I cheated. Help!

[frigginlost]

Well... That was the worst thing I've had to do.

 

I got home 2 hours before she did, began pacing thru my house and running every possible seniario in my head. I was ready for the worst. I sat down on the floor in the living room with our 2 dogs and waited.

 

She called me as she left work, she sensed the sadness in my voice and asked me what was wrong. I tried holding it in till she got home but I let go. I told I'm a terrible human being and that I made a huge mistake. She was surprisingly calm and said we'll talk when she gets home.

 

She walks in the door to me crying. She starts asking what happened. I told her every detail I knew. She sat silent for a bit. Asked me more questions and got very angry and stormed off into our room slamming the door. She came back out and we talked more. She was furious I lied for so long, angry I lived my life with her knowing that. Everything. I never felt this pain in my life and the thought and seeing her in pain made it even worse.

 

Then she said "I see how bad you feel" and she started talking about how she couldn't throw 3 years of her life away. She knew it was a huge mistake and that I would never do that. She knows I'm not like that. She began to cry and I hugged her. She told me she loved me and that I'm her best friend. She forgave me... I played every situation in my head and this honestly wasn't one of them. I was surprised and overjoyed.

 

For the next hour we just talked. I told I was going to do whatever it takes to regain her trust and to make her happy. I am determined to do anything I have to.

 

She left for her friends place so I went to my buddy's place. Talked to him and told him I'm the luckiest man alive. I've never cried in front of my friend. I never want to put her thru anything like this again.

 

Then I got home and all hell broke loose. The time she was gone she just thought about everything. The thought of me with someone else. She cried and cried and I tried to stay strong and comfort her but I broke down to. She want to break our gifts we got each other for our 3 year. She thought I ruined her life, that I was the only person who wasn't supposed to hurt her. That all our memories in that house were ruined. She was crushed. She told me she wished I never told her.

 

After hours of talking and crying I just grabbed her and hugged her as hard as i could. She said she was sorry, I said I was sorry. She told me were a team and she wants to make this work. Told her I will do what ever it takes. Got into bed and cuddled and just thought of all the good times. This was the worst day of my life. Seeing her hurt like that is something no man should see and something no man should put her thru. My actions caused this and I'm a lucky man to have had this turn out how it did. I will fight tooth and nail to make her happy and make up for this. This has made me a better person. I just hope she can stay strong and know I will never, ever hurt her again.

 

I really do appreciate all of you guys, good comments and bad. Thank you for putting me in my place, helping me thru this when I had no where to turn. My drinking days are over and she knows that. I put her thru hell and she's still here, and I know how lucky I am to have a girl like her.

 

-

 

As someone who was cheated on, you may think and feel that things are looking good, but I'm hear to tell you that you have no idea what is coming at you.

 

When I was informed by an ex that she cheated, my reactions were almost identical to what your girl is showing (ie fight). It was not until a month or so later to where my emotions I buried in order to fight, bubbled up. Then things got hard. Real hard.

 

You talk of wanting to do whatever it takes. I'm here to tell you, that you better be prepared to back that up because your life is going to be hell for the next 6 months or so. Any independence you knew of is now gone.

 

FWIW, my ex did everything she could to right the ship. We stayed together and actually grew stronger together. Our relationship ended due to other reasons, but I was able to fully and completely trust her again.

 

Man-up, pull-up the bootstraps, and go to work. You may just find that you guys will become something you never thought possible.

 

You're going to have to earn it, though.

 

p.s. By you being honest with her, you showed a piece of your character to her. Good job. That's gonna help down the line...

[warshaw]

You get the credit for coming clean even though she had no suspicions. Most cheaters don't. That says something about your character. That much said, you're in for a lot of ups and downs.

 

You say you'd never hurt her again, but how can you expect her to believe you if you don't even know how you got into that position in the first place.

 

I hope you have come to the conclusion that you will completely abstain from drinking going forward, if not, then you are not being honest with her or yourself when you say you will do everything in your power to never hurt her again.

[thecrucible]

I'm about to ruin my best friends life and all the blame is on me, I never want to experience this feeling again. I'm not religious but I'm praying she dosent think I'm a terrible person. I'm really not.

 

I don't get how ppl cheat and feel fine about it afterwords. And are married, with kids...

 

I felt how you felt when I cheated on someone and it was also a situation with drink. It changed a lot of things for me. I still drink but I wouldn't get really drunk and I don't really treat it the same way. It'll be easy for you to wind down now and drink a lot less purely because of the guilt. But I wonder what really happened? Does your friend know?

 

Now you told her. You just have to face the consequences and like others said, there may be unforeseen consequences down the road.

[TheDJGingersnap]

thank you for the kind words.

 

sorry for the absence. After telling her and thinking all was good, you were right, things blew up. ive been in damage control for the past few days.

 

The night I told her we blow agreed to go see our friends. I went and saw my best friends, she saw hers. ive never cried to my buddy before but I broke down telling him what I did. we talked for a bit and I went home.

 

She got home and was in tears. I tried to talk it out but she blew up, understandably so. she put me in my place. I could go on for days about this. long story short after much fighting and tears we made up. remembering the good times. believing we will fight through it.

 

the next day I got the email that I was going to work Monday.

 

Since I told her I have been doing everything I can to help make this right. it really has been a roller coaster. we will fight then make up, argue then make up. seeing the one u love cry is the worse feeling in the world and I wouldn't wish it upon my worse enemy. Saturday and sunday were the best days so far. she was so positive and loving. seeing the old her. laughing and cracking jokes. yeah she would have her moments but she battled thru it. she would cry and cry and I would tell her that I love her and that im not a bad person and she would tell me I wasn't a bad person.

This is the kind of person she is. the one who when going through her own hardships will take the time to comfort me.

 

I went to work today... it was the hardest goodbye of them all.

 

im on this job for two weeks, im also working nights. this is going to be so hard. she is already having a hard time. the magnitude of what ive done is just getting more and more overwhelming. I have hurt the one I love, I have put her through pain. seeing or hearing her cry over the phone is unbearable. im at the lowest point in my life. I told her every day that we were going to be alright, we were going to get thru this together. I tried being strong for her but im starting to break.

 

im not the best at conveying this thru text. just know I am truly truly sorry for what I have done and I am not a person who would do this. I am disgusted in myself.

[TheDJGingersnap]

I am DONE drinking.

 

Im doing everything I can t prove to her she can trust me. its exhausting but its worth it. She is worth it.

[MoreAmore]

I wish you luck.

 

This was clearly a mistake. You were honest when you were not forced. That's the most important thing

[frigginlost]

thank you for the kind words.

 

sorry for the absence. After telling her and thinking all was good, you were right, things blew up. ive been in damage control for the past few days.

 

The night I told her we blow agreed to go see our friends. I went and saw my best friends, she saw hers. ive never cried to my buddy before but I broke down telling him what I did. we talked for a bit and I went home.

 

She got home and was in tears. I tried to talk it out but she blew up, understandably so. she put me in my place. I could go on for days about this. long story short after much fighting and tears we made up. remembering the good times. believing we will fight through it.

 

the next day I got the email that I was going to work Monday.

 

Since I told her I have been doing everything I can to help make this right. it really has been a roller coaster. we will fight then make up, argue then make up. seeing the one u love cry is the worse feeling in the world and I wouldn't wish it upon my worse enemy. Saturday and sunday were the best days so far. she was so positive and loving. seeing the old her. laughing and cracking jokes. yeah she would have her moments but she battled thru it. she would cry and cry and I would tell her that I love her and that im not a bad person and she would tell me I wasn't a bad person.

This is the kind of person she is. the one who when going through her own hardships will take the time to comfort me.

 

I went to work today... it was the hardest goodbye of them all.

 

im on this job for two weeks, im also working nights. this is going to be so hard. she is already having a hard time. the magnitude of what ive done is just getting more and more overwhelming. I have hurt the one I love, I have put her through pain. seeing or hearing her cry over the phone is unbearable. im at the lowest point in my life. I told her every day that we were going to be alright, we were going to get thru this together. I tried being strong for her but im starting to break.

 

im not the best at conveying this thru text. just know I am truly truly sorry for what I have done and I am not a person who would do this. I am disgusted in myself.

 

First off, good job. By reading your words, I do feel that you are truly remorseful about it all.

 

Like I mentioned, things are going to get really tough. It is really going to test your mettle as she works through her emotions. How you both are feeling is completely normal, though.

 

I will warn you though, that eventually anger is going to hit her and that is when you will really need keep your eye on the goal.

 

Losing the trust in someone you love is one of the hardest things to get over. She has got a lot to work through.

 

But... it may make you guys stronger than you ever thought possible. Keep your chin up!

[smackie9]

This will bring you closer together, because you both appreciate each other more than ever.