Author EO422 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 Eh, it reads more like you're saying "I really really really want her to come back and if she finds out I'm going on dates with their people maybe she won't bother coming back." Which is a totally fair way to feel, but not a healthy way to feel. It puts your life on hold for her, and that's not good. Hard cold fact? People entering college dump existing boy and girlfriends a LOT. Seriously a lot. It's par for the course; she wants to embrace this brand new life (totally normal), develop herself within this environment that she probably busted butt to study for and get accepted into and wants to dive in deep into all college offers (totally normal and understandable). She's at a point in her life of getting to learn so much, to see the world in a new way. When my college years began I relished it. It's age and life place appropriate. College was fun, so many great classes and busy schedules, a ton of newness, loads of parties and people, clubs and sporting events. It was amazzzzingly different and I don't find it unusual she wants to enter it free of other ties. I don't think this has anything to do with you. It's not about -you-. It's about her and her adventure going to university. That probably doesn't make you feel any better and for that I'm sorry. But I don't think it's fair to foster false hope. Might she come back? Maybe... But I wouldn't hold my breath. You may just not fit into her life now. Her paradigm has shifted and she's actively engaged with 1001 new things. Meanwhile you're left surrounded by the broken and disheveled shards of what you thought was love. You sound shell shocked and emotionally all over the place. That's normal, you got left behind, traded in for a newer thing. Again I doubt she did it maliciously. It is very natural as young people go to university for there to be a breaking away from established norms to some extent; they are growing more independent and altering their status quo. It's very normal. Think of it like baby birds leaving the nest. Reading your posts you swing from one extreme to another, your confusion is palpable. Hang in there. There are tons of folks here that can help you begin to carve a new path for yourself. Do not put life on hold. Do not stunt yourself hoping she'll return. Do not contact her, only pain can come from it, and she might even grow angry or feel stalked/crowded in on, no matter your intentions. Sometimes you have to close a door, and walk towards the future minus the person you still have feelings for. Just take it one day at a time and remember feelings are natural but they need not control us. Be kind to yourself. Do something nice for you everyday. Find a new project or embrace a new club or hobby. Give yourself the order to move on with your life. You really hit the nail on the head. I agree with everything you said. My emotions are everywhere. I'm hurt, angry, sad, etc...I do not care if she knows I am dating someone else...I seriously am a very very guilty person, and if I was dating someone else my choice would be to either A) keep dating current girl or B) go back to ex, since we never got to experience a full relationship and who knows what it could hold. It would be a big decision..it was going to be a huge step in our relationship. We were going to a whole new level not being LD anymore.. That's what I'm afraid of..that decision is a huge one. She said this has nothing to do with me as well, I understand where she is coming from. She does deserve to go experience it if that's what she chooses. It just took me by surprise, a month before the break up she was so happy about going to college by me, and spending time with me and helping each other with work and doing all the fun Halloween stuff, and we just had so much planned..out of nowhere it changed..which is why like I said she was probably persuaded by friends etc..it's just hit so quick and hard and changes in an instance that's why it was so devastating..but you really did hit the nail on the head, everyone I have told my story too, family, friends etc..all said it really has nothing to do with me. I just am in denial of this whole thing Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 Thank you everyone, I got some motivation from what you have all said. I do not want to sit around and wait. I am afraid to move on to be honest. I have a hard to letting go of things close to me. I'm just that kind of person really. I'm not good when it comes to break ups/deaths or anything that requires someone being gone. It's tough. But you are all right, I cannot just wait for her. She may not come around for years, or maybe not at all. So I only have to move on, I want to feel better too. I hate feeling like this. I'm just so taken back and in shock Link to post Share on other sites
marcusdevilliers Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 hey dude.. you may not believe me but im going through almost the same thing your going through.. having plans with your gf and doing stuff, from being so good together to everything changing. it happens to everyone and the pain is the worst. best advice my friend. is to love yourself. im alone alot and it sends me crazy sometimes, but you have to love yourself and be kind to yourself. no one can make you happy but you. im lost as well, hoping that my gf wil come back. but remember relationships work both ways. so just as much as you want to be with her, she must want to be with you. and if she does have strong feelings for you and want to be with you. she will come back. but love yourself, and take everyday as a blessing and as an opportunity to make yourself better. take care my friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 I am just afraid she will come back and I will have a difficult decision of who to choose Trust me....this won't happen Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 I seriously just had a dream about my ex. It hurt so bad when I woke up. I want to cry now. This is the hardest thing ever. I am sorry for posting so much: I never went through anything like this before. I was so in love with her. Plus thee was music playing in the dream with her too..it was that Bruno Mars song "I think I wanna marry you" ..:WTF...why why why...this hurts so much...it's been 11 days NC..but almost a month since the break up Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 well this is the best place to come and vent , 11 days is amoung the most raw early stages of no contact i was such a mess at 11 days it was terrible and i didnt think i was going to ever move on this is such an important part of it all so stay strong and let your mind deal with all the endless thoughts it will get eaiser , 3 more days and youve got half way to 30 days ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 Well I will give a quick overview. Nothing long. We went on a "break" not a break up. During the break I saw her growing distant, so I did the normal begging and pleading etc. I got mad. Then one day I flipped out and called it all off..this is when she BLOCKED my number. Ever since that day of us breaking up I have not begged. I sent 2-3 messages..wishing her luck, asking if she was sure she wanted to make this choice, and I asked if we could at east leave on a good note. I called about 3 times as well..but then I remembered I was blocked so she didn't receive any of them. So yeah...I know reconciliation is not likely..but I am still in hope..just because it is so fresh. So please bare with me! I hope I didn't ruin my chances. I have not begged at ALL since the break up or her blocking my number. The weird part was she didn't block me on social media. She was stalking me from what I was told. So I blocked her on that, but just a few days ago I unblocked her because I really don't care anymore. Once she found out I blocked her on social media she did the same to me. Has not unblocked me, but I really don't care lol, better for me...now I can't go look at it...well I used my friends account once. But on my phone I cannot! So more power to me for her blocking me! Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatfrazzle Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Trust me, I was still feeling that bad 2 months after the break up. It sucks I'm not going to lie. But now its been a reasonably long time I am much, much better. There is no secret about it, you just gotta give it time. Posting here is brilliant, because you get advice, and everyone else gets the opportunity to help someone, which actually does wonders for us as well. Just follow the advice people give you here and it will get better. My advice i learnt the hard way would be to avoid her, don't be in the position to hear any news about her, don't ask about her, and just let her be your past. That way you don't hear anything that you don't want to hear, which believe me, is everything related to her. As we discussed on another thread, she isn't worth feeling this sh * t over 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Starks Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 it's over. pursuing her at this point will only result in embarrasment and false hope. I also did the "flipped and called it off" thing with my ex, and guess what? asuming the girl has a shred of self respect she is gonna honour that wish and never crawl back to you just because you changed your little mind. Girls are stubborn when it comes to stuff like this. You think she is gonna risk coming back to you just so you can tell her to **** off all over again? She has the upper hand right now and you're never gonna get her back. On to the next one Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 it's over. pursuing her at this point will only result in embarrasment and false hope. I also did the "flipped and called it off" thing with my ex, and guess what? asuming the girl has a shred of self respect she is gonna honour that wish and never crawl back to you just because you changed your little mind. Girls are stubborn when it comes to stuff like this. You think she is gonna risk coming back to you just so you can tell her to **** off all over again? She has the upper hand right now and you're never gonna get her back. On to the next one She basically pushed me to do it. She was not responding to my texts. I would say either "hey how are you doing today" because she felt sick or I would say "good morning" every once and awhile. I talked to her about not responding and she said she would do a better job, but then she got worst. Didn't respond to my text checking up on her making sure she was okay..then 20 min later she is all over social media posting. That's when I had enough of it. I was just being strung a long as a back up. Idk why I am the bad guy in this, she knows what she did. Link to post Share on other sites
Hipster_22 Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 I am also 11 days in NC and the past few nights I have had dreams about her. But honestly there is nothing you can do. drseuss is right, you have to give time to digest what has happened. 11 days is not a lot of time to let that happen, it will take a few weeks, months (even years). I understand, it hurts so much but the pain is fresh. Give it some time and we will both be better my friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Starks Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 reminds me of me and my ex, we would both withold affection, give each other the silent treatment. stubborn pride all around. Your ex ignoring you but being all over social media tells me you should be thankful to have found an out of this toxic situation. Read how I got over my ex here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/533825-so-glad-ex-didn-t-give-me-second-chance I'm still with this new girl, and it's all cause I stopped playing games. So stop this Block/unblock nonsense and og NC for real Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Life lesson: breaks are precursors to break ups. They are employed by immature folks who don't have the backbone to actually call it quits. They are like break-ups with training wheels so one person can assure themselves they can make it without the other, while torturing the one who didn't want the break. Moreover on a "break" you are not supposed to have daily contact with the other person. They are supposed to grow distant. If she wanted time apart from you you chasing after her, begging & sending daily text messages drove her away. When she asked for space, you smothered her. Leave her be. Work on healing yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 reminds me of me and my ex, we would both withold affection, give each other the silent treatment. stubborn pride all around. Your ex ignoring you but being all over social media tells me you should be thankful to have found an out of this toxic situation. Read how I got over my ex here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/533825-so-glad-ex-didn-t-give-me-second-chance I'm still with this new girl, and it's all cause I stopped playing games. So stop this Block/unblock nonsense and og NC for real I DID go NC for real..she was th one playin social media games. That's why I unlocked her. I was just like "who cares really, I don't need to play games anymore" She initiated the break..SHE wanted to keep in contact once a day during the break and say "I love you" ..SHE is the one who started growing apart during the break. SHE was the one who started to ignore my texts of "hey how are you today" or "goodnight love you" ...this is what made me mad. I saw her growing distant and told myself I don't deserve this and broke it off with her because SHE basically pushed me to do it with how I was being treated. I did my part, she stopped doing hers and it killed me. I don't think I am the bad guy here. But I may be wrong. Our relationship was never toxic. Not until all this bs happened, but I wouldn't even have said we were in a relationship. I couldn't believe how she acted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 Life lesson: breaks are precursors to break ups. They are employed by immature folks who don't have the backbone to actually call it quits. They are like break-ups with training wheels so one person can assure themselves they can make it without the other, while torturing the one who didn't want the break. Moreover on a "break" you are not supposed to have daily contact with the other person. They are supposed to grow distant. If she wanted time apart from you you chasing after her, begging & sending daily text messages drove her away. When she asked for space, you smothered her. Leave her be. Work on healing yourself. She wanted to keep in contact!! Lol..so after one week of her growing apart, I said screw it and broke up. It was unfair to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Starks Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 I DID go NC for real..she was th one playin social media games. That's why I unlocked her. I was just like "who cares really, I don't need to play games anymore" She initiated the break..SHE wanted to keep in contact once a day during the break and say "I love you" ..SHE is the one who started growing apart during the break. SHE was the one who started to ignore my texts of "hey how are you today" or "goodnight love you" ...this is what made me mad. I saw her growing distant and told myself I don't deserve this and broke it off with her because SHE basically pushed me to do it with how I was being treated. I did my part, she stopped doing hers and it killed me. I don't think I am the bad guy here. But I may be wrong. Our relationship was never toxic. Not until all this bs happened, but I wouldn't even have said we were in a relationship. I couldn't believe how she acted. she did this, she did that, blablabla why are you even posting this? You want us to go "that bitch! You are NOT the bad guy" ? It could just as easily have been her posting in this thread telling her side of the story, portraying you as the "BAD GUY" lol... it doesn't ****ing matter, it's over. If you had gone NC for real you wouldn't even have noticed wether she has you blocked or not Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 she did this, she did that, blablabla why are you even posting this? You want us to go "that bitch! You are NOT the bad guy" ? It could just as easily have been her posting in this thread telling her side of the story, portraying you as the "BAD GUY" lol... it doesn't ****ing matter, it's over. If you had gone NC for real you wouldn't even have noticed wether she has you blocked or not Dude wtf are you talking about? That's not why I made this post. I ****ing clearly stated it in the damn title. You were the one who started pointing fingers. Get your ****ing hands back in your pocket. I didn't ask to be pointed ou who is good and who is bad. You had to go and assume I did the worst **** possible. I hope no one ever takes advice from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Starks Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 We went on a "break" not a break up. During the break I saw her growing distant, so I did the normal begging and pleading etc. Your idea of a "break" is to beg, plead and ultimately tell the girl to **** off, and then you wonder if you have pushed her away? Good luck with all that. Try begging some more, I'm sure she'll come running in no time I'll stop posting now, as you seem to only want people to respond if they tell you what you wanna hear, doubt that'll happen though Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 Trust me, I was still feeling that bad 2 months after the break up. It sucks I'm not going to lie. But now its been a reasonably long time I am much, much better. There is no secret about it, you just gotta give it time. Posting here is brilliant, because you get advice, and everyone else gets the opportunity to help someone, which actually does wonders for us as well. Just follow the advice people give you here and it will get better. My advice i learnt the hard way would be to avoid her, don't be in the position to hear any news about her, don't ask about her, and just let her be your past. That way you don't hear anything that you don't want to hear, which believe me, is everything related to her. As we discussed on another thread, she isn't worth feeling this sh * t over Thank you. I have a hard time putting her into my past. It's not easy especially when you have dreams about her, makes waking up 10x worst Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 Your idea of a "break" is to beg, plead and ultimately tell the girl to **** off, and then you wonder if you have pushed her away? Good luck with all that. Try begging some more, I'm sure she'll come running in no time I'll stop posting now, as you seem to only want people to respond if they tell you what you wanna hear, doubt that'll happen though Apparently you didn't read my **** I posted. If you read she said she wanted to keep contact once a day. Please don't post to any of my threads anymore. I take all advice, just not someone like yours. I take donnovans advice. People who are sincere and understand. please, if you see my post skip over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 Should I delete her number off of my phone? Keep it written down somewhere just incase? Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 Hey all, I have posted a lot I know. I am grasping for hope etc. I am realizing, that if she made a mistake she would have came back quickly. Like 1 or 2 weeks. But nope, it's long gone now. I am going to stop posting topics based on hope etc...it's pointless, it slows down my process. She is gone. She is not coming back. She is probably already going on dates with other guys. Hooking up with them. It's hard for me to accept, I want it to not be true. But let's be real, she just got to college. Surrounded by friends, being persuaded. She is not changing any time soon. She is lost. All I am going to post now is about how I can move on. What I can do. Or maybe if I had a few questions pop up in my mind. It hard and I am about to cry typing this. I just deleted her number from my phone, all my social media apps are deleted. I am doing this for good now. Please help me and wish me luck. Some tips to stay focused and on the right tracks. I am so hurt. I can't believe someone could do this to another human being. So be it tho, the next person I find will be better I hope. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Dude wtf are you talking about? That's not why I made this post. I ****ing clearly stated it in the damn title. You were the one who started pointing fingers. Get your ****ing hands back in your pocket. I didn't ask to be pointed ou who is good and who is bad. You had to go and assume I did the worst **** possible. I hope no one ever takes advice from you. You got some anger issues dude. certainly puts a new perspective on how you might act in a relationship when things don't go your way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 You got some anger issues dude. certainly puts a new perspective on how you might act in a relationship when things don't go your way. Lol okay I have anger issues! You don't even know me in person. I love how people are doing this all over a forum. This is ridiculous. I am standing up for myself not letting myself get beat up by some guy hiding behind a computer cursing at me saying it is all my fault. Believe what you want too! As a matter of fact I wish my ex was here, I probably have the furthest thing away from anger issues in a relationship. I was never angry at all. I am understanding. But that's fine! Say whatever you want. I said all I have to say. Reply to this but I am not going to say anything back to anyone who comments about an anger issue Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 She wanted to keep in contact!! Lol..so after one week of her growing apart, I said screw it and broke up. It was unfair to me. It doesn't matter who wanted to stay in touch. You fix a relationship together. When you take one of these "breaks" everything gets worse, as was your experience. You can't have it both ways. It's not fair. It causes the hard feelings you experienced. It was unfair to you. Let her go. She doesn't know her own mind & wanted her cake & to eat it too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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