets (I still live in the place she moved out of). We left my place and ended up at her place. She invited me up to see her new baby pet. We were laying together on her bed and one thing led to another. We didn't make it to the point of having actual sex but...well, you know. The morning was not a pleasant one. She had a bit of a freak out and I started to feel bad. Later in the day she let me know that she doesn't think we should hang out anymore. She said neither of us can move on if we try to be friends. I agree 100%. That has been my stance the entire time since the break up. I told her I agreed with that and asked her if she WANTED to be around me and spend time together and all that. She couldn't answer that directly so of course I took that as hope. I felt down and out the whole next day and night and still kind of do today. I've been doing great since we broke up. Of course at first it was miserable. I didn't work for a couple of weeks, tried too hard to fall in love with the bottle, spent a lot of nights at the strip club, all that jazz. I really hit it hard with seeing a therapist after all that and genuinely felt normal again after 3 or 4 months. I don't feel desperate for her, I'm not afraid of being alone, I'm not afraid of meeting someone else. I have enjoyed being single for the most part. There have been a few girls since her but nothing serious (at least in regard to a legitimate and long-term relationship, just some fun nights). Not surprisingly, I am still very much in love with my ex. I can't speak for her but I would guess she is too, to some extent. I gave her a message in which I apologized for the confusing night and asked her to tell me if she truly does want to move on (which I would respect completely, and do the same myself) or give it another shot. She hasn't responded and I'm not sure I expect her to. Did I mess up? Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Yes, you messed up. You said you were doing great until this happened. You set yourself back in your breakup recovery, and now you're all confused and hurt again. So, the simple solution is to go no contact with this person for at least a couple years; date others; and pick your life back up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somebrokendude Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 I get what you mean. I don't know if it set me back so much as it was a bump in the road. I'm meeting her later today to talk things over. I'm not expecting anything to come of it other than a real answer. She still hasn't been able to tell me that it really is time to move on or try again. All I want is to hear the words come from her mouth and see her when she says whatever it is she wants to say. I'm prepared to leave after explaining that it really does have to be goodbye if we aren't going to try again and that no contact will only help both of us move on to new opportunities. Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 I get what you mean. I don't know if it set me back so much as it was a bump in the road. I'm meeting her later today to talk things over. I'm not expecting anything to come of it other than a real answer. She still hasn't been able to tell me that it really is time to move on or try again. All I want is to hear the words come from her mouth and see her when she says whatever it is she wants to say. I'm prepared to leave after explaining that it really does have to be goodbye if we aren't going to try again and that no contact will only help both of us move on to new opportunities. the problem is she might not be ready yet to answer that question. she seems to be confused too whether to cut you loose or not. do you know if she's been seeing anybody else? Link to post Share on other sites
Author somebrokendude Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 the problem is she might not be ready yet to answer that question. she seems to be confused too whether to cut you loose or not. do you know if she's been seeing anybody else? Well we met very briefly for about ten minutes earlier today. She let me know she's going on a date tonight and she's decided she's happier without me. I left her with a note I had written for what I expected, and let her know that she needs to try really hard to not get a hold of me when she's feeling down/lonely/sad. I got up and walked away. I can't say it feels amazing but I do have an answer now. I'm thinking of blocking her number so she can't text or call me but it seems extreme. Link to post Share on other sites
pidgeon1010 Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Why does it seem extreme? If you've told her to never contact you again, blocking her is another step to make sure that doesn't happen or are you hoping that she will change her mind and reach out? The breadcrumbs haven't been baked yet but sounds like you're already purchasing the ingredients. Let me see: she just told you she would rather go on dates and possibly sleep with other guys than be with you again. That's final, that's extreme. You blocking her is just moving on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Maharishi Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Are you still in therapy OP? You sound needy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somebrokendude Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 Why does it seem extreme? If you've told her to never contact you again, blocking her is another step to make sure that doesn't happen or are you hoping that she will change her mind and reach out? The breadcrumbs haven't been baked yet but sounds like you're already purchasing the ingredients. Let me see: she just told you she would rather go on dates and possibly sleep with other guys than be with you again. That's final, that's extreme. You blocking her is just moving on with your life. You're right. I blocked her number. There has been a tiny bit of hope all this time but now that I know she's open to other people it makes it easier to push it aside and focus on something else. I've been on dates with other girls the last few months but haven't really opened up about anything because I never got the straight answer I did last night. Now I can move forward with that, which I look forward to. I've been with a few girls since the ex and have met one who I genuinely have feelings for. She's been through a situation similar to mine (although much worse) so I've been worried about my ex popping in and out of communication. This new girl would likely move on from whatever is developing between us very quickly if she knew my ex was still in the picture. I don't need to worry about getting a text or a call at the wrong time anymore. So again, you're right; blocking her is a legitimate way to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somebrokendude Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 Are you still in therapy OP? You sound needy. I am, actually. I don't go as often as I did right after the breakup but I do still go regularly. No offense, but how can one not be needy after a serious breakup? My feelings for her don't just disappear. Of course people NEED things when going through something like this. If we didn't then the loss of someone so significant wouldn't matter at all. Maybe I'm not understanding you. Maybe you could explain a little more. Link to post Share on other sites
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