Article: What it's like to be a man on a dating site

[LookAtThisPOst]

What is it like being a man on a dating site? - Quora

 

 

 

I have to say, this was a well put together article, and even the commenters actually provided some insight. I'm guessing the writer decided to set up a filter for comments to weed out the drek. lol.

 

Anyhow, what's interesting is, even as rather as successful and an over 6 feet tall Asian man, he gets an inkling of emails per month.

 

It is also iterated by the commenters that men are "easy" when it comes to attracting them and since women use products, make-up, dress, attire, etc....women are also are in deep competition with other women and men are rather...secondary..as, like I said, it's easy for even a plain looking woman to turn heads, esp. if she gets herself dolled up for a night on the town.

 

Some have stated, sure a man can do a few things to stand out like work out, dress, etc., but it will probably increase his chances a couple percentages in the ROI.

 

Reason I post this that some say a man has to do something to stand out, but sure...you can do this...but some results can be rather insignificant.

 

Also, the internet is full of men who have social anxieties when approaching women in person and that online dating is an outlet to overcome that.

 

"Wow, a lot of cute women online! I can approach them through the comfort of my own living room and not have to worry too much about the sting of rejection as I would in person!"

 

Anyhow, it's a good read as the writer is even a well-to-do man himself who lacks much response from women online.

[Toodaloo]

Several points he has missed.

 

1. Traditionally in most countries it is the mans place to approach so women will look but not approach because its not see as the done thing either in real life or on line.

 

2. These are fake profiles! They are not updated nor do they have real people on the end of them!

 

3. A well written profile, good photographs and a well written initial approach message will and does work with the right women.

 

4. On Line as well in real life you are going to get silly people playing silly games and writing silly profiles etc. Don't blame the tool because of the idiot using it.

 

I have met many lovely men on line and quite a few weirdos. I have sent messages and been ignored I have received messages that I have ignored.

 

What I can tell you is that it has been instrumental in introducing me to a man that I have been crossing paths with for years. I am glad that I sent the message to him as I was going to log off but figured what the heck I will say hello.

 

Sometimes you just have to see how it goes and shrug your shoulders if it doesn't work. To make it work you have to put effort in.

 

Example. Had a message from a stunning chap. But thaht was it. Nothing in his profile for me to start a conversation with and his message was "Hey Beautiful"... how do you start a conversation from that? Its impossible.

[Mrlonelyone]

Very true. I am a reasonable looking transgender woman who's OLD profiles are primarily targetd at men and indicate that I am interested in women who are not conforming to gender norms and female to male transmen as well.

 

I get as many messages as the average XX female from men and not a few from couples.

 

Part of this has to be the gender norm that men approach women. Men will ALL approach the hot girl, then approach the other girls who are not so hot based on a less shallow but still looks driven basis.

 

Women look for intangibles. But money, race, and height are factors. He's over 6 feet +...but he's Asian --. or He's over 6 feet + He's black --- he's jacked and black where it counts (myth) +++ . Then if they woman see's more +'s than -'s she'll maybe wink or look at his profile to show interest hoping for a message back.

[lino]

I've said before and now again, online dating sounds like an absolutely pointless venture for men.

 

Never used it and other than desperation, I can't see why other men would either. Seems like a waste of useful bandwidth to me.

 

To be honest, I'm not sure I'd go for a woman who has to search online for dates. Why can't she in real life? Must be some reason at the end of the day as they don't have to do any approaching.

 

Maybe if she lives in a minute town or something ok but women who live in a city like mine? There are so many men here that if you can't find one either you're not right in some way or (and this I believe to be most accurate) you're just waaaaay too picky.

 

I'd guess most women use it as an ego boost or to cheat on their partner.

[EverLastluv]

I'm on Okcupid for 3years. This summer I finally decided to check out one guy. He was still married, claims to be legally separated ( what nonsense?) Lol. Oh he said he will love to sleep with me cause I'm hot... But not intended for anything serious cause I'm a big girl. If I was slimmer he will continue a relationship. I'm a BBW, men tend to look at me for one thing only and I'm so disappointed. This happened in real life too.

[Trane]

If you're a guy that stands between 6'0 and 6'4 with a full head of hair, the internet dating world is yours for the taking with a little bit of effort. If you fall under this mark, be prepared to have to put a whole lot of spade work and then some more just to make yourself worthy of a response in her eyes. Even still, you won't get as many messages as the guys who have height.

 

The majority of women on dating sites usually list the height prerequisite first then it flips flops between having a car, a job and a place. Being tall gets her attention more than anything.

 

Having a continuous pile of money to burn recklessly on her trumps all including height. It doesn't matter how tall, short, in-shape or outta-shape you are as long as your bank account matches her desires.

[salparadise]

Sometimes you just have to see how it goes and shrug your shoulders if it doesn't work. To make it work you have to put effort in.

I've said before and now again, online dating sounds like an absolutely pointless venture for men.

 

Well, there is no doubt that it's different for men, and there are no guarantees. I think most men go into it thinking that because of sheer numbers it's going to be like shooting fish in a barrel.

 

But I think Toodaloo is right––you have to make the effort, keep expectations realistic, and one key ingredient that has not been mentioned... persistence. If you turn fatalistic, then you've essentially given up, and at that point it's a self-fullfilling prophesy.

 

I've had pretty good success overall, at least compared to the guys who are convinced that it's an absolutely pointless venture for men. Granted I'm over 6' tall, but I've also got about as much hair as a bowling ball, and not a five-percenter at all... and still do okay. I can write fairly well, so I get a lot of messages commenting on that. Women do like words, and in fact words can overcome most other obstacles, imho.

 

Each time it took about three months to find someone new I wanted to date, until this last time. This time I'd gone almost a year because I've been a bit pickier, and limited it to people within a 30 minute drive. But two weeks ago I met a smart, lovely woman who seems to be as enthusiastic as I am and we've been... progressing. In fact, this one may have real long-term potential. She checks all of my boxes!

 

All of the women I've dated beyond the initial meeting have been great people. I am sure that I would not have been able to meet these women any other way. So the point here is just to give some balance to the gloom and doom stuff about it being futile for men. It's not like shooting fish in a barrel and you do have to put effort and enthusiasm into it. You'll probably kiss a few frogs too. My brother is happily married to a woman he met online, one of the first few he dated. If you persist, it's definitely possible.

Edited September 21, 2015 by salparadise

[MidwestUSA]

Well, there is no doubt that it's different for men, and there are no guarantees. I think most men go into it thinking that because of sheer numbers it's going to be like shooting fish in a barrel.

 

But I think Toodaloo is right––you have to make the effort, keep expectations realistic, and one key ingredient that has not been mentioned... persistence. If you turn fatalistic, then you've essentially given up, and at that point it's a self-fullfilling prophesy.

 

I've had pretty good success overall, at least compared to the guys who are convinced that it's an absolutely pointless venture for men. Granted I'm over 6' tall, but I've also got about as much hair as a bowling ball, and not a five-percenter at all... and still do okay. I can write fairly well, so I get a lot of messages commenting on that. Women do like words, and in fact words can overcome most other obstacles, imho.

 

Each time it took about three months to find someone new I wanted to date, until this last time. This time I'd gone almost a year because I've been a bit pickier, and limited it to people within a 30 minute drive. But two weeks ago I met a smart, lovely woman who seems to be as enthusiastic as I am and we've been... progressing. In fact, this one may have real long-term potential. She checks all of my boxes!

 

All of the women I've dated beyond the initial meeting have been great people. I am sure that I would not have been able to meet these women any other way. So the point here is just to give some balance to the gloom and doom stuff about it being futile for men. It's not like shooting fish in a barrel and you do have to put effort and enthusiasm into it. You'll probably kiss a few frogs too. My brother is happily married to a woman he met online, one of the first few he dated. If you persist, it's definitely possible.

 

I'll cross my fingers that she checks that really special box.

 

Sounds like your approach is logical. Persistence without desperation, reasonable expectations, and the ability to get up and dust yourself off after a promising lead fizzles.

 

I also found taking an occasional break from it all to be helpful. In fact, I was on break when I met my husband. Had completely put OLD out of my mind. Go figure.

[salparadise]

Thank you, Midwest I agree, taking breaks occasionally is necessary- it consumes emotional energy. One has to minimize that by not taking it too personally... and it's definitely a trick to find the balance between enthusiasm and not personalizing things (a la don miguel ruiz). If you haven't actually met a person, it can't possibly be personal. But yea, taking breaks not only gives you a respite, it maintains a sense of control and self-determination.

[LookAtThisPOst]

This time I'd gone almost a year because I've been a bit pickier, and limited it to people within a 30 minute drive.

 

I've pretty much exhausted all my options within a 30 min drive as this is a small area where women who have all their teeth or aren't married or aren't retirement age are few and far between.

 

Anyone I've emailed within this geographic range were usually new in town, looked healthy, moved here from the north to be closer to their retired parents, then realized the pickings are slim, too. But considering I've already emailed them, no response. Though you figured with the small town, they'd be a bit more flexible in meeting, considering the back water options.

 

Thus, I have to cast my net wider to within a 1 hour range from where I live. I've gotten more responses that way, at least from the women that don't mind that kind of distance.

[salparadise]

I've pretty much exhausted all my options within a 30 min drive as this is a small area where women who have all their teeth...

 

Same here, although I have no idea if your town is smaller than mine. The closest city to me is an hour away, and it's a small city. So I still considered that still within range, but farther away than I really wanted and therefore the criteria became a bit tighter. But new people are entering the dating pool all the time and some of them are going to be interesting.

 

This new one that I've been seeing is only 15 minutes away. She only came online a few months ago. She used the okc incognito feature so I couldn't even see her until she "liked" my profile. And oddly enough, she hit on my stalker profile rather than the one I had put effort into. Go figure; it has zero words in the essay part, one photo taken from a distance that showed my shiny pate uncovered with me standing there in a t-shirt, shorts and motorcycle boots! I used that image thinking no woman in her right mind is going to hit this... but they do.

 

I seldom even logged into that profile, then one day I did and she had liked it a month prior but left no message. I immediately messaged her... said it looked liked we see eye-to-eye on many things (97% match), and asked for a date in the first message. She accepted and we exchanged numbers. Just that simple when the right match shows up, or so it seems. I'm still a bit giddy- and knocking on wood.

[Els]

So don't use OLD. As far as I've seen, not many people get good LTRs out of that anyway, and of the couples that do make it, there's obviously an equal number of men and women (since I assume you're talking about hetero dating). But the way OLD is constructed is inherently stacked against a lasting relationship for either gender IMO. Too much superficiality and reducing human beings down to laundry lists or replaceable items.

 

Also, FTR, the guy writing the article sounds like a complete douche. Regardless of method of dating and height, I'm not at all surprised he's having issues with relationships in general.

Edited September 21, 2015 by Elswyth

[MidwestUSA]

Same here, although I have no idea if your town is smaller than mine. The closest city to me is an hour away, and it's a small city. So I still considered that still within range, but farther away than I really wanted and therefore the criteria became a bit tighter. But new people are entering the dating pool all the time and some of them are going to be interesting.

 

This new one that I've been seeing is only 15 minutes away. She only came online a few months ago. She used the okc incognito feature so I couldn't even see her until she "liked" my profile. And oddly enough, she hit on my stalker profile rather than the one I had put effort into. Go figure; it has zero words in the essay part, one photo taken from a distance that showed my shiny pate uncovered with me standing there in a t-shirt, shorts and motorcycle boots! I used that image thinking no woman in her right mind is going to hit this... but they do.

 

I seldom even logged into that profile, then one day I did and she had liked it a month prior but left no message. I immediately messaged her... said itI'm looked liked we see eye-to-eye on many things (97% match), and asked for a date in the first message. She accepted and we exchanged numbers. Just that simple when the right match shows up, or so it seems. I'm still a bit giddy- and knocking on wood.

 

 

Well, be careful with that thing, you may need it!!

[scorpiogirl]

So don't use OLD. As far as I've seen, not many people get good LTRs out of that anyway, and of the couples that do make it, there's obviously an equal number of men and women (since I assume you're talking about hetero dating). But the way OLD is constructed is inherently stacked against a lasting relationship for either gender IMO. Too much superficiality and reducing human beings down to laundry lists or replaceable items.

 

Also, FTR, the guy writing the article sounds like a complete douche. Regardless of method of dating and height, I'm not at all surprised he's having issues with relationships in general.

 

 

Exactly my impression. A complete and utter douche. A tall douche.