LookAtThisPOst Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 The one time I get a lengthy response, it's from a woman on OK Cupid that said that "A lot of people consider someone your age to have never been married a red flag. Why have you avoided marriage all this time?" 1. She asks the question as if it was something I purposely dodging. Like I was one of those guys who can't commit and likes to sleep around. 2. This woman THEN proceeds to tell me she's gotten out of several "tentative multiple engagements I responded in kind of how I thought the #2 was probably just probably much red flag. Thoughts? Which is worse, never been married, or can't commit to an engagement to multiple men/women? Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Sorry, but if someone told me that they'd been in several "tentative" engagements I'd be the one who was nervous. Marriage is quite the commitment, you're either in or not - I wouldn't want to be in a committed relationship with someone who treats it like a joke. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 She definitely has no room to talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 She definitely has no room to talk. Right, which kind of proves a more general point of those who judge those that have never been married as being flawed or seen as a "red flag." I think a lot of those who are divorced that think this are likely jealous of those who have never been married and thus projecting. (If that's the proper word.) They somehow feel envious or jealously for not having remained single after having been through a hell of a marriage themselves and thusly find reason to go out on a limb to find flaw with those who have never been married. I once had a twice divorced woman look at me as if there was something wrong with me because I haven't been married. Turns out she was an alcoholic. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 I was over 40 when I married for the 1st time. DH was 35. I consider people who haven't been married to be picky & there is nothing wrong with that. Somebody with multiple engagements I would see as flighty & not knowing themselves. I'd drop this chick just because if her attitude. If she already thinks you are damaged goods, she's not going to let the fact that you are healthier then she is change her mind about you. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 I think if one is commitmentphobic or has other issues they can present as either avoiding marriage or having multiple marriages and broken engagements. So just by themselves the two don't tell you much as some people either don't marry or just marry a lot or back out of engagements for the same reasons. However, on first glance I'd be far more wary of multiple tentative engagements than not having been married. It's easy enough to assume the person just hasn't found the right one (dating them is what will clue me in on if this is the case or if something else is going on), whereas the multiple tentative engagements thing raises far more suspicion in my eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Wow. If a woman approached me with that kind of attitude, I would ditch her on the spot. Quite a broad sweeping generalisation to say the least, lol. At any rate, I would be more concerned with "multiple engagements". Many folks seem to forget that despite the amount of relationships one might have been in, they never got the chance at marriage because it never reached that point. Whereas multiple engagements to me sounds like someone who doesn't take a significant commitment like marriage seriously. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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