Shinebrightforever Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 infidelity was not my intent...as in...I didn't "plan" to cheat on my H. Nor did I EVER think I was capable of such an act. However. I did. I have. For many years. I posted a thread entitled "random vents of the OW..."...if anyone is interested in reading it. It ended up not being a VENT in a trite sense. It was a thread of me trying to shed the MM out of my mind, my heart, my life. A thread of many other posters who I value and appreciate (you know who you are) as they listened, encouraged, gave tough love, even told me to get my head out of a certain dark place. Others were a little more harsh, but that's to be expected in a public forum and I have no ill will towards anyone. I understand some readers are BS's and hearing me pine over a loss of an A I'm certain was irritating as heck. But for those of you who took time to try and actually help....thank you! I went dark for a while as MM resurfaced and tried to get me back. He tried very hard. However...I did not cave. I did not respond. I AM strong. I AM on a better path. I AM one who no longer wants to be the OW. The fact that this MMs behavior was predicted by many posters on my thread...proves what we had wasn't special, unique, blissful blahhhhhhhh. I now see him for what he is and I am no longer looking back. I am looking forward. There are certain people who helped me get here (again...you know who you are and I platonically love you all...lol). Ps....I am ready to say it....wait for it..... WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 13 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Sounds like progress. So, what's next? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 It sounds like the affair fog has lifted. That's a huge step in the right direction! Now you won't have to work so hard to get over the OM and can focus your attention on figuring out what went wrong with your marriage. You need to talk to your husband and find out why he acts as he does, and you need to clear the air about your affair. You can either repair your marriage or you can divorce. Either one will be a positive for you at this point. Congratulations on staying strong. You sound like a wonderful person who has made some horrible choices. Time to set that right. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 I wish you the best. Learning new coping skills and establishing firm, personal boundaries is an essential step in moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 stay strong we wish you the best! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Strength and Honor 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Do not trickle truth Do not give more details then asked for the BH has to have control of how much detail they want. Example Ques Did you have sex Ans Yes You do not say how many times, what sex was done, how good was it, OM's equipment, all are left out, this way you let the BH control how much he learns. Do not lie. Do not use I don't remember excuse. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
World's.Edge Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 ... ヽ(´ー`)ﾉ ... Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 (edited) shinebrightforever: now you have shined brighter. You are a free woman and there was no reason for you not to act like one. Congratulations. So OM tried hard to get you back. I knew since the incident with your son that his intentions weren't good. He is in fact a predator I feel bad for his wife. You are free now and deserve to be loved not manipulated. You are up to your next chapter. I have no doubt you will be happier. The best thing I read today : WTF Edited September 14, 2015 by qubist 2 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 A freind of ours wants you to know that she is happy that you have stayed strong. She is keeping a eye on you, so you better behave. We were very worried about you. Also, she says, thanks again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Good girl way to go 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shinebrightforever Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 I, undeservedly, feel blessed by so many on here! Even though I'm at wtf point, I realize I have a long road ahead yet. I'm just scratching the surface on my M. There's a lot that needs to be addressed on both sides there. Charger. Please tell our friend she is loved and appreciated and I wish her the best in all things. That goes for you too. I really can't say thanks enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shinebrightforever Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 Qubist....you rock! Thanks for everything...including the wtf challenge. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Qubist....you rock! Thanks for everything...including the wtf challenge. you are very welcome. didn't know exactly how long would it take you to say it but I was sure you would. did it have anything to do with seahawks loosing yesterday? :lmao: how is everything going at home? kids/ hubby? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Shinebrighrforever Good work. Now is the time to plan the next step. Take a few days, and then set a date. You can do this Wish you luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nightmare01 Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I, undeservedly, feel blessed by so many on here! Even though I'm at wtf point, I realize I have a long road ahead yet. I'm just scratching the surface on my M. There's a lot that needs to be addressed on both sides there. Charger. Please tell our friend she is loved and appreciated and I wish her the best in all things. That goes for you too. I really can't say thanks enough. Just a small word of advice. Marriage issues have to wait until the affair is talked through and your BH is ready to look at the marriage. Remember that your marriage and your affair are separate issues. Your BH did not somehow make you have or cause you to have your affair, no matter what you say about how he as been in your relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I can't know this with any degree of certainty but AP may resurface and try again using his very best sweet words of love. Why do I think this is possible? Cheaters are self interested. It is in his interest to try again because that's far easier than scoping out and working to conquer a new partner for an affair. And he likes what you had to offer him. APs don't grow on trees. Good for you that you were strong and didn't fall for his bull****. Do yourself a favor and get rid of any trinkets he gave you over the years and cards, love letters and the like. If these things aren't around you won't be triggered to think of him. If you can block him from email and phone and whatever other means of communication you used with him. Lead us not into temptation as the prayer goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shinebrightforever Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 Thanks everyone for the encouragement and advice. Bofo....you are right. He tried again since I last wrote. Qubist...Seahawks let me down that's for sure! Kids are well, me and H are on our continual hamster wheel...for now. Nightmare...I agree the A needs to be processed together before we can move forward. I still have moments of fear in confessing, but deep down believe although not true for all Ms, its what our M needs to determine next steps. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 (edited) i suggest like, you & bh go to marriage counseling for a couple of times. before confessing. so bh will have a readily available resource. when you will reveal the affair. like he will know who to turn to. again do prepare a timeline to save yourself from a constant back and forth and yelling. just prepare your heart bh will most likely be saying stuff. awful stuff probably screaming. throwing stuff breaking stuff. (hide the expensive stuff). -------------------------------- to avoid om: get a new phone and number block him from social network or unfriend block his email Edited September 15, 2015 by m.snow 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 You are going to have a HARD time with this OM until you come clean to your H. Once you have told, you can be more open about telling him to F off. Until then, it all falls on you. Tell the H, then openly call out the OM and threaten to tell your work and his wife if he doesn't leave you alone. In fact, if at all possible, find another job. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shinebrightforever Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 Thanks TX-SC. I have blocked him on all those things. He is involved in the educational system that my children are involved with...so. Although my work also includes working with the educational system...my children are there everyday. It's multi faceted. Surprisingly, I'm not tempted to respond to him anyway. i abhor him right now. H and I had some good "set the stage" conversations. Working with IC to help me with the timing and approach of the confession. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Thanks TX-SC. I have blocked him on all those things. He is involved in the educational system that my children are involved with...so. Although my work also includes working with the educational system...my children are there everyday. It's multi faceted. Surprisingly, I'm not tempted to respond to him anyway. i abhor him right now. H and I had some good "set the stage" conversations. Working with IC to help me with the timing and approach of the confession. Another example why after an affair it is best for the WS and the BS to move far away from the AP. Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Shinebrighrforever, Now is the time to reconnect with your husband. This will leave thoughts of the om behind. If the om really loved you he would leave you alone, as you have made your mind clear on what you want. I think from what you have wrote the your husband has a good idea, but assume he does not. As always I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 (edited) Don't send anything. Don't read anything. Don't communicate with him in any way. If you feel harassed or threatened in any way get a lawyer involved. Hopefully you will have your husband's support and are working as a team. This will demonstrate are moving on. Let your lawyer communicate with him. You are done. Edited September 16, 2015 by MuddyFootprints 2 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 (edited) You cannot contact a lawyer without confessing. Looks like you are working with your IC on your confession timeline. However this cannot wait. Blocking him is not enough. Do not fear the AP. Let him fear you. He will continue to try until it becomes a danger or non beneficial. You are recovering YOU. You can handle it. If he breathes anywhere near you, send it and mean it. So very good to see you back. Edited September 16, 2015 by 66Charger Link to post Share on other sites
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