Harmony in the Home

[Aquarius Guy]

Today it dawned on me that probably most people already figured out what I am describing below. But it has taken me a while.

 

 

Life has frustrations,

 

It is convenient to unload venting on family members.

 

It takes self-discipline to avoid causing disharmony by taking advantage of the family proximity, and venting unpleasant feelings, at inconvenient moments.

 

Some family members may be willing to listen to venting under reasonable conditions. Many husbands/fathers have the temperament to be able to listen to vented frustrations, under appropriate circumstances.

 

So if a family member has some venting to discuss, then an agreement should be reached, that a certain time, place and circumstances will be OK.

 

If a family member uses a time that is convenient to that family member, but not for the target member, then this creates needless disharmony. It is a matter of self-discipline to avoid spilling he beans at the wrong time.

 

When teenage or adult offspring are involved, then it is particularly important that family member in leadership positions, Fathers, Mothers, Wives, Older Siblings, etc, set the example for family harmony, by avoiding disharmony, by delaying untimely venting.

 

Coaching youngsters, teenagers and adult children, to develop the discipline to delay displays of unhappy feelings, is important for the success of the youngsters.

 

Coaching Phrase could be, "I am feeling discord in your discussing that now. How about we discuss that Later, or at ___"

 

I have brought up this topic, in a problem solving manner. If you have some issues you would like to discuss, then we need to set aside a separate time, for venting, because problem solving takes team work. If we don't have teamwork on the problem we both recognize, then I will be forced to figure out what is best on my own.

 

 

 

//

[Tayla]

Wow, interesting advice!

 

My therepist would disagree as that is indirectly telling the person to "stuff" til a time that is more suitable for the receptor.

 

In Logical matters (procedures) in business can be tabled for later discussion, But when someone has something to address, there is an unwritten rule to discuss it soon after, so that it can be openly resolved. Most guys are blindsided when a gal waits a week or so to bring something up because He simply wants to table it as not "important" to him. Address it in a timely manner, the behavior will soon follow. Disharmony can come about thru the constant mantra of "lets not discuss this and make a spectacle of ourselves", The Don't talk rule.

[Aquarius Guy]

Wow, interesting advice!

 

My therepist would disagree as that is indirectly telling the person to "stuff" til a time that is more suitable for the receptor.

 

In Logical matters (procedures) in business can be tabled for later discussion, But when someone has something to address, there is an unwritten rule to discuss it soon after, so that it can be openly resolved. Most guys are blindsided when a gal waits a week or so to bring something up because He simply wants to table it as not "important" to him. Address it in a timely manner, the behavior will soon follow. Disharmony can come about thru the constant mantra of "lets not discuss this and make a spectacle of ourselves", The Don't talk rule.

 

Putting things off a week, or indefinitely, would lead to repressed feelings, that could lead to the sideways expression of feelings.

 

 

//

[beanie66f]

because problem solving takes team work. If we don't have teamwork on the problem we both recognize, then I will be forced to figure out what is best on my own.

 

 

This kind of sums up how I feel right now about my marriage! And, I also think that my DH probably feels I'm bringing this stuff up at all the wrong times!

 

I'm going to try this week to try and ask him if there is a "time" that we could actually talk about plans and goals for us to work on. Maybe that would be more helpful.

 

This was very helpful for me to read this morning. Thank you.