nothingbutlovve Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Hello all you lovers out there! I would love to share my thoughts on what Iv'e gathered throughout my years of dating. I would say I'm an avid dater and have done a good amount of growing through my dating years. Keep in mind, these are things Ive come across with guys who have put themselves out there to date. I would love to hear your take on this....all you men and women. Enlighten me So we ladies have always been told to: "….follow the mans lead" "….don't be needy or naggy" "...remember to give praise when he does something you (creatively and in a not pushy way) asked for" Although, I understand why that is what has always been told, I have to question why we are still holding to that way of thinking. What exactly are we supporting here with guys? Lazy and entitled dating habits and behavior? I felt myself having the same conversation over and over again with my girlfriends and vice versa. How was it that such an amazing, smart, warm, funny, beautiful woman inside and out was either lead on, hurt, ignored, not VALUED or deceived. All done, never with the intention of that happening of course. The outcome never added up. One thing came to mind..guys need to start being ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS. Here we women are, once again trying to make sense of the puzzle and most of the time we thought it was something we did. Different smart, successful, charming, funny guy….same situation. True, one would say "Well, look at the common denominator here" and although that statement would seem likely, it isn't so much these days. Times have changed, roles have changed, priorities have changed. Love is simply not at the top of the list for most guys anymore. Securing money, a future, success and perhaps one other activity/passion is. And we all know that list of priorities is a pretty short one. Please do not get it twisted, I am absolutely all for ambition, success, stability and career...but I'm also for balance. If you choose, you can make all that matters to you…work for you. I understand guys really are simple in the way they think and we as females sometimes complicate things more then we should, but should I still except that I have to wait for the guy to give me the "go" to communicate grow and nurture a connection? Iv'e learned..it's really about effort. Iv'e learned to be comfortable with being uncomfortable with certain things because I know, it's not just about my needs but about compromising. What do you think? What has you experience been? Can a girl get some clarity? Thanks for listening! Link to post Share on other sites
Author nothingbutlovve Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 (edited) Actions such as leading a girl on, not giving enough effort, not valuing a girl or being deceiving. Whatever the reason may be, it's not a nice thing to do someone who is interested in you. There is no excuse for that behavior. It's misleading and not considerate to the other person. The most common response I hear from a guy that has shown this behavior is "It wasn't my intention to (fill in here) you." Why not just be honest about what type of dater you are and say "I'm just looking for something casual" or "I don't have a lot of time to build a connection." Clarity and ease. Yes we all move at different speeds and paces but I'm just saying, where is the respect? Let me share a quote that comes to mind... "Lets keep it simple...respect my time, match my effort, keep your word, always be honest, stay consistent." -Rob Hill Sr Edited September 14, 2015 by nothingbutlovve Link to post Share on other sites
ARegularGuy Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 I hear what you are saying and to an extent agree. But... I've been the good guy all my life. I've always done the things you ask for in your post. I've been loving, caring, honest, upfront... all the things you mention, and it's got me no where. Meanwhile the typical male who will lie, cheat, steal... whatever it takes to satisfy his desires, gets the women. It's my opinion that if these men were "clear" about their intentions they would STILL get them. The old adage that "women like the bad boys" is very true, at least in my experience. I've seen it ruin many lives, then the man moves on to do it again, and the woman suffers. Again, this is my experience... YMMV. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 How was it that such an amazing, smart, warm, funny, beautiful woman inside and out was either lead on, hurt, ignored, not VALUED or deceived. All done, never with the intention of that happening of course. The outcome never added up. One thing came to mind..guys need to start being ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS. So what I'm hearing you say is that if a guy shows interest, and the girl reciprocates and they go on dates, then the guy should consider himself to be "on the hook." In other words, it's the female's prerogative to terminate said arrangement if she loses interest, but not the guy's... lest he be held accountable. Is that correct? Securing money, a future, success and perhaps one other activity/passion is. And we all know that list of priorities is a pretty short one. Securing money, a future, success, etc. goes hand-in-hand with participating in that other activity/passion. The women are bidding on these types because that's who makes'em wet... but when their bid is not the the winner the lady is not happy... it seems so unfair. If we put ourselves out there, take a chance and show our vulnerability, then our efforts should be rewarded, right? After all, fair is fair and this everlasting love thing should not be so elusive. Do you presume that it doesn't happen the other way as well? These forums are full of stories from heartbroken guys that fell in love with beautiful women who matched his fantasy, and said guys did their best and were honest and true blue... only to get dumped or cheated as the girl of his dreams either flits away with the next cowboy who ride into town or just loses interest sets him adrift. I understand guys really are simple in the way they think and we as females sometimes complicate things more then we should, but should I still except that I have to wait for the guy to give me the "go" to communicate grow and nurture a connection? You don't have to wait for the guy to give you the "go." In fact, there are many, many men out there who would welcome a woman that isn't afraid to take some initiative. Lots of these guys have tried to find love and lost, just like you and your friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Even Einstein and Hawking couldn't understand the opposite gender, so no, you can't have clarity. Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 I think we need to avoid the temptation to generalize and stereotype an entire gender of people based on our limited experience. We have all kinds of threads on this forum from disgruntled men and women saying that they have been led on, been broken hearted, deceived, etc, etc... Basically dating can be a difficult experience and everyone needs to have realistic expectations and realize it may take time to find their match. Often relationships start great and suddenly the other person loses interest, fades, says they just want to be friends, etc... I think we should all just admit for those who are looking for a long term, meaningful relationship, it can be difficult at times, for men and women. Link to post Share on other sites
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