brokenandtorn Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 I just got the worst news of my life today. I have been talking to this girl online for the past 2 years. We were so close and in love and talked every single day on skype. The past 2 months have been rocky as we fought a lot over stupid little things. I recently found out that she started talking to another guy online from another country and today she told me that he wants to come and visit her in a few weeks because they really like each other. I am in pieces right now. Me and her have never met, but we talked so so often about doing it and being so intimate with each other. But now she has met this other guy that she really likes and thinks is so great and he is going to replace me and go and meet her in a few weeks. It breaks my heart to know they are going to be intimate and doing everything me and her used to talk about. How am I supposed to cope for the next few weeks knowing this. I am going to go NC because I literally can't talk to her anymore and that alone tears me apart. I feel like I want to die. I can't bare the thought that they are going to be having sex soon and falling in love....I am so replaced. After 2 years being so close, I am left with absolutely nothing while she has found someone else and is happy planning his visit. Please help me. I'm falling apart... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Hugs. I know it's hard but international LDRs are unrealistic. This was a lovely pipe dream but not a reality. You let her go. You take solace from the fact that you enjoyed your time together and you have the ability to feel a connection with somebody. Then you block her. Take some time to heal. In a few months you look around & find somebody local to date, who you can hug & kiss & spend time with more then just on a video screen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Stick with your plan to maintain No Contact. Remember that since you have never met her, you don't know what she is really like. She might not be as wonderful as you imagine her. In the future, don't get attached and invest in someone you have never met. You're seeing now that this scenario doesn't usually have much potential to work out long-term. Stick to dating locally so you can have a real relationship that meets your needs. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 My advice is to avoid falling into these kinds of extended long-distance online relationships unless you're willing and able to travel regularly... and even then you must realize that unless one of you moves so you can be together it's going to have to end. What you get is a partial feeling of connectedness, and the rest you live out through fantasy. That's not the same is getting your needs met through an actual relationship. Eventually one of the two will meet someone who can be fully present and the fantasy goes out the window. I am curious though, why did you not go to meet her and make it real? Two years is a long time. That other guy didn't let grass grow under his feet apparently. Not trying to be hurtful, but it seems to me that she waited two years for you to do the same and you never made a move. Why not? Hope you'll be feeling better soon. Next time, choose one you can hold in your arms rather than just your imagination. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
clam Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Sorry for your dilemma, but this is not a "real" relationship. You haven't even MET this person! I don't care many times you Skype, it's not the same as meeting in real life. And now she's gone and done it again. She's a serial online dater, and I'm pretty sure she'll never meet this new guy either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenandtorn Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 I am curious though, why did you not go to meet her and make it real? Two years is a long time. That other guy didn't let grass grow under his feet apparently. Not trying to be hurtful, but it seems to me that she waited two years for you to do the same and you never made a move. Why not? Because I was in college and the timing was never right. We were so close to doing it soon though. But then we had fights and she met this other guy as a distraction. And now he wants to come and meet her in a few weeks. They are going to fall harder for each other and make all those life plans together that me and her have talked about for 2 years...I'm so sad. I feel like i don't want to exist anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Erase her from your life. She's not worth the trouble, specially since you two have never met. Meet someone REAL and CLOSER. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 ..I'm so sad. I feel like i don't want to exist anymore Breaking up is tough. Even if a lot of us don't understand your connection to someone you have never met, it's still a loss to you. If you are truly thinking about self harm, though, please don't. These feelings are temporary. You will get through this. Talk to a friend or family member. Call a suicide prevention hotline. Go to an emergency room but don't kill yourself. She's not worth that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenandtorn Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 Breaking up is tough. Even if a lot of us don't understand your connection to someone you have never met, it's still a loss to you. If you are truly thinking about self harm, though, please don't. These feelings are temporary. You will get through this. Talk to a friend or family member. Call a suicide prevention hotline. Go to an emergency room but don't kill yourself. She's not worth that. But it's not just "breaking up". It's the fact that I'm replaced in the exact same way. She fell for another guy online and skypes with him for hours every night and talks and laughs with him just like she used to do with me for so long...And now they will meet and be so intimate...I can't bare these thoughts. I'm not considering suicide but I don't know how to survive each day with thoughts of them being so happy together...She was basically my best friend for 2 years and now it's just all gone so fast... Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Dude, find a real flesh and blood girl in your own town and ask her out. You just blew two years on some internet phantom that for all you know could've been some other dude just jerking your chain. Step away from the computer and live a real life with real people. Hit the gym and get buffed up if you are scrawy or lose weight if you are fat. Update your wardrobe with some new, well fitting, stylish clothes. Get a new, stylish hair style. Get contact/lasic and whiten your teeth, then get out around real people and develop your social and interpersonal skills so that you can talk to girls and do fun things with them in real life and before you know it, you can have a real relationship in person with a real woman. This "relationship" with your keyboard and monitor screen was a dream and a fantasy. It was an illusion. You were catfished. Don't get involved with pixels on a glowing rectangle. Get out and meet flesh and blood woman and interact with them in reality. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 .She was basically my best friend for 2 years . That's one of your biggest problems right there. your best friend was a keyboard and a glowing rectangle. Get out and do some fun things with real people. Get some real friends in real life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Look up catfishing and don't get involved with online people anymore unless they agree to meet you in a week after meeting. If this is the worst thing that has ever happened to you..you have a good life. Congratulations, Grumpy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 But it's not just "breaking up". It's the fact that I'm replaced in the exact same way. She fell for another guy online and skypes with him for hours every night and talks and laughs with him just like she used to do with me for so long...And now they will meet and be so intimate...I can't bare these thoughts. I'm not considering suicide but I don't know how to survive each day with thoughts of them being so happy together...She was basically my best friend for 2 years and now it's just all gone so fast... To be totally honest, this girl should be the least of your problems and concern. What's more troublesome is how much your own happiness and self worth is reliant on a complete stranger and you never even considered that to be an issue even after 2 years. You could've skyp'd and texted or talked every day for those two years and you still would have no idea who she really is. Why did you want to become to emotionally attached to someone you'd never be able to date in person or have a future with to begin with?? Even if you visited her, she wasn't going to move to where you are, and you weren't going to move there. Have you considered the possibility that she is just telling you that there's another guy she's fallen for and coming to visit her when in fact that's not true at all and they're just making the whole thing up in order to ensure a clean break and you not contacting her again? Did you video chat with this girl and see that she was who she said she was? Because if you never did and spent 2 years talking to her then the odds are you were talking to another man for 2 years. I strongly urge you to not contact her again, and start facing your insecurities with actual people instead of pretending that you're a normal couple in order to escape the fact that you may be intimidate by girls and dating in real life. You should never be this distraught over a girl. Sure it's fine to be sad and upset, but crippling yourself just shows that no matter who you dated, it would've ended exactly like this. You're too reliant on someone else to make you value your own life. Self confidence and value something girls find incredibly alluring and attractive. Needy/clingy/ obsessed guys who can't function without their girl are not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueBlood Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Long distance online only dating is a mirage. It's like reality TV: as in it isn't reality. You never see the person unannounced, you don't get the full 360 degrees of their personality, you don't have bad sex or deal with periods, a sick cat, or how other guys look at her when you take a stroll across campus (mainly because you can't take a stroll across campus unless you're toting your open laptop with her on video chat)... You'd sure get some looks then. But my point is, it's next to impossible to really know someone on a screen. They don't have to deal with your cold and run to the pharmacy for you. Instead they send you a get well emote and call it good. The relationship consists of happy pixels and less effort than flesh and blood do. It felt real because you two built a little gilded online world, and played house there, to the exclusion of the people you actually live near. It's isolating and unhealthy to be that immersed in an online anything. You're basically reprogrammed now to look at a monitor and feel comforted. It may take a while to break that habit and I'd encourage you to go NC, stop any video games or other fantasy online play, no role playing or fan fic sites, just cease using the PC as a substitute for emotional highs and thrills. Unplug. And welcome back to the real world. It probably missed you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MrBojangles Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Long distance online only dating is a mirage. It's like reality TV: as in it isn't reality. You never see the person unannounced, you don't get the full 360 degrees of their personality, you don't have bad sex or deal with periods, a sick cat, or how other guys look at her when you take a stroll across campus (mainly because you can't take a stroll across campus unless you're toting your open laptop with her on video chat)... You'd sure get some looks then. But my point is, it's next to impossible to really know someone on a screen. They don't have to deal with your cold and run to the pharmacy for you. Instead they send you a get well emote and call it good. The relationship consists of happy pixels and less effort than flesh and blood do. I totally agree with the above summation^^^ I've come up with a simple formula to predict the situation you just went through: Online + LDR / (having never met in person) = Total Fantasy! Sorry that you are feeling real pain over this probable "catfishing" episode. Just move on man. Find a real woman in the real world. The reality is that you have no idea whom this person truly was. She could have been playing these games with multiple guys and you would have never known. Meanwhile, she's laughing her rear-end off at your expense right now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Because I was in college and the timing was never right. We were so close to doing it soon though. But then we had fights and she met this other guy as a distraction. And now he wants to come and meet her in a few weeks. They are going to fall harder for each other and make all those life plans together that me and her have talked about for 2 years...I'm so sad. I feel like i don't want to exist anymore If the two of you couldn't even get together ONCE in the course of 730 days, what kind of 'life' plans could you realistically have that would have actually come to fruition? The whole thing was just a fantasy anyway. Does this girl live her entire life through the internet or something? She has an online 'relationship' with you for two years then 'cheats' on you with another online guy. How long has it been since she's actually seen the sun? Seriously, stop living in a fantasy world and get out and meet real people. It's extremely rare these online 'relationships' actually become successful REAL ones. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Because I was in college and the timing was never right. We were so close to doing it soon though. But then we had fights and she met this other guy as a distraction. And now he wants to come and meet her in a few weeks. They are going to fall harder for each other and make all those life plans together that me and her have talked about for 2 years...I'm so sad. I feel like i don't want to exist anymore I'm not going to invalidate your feelings, and you should feel free to dismiss anyone who does. I absolutely do believe that you were invested and are experiencing what feels like significant loss. But, I also believe it will be helpful to keep reminding yourself that you never actually met her, and that will hopefully give you a larger perspective. You may want to investigate the reasons you're not drawing clear distinctions between, well, the people who are actually in your life, caring and investing in you, and this virtual interaction that you've substituted. Does your school have a counseling center? It will help to be able to talk about it with a counselor. I hope you're making progress. If you're feeling despair you can always call a crisis hotline and speak anonymously with someone who is trained to listen, empathize and not judge. If you're ever tempted to self-harm, definitely call first. Talking will diffuse those feelings. Best to ya! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Hi I'm really sorry to hear this. i really am. i can relate cos it happened to me too. if you want to private message me go ahead. i was there 3 years ago. heartbroken as she met another guy after me. sorry again Link to post Share on other sites
clam Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 You just blew two years on some internet phantom that for all you know could've been some other dude just jerking your chain. Step away from the computer and live a real life with real people. ^ ^ ^ THIS. I completely agree. Find a REAL live woman, not some internet fantasy. Link to post Share on other sites
warshaw Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Wow 2 years in an online relationship and you never met. There's no way to know if you've got physical, sexual chemistry until you meet, at least once. I know this probably won't help but her meeting someone else is probably one of the best things that can possibly happen to you, some day when you're with a woman "in the flesh" you'll look back on this whole online disaster and be glad you didn't waste any more of your time. Link to post Share on other sites
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