starglider Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 For some reason, unresolved childhood issues tend to resurface for people around the age of 30 and 45. If your wife had any substance abuse or mental disorders in her family of origin, this is enough to set off her own problems during these stages of life. I've been to therapy at both stages of my life. My husband should have gone when he was 30 (when we started dating) but instead from age 35-45 he went through depression and finally is about to start seeing a therapist. (He has been on meds for 9 months). I tried to get him to go 15 years ago and it is very sad to see how many years of his life have been "lost" to depression. Having said that, you can't make another person do something they don't want to do. All you can do is control your own life. If I had a redo button, I would have separated after he didn't follow my suggestion for therapy. I wouldn't set it up as an ultimatum per se, but I wouldn't have stuck around for so many years witnessing his self destruction. I hope she takes action. I think MC won't be of use unless she does IC. Our MC was a waste of money without my H doing IC first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author keyser Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 I thought I'd update this since a month or so has passed since this situation really came to a head. We had our family day out which went very well. After that it became apparent to me that doing a few extra jobs around the house and acting like I wasn't bothered was never going to cut it. Instead i went back to basics, acted confident, which gave me confidence and in return made her laugh and rekindled us a bit. I've been working out for a month, seeing friends and trying to progess my career. She made positive reference to my efforts butI left her in no uncertain terms I was changing myself not for her but for me so that I came out of this situation a better and stronger man regardless of what she wanted from our relationship. I think that surprised her a bit. Truth was I was ****ing it but I covered it up well. It was a huge game changer. She's made arrangements for Christmas and is now looking at summer holidays for next year she seems more physically attracted and her mood towards me has had a huge uplift. She's never actually said she's changed her opinion on things and part of me wants to corner her and tell her what she's put me through the the last couple of months but the better part of me tells me to leave it as it is. I'm not out the woods yet and These feelings might re-occur one day but we are certainly back to a more normal relationship for now. Do I re-approach this while I'm back in a stronger position or ride the high while it's here? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 I thought I'd update this since a month or so has passed since this situation really came to a head. We had our family day out which went very well. After that it became apparent to me that doing a few extra jobs around the house and acting like I wasn't bothered was never going to cut it. Instead i went back to basics, acted confident, which gave me confidence and in return made her laugh and rekindled us a bit. I've been working out for a month, seeing friends and trying to progess my career. She made positive reference to my efforts butI left her in no uncertain terms I was changing myself not for her but for me so that I came out of this situation a better and stronger man regardless of what she wanted from our relationship. I think that surprised her a bit. Truth was I was ****ing it but I covered it up well. It was a huge game changer. She's made arrangements for Christmas and is now looking at summer holidays for next year she seems more physically attracted and her mood towards me has had a huge uplift. She's never actually said she's changed her opinion on things and part of me wants to corner her and tell her what she's put me through the the last couple of months but the better part of me tells me to leave it as it is. I'm not out the woods yet and These feelings might re-occur one day but we are certainly back to a more normal relationship for now. Do I re-approach this while I'm back in a stronger position or ride the high while it's here? Good, remember, marriage is something you will always have to work on. Link to post Share on other sites
ShouldGo Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Getting into, and establishing a real serious workout routine (which requires learning, adapting, openmindness) can reshape anyone's universe. Everyone has the time, and if not done, well, there is nobody else to blame. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 I'm not out the woods yet and These feelings might re-occur one day but we are certainly back to a more normal relationship for now. Do I re-approach this while I'm back in a stronger position or ride the high while it's here? Not sure what she'd say or how much faith you could put in what she tells you. I'd base the state of your relationship on her actions towards you, letting the past go. You've made progress and self-improvement at the same time, a nice combo. Were it me, wouldn't change a thing... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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