Is watching porn cheating?

[Dolfin80]

And as visual as my husband is, he doesn't watch porn. I have all these philosophical objections to it, but his explanation is rather straightforward. He won't participate in those sorts of activities because he would be furious if anyone ever treated his daughter or sister or wife like a "tool to masturbate." If he would take issue with his daughter being treated that way, what kind of person would he be if he treated other women that way?

 

What about his grandmother or brother? Does he not participate in porn because he would take issue with his grandmother or brother being treated that way.

 

There are lots of fantasies out their, pornography is not just about 'daughters' as you suggest. All fantasies are covered in the porn industry - fat, skinny, black, white.

 

My ex liked 'she-male' porn - that has nothing to do with "daughters".

Edited September 16, 2015 by Dolfin80

[sheberiding]

Watching porn isn't cheating, it's zesty fun you both should participate together. FYI there is a lot of porn from the female perspective that is really hot. Make him watch it with you, you won't regret it!!!

[Curdie]

What about his grandmother or brother? Does he not participate in porn because he would take issue with his grandmother or brother being treated that way.

 

There are lots of fantasies out their, pornography is not just about 'daughters' as you suggest. All fantasies are covered in the porn industry - fat, skinny, black, white.

 

My ex liked 'she-male' porn - that has nothing to do with "daughters".

 

Well my husband is a pretty typical heterosexual male, so it's the women that he focuses on. Men don't do it for him, so he doesn't have to worry about whether he's treating them like a tool for masturbation. Is that really all you got from it?

[Curdie]

There are a LARGE number of gratuitous sex scenes, nudity in movies to be quite so lofty about their purpose. I think you are giving far too much credit to many modern movies and think they are there for similar purpose, because the audience likes to see a little T and A.

 

Shoot, in a recent episode of Ballers, gratuitous butt shot of The Rock. So not really necessary but . . . it's his butt. People want to see it. It really didn't add to the depth or script, trust me.

 

 

And there is definitely some women centric/geared porn that does have a story line, romance, and shared intimacy that I can't agree that no porn does what you think movies do.

 

Lol. Notice I said well written. Some modern movies definitely have random porn thrown in to boost viewership. But porn thrown into some movies does not make all movies porn. Once again, it's in the treatment of the characters involved. For instance 50 shades might have a poor excuse of a love story written into it, but the "love story" is really just there to facilitate the sex scenes. The main character is a pathetic, two dimensional character who only exists to fulfill the submissive role. (Also, can I just point out that you will never love someone enough to make them stop abusing you? Ugh, I hate that series. Poorly written fanfic of at best mediocre source material.) On the other hand we have works like Much Ado About Nothing, which relies very heavily on sex as a plot point. But rather than using the rest of the story to facilitate shallow titillating scenes, Shakespeare explores sex as part of human nature. From the goon seducing Hero's maid to fool Claudio to Benedick charming Beatrice with clever innuendo and a healthy respect for her wit, sex is used to explore how humans interact. And better yet, there's a message on healthy relationships vs unhealthy. If you were to put on a production of Much Ado that was stylized like modern movies with random porn thrown in you'd lose most of that message, because people would be focusing on the actor's bodies and not on the plot. Kinda hard to remember that what the goon did makes him a terrible human being while you're masturbating to the scene.

[Dolfin80]

Well my husband is a pretty typical heterosexual male, so it's the women that he focuses on. Men don't do it for him, so he doesn't have to worry about whether he's treating them like a tool for masturbation. Is that really all you got from it?

 

Have you ever had a sexual fantasy before and masterbated over it? Did you masterbate over your husband before you got together (or any other person for that matter)?

[Curdie]

Have you ever had a sexual fantasy before and masterbated over it? Did you masterbate over your husband before you got together (or any other person for that matter)?

 

Can't fight the logic so you wanna go into our sex life? Ok... Well I've never been one for going solo with sex, so nope. We have done video chats and phone sex during long separations. While it kept us connected on some level, it of course isn't the same as actual intercourse. And even when we only had phone or video sex available to us, it was still the whole me he was fantasizing about. Build up usually involved one of us saying how proud we are of the other, how much we missed each other, etc. Things that connect us as a couple. That fizzled out pretty quick, because once again it just wasn't the same. It made us miss each other all the more. Talking about kisses and whatnot just made the actual longing for each other and physical intimacy worse.

 

Funny you should bring our sex life up, though. My husband is military and has spent the majority of his career in one of the most often deployed divisions of the Army. Yet somehow he doesn't neeeed porn like so many say they do. And neither do I that matter. We suck it up during deployments, field exercises, ait, etc. Makes me laugh when a woman draws a boundary with porn and the guy goes on about how she's being an unreasonable, controlling witch and he needs the porn. Guess my husband and I are medical miracles, because we've survived nine month long periods of celibacy!

[Dolfin80]

Can't fight the logic so you wanna go into our sex life? Ok... Well I've never been one for going solo with sex, so nope. We have done video chats and phone sex during long separations. While it kept us connected on some level, it of course isn't the same as actual intercourse. And even when we only had phone or video sex available to us, it was still the whole me he was fantasizing about. Build up usually involved one of us saying how proud we are of the other, how much we missed each other, etc. Things that connect us as a couple. That fizzled out pretty quick, because once again it just wasn't the same. It made us miss each other all the more. Talking about kisses and whatnot just made the actual longing for each other and physical intimacy worse.

 

Funny you should bring our sex life up, though. My husband is military and has spent the majority of his career in one of the most often deployed divisions of the Army. Yet somehow he doesn't neeeed porn like so many say they do. And neither do I that matter. We suck it up during deployments, field exercises, ait, etc. Makes me laugh when a woman draws a boundary with porn and the guy goes on about how she's being an unreasonable, controlling witch and he needs the porn. Guess my husband and I are medical miracles, because we've survived nine month long periods of celibacy!

 

I didn't even ask a question about your sex life with your husband. You seem to have strong opinions about masterbation but I'm just wondering if you know what it feels like to masterbate. Clearly you don't masterbate so why would you say that people who do masterbate are objectifying others.

 

I just don't see how you are an expert on masterbation when you have never even done it before. You think we objectify humans when we masterbate. You think we are inhumane for masterbating over people we find attractive. It's just silly.

Edited September 19, 2015 by Dolfin80

[Curdie]

I didn't even ask a question about your sex life with your husband. You seem to have strong opinions about masterbation but I'm just wondering if you know what it feels like to masterbate. Clearly you don't masterbate so why would you say that people who do masterbate are objectifying others.

 

I just don't see how you are an expert on masterbation when you have never even done it before. You think we objectify humans when we masterbate. You think we are inhumane for masterbating over people we find attractive. It's just silly.

 

You do realize that was entirely illogical, right? I don't have to masturbate to point out that when you watch porn and use it to pleasure yourself you are treating the actor as an object and not as a person. I've given my reasoning for this conclusion. I'd love to hear an opposing argument, but this is just a pointless post. The idea that you have to participate in an activity to draw valid conclusions on it is ridiculous. It's rather like saying that you can't come to the conclusion that swinging results in a higher rate of stds unless you've actually tried it. Makes zero sense.

 

Eta: Also, most people that I know treat masturbation as a part of their sexual habits. So yes, it's a question about my sex life. Not that I mind, though. There's just no logical reason to ask unless you're going to try to discredit me because of my sexual habits. Which you did, so clearly I was right in my assumption. Lol

Edited September 19, 2015 by Curdie

[Dolfin80]

You do realize that was entirely illogical, right? I don't have to masturbate to point out that when you watch porn and use it to pleasure yourself you are treating the actor as an object and not as a person. I've given my reasoning for this conclusion. I'd love to hear an opposing argument, but this is just a pointless post. The idea that you have to participate in an activity to draw valid conclusions on it is ridiculous. It's rather like saying that you can't come to the conclusion that swinging results in a higher rate of stds unless you've actually tried it. Makes zero sense.

 

Eta: Also, most people that I know treat masturbation as a part of their sexual habits. So yes, it's a question about my sex life. Not that I mind, though. There's just no logical reason to ask unless you're going to try to discredit me because of my sexual habits. Which you did, so clearly I was right in my assumption. Lol

 

When I masterbate I do not objectify the person at all. I'm female and 35. If you talk to someone who masterbates in real life you will see that they do not objectify/inhuman them either. If you did masterbate you would be able to feel the wonderful feelings it brings and that dehumanising/objectification doesn't even come into the equation. The human body is wonderful and beautiful. Their voices, the way they touch and kiss is absolutely magical.

 

Please try to understand that not everyone has such a negative view about porn. A lot of people enjoy it.

Edited September 19, 2015 by Dolfin80

[headstrongAZ3030]

I would say you are over reacting... Quite honestly in every relationship there are things things that happen. Maybe he uses it to simulate him while he masturbates... Its not live porn its on the computer.

 

Why do you think watching porn is cheating or is an insecurity because you do not look like the ladies in the videos?

[Ms. Faust]

Have you ever had a sexual fantasy before and masterbated over it? Did you masterbate over your husband before you got together (or any other person for that matter)?

 

Please... I'm sorry, please... *masturbate.

 

Pet peeve, I flinch when I see masturbate spelled with an E.

[learning to breathe]

Im sorry that you are feeling sad about what is going on.

 

Porn is no good. i dont care what anyone says. especially if it makes your spouse or loved one feel uncomfortable stop doing it. it's all about lustful fantasies. someone wrote as a comment that they dont believe younger teens should look at it because itll make them feel like they would need a 9'' penis to satisfy a woman or that what acts are happening is what they need to do in real life. you know how scary that is to think? if you look at polls about what a man (and i did say man not teen) is most concerned with is the size of their penis.

 

so it doesnt matter what age you are.

 

looking at porn does nothing for you but allows you to have a minute or two of gratification (i know some people live for that moment) however after that you either feel bad about it or you just dont care and take a shower. but i have heard so many stories where couples get in fights because of porn.

 

if you are one of these couples please just stop watching it and get a grip on reality instead of just fighting over something that isnt really real. just a desire, there is no love in porn.

 

and i cant believe people on here are saying its probably because she is nagging all day. really? what if its just the simple fact that the dude is not a man? how about that? because cowards hide things and lie. own up to what you do, talk about it, and if she doesnt like it then she could move on and so can he with his "fantasy".

[Nikki Sahagin]

To be honest, the only two people that can define cheating are those in the relationships. For some people porn is cheating. For others it is not. People have there own boundaries. If porn is problematic for you, if you consider it cheating, you need to speak with your husband and either change the boundaries of your relationship or face why pornography upsets you.

 

 

MANY women dislike porn. Actually, lots of men do too (if there partners watch). Porn addiction is a big deal and not talked about often. You need to speak with your husband. Your feelings are valid.

[poofitsgone]

It seems obvious there are problems going on with your relationship. While I've heard of porn addictions, in this case, I doubt porn is the source of these problems. Its possibly a symptom, or unrelated. Many, many people masturbate, and its usually considered perfectly healthy.

 

If your arguing all the time and both stressed, its possible hes not feeling very sexy either. I'm worried if you think stopping him from looking at porn is going to fix things and it wont.

 

While you would have a hard time convincing me that watching porn is cheating, that doesn't mean it can't be a boundary in your relationship. If you feel very strongly that you don't want your partner watching porn, they should respect that. I think most men, probably almost all of them, don't see it as a big deal and its possible he doesn't understand that its important to you. Try explaining that to him. I know if my wife felt very strongly that I should never shower again, or anything like that, even if it seems crazy to me and didn't make sense, I'd be willing to make that work to spare her feelings.

 

Also if it makes you feel better...when I watch porn, I'm not imagining I'm the guy in that situation. Its a much more "chemical" reaction. And its not necessarily being used as a replacement for sex. It satisfies a different itch so to speak.

 

Also about objectification...while I'm not sure if it actually makes a difference, I can say that I've watched videos about women I normally wouldn't be physically interested in because I've found their attitude or personalty appealing.