I think it is time I just force myself to move on

[EO422]

It has been 1 month since the break up...well tomorrow is...and I basically just feel the same still...I woke up today really depressed..this is the worst I have felt in the past 3 weeks...I don't know how long it takes until I will get better. Not good....I was going I start making friends with this girl in class but I don't even want to do that anymore. I just want to sit alone and just do that. I don't know if I want anything right now..no relationship

[drseuss]

Sorry to hear 1 month later you still feel rubbish ,I have seen your threads but can't quite remember , are you in nc ? ,I mean no social media checking , donyou have a loaf of photos on your phone you look at , do you have lots of items around you that remind you of her ect ?

[EO422]

Sorry to hear 1 month later you still feel rubbish ,I have seen your threads but can't quite remember , are you in nc ? ,I mean no social media checking , donyou have a loaf of photos on your phone you look at , do you have lots of items around you that remind you of her ect ?

 

Yeah I am in NC..haven't contacted her for 10 days...she never replied anyways.

And I deleted social media off of my phone. And deleted all the pictures too...I have nothing to look at...I just...I just feel so depressed really

 

I don't contact her on her birthday do I?

[Marc878]

It's over.

 

She's not coming back.

 

You are probably annoying her now with your attempts to contact.

 

NC means NC

 

Get on with your life

[Meli22]

1 month is absolutely no time at all. Don't worry about it and don't be so hard on yourself. 1 day at a time you'll start feeling better without even noticing, trust me.

[drseuss]

I looked at your old threads , your really only 10 days into no contact because of your social media checking and all that so I'm not surprised your struggling , it hadnt even really hit me that she was gone 10 days after my bu ,

 

Your mind is addicted to her as if she is a drug and you havnt had a fix for 10 days !! You could give yourself the fix by texting her or going on her social media , you will feel a bit better for a tiny bit then have to start withdrawal all over again !!

 

Just ride it out and it will get better , you need to get to 1 month nc and you should start to feel level again , if you did it form day 1 you would be at 1 month right now ! and feeling alot better but you messed around and let your emotions take control ,

 

You know what to do ,be strong

[dumbass2]

Don't contact her

[EO422]

Now I know I shared the story..but I never shared the reason why..and this is why I still have high hopes...maybe soemone can beat them down for me or something..or whatever..

 

Anyways, she is going to college..wel at college now...and she was in a group chat with a bunch of girls and guys going to the college she was going too...and I know the friends she started talking to were telling her to not have a BF and to live the college life etc...and i could also start to tell in her acts leaving before college she started to act wreckless...doing stuff she didn't do before..or at least wanting to go and actually do it now..and I know I looked at her social media which was a bad idea...but again..all this stuff being posted about stuff she never did before and all that..she broke up with me to go live the college and party life and that's why she said she was worried she was going to make a mistake.

 

I know talk are gunna "who gives a crap, she chose to break up with you regardless her reason"

The thing is, I know my gf and I know she will get sick and tired of that life because that's not who she really is...it's just stupid..idk...someone try and break me from these hopes..she's probably out at a party or with a guy right now anyways.

 

I should say that I broke up with her..we were on a break but it wasn't working out. She was just drifting away so I called it off, that's where it was heading

Edited September 12, 2015 by EO422

[Hell Yeah]

depends on the reasons of the breakup and how that person feels about you

 

as the Thegreatfrazzle says about going back...

 

yep i went back a few months after a 4 month relationship ended with a woman abruptly. Was with her for just 11 months or so again. It finished 4 or so weeks ago.....now I'm completely torn and even more heartbroken than before

 

Wished i stayed in NC and moved on as i was pretty much there until i gave into her and went back

 

I say it depends on the breakup and how she feels about you, because in my relationship experience my ex feels the same again as she did this time last year and we broke up over the same bull**** reasons which I am now slapping myself in the face for not being stronger, respectful and more loving to myself.

 

you can't keep reheating a meal to keep it warm and tasty.....it just goes off, cold and moldy

 

throw it in the bin and start something else

[EO422]

depends on the reasons of the breakup and how that person feels about you

 

as the Thegreatfrazzle says about going back...

 

yep i went back a few months after a 4 month relationship ended with a woman abruptly. Was with her for just 11 months or so again. It finished 4 or so weeks ago.....now I'm completely torn and even more heartbroken than before

 

Wished i stayed in NC and moved on as i was pretty much there until i gave into her and went back

 

I say it depends on the breakup and how she feels about you, because in my relationship experience my ex feels the same again as she did this time last year and we broke up over the same bull**** reasons which I am now slapping myself in the face for not being stronger, respectful and more loving to myself.

 

you can't keep reheating a meal to keep it warm and tasty.....it just goes off, cold and moldy

 

throw it in the bin and start something else

 

my circumstances are so weird...we were a great couple..we didn't have any bad fighting or abuse or anything like that...i made a post earlier today..about 30 min ago about why she broke up...she was going to college and basically wanted to experience that and just was unsure if she wanted a relationship because she didnt wanna be held back from making new friends and going out to parties with them etc...she told me it had nothing to do with me...so basically...yeah idk....she also said she was worried she was making a mistake...but again probably just bs...she knows i am a good bf...i was the same way as her...i was about to break up with her...but idk me being a older than her and all i somehow pulled through it and made a decision to not break up with her.

[Samuel_22]

Now I know I shared the story..but I never shared the reason why..and this is why I still have high hopes...maybe soemone can beat them down for me or something..or whatever..

 

Anyways, she is going to college..wel at college now...and she was in a group chat with a bunch of girls and guys going to the college she was going too...and I know the friends she started talking to were telling her to not have a BF and to live the college life etc...and i could also start to tell in her acts leaving before college she started to act wreckless...doing stuff she didn't do before..or at least wanting to go and actually do it now..and I know I looked at her social media which was a bad idea...but again..all this stuff being posted about stuff she never did before and all that..she broke up with me to go live the college and party life and that's why she said she was worried she was going to make a mistake.

 

I know talk are gunna "who gives a crap, she chose to break up with you regardless her reason"

The thing is, I know my gf and I know she will get sick and tired of that life because that's not who she really is...it's just stupid..idk...someone try and break me from these hopes..she's probably out at a party or with a guy right now anyways.

 

I should say that I broke up with her..we were on a break but it wasn't working out. She was just drifting away so I called it off, that's where it was heading

Yeah bro... what you did was the smartest thing to do... I would have done the same thing...I am glad you were the one who proposed the break up...my ex and I also broke up, a couple of weeks before break up, I put forward the break up subject, simply because things did not work, she was acting in a strange way, and she refused it, it was a game of pretend now that I think of it, two weeks later she broke up with me and went back to her ex telling me she did not know if she was making the right decision... funny these words are the ones, your ex has told you...well it has been a month now...and her ex has broken up with him again... and I already feel a lot better...about your situation... trust me girls can't tolerate break ups... there are two theories, 1. she has made friends with another guy already 2. she is really influenced by what her friends have told her...either way, this is end of her story in your life, stick to NC, take some rest, do not enter any relationships for the time being, it helps you a lot... get some perspective and gain some knowledge on what went wrong, and use the experience for the next and the right person who will enter your life

Good luck

[Hell Yeah]

my circumstances are so weird...we were a great couple..we didn't have any bad fighting or abuse or anything like that...i made a post earlier today..about 30 min ago about why she broke up...she was going to college and basically wanted to experience that and just was unsure if she wanted a relationship because she didnt wanna be held back from making new friends and going out to parties with them etc...she told me it had nothing to do with me...so basically...yeah idk....she also said she was worried she was making a mistake...but again probably just bs...she knows i am a good bf...i was the same way as her...i was about to break up with her...but idk me being a older than her and all i somehow pulled through it and made a decision to not break up with her.

 

if that's the case dude wish her well and go have some fun enjoyable experiences yourself. If you have been a good bf and person then that's more on your side to value and give to someone who will not toy with the idea of do i want it or not

 

know yourself, what you want and how to make your time worthwhile

 

she probably is making a mistake, may regret it but that's up to her to acknowledge and do something about. If that means reaching out to you to make it work then cool

 

if that doesn't happen then reflect on who you were during that time, and keep living for more moments like that if it be with her, someone else or something non related to a relationship

 

don't torture yourself with the relationship, of what was, if's and buts. I keep doing this and it doesn't make my life any better.

 

do things that make you happy. If she makes contact or not your know what to do in terms of putting yourself and your happiness first

 

be cool dude

[LoveIsMyReligion]

Why are you worried about her contacting you? Move on

[Thegreatfrazzle]

my circumstances are so weird...we were a great couple..we didn't have any bad fighting or abuse or anything like that...i made a post earlier today..about 30 min ago about why she broke up...she was going to college and basically wanted to experience that and just was unsure if she wanted a relationship because she didnt wanna be held back from making new friends and going out to parties with them etc...she told me it had nothing to do with me...so basically...yeah idk....she also said she was worried she was making a mistake...but again probably just bs...she knows i am a good bf...i was the same way as her...i was about to break up with her...but idk me being a older than her and all i somehow pulled through it and made a decision to not break up with her.

 

Me and my ex were a 'great couple', at least shortly after the breakup i thought so. But what you need to realise is that she has totally and completely played you. I'm sorry to say that and I know how horrible it must sound. But she has, and i wish someone told me that when i was in your position not long ago. She has you convinced that everything was brilliant and the only reason you are not together is because she is going to college to live the college life. Let me tell you what this actually means. The only thing being in a relationship at college prevents is sleeping around. It doesn't stop you making friends and having fun. She no longer wanted you as a boyfriend so she could have the opportunity to bang whatever guy took her fancy. That is what she thinks of you and how much respect she has for you.

 

I think she said that stuff to avoid hurting your feelings or to make her feel less guilty, but either way she broke up with you because she didn't feel that you were worth having in her life. She doesn't sound like a nice person if I'm honest, and if you were a good boyfriend, which from the sound of it you were, then the circumstances of your break up are completely irrelavant, because you DESERVE BETTER. Someone who won't dump you. Simple.

 

Sorry If i have upset you, but sometimes the tough love is nessesary. If i have got your situation completely wrong just ignore me, but seeing what my ex did to me and what break ups have done to my close friends, I fu<king hate what they do to people, and for me realising how horribly my ex had treated me made it much easier to forget about her.

[EO422]

Me and my ex were a 'great couple', at least shortly after the breakup i thought so. But what you need to realise is that she has totally and completely played you. I'm sorry to say that and I know how horrible it must sound. But she has, and i wish someone told me that when i was in your position not long ago. She has you convinced that everything was brilliant and the only reason you are not together is because she is going to college to live the college life. Let me tell you what this actually means. The only thing being in a relationship at college prevents is sleeping around. It doesn't stop you making friends and having fun. She no longer wanted you as a boyfriend so she could have the opportunity to bang whatever guy took her fancy. That is what she thinks of you and how much respect she has for you.

 

I think she said that stuff to avoid hurting your feelings or to make her feel less guilty, but either way she broke up with you because she didn't feel that you were worth having in her life. She doesn't sound like a nice person if I'm honest, and if you were a good boyfriend, which from the sound of it you were, then the circumstances of your break up are completely irrelavant, because you DESERVE BETTER. Someone who won't dump you. Simple.

 

Sorry If i have upset you, but sometimes the tough love is nessesary. If i have got your situation completely wrong just ignore me, but seeing what my ex did to me and what break ups have done to my close friends, I fu<king hate what they do to people, and for me realising how horribly my ex had treated me made it much easier to forget about her.

 

 

i felt played too, she said i would be holding her back because would want to spend weekends with her, which is the only time she has to go out really and do stuff...but i still do think it is bs like you said..i do feel played...

[Thegreatfrazzle]

i felt played too, she said i would be holding her back because would want to spend weekends with her, which is the only time she has to go out really and do stuff...but i still do think it is bs like you said..i do feel played...

 

I feel your pain buddy... I could go on for hours about how my ex used me.... She was a selfish little opportunist, who kept me around long enough to help her through a tough personal time, but then ditched me once things her end improved. And that's only the start of her mistreatment of me.

 

But, at the end of the day we didn't lose anything. We 'lost' someone who didn't appreciate and respect us, which is actually a gain. Our ex's on the other hand lost someone who would have done anything for them. That sort of affection doesn't come about often. One day we are going to meet someone who reciprocates our feelings and we will feel silly for making such a big deal of someone so unworthy.

[EO422]

Yeah bro... what you did was the smartest thing to do... I would have done the same thing...I am glad you were the one who proposed the break up...my ex and I also broke up, a couple of weeks before break up, I put forward the break up subject, simply because things did not work, she was acting in a strange way, and she refused it, it was a game of pretend now that I think of it, two weeks later she broke up with me and went back to her ex telling me she did not know if she was making the right decision... funny these words are the ones, your ex has told you...well it has been a month now...and her ex has broken up with him again... and I already feel a lot better...about your situation... trust me girls can't tolerate break ups... there are two theories, 1. she has made friends with another guy already 2. she is really influenced by what her friends have told her...either way, this is end of her story in your life, stick to NC, take some rest, do not enter any relationships for the time being, it helps you a lot... get some perspective and gain some knowledge on what went wrong, and use the experience for the next and the right person who will enter your life

Good luck

 

 

She has GIGS...I am 110% sure about that...EVERYTHING lines up with it. I have no doubt in my mind...the thing is..I am afraid to move on...because I really only truly want her...she has a great personality, great priorities, her drive to get things done and know where she is going is spectacular...I love her qualities, plus she is absolutely beautiful and super hot....she is the whole package basically...

 

So yeah, I am afraid to let go. We have done and been so much together. I don't want months to pass by and I move on...I want months to pass by and then she comes back and we are both "newer" people.. I want to improve and work on myself...but I just can't let go...she is so perfect and I am not even lying about that.

[EO422]

The thing is..I am scared of 2 things happening. I start dating someone else and my ex comes back..because like I said we had an LDR tha worked for 2 yrs...didn't see each other much..but we made it work for a LONG time..and she goes to school by me now..30 min away..right before she left for school we broke up...so all I can imagine is "wow how great it would have been to finally be together all the time and basically have a real relationship, we wouldn't be long distance anymore"....so basically, I would WANT to give it a chance just to see what could be or what could turn out. I would feel it would be amazing. It would be a full relationship...so I do NOT wanna be faced with dating someone and then have my ex come back only to have my think "it could be amazing finally" and then have to choose between the ex and current...and I also don't wanna be faced with after time just getting over her..I don't want that to happen like I said

[oldshirt]

she is moving on with her life......you need to do the same.

 

 

Absolutely DO NOT wait for her to come back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do not take yourself off of the dating market and do not sit on the shelf waiting in reserve for her!!

 

 

Get out and meet, interact with and date other girls. Many of those may not develop into a serious relationship and that's ok, just getting out and having fun with fun and interesting people has tremendous value of it's own. And some day one will rise to the top and be something special.

 

 

Assume she is gone and live your life accordingly. She is out meeting and partying it up and getting to know other people and that is what young men and women should do. You need to start doing the same.

 

 

You can live by your own moral and ethical code. If you don't believe in banging drunk chicks in a spare bedroom at a party - then don't. But absolutely under no circumstances should you be sitting on reserve waiting for her to return while she partys it up. NEVER wait for anyone! EVER!

 

 

You will never get that time back and 99.999999999% of the time they do not come back and in those very very very few instances where they do, things are never the same anyway.

 

 

This relationship is over. Treat it like a death. mourn it, have a good cry, give it an honorable and dignified funeral and burial and then get back to living your life.

[EO422]

she is moving on with her life......you need to do the same.

 

 

Absolutely DO NOT wait for her to come back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do not take yourself off of the dating market and do not sit on the shelf waiting in reserve for her!!

 

 

Get out and meet, interact with and date other girls. Many of those may not develop into a serious relationship and that's ok, just getting out and having fun with fun and interesting people has tremendous value of it's own. And some day one will rise to the top and be something special.

 

 

Assume she is gone and live your life accordingly. She is out meeting and partying it up and getting to know other people and that is what young men and women should do. You need to start doing the same.

 

 

You can live by your own moral and ethical code. If you don't believe in banging drunk chicks in a spare bedroom at a party - then don't. But absolutely under no circumstances should you be sitting on reserve waiting for her to return while she partys it up. NEVER wait for anyone! EVER!

 

 

You will never get that time back and 99.999999999% of the time they do not come back and in those very very very few instances where they do, things are never the same anyway.

 

 

This relationship is over. Treat it like a death. mourn it, have a good cry, give it an honorable and dignified funeral and burial and then get back to living your life.

 

I am just afraid she will come back and I will have a difficult decision of who to choose

[EO422]

I am still almost only 1 month since break up..and 11 days NC....so in sure I'm still just freshly hurt

[BlueBlood]

I am just afraid she will come back and I will have a difficult decision of who to choose

 

Eh, it reads more like you're saying "I really really really want her to come back and if she finds out I'm going on dates with their people maybe she won't bother coming back." Which is a totally fair way to feel, but not a healthy way to feel. It puts your life on hold for her, and that's not good.

 

Hard cold fact? People entering college dump existing boy and girlfriends a LOT. Seriously a lot. It's par for the course; she wants to embrace this brand new life (totally normal), develop herself within this environment that she probably busted butt to study for and get accepted into and wants to dive in deep into all college offers (totally normal and understandable). She's at a point in her life of getting to learn so much, to see the world in a new way. When my college years began I relished it. It's age and life place appropriate. College was fun, so many great classes and busy schedules, a ton of newness, loads of parties and people, clubs and sporting events. It was amazzzzingly different and I don't find it unusual she wants to enter it free of other ties. I don't think this has anything to do with you. It's not about -you-. It's about her and her adventure going to university.

 

That probably doesn't make you feel any better and for that I'm sorry. But I don't think it's fair to foster false hope. Might she come back? Maybe... But I wouldn't hold my breath. You may just not fit into her life now. Her paradigm has shifted and she's actively engaged with 1001 new things. Meanwhile you're left surrounded by the broken and disheveled shards of what you thought was love. You sound shell shocked and emotionally all over the place. That's normal, you got left behind, traded in for a newer thing. Again I doubt she did it maliciously. It is very natural as young people go to university for there to be a breaking away from established norms to some extent; they are growing more independent and altering their status quo. It's very normal. Think of it like baby birds leaving the nest.

 

Reading your posts you swing from one extreme to another, your confusion is palpable. Hang in there. There are tons of folks here that can help you begin to carve a new path for yourself. Do not put life on hold. Do not stunt yourself hoping she'll return. Do not contact her, only pain can come from it, and she might even grow angry or feel stalked/crowded in on, no matter your intentions. Sometimes you have to close a door, and walk towards the future minus the person you still have feelings for.

 

Just take it one day at a time and remember feelings are natural but they need not control us. Be kind to yourself. Do something nice for you everyday. Find a new project or embrace a new club or hobby. Give yourself the order to move on with your life.

[oldshirt]

I am just afraid she will come back and I will have a difficult decision of who to choose

 

 

 

decisions based on fear are very rarely ever the right ones.

 

 

The best way to let go of your fear is to assume she's never coming back.

 

 

That is what breaking up is. Breaking up is moving on with your life and not being in a relationship with that person.

 

 

You are either in a relationship with that person, or you are not. Since you are broken up and she is partying and seeing other people, that means you are not in a relationship with her anymore and you are free to see other people at your leisure.

 

 

When you are broke up, always assume it is done and will be done forever.

NEVER EVER EVER sit on the shelf waiting for someone to return. Never allow yourself to be on anyone's reserve squad.

 

 

One of the most important things in life is to have boundaries. One of the bestest boundaries a guy (and a girl for that matter) can have is to not allow themselves to be placed in reserve. You are either in an active relationship or you are a completely free agent.

 

 

You are now a free agent. Do not for one second allow yourself to be held in reserve. Especially do not be held in reserve while someone else is out partying it up and trying on other dudes for size. That is about as weak and desperate and pathetic as you can get.

[Holmes85]

EO422,

 

Couple of things you should understand

 

- Your Girlfriend is being influenced by her friends

 

But you can't blame her friends, she is willingly accepting and doing everything on her own accord, if later in life, things come crashing down, she won't be able to blame her friends but only herself.

 

- Your Girlfriend is probably still a teenager

 

Teenagers get influenced all the time, one day it's Justin Bieber the next day it's Edward Cullen, to fit in with the other crowd of teenagers, she starts doing the dumb things that she never did when she was with you.

 

In fact, being with you made her think that she would never be able to enjoy what her miserable friends are enjoying, dating / partying around. While she is stuck with the same guy for quite some time, her friends are hopping from one to the next and enjoying life, that makes her question that since everyone is doing it, it must be normal and I want "in" on this scene too, so she breaks up with you.

 

- Your Girlfriend is Clueless

 

Your girlfriend gets swayed by everything, today it's this, tomorrow it's something else, as many takes and being burned down as she gets till she realises...that she is in fact clueless, she is doing questionable behaviour and it's getting her nowhere.

 

- Life is going to teach her a lesson

 

Life has it's way of teaching everyone a lesson, if everything was fine in your relationship and there was no physical abuse , cheating involved basically it was a good relationship, when things start to go wrong, she's going to turn up to you.

 

She would test the waters with you, do everything in the book to try to get into her life again.

 

But here's the important thing, by the time this happens, you would not only be indifferent towards her, but might have decided that she is not the one you want to invest in any further and would probably have someone better at that time.

 

In case you would still be invested in her after those years, you would definitely not be letting her in anytime soon and it's going to take a lot of work from her end to convince you that she has changed.

 

The point what I'm trying to make here is, life is like a wheel, today our exes are on the top and then the wheel would turn and they would be at the bottom, what goes around comes around.

 

You plough through this hard time and get yourself back up and by the time she realises she's in a train wreck lifestyle, she would be history to you.

[oldshirt]

.....and please realize the reason we are all saying to let her go and to move and not allow yourself to wait for her is because WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE DONE THAT.

 

 

I am 51 years old and have been around the block and down the street and across the tracks over a period of decades. I do not regret breaking up with anyone. I do not regret getting dumped. Sure it hurt at the time but I got over it and have no regrets or hard feelings or resentments.

 

 

What I regret is the time I wasted and the opportunities I missed while waiting on the shelf for some to "come to her senses" or to "find herself" or to "figure out what she really wants."

 

 

No uh uh. it's all in or all out. Someone is either in an active relationship with you and good with it, or you are split up and each person is a completely free agent and able to do as they please. No waiting around for anyone to decide what they want or who they want to be with or to get their partying and sl^tting around out of their system.

 

 

You'll never regret a break up if you brush yourself off, get back on the horse and move on. You will regret sitting by the phone waiting for someone to call. You will regret putting your life on hold waiting for someone else to figure out their next move.

 

 

Break ups, while painful at the time, are a normal and natural part of life. When you experience a break up, if you move on and get back out living your life, you will not carry any baggage or resentments or hurt feelings or bad blood with that person. They just become another person that entered and then exited your life.

 

 

But if you sit and wait for them, it will be a poison and you will grow more and more embittered by the day and eventually it will taint you and you will forever regret the time you wasted, the opportunities you let pass by and you will carry bad blood and hard feelings towards that person.

 

 

Let her go and move on with your own life and in time life will be good again and you will look back on your relationship with her with some fond memories and nostalgia. If you allow yourself to be on reserve, you will carry baggage and poison and you will look on her with resentment and bitterness.