Jump to content

I cheated. Help!

TheDJGingersnap

By TheDJGingersnap,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

 Share Followers 6

Recommended Posts

  • Author
TheDJGingersnap

TheDJGingersnap

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I'm telling her as soon as I can. I can't hold on to this much longer. I don't handle guilt well. I can keep a secret for the life of me. I just feel plain bad. I gotta man up and do the right thing.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Space Ritual

Space Ritual

Posted
Posted
I'm telling her as soon as I can. I can't hold on to this much longer. I don't handle guilt well. I can keep a secret for the life of me. I just feel plain bad. I gotta man up and do the right thing.

 

 

That is good news.

 

Regardless of whether your relationship survives, you are doing the right thing by informing her.

 

That guilt stuff will eat away at you. I don't envy you that feeling one bit. It is a feeling you don't want to experience more than once in your life if you don't have to. And you don't have to. Let this be a totally teachable moment for you going forward how you conduct yourself. Even if it is not with this girl, you can improve yourself and be a much better partner to the next one who comes around in your life.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
smackie9

smackie9

Posted
Posted
I don't want another partner. I want her.

 

 

Many couples have gotten through infidelity. It has even brought them closer together. So it will be painful at first but after the tears are shed, things will settle down, and open the door to better communication with each other.

Link to post
Share on other sites
warshaw

warshaw

Posted
Posted
I don't want another partner. I want her.

 

Well, there was a time that you wanted someone else.

 

This is something she's going to consider when you break the news to her.

Link to post
Share on other sites
mystikmind2005

mystikmind2005

Posted
Posted

As a guy who has never cheated, i don't know that if i was in that situation i would do any different?

 

But you know what, it is not a question of weather or not i would cheat in that situation, because i would not put myself 'IN' that situation to begin with and this is your big mistake buddy, and if you lose your love over this well then this is why, not the actual screwing of the girl.

Link to post
Share on other sites
MoreAmore

MoreAmore

Posted
Posted

Tell her right away. Your best chance of surviving this is her finding out from you not elsewhere. Be completely honest including about how you feel and felt afterward and your willingness to do anything to make it up to her.

 

 

 

The only exception to this is if she ever indicated she wouldn't want to know if it wasn't going to happen again. Since that's not normally the case, I'd say tell tell tell. I would be able to forgive such a thing, but only if I was told immediately.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
mystikmind2005

mystikmind2005

Posted
Posted
Tell her right away. Your best chance of surviving this is her finding out from you not elsewhere. Be completely honest including about how you feel and felt afterward and your willingness to do anything to make it up to her.

 

 

 

The only exception to this is if she ever indicated she wouldn't want to know if it wasn't going to happen again. Since that's not normally the case, I'd say tell tell tell. I would be able to forgive such a thing, but only if I was told immediately.

 

Would i be able to forgive if i was told immediately? I don't know, i think for me, i would not be thinking about the circumstances that led to the cheating, i would be thinking about the 'attitude' that led to the cheating and that is what i would hinge my decision on. I am not seeing an awful lot in the OP's attitude that would be very convincing he is worth giving a second chance? he needs to think about his attitude before talking to her.

Link to post
Share on other sites
casey.lives

casey.lives

Posted
Posted

if it was premeditated .. that's something you need to be honest with yourself over. sometimes you get an itch but playing the passive card is not taking real responsibility. But if it was an accident and it sounds like a solid relationship .. you care about her you want to make her happy. Just tell her. secrets come between people. lies .. omitted lies.. destroy. Just tell her. don't punish yourself - let her do that..

Link to post
Share on other sites
smackie9

smackie9

Posted
Posted

Hey **** happens because life happens....before you tell her, put yourself in her shoes.....how would you feel if she confessed to you something like that. It might give you a better perspective on how to handle this before goin in.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
Teraskas

Teraskas

Posted
Posted

A tricky situation to say the least.

Like you, I am also very anti-cheating and a loyalist at heart as 2 of my former partners have cheated on me in the past.

 

Truth told, this situation had me wondering what to do should it happen to me.

Personally I'm not a drinker, so I wouldn't be in this situation to begin with.

Still, hypothetically speaking: if it happened I would have a hard time remembering it all (as I already have short-term memory loss.) but eventually confess as the guilt would continue to gnaw at me.

 

Although doesn't this count as "involuntarily cheating" ?

I know there's no such thing, but still.

 

Regardless OP, do keep us posted...we're here for you. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Space Ritual

Space Ritual

Posted
Posted
Although doesn't this count as "involuntarily cheating" ?

I know there's no such thing, but still.

 

 

 

Jesus Effing Christ now I've seen everything.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Space Ritual

Space Ritual

Posted
Posted

Of course we are still here.

 

Let us know how it turns out.

 

I still am of the opinion and willing to bet my entire paycheck that you are going to go into "take it to the grave" mode but am hoping you prove me wrong.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
TheDJGingersnap

TheDJGingersnap

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Currently 11 am where I am. Been driving for 3 hours. Got 4 hours to go. She's at work right now. She gets off at 5. Thought I'd post on here since I have no one else to talk to. I'm about to ruin my best friends life and all the blame is on me, I never want to experience this feeling again. I'm not religious but I'm praying she dosent think I'm a terrible person. I'm really not.

 

I don't get how ppl cheat and feel fine about it afterwords. And are married, with kids...

Link to post
Share on other sites
EricaH329

EricaH329

Posted
Posted

For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing. Cheating on someone doesn't make you a bad person, unless you think it's OK to do it. Having remorse for doing something shows it was a lapse in judgement, which we all have from time to time.

 

It takes a lot of courage to tell someone you've wronged them. Having said that, be prepared for the consequences, whatever they may be.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
TheDJGingersnap

TheDJGingersnap

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Well... That was the worst thing I've had to do.

 

I got home 2 hours before she did, began pacing thru my house and running every possible seniario in my head. I was ready for the worst. I sat down on the floor in the living room with our 2 dogs and waited.

 

She called me as she left work, she sensed the sadness in my voice and asked me what was wrong. I tried holding it in till she got home but I let go. I told I'm a terrible human being and that I made a huge mistake. She was surprisingly calm and said we'll talk when she gets home.

 

She walks in the door to me crying. She starts asking what happened. I told her every detail I knew. She sat silent for a bit. Asked me more questions and got very angry and stormed off into our room slamming the door. She came back out and we talked more. She was furious I lied for so long, angry I lived my life with her knowing that. Everything. I never felt this pain in my life and the thought and seeing her in pain made it even worse.

 

Then she said "I see how bad you feel" and she started talking about how she couldn't throw 3 years of her life away. She knew it was a huge mistake and that I would never do that. She knows I'm not like that. She began to cry and I hugged her. She told me she loved me and that I'm her best friend. She forgave me... I played every situation in my head and this honestly wasn't one of them. I was surprised and overjoyed.

 

For the next hour we just talked. I told I was going to do whatever it takes to regain her trust and to make her happy. I am determined to do anything I have to.

 

She left for her friends place so I went to my buddy's place. Talked to him and told him I'm the luckiest man alive. I've never cried in front of my friend. I never want to put her thru anything like this again.

 

Then I got home and all hell broke loose. The time she was gone she just thought about everything. The thought of me with someone else. She cried and cried and I tried to stay strong and comfort her but I broke down to. She want to break our gifts we got each other for our 3 year. She thought I ruined her life, that I was the only person who wasn't supposed to hurt her. That all our memories in that house were ruined. She was crushed. She told me she wished I never told her.

 

After hours of talking and crying I just grabbed her and hugged her as hard as i could. She said she was sorry, I said I was sorry. She told me were a team and she wants to make this work. Told her I will do what ever it takes. Got into bed and cuddled and just thought of all the good times. This was the worst day of my life. Seeing her hurt like that is something no man should see and something no man should put her thru. My actions caused this and I'm a lucky man to have had this turn out how it did. I will fight tooth and nail to make her happy and make up for this. This has made me a better person. I just hope she can stay strong and know I will never, ever hurt her again.

 

I really do appreciate all of you guys, good comments and bad. Thank you for putting me in my place, helping me thru this when I had no where to turn. My drinking days are over and she knows that. I put her thru hell and she's still here, and I know how lucky I am to have a girl like her.

 

-

Link to post
Share on other sites
Space Ritual

Space Ritual

Posted
Posted

Well a couple of points.

 

1. Thank you for proving me wrong about telling her. Whether you realize it or not, you took a huge step by being honest. I am sure it was one of the hardest things you have ever done. So I for one, commend you for your honesty.

 

2. The hardest work now begins. Just remember she is under no obligation to stay with you, regardless. For some, cheating is a deal breaker, no matter how hard they try to forgive and move forward. She could tell you 3 years from now that she just can't deal with it and pull up stakes on you.

 

What I am trying to tell you now that you will be on a rollercoaster for the foreseeable future. You will feel at times like questioning how long it will be before she gets over it. Don't go there. It's not up to her to get over anything. For present, she is giving you a gift, which is a second chance. Remember this is a gift and she can be renege on that chance at any time, so treat this second chance you got with the import she put on it.

 

3. Seize this opportunity to seek some kind of therapy to find out your whys. Even if things end tits up between you and this girl, you can go forward armed with the knowledge of how to conduct yourself and modify your behavior. This part you must do for you, and for no one else. Quitting smoking or drinking for someone else rarely works. Same here. It won't take if you try to change for someone else long term.

 

 

Just wanted to stress you have our support and you may not think it now, but you did a good thing

Link to post
Share on other sites
 Share
Followers 6
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...