runredlights Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 It doesn't seem like that from your other posts. What are the conditions of your break with your bf by the way? Is it a break from each other or a break from the relationship where you're both free to see other people during that time apart? And what kind of book did he throw at you? Are we talkin a hard bound Harry Potter or what. It's comical that he threw a book. That's hardly violent behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 And what kind of book did he throw at you? Are we talkin a hard bound Harry Potter or what. It's comical that he threw a book. That's hardly violent behavior. Considering that shouting at someone in a threatening manner can be construed as assault, you're quite mistaken. And yet here you are posturing as the universal arbiter of standards on violence .... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Christos Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Considering that shouting at someone in a threatening manner can be construed as assault, you're quite mistaken. And yet here you are posturing as the universal arbiter of standards on violence .... That is what feminism is doing to society... So, shouting is a violent assault now? Next time, another breakthrough: An angry stare constitutes a violent assault, punishable with prison time... Seriously, drop it. You know, and we know, that throwing a book is not anything extreme. It can even be done in a playful manner... Unless the book is a heavy hard cover encyclopedia thrown from 5 floors unto her head, this isn't so serious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 That is what feminism is doing to society... So, shouting is a violent assault now? Next time, another breakthrough: An angry stare constitutes a violent assault, punishable with prison time... Seriously, drop it. You know, and we know, that throwing a book is not anything extreme. It can even be done in a playful manner... Unless the book is a heavy hard cover encyclopedia thrown from 5 floors unto her head, this isn't so serious. No, we don't know that. You seriously need to brush up on your local violent crime statutes or you may find yourself on the wrong end of the law yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thunder777 Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 lets just totally dismiss that any woman with some sort of integrity would not do this to her devoted man and instead put a man behind bars as a woman basher cos he threw a book across a room due to sheer long term frustration of being mistreated #allMenAreEvil #menHaveNoRightToFeel #aMansSufferingIsNotPermittedInSociety 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heer Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 That is what feminism is doing to society... So, shouting is a violent assault now? Next time, another breakthrough: An angry stare constitutes a violent assault, punishable with prison time... Seriously, drop it. You know, and we know, that throwing a book is not anything extreme. It can even be done in a playful manner... Unless the book is a heavy hard cover encyclopedia thrown from 5 floors unto her head, this isn't so serious. Hello. Well, I'm not saying that Jeff was violent but that was really acting out. It hurt me a lot when he yelled and made derogatory remarks and the book throwing was him literally throwing my stuff all around the house. When Jeff got mad he would just go wild and destroy my stuff. Thats one of the reason why I didn't stay the night and packed my stuff. I know its not"serious" but I never did that to him even when I got mad. I've never physically hit my bf but he gets overboard really fast. Even when I try to reason with him then, it wouldn't work. I mean we argue, but insult and throwing my stuff around is different. I told Jeff about his behavior that night and he did admit that he went overboard. Link to post Share on other sites
Draper Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 I gotta say, I wouldn't like your relationship with Dan either if I were Jeff. Does that make me insecure? Maybe. But if being insecure means getting upset when my girlfriend is covertly talking to and spending time with other guys, then 99.9% of boyfriends will be insecure. I've always been of the mind that any unnecessary texting, calling, snapping, etc. with the opposite sex when your supposedly in a committed relationship is bogus. My ex always defended that she can have guy friends who are just friends, but the end of the day I think messaging another person all the time is more intimate than you think. Even if nothing happens physically, there are emotional boundaries in a relationship too and frequent messaging that you have to hide from your BF crosses that line for me. I don't think it's fair to label him crazy or controlling. He cares about you. He shouldn't have lashed out at you but love makes everyone crazy at one time or another. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 (edited) Haven't read the other thread, but I noticed all the testosterone in this thread. If that friend is not courting you and vice versa I see no problem at all. What is wrong with women having male friends? Nothing. Believe me, it is certainly noticeable when you are played. If I were a girl I would run away from you guys. Seriously, have a little faith in humanity. And throwing things to each-other is a NO for me. Edited September 16, 2015 by Itspointless 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thunder777 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 made love to my girlfriend last night, she is out today at the movies with another guy Red Flag much Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Sure, being friends is possible. With the understanding that he probably wants to bang her. Also with the understanding that if a guy did sleep with my gf, that regardless of my civilized upbringing. Despite my distaste of physical violence, and my cute calendar full of kittens hanging proudly above my trashcan. I will beat the asshat to within an inch of his life and that she would fly so fast out the door that the windows would blow out. In short; set those boundaries up nice and early and never flinch on them. Heer had good albeit misguided intentions. We see a classic example of differences between male and female views of the world. A complete fumbling due to miscommunication, poor boundaries, lying by omission and low self control. They're not said to hurt. It's just what happened. Which sucks because we all have to sit here watching as these two hurt each other back and forth. I honestly just hope someone takes something away from all this for the better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Sure, being friends is possible. With the understanding that he probably wants to bang her. Also with the understanding that if a guy did sleep with my gf, that regardless of my civilized upbringing. Despite my distaste of physical violence, and my cute calendar full of kittens hanging proudly above my trashcan. I will beat the asshat to within an inch of his life and that she would fly so fast out the door that the windows would blow out. In short; set those boundaries up nice and early and never flinch on them. Heer had good albeit misguided intentions. We see a classic example of differences between male and female views of the world. A complete fumbling due to miscommunication, poor boundaries, lying by omission and low self control. They're not said to hurt. It's just what happened. Which sucks because we all have to sit here watching as these two hurt each other back and forth. I honestly just hope someone takes something away from all this for the better. I am friends with women. One of them recently has a new boyfriend a really nice guy. He has no problems with me, as he knows I do not have any intention to do something that exceeds friendship with her, or ever had that intention. As I said I haven't read the other thread, so perhaps I am missing something here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heer Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 I am friends with women. One of them recently has a new boyfriend a really nice guy. He has no problems with me, as he knows I do not have any intention to do something that exceeds friendship with her, or ever had that intention. As I said I haven't read the other thread, so perhaps I am missing something here. Hello, thank you for your comment. Since you're a guy I really want your perspective if you don't mind. You see, I've been friends with another guy (Dan) since high school (I'm now in university) and we cuddled once during senior year because of stressful exams. Dan is a really sweet guy and we already are honest with each other that we are good friends and we should keep it that way. Since I'm now in a relationship with another guy (Jeff) I've cut back in spending time with Dan but we still remain friends. How do you feel about that? PS. My feeliings for Dan and Jeff are totally different. I love Jeff as a bf and I love Dan as a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Hello, thank you for your comment. Since you're a guy I really want your perspective if you don't mind. You see, I've been friends with another guy (Dan) since high school (I'm now in university) and we cuddled once during senior year because of stressful exams. Dan is a really sweet guy and we already are honest with each other that we are good friends and we should keep it that way. Since I'm now in a relationship with another guy (Jeff) I've cut back in spending time with Dan but we still remain friends. How do you feel about that? That's a total strawman. Why are you trying to get people to take your side without knowing all the facts? Based solely on the information that you've provided in this post, your friendship with Dan is totally reasonable and normal. Based on the other information in the other thread, if I were Jeff, there is no way in hell I'd remain your BF if you ever saw Dan again. And based on Jeff's behaviour, if I were you, there's no way in hell I'd see him again. This whole thing is a train wreck and the only way to get away from all the stupid drama is to break up for good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 That is what feminism is doing to society... So, shouting is a violent assault now? Next time, another breakthrough: An angry stare constitutes a violent assault, punishable with prison time... Seriously, drop it. You know, and we know, that throwing a book is not anything extreme. It can even be done in a playful manner... Unless the book is a heavy hard cover encyclopedia thrown from 5 floors unto her head, this isn't so serious. LOL "Assault" has been defined to include "uttering threats" for centuries. Try again. Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Hello. Well, I'm not saying that Jeff was violent but that was really acting out. It hurt me a lot when he yelled and made derogatory remarks and the book throwing was him literally throwing my stuff all around the house. When Jeff got mad he would just go wild and destroy my stuff. Thats one of the reason why I didn't stay the night and packed my stuff. I know its not"serious" but I never did that to him even when I got mad. I've never physically hit my bf but he gets overboard really fast. Even when I try to reason with him then, it wouldn't work. I mean we argue, but insult and throwing my stuff around is different. I told Jeff about his behavior that night and he did admit that he went overboard. I honestly think you and Jeff aren't right for each other. You're entitled to keep Dan in your life, but you shouldn't try to juggle a boyfriend who is clearly threatened by it. It's cruel, even if he says he can handle it. Link to post Share on other sites
Seth0194 Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Hi everyone. Here is my background: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/530880-bf-jealous-my-best-guy-friend-i What basically happened is that my bf (Jeff) and I had agreed to take a break and possibly break up. I was depressed :( and he too was very sad. He got mad, called me names and threw books at me. I got really scared and left his place. He later texted an apology but I never replied. These past days, I've been focusing on my studies and I've told my friends about the break and they were supportive and sympathetic. The real problem is that he texted me this afternoon saying that he wants to call me. I still didn't reply. He called mt this evening telling me he was sorry and that he really wanted to work things out. I told him that I want to work things out as well but I told him that I think I need more space. It got emotional really quick and I cried when he said that he still cared about me and that he never wanted to hurt me. I told him the same thing and he asked me if I still loved him. I told him that I still loved him deeply and dearly but I'm not sure if its wise to get back together after such a short time apart. What do you guys think? Please help, I'm very confused and depressed. I did not read what others wrote but I can tell you my thoughts. RUN for the HILLS...... Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 Hello, thank you for your comment. Since you're a guy I really want your perspective if you don't mind. You see, I've been friends with another guy (Dan) since high school (I'm now in university) and we cuddled once during senior year because of stressful exams. Dan is a really sweet guy and we already are honest with each other that we are good friends and we should keep it that way. Since I'm now in a relationship with another guy (Jeff) I've cut back in spending time with Dan but we still remain friends. How do you feel about that? PS. My feeliings for Dan and Jeff are totally different. I love Jeff as a bf and I love Dan as a friend. Well, I definitely can't speak for all men out there, but for me it depends. Some guys clearly show that they have an agenda. Usually they do that by making that clear while the girlfriend is not around for a moment or by making demeaning remarks about him while the boyfriend is present. In short they show themselves being an ass. Such guys are to be watched out for and it might be of no surprise that usually are also the guys that are the most stereotypical guys fuelled with testosterone wanting to chase. I guess that also goes with a certain age. I personally would have no problem with it I guess. But the hugging thing can be risky if you guys have had a romantic past. I get that isn't the case with you and Dan. Also you might notice it then with him acting different around you. I am not sure, but I guess it is also a bit different if people are extrovert or introvert. Extrovert people seem to want more sex without having a emotional connection. If Jeff is an extrovert he might be projecting. To me though it seems like Jeff is an insecure guy with anger-issues. He might want to bring a visit to a psychologist. Link to post Share on other sites
Luke22 Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 OP, no. Don't go backwards. I wish I would've found this site and found the courage to leave when things went wrong. I wasted my whole summer trying to make things work. It ruined my self esteem and wasted so much of my time. There is a reason people break up. Time may soften things or make us forget the reasons why things went south. Close this chapter and move forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heer Posted September 20, 2015 Author Share Posted September 20, 2015 Thanks everyone. I've been spending time alone and I've been talking with my friends and my mom. All your advice on this forum have been amazing and i took that into account as well. I've made my mind up to just end things with Jeff and focus on school (Its getting busy really fast) and hanging out with old friends. In retrospect it was just too much for me to juggle school, work, friends and boyfriend, so I guess timing for Jeff and I didn't work out. I'm still hurting and sad but my friends have been supportive and school is really distracting me:laugh::laugh: Thanks for all your help everyone. I guess the last thing to do is to tell Jeff. I'm thinking of face to face meeting him and just telling him. I don't want to skype or text because thats just low. I also have some personal belongings at this place. Should I call him and meet him at his place and tell him that we're done and pick my stuff up? What would you do? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 20, 2015 Share Posted September 20, 2015 Might want to do it in a public setting given his tendency to lose his temper hon. Do you have any guy friends who could chaperone you? Dad? Brother? Link to post Share on other sites
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