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I cheated. Help!

TheDJGingersnap

By TheDJGingersnap,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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TheDJGingersnap

TheDJGingersnap

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First, background info.

 

I have been with my gf for 3 years. The love of my life. My best friend. We live together in my house. We have 2 dogs. We pretty much live like we are married. Her whole family loves me. All her friends love me. This girl is the one and I know that. I am a good person. I care for her in every way I can. I just always want her to be happy. I am very anti cheating. Been cheated on before.

 

The story.

 

After an amazing week camping with her I was sent on a job on the east coast here in Canada. Was going to be there for about 2 weeks. 4 days in we were done the first part of our project early so we have 4 paid days off to do whatever. First night me and a buddy went to the boardwalk and had a few drinks. Went back to the hotel.

 

Second night. Pre drank early, back to the board walk, started drinking rum and coke after run and coke. The night was a blur. I know every cheating story seems to have the "I don't remember" part but this is the truth. I'm not lying to make it feel better. We sat down, about 6 drinks in a girl sits down with us. I'm pretty buzzed at this point but think nothing of it, hope my buddy gets laid.

 

And that's it. It's like 9 pm and I'm blackout. The only thing I remember after that is seeing her naked on my hotel bed. Then I woke up the next day.

 

I woke up with the most insane chest feeling. Never had it before. Constantly felt like something went terribly wrong. I check my texts. I was texting my gf every hour all night. Sent the going back to hotel text and then face timed her. Did I face time after this girl left? Makes me sick knowing I did that to her.

 

After this night, spent the rest of the job crying every morning in the shower. Just felt insanely weird. I felt odd talking to my gf even. 2 days before with left I manned up and told my self I will tell her as soon as I get home. I didn't want to tell her over text.

 

I fly home. Walk thru the door and there's the dogs and her waiting for me with huge smiles. I pussied out and didn't tell. She was so happy to see me. I didn't wanna break her heart. Now it's been a month and a half since that night...

 

I feel like scum. Constantly anxious and guilty. I think my story sounds shady and I fear she will think that. I'm trying to tell her but I love her so much and she loves me so much.

 

 

I've become everything I hate. The pain and guilt is killing me.

 

I need help. Please.

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Grumpybutfun

Grumpybutfun

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It sounds like you had an anxiety attack. Feeling warm, heart beating fast, hard to breathe...it is hell. I had one when my son was in Afghanistan.

Look, you know what you did was wrong. There are only two ways this can go and neither one is going to have the outcome that you want which is that you never experienced that night with that stranger. One is that you never tell and you live a lie and feel guilty and have those anxiety attacks every time she brings up how awesome you are for never cheating on her. The other is that you tell her and get it off your chest and let the cards fall where they may. Personally, I think she needs to have a say in how her life goes and since you are her partner, she needs to know. She needs to be able to make an informed choice about you as her future partner so you need to be transparent. I would recommend getting a relationship counselor to help you to figure out how to tell her and to be there if she wants to go to couples counseling afterwards. This was a mistake....you aren't in an affair so you may be able to repair this with a lot of patience and transparency. Second thing I felt needed addressing, and forgive me for this, since you didn't ask, but if you are drinking so much that you don't remember sleeping with a total stranger, you have a drink problem. Time to stop acting like a frat boy and grow up and be responsible for your choices...including drinking.

You sound completely contrite and like this has never happened before so I think you have a good shot at saving your relationship. However, I hope you will always remember that your actions have power to break your gfs heart.

Good luck,

Grumps

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Space Ritual

Space Ritual

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First, background info.

 

I have been with my gf for 3 years. The love of my life. My best friend. We live together in my house. We have 2 dogs. We pretty much live like we are married. Her whole family loves me. All her friends love me. This girl is the one and I know that. I am a good person. I care for her in every way I can. I just always want her to be happy. I am very anti cheating. Been cheated on before.

 

The story.

 

After an amazing week camping with her I was sent on a job on the east coast here in Canada. Was going to be there for about 2 weeks. 4 days in we were done the first part of our project early so we have 4 paid days off to do whatever. First night me and a buddy went to the boardwalk and had a few drinks. Went back to the hotel.

 

Second night. Pre drank early, back to the board walk, started drinking rum and coke after run and coke. The night was a blur. I know every cheating story seems to have the "I don't remember" part but this is the truth. I'm not lying to make it feel better. We sat down, about 6 drinks in a girl sits down with us. I'm pretty buzzed at this point but think nothing of it, hope my buddy gets laid.

 

And that's it. It's like 9 pm and I'm blackout. The only thing I remember after that is seeing her naked on my hotel bed. Then I woke up the next day.

 

I woke up with the most insane chest feeling. Never had it before. Constantly felt like something went terribly wrong. I check my texts. I was texting my gf every hour all night. Sent the going back to hotel text and then face timed her. Did I face time after this girl left? Makes me sick knowing I did that to her.

 

After this night, spent the rest of the job crying every morning in the shower. Just felt insanely weird. I felt odd talking to my gf even. 2 days before with left I manned up and told my self I will tell her as soon as I get home. I didn't want to tell her over text.

 

I fly home. Walk thru the door and there's the dogs and her waiting for me with huge smiles. I pussied out and didn't tell. She was so happy to see me. I didn't wanna break her heart. Now it's been a month and a half since that night...

 

I feel like scum. Constantly anxious and guilty. I think my story sounds shady and I fear she will think that. I'm trying to tell her but I love her so much and she loves me so much.

 

 

I've become everything I hate. The pain and guilt is killing me.

 

I need help. Please.

 

Yeah you need help alright.

 

Just own the hell up to what you did and let your gf decide whether she wants to be in a relationship with a cheater.

Blame the booze all you want but you sound like an 18 year old girl at her first frat party with that lame excuse. Are you a man or a little boy?

 

Stop with the fancy lad drama and admit without delay what you did. You are only trying to protect yourself with the histrionics. Does common sense ring a bell? Use some and you might get out of this with your balls and your relationship intact. And you can only do that by being honest.

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BlueBlood

BlueBlood

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Did you use protection? Have you had std testing done either way?

 

And that's pretty freakin drunk, to remember nothing. How often does that happen to you? Did you speak to the stranger after you slept together, what did you do when she and you came to?

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Clarence_Boddicker

Clarence_Boddicker

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Get tested, don't expose your girlfriend to any possible STDs, tell her what happened. Better to tell her now, then if your ONS ends up preggo with your lust child. Figure out if alcohol or a relationship is more important to you.

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smackie9

smackie9

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Are you sure anything actually happen? Just because you found her naked in your room doesn't mean you had sex. If you were that intoxicated, you could have just passed out, and never got to any point of having sex. Are you sure you didn't get robbed? It can be possible someone slipped something into your drink.

 

I'm not trying to make excuses for you, but it's very possible nothing happened. This chick might have torn her clothes off and you resisted. So you better figure out for certain what happened first before you talk to her.

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Winterina

Winterina

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People THAT drunk usually have trouble maintaining any decent erection. You know yourself best.

 

Do you remember any other point that night where you actually had sex?

If not, there really is a good chance that nothing happened.

 

I had two occasions where we both were drunk, not that much like you, but very drunk anyway... and it just would not happen till the morning. We would have to sleep it off to get things going.

 

Can you contact the girl? Is there a friend of a friend who knows or remembers her? Look through FB? She might have just tried it with you, you guys rolled around and you couldn't do it and fell asleep, she went home.

 

Or you had sex with her which you don't remember.

 

Alcohol is a bad excuse and do not drink more than getting tipsy, if you cannot handle it.

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warshaw

warshaw

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If I was you I'd work on convincing myself that if I don't remember anything happening then it didn't happen.

 

Especially if you texted your girlfriend every hour.

 

There's nothing to share, nothing to talk about. Unless of course you wake up one day with your penis dripping pus.

 

Then you got yourself a problem.

 

Please stop drinking, you obviously cannot handle it.

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TheDJGingersnap

TheDJGingersnap

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I'm well over drinking trust me. This may cost me a lot.

 

I remember her in my bed, Us fooling around a bit, then nothing.

Woke up all alone.

 

I'm all ready way over my head. I should have told her the second I got home I know that and I was to scared.

 

This happened in New Brunswick, Canada and I live in Alberta, Canada. I never had her number or anything. I have no way of contacting her.

 

I was cheated on in a past relationship. I ****ing hate cheaters. And now that's it's happened to me you can't begin to imagine the guilt and pain I feel. I'd rather die and have her not know. She doesn't deserve this. She's a good person. Great.

 

I'm well aware I'm a piece of ****. I'm knew to this site and just wanted help. I'm beyond balls deep in **** and don't know where else to turn. I appreciate everyone's responses.

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autumnnight

autumnnight

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I would recommend telling your gf what you know. Be humble. Tell her you'll do whatever it takes. You don't seem like a callous enough person to keep this hidden just to save your butt. And that is a GOOD thing.

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Clarence_Boddicker

Clarence_Boddicker

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Be 100% honest with her. Tell her you messed around & possibly more with a random girl while drunk. In my opinion whether or not you had oral or penetrative sex with her is kind of a moot point. You two were in bed naked & obviously wanted to do it. It's still cheating. About the only "good" part is that you apparently didn't enjoy it & that she might have given you a big push.

 

 

How come your friend didn't have your back & stop things?

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TheDJGingersnap

TheDJGingersnap

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I drink as much as the next guy.

 

As long as I don't mix drinks I'm good. I have blackout once before but I was 18, grad week. Etc. I usually need a few to even get going. I was planning on having a good time that night. We were on paid days off in a place we've never been so we had a few. I clearly got to excited and drank way to much.

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TheDJGingersnap

TheDJGingersnap

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The "buddy" in question was a co-worker. Only the second time working with him. He had no clue I had a gf. And I did ask him about that night and he was drunker than me. He remembers this girl with us at some point but no much after we left. I've traced every step I could. I want my story to be real when I tell I don't want it to seem shady, like I'm making **** up. Part of the reason I have yet to tell her.

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TunaCat

TunaCat

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The longer you wait to tell her, the shadier it's going to look.

 

You need to tell her whatever you DO remember about that night, even if its not that much.

 

Then you need to tell her that you'll do anything to make it up to her. But also be prepared for her to walk out that door and be 100% finished with you.

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veggirl

veggirl

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First you said you remember nothing from getting back to the hotel now you remember fooling around. Hmm. Maybe think harder and you'll remember more.

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Bob Morton

Bob Morton

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If you were so drunk and blacked out I doubt anything happened. She left probably because she was disappointed that it didnt get up. Stop eating yourself and dont tell your GF. No matter what you say it will put a shadow on your relationships. She will never stop questioning herself whether you told her truth and whether it was really everything. Dont hurt her especially that you dont know the real truth yourself. Eventually you will forget its nothing to worry about anyway. If I were you id try to forget about it like it was a bad dream and focus on your GF and how great it is what you have with her.

 

Just think about it that technically nothing really happened except that animal nature kicked in and you were basicly dragged into bed while under heavy influence of alcohol and drugs. That can happen to anyone. You stopped drinking but you need to stop doing coke too.

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warshaw

warshaw

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First you said you remember nothing from getting back to the hotel now you remember fooling around. Hmm. Maybe think harder and you'll remember more.

 

Oh snap.

 

You better tell her BEFORE you remember any more.

 

Even that extra little bit- you remember fooling around, well that just put you over the edge from possibly being innocent to being a cheater.

 

Now all the well intended advice to the effect of "you probably did nothing so don't tell her" is useless because you DID cheat and you're going to have to own it one way or the other.

 

Your guilt reminds me of my younger brother. He cheated on his wife.. the guilt got to him. Eventually he couldn't live with himself so he told her. At first she was understanding, accepting, and forgiving. Then he told her about the rest of the affairs so he could completely clear his head. She threw him out and divorced him.

 

Your fate is already sealed, you might as well get on with it- tell her what you remember and let her decide on what the consequences will be.

 

This one is out of your hands.

 

For what it's worth, your guilt makes you out to be a reasonably good guy who screwed up, as compared to someone who would have no problem keeping this from his partner.

 

Maybe she'll show mercy.

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