Lost a friend...want her back...feeling depressed

[clementss]

I used to be close friends with this girl in class. But now we don’t talk to each other for some reason. During the first few days of "us not talking to each other" it seemed fine because I made friends with another girl. I felt like it was ok to have lost her (the first girl) and college would still be fun because I thought I could have the same kind of friendship that I had with the first girl, with this girl. But as days passed I started missing her (the first girl). I started missing the friendship we used to share. We were never in a relationship or anything but we were more than friends. We could talk about anything to each other. We used to be best friends. We wouldn’t go out with our friends if the either if us wasn’t there. We couldn’t do without each other. We used to be so close that on one occasion – on her birthday, our friends planned to surprise her and after she cut the cake she fed me first even though her boyfriend was there. Ever since we stopped talking, I’ve been pretending to be a happy person but I’m sad most of the time. I feel like people can look through me and make out that I’m not happy because I’ve become so insecure, unconfident and lonely. Now when I look back, I feel like we were in a relationship. I miss her very much. I don’t know if she is pretending to be happy too because I’ve seen her sad sometimes. And her friends (whom I thought she became very close to after we stopped talking) sometimes talk bad about her. Sometimes I feel she is going through the same thing that I am going through and that she misses me too but I don’t know what to do about it. I so badly want her back in my life but I don’t know how to approach her or talk to her or find the right time to talk to her. I’m scared that if I try to tell her that I miss her, she would think that I’m a kid and that I’m not capable of letting go of the past or something like that and also make fun of me. I’ve tried my best to just let it go and move on and think that friends come and go but I just can’t because I’ve never lost a friend in my life and this hurts a lot. And the fact that we’re both in the same class makes me think of her even more. I used to be such a happy person when I was friends with her but now I feel like I will never be happy because I’ve lost all my confidence, self-esteem and pride.

I know this doesn’t sound like a big problem but it has been bothering me ever since we stopped talking. It has been more than a year and I don’t want to live with this feeling anymore because I’ve been depressed all this time and I think depression is the worst disease anyone can have, so I had to let it out today. I’m really happy I found a place to post this and hope that I will get some answers that would help me deal with this situation, or fear or whatever this is called. I don’t know what to call it.

 

Thank You

[preraph]

Need more info. What happened exactly to make you stop talking to each other?

[Survivor12]

How old are the two of you?

[clementss]

Need more info. What happened exactly to make you stop talking to each other?

It’s a small reason (I think). During that week, she didn’t text me properly and I didn’t know why. When I texted her and told her that I cared about her she told me that I cared too much. This hit me really hard because I thought she liked me just as much as I liked her. She told me that she felt sad for her boyfriend because of us being too close. This confused me so much because we were close friends for almost a year and she was happy being my friend and now she suddenly tells me that she feels sad for her boyfriend because of me. I wanted her to have let me known earlier that I was being too close to her and that she did not like it. Then I would have been just a normal friend to her. But it had almost been a year and she had made me like her too much already. I don’t know if this was a mistake I made. The next day in college she was a very different person. She spoke to me only if I asked her something and she would talk to others leaving me alone (which she had never done before). She even ignored me when I tried to talk to her a few times. It felt really rude of her to behave like this with me. I was angry and upset. But I didn’t say anything because I thought this is what she wanted now. The day after that, one of our friends got angry on her for some reason and hit the wall or something (wanting to hit her) out of his anger and she was standing right next to where he hit. She got angry and screamed at him and walked off. I think she expected me to comfort her but that day I didn’t because I was still angry about her behavior the previous day. This created a bigger gap between us but I felt she did not deserve to be comforted by me anymore. So I just left it at that.

From that day on, we never talked to each other.

[clementss]

How old are the two of you?

Both of us are 19.

[preraph]

She found out you were more invested and liked her more than she would reciprocate. Once you know this, you have to let someone go because it's too awkward and because it will only make the other person (you) hold onto some hope that things will change. They won't. She made it clear she's uncomfortable with you caring that much and that she isn't about to betray her boyfriend either. You need to let her alone now. You're young, and as you say have plenty of other fish in the sea. It's never ever going to happen. Refocus on dating around and having fun.

[clementss]

She found out you were more invested and liked her more than she would reciprocate. Once you know this, you have to let someone go because it's too awkward and because it will only make the other person (you) hold onto some hope that things will change. They won't. She made it clear she's uncomfortable with you caring that much and that she isn't about to betray her boyfriend either. You need to let her alone now. You're young, and as you say have plenty of other fish in the sea. It's never ever going to happen. Refocus on dating around and having fun.

The thing is, for the first few days when we weren't talking to each other it looked like she wanted to let me go and that she was done with me and so I let her go too. But now when I see her sometimes, it looks like she misses me. She even borrowed my pen yesterday and used it for like an hour. She never tried to talk to me all these months but she did yesterday. So I feel like she wants to be my friend again but doesn't know how - the same situation I am in. So I wanna do something about it, but I just don't know what. I'm not prepared to directly go and approach her cause I'm not fully sure that she misses me cause I also see her happy sometimes with the guy she is close to now but am not sure if shes just happy at that moment and still desires to be my friend. So I'm stuck. Maybe I'm just thinking too much and I shouldn't. But here is the only place I don't mind being completely open because I've become very insecure. So please help me with this situation.

 

I come home late from college so I'm very sorry for the late replies. Please don't forget me. I have to fix this.

Edited September 15, 2015 by clementss

[strach]

I used to be close friends with this girl in class. But now we don’t talk to each other for some reason. During the first few days of "us not talking to each other" it seemed fine because I made friends with another girl. I felt like it was ok to have lost her (the first girl) and college would still be fun because I thought I could have the same kind of friendship that I had with the first girl, with this girl. But as days passed I started missing her (the first girl). I started missing the friendship we used to share. We were never in a relationship or anything but we were more than friends. We could talk about anything to each other. We used to be best friends. We wouldn’t go out with our friends if the either if us wasn’t there. We couldn’t do without each other. We used to be so close that on one occasion – on her birthday, our friends planned to surprise her and after she cut the cake she fed me first even though her boyfriend was there. Ever since we stopped talking, I’ve been pretending to be a happy person but I’m sad most of the time. I feel like people can look through me and make out that I’m not happy because I’ve become so insecure, unconfident and lonely. Now when I look back, I feel like we were in a relationship. I miss her very much. I don’t know if she is pretending to be happy too because I’ve seen her sad sometimes. And her friends (whom I thought she became very close to after we stopped talking) sometimes talk bad about her. Sometimes I feel she is going through the same thing that I am going through and that she misses me too but I don’t know what to do about it. I so badly want her back in my life but I don’t know how to approach her or talk to her or find the right time to talk to her. I’m scared that if I try to tell her that I miss her, she would think that I’m a kid and that I’m not capable of letting go of the past or something like that and also make fun of me. I’ve tried my best to just let it go and move on and think that friends come and go but I just can’t because I’ve never lost a friend in my life and this hurts a lot. And the fact that we’re both in the same class makes me think of her even more. I used to be such a happy person when I was friends with her but now I feel like I will never be happy because I’ve lost all my confidence, self-esteem and pride.

I know this doesn’t sound like a big problem but it has been bothering me ever since we stopped talking. It has been more than a year and I don’t want to live with this feeling anymore because I’ve been depressed all this time and I think depression is the worst disease anyone can have, so I had to let it out today. I’m really happy I found a place to post this and hope that I will get some answers that would help me deal with this situation, or fear or whatever this is called. I don’t know what to call it.

 

Thank You

 

Always sad to hear when close friends become distant. I know what that's like, had a really close friend for a couple years and we finally started dating a year ago, but she's an ex now and It's been really difficult for me to go back to being just friends and still dont really consider her a friend but really miss talking to her frequently. Not to mention almost lost my other best female friend in the process.

 

To me it doesn't sound like she was much of a friend. Maybe something happened that she's not telling you. Perhaps her BF wasn't comfortable with your closeness to her and she decided to distance herself from you for him. Unfair I know but it does happen. The best thing I can suggest is if you're too scared to ask to meet up with her is message her. Maybe not tell her you're depressed and miss her so much, you don't want to scare her off but just ask to talk and see if you can get some understanding as to what's going on and maybe figure out a way to rebuild your friendship with her if that's what you want because it doesn't make sense if you were so close to completely cut ties with you. But its up to you, again, it doesn't seem like you did anything wrong, she just seem's like not a very nice person. Also were you interested in her as a girlfriend? I cant really tell or may have missed it in your post but she may have taken the "caring about her" message as I want to be with you romantically and if that's not the case then you may want to let her know that.

 

Best of luck

Edited September 15, 2015 by strach

[clementss]

Yes. On that day, when she told me that I cared too much, she told me that her boyfriend had told her what he felt about me and that she felt sad. But she is a very matured girl so I thought she would have let me known earlier that I was being too close to her. But she waited until her boyfriend told her what he felt about me (which took almost a year) and by then, I had already become too close to her. A year of friendship and closeness had taken me to the point where I thought that she would like me the same way she liked me no matter what her boyfriend spoke about me. But things didn't turn out that way. This is what broke my heart.

 

I guess I'll just try my best to move on now and make new friends cause that's the only choice I have left.

 

Thanks for responding to my post. It has boosted my confidence .

Edited September 15, 2015 by clementss

[clementss]

Always sad to hear when close friends become distant. I know what that's like, had a really close friend for a couple years and we finally started dating a year ago, but she's an ex now and It's been really difficult for me to go back to being just friends and still dont really consider her a friend but really miss talking to her frequently. Not to mention almost lost my other best female friend in the process.

 

To me it doesn't sound like she was much of a friend. Maybe something happened that she's not telling you. Perhaps her BF wasn't comfortable with your closeness to her and she decided to distance herself from you for him. Unfair I know but it does happen. The best thing I can suggest is if you're too scared to ask to meet up with her is message her. Maybe not tell her you're depressed and miss her so much, you don't want to scare her off but just ask to talk and see if you can get some understanding as to what's going on and maybe figure out a way to rebuild your friendship with her if that's what you want because it doesn't make sense if you were so close to completely cut ties with you. But its up to you, again, it doesn't seem like you did anything wrong, she just seem's like not a very nice person. Also were you interested in her as a girlfriend? I cant really tell or may have missed it in your post but she may have taken the "caring about her" message as I want to be with you romantically and if that's not the case then you may want to let her know that.

 

Best of luck

Yes. On that day, when she told me that I cared too much, she told me that her boyfriend had told her what he felt about me and that she felt sad. But she is a very matured girl so I thought she would have let me known earlier that I was being too close to her. But she waited until her boyfriend told her what he felt about me (which took almost a year) and by then, I had already become too close to her. A year of friendship and closeness had taken me to the point where I thought that she would like me the same way she liked me no matter what her boyfriend spoke about me. But things didn't turn out that way. This is what broke my heart.

 

I guess I'll just try my best to move on now and make new friends cause that's the only choice I have left.

 

Thanks for responding to my post. It has boosted my confidence .

[strach]

Yes. On that day, when she told me that I cared too much, she told me that her boyfriend had told her what he felt about me and that she felt sad. But she is a very matured girl so I thought she would have let me known earlier that I was being too close to her. But she waited until her boyfriend told her what he felt about me (which took almost a year) and by then, I had already become too close to her. A year of friendship and closeness had taken me to the point where I thought that she would like me the same way she liked me no matter what her boyfriend spoke about me. But things didn't turn out that way. This is what broke my heart.

 

I guess I'll just try my best to move on now and make new friends cause that's the only choice I have left.

 

Thanks for responding to my post. It has boosted my confidence .

 

Oh okay that clears things up a little. Yeah unless you are interested in being just friends moving on is the best course of action, her loss.

[clementss]

Oh okay that clears things up a little. Yeah unless you are interested in being just friends moving on is the best course of action, her loss.

Yeah. Thanks again

[stillafool]

Are you a man or a woman?

[preraph]

I know you said she waited until her boyfriend had some comment before telling you, but you must consider that she may have only used that as an excuse to tell you without making herself the villain. Many, many women find it excruciating to hurt another person's feelings. They have a lot of empathy and feel your pain. You're hanging your hopes on her borrowing a pen. The simple truth is if she was very interested in you at all, nothing would stop her from just being with you. So her interest is minimal at best. And you need to face it that she's not just a friend to you and that you have romantic feelings.

 

Also, you shared that you are in college. You know, colleges nearly always have a counselor you can go talk to. I think that would be a wonderful outlet for you, and then we are here for you as well, but your best advice might come from a counselor who sees you regularly.

[clementss]

I know you said she waited until her boyfriend had some comment before telling you, but you must consider that she may have only used that as an excuse to tell you without making herself the villain. Many, many women find it excruciating to hurt another person's feelings. They have a lot of empathy and feel your pain. You're hanging your hopes on her borrowing a pen. The simple truth is if she was very interested in you at all, nothing would stop her from just being with you. So her interest is minimal at best. And you need to face it that she's not just a friend to you and that you have romantic feelings.

 

Also, you shared that you are in college. You know, colleges nearly always have a counselor you can go talk to. I think that would be a wonderful outlet for you, and then we are here for you as well, but your best advice might come from a counselor who sees you regularly.

Yeah, I guess I had romantic feelings towards her. But don't think I can blame myself for that because she seemed to like it. Anyways, the past is the past and I've decided to let go. I think I'm fine now cause I feel kinda free from my feelings. Thank you so much for all the inputs you gave me. Will update this thread when I become friends with her again. I'm happy:).

 

Thanks again