I think it is time I just force myself to move on

[Truth34]

Im with you man. I check social media about twice a day it seems. And I always go to the activity side, and when her name pops up my heart drops a little. What did she favorite, who is this quote about, etc etc.

 

Torture in its truest form.

[foolinlove79]

I know exactly how u feel. My ex bu with me and the met someone 2 weeks later. They seem very happy and there are pics all over facebook.

 

It does you no good looking. What do u get out of it other then pain?

 

How can they do this to us you aak? I think some people are easily able to move on. It hurts i know but you need to change your mindset here. You need to accept it is over and you will be ok

[EO422]

Thank you everyone for the replies....I really thought she would be coming back...but it just seems like I am now just in her last and she wants nothin to do with me. It hurts because I got nothing after the break up. She didn't respond. I couldn't say goodbye. I wished her luck in college and she didn't reply to that either. All she did was hang me out to dry. It's just confusing after loving someone so much...

 

I think she started talking to someone else possibly..because before the break up when she wasn't responding to me I told her tha if she was talking to soemone else then I was done and would not deal with being a safety net or a second option...and I asked her and she seemed to avoid he question until I asked her THREE times and she was like "there is no one else"...looking back it's bs..she avoided my question 3 times...that's a clue. Once I said that it seems like she couldn't face me anymore because she knew she was talking to someone else and how much it would hurt me and ruin everything...and she probably did not want to be considered a "cheater"...which she probably is. So screw her.

[EO422]

If she ever comes back to contact me to apologize or anything. I am going to make sure I tell her that what she did is totally wrong. I'm it guns be mean..but it seems like I'm the only mature one who knows how to treat people the right way. I'll be mature and make sure she knows not to do it again

[AnOldshoe]

So it's been a while since I've been on here but I read your post EO44 and I wanted to give you some advice. Stop talking to your ex, stop asking her pointless questions that will just piss her off and push her away. You definitely need to watch the videos from corey wayne, when my ex broke up with me there were a few that I would watch on repeat.

 

I recommend you watch all his YouTube videos before you stuff it up anymore

 

 

He's a bit of a d-bag but he seems to get good results

 

also check out a thread called 'if you want them back' in love shack, ive posted in there so you can find your way to it through my posts

 

I know you're probably doing what I did .. looking on love shack and enotalone for anyone that is going through something similar, a couple that broke up and where the girl came back. Anything that will justify what she did ......That she's going through gigs or quarter life crisis.

 

She might come back but she might not. She ended it and she is the one that will have to come back and there is nothing you can do will make her come back. This also helped me get through my breakup a scene from swingers....

 

Mike: Okay, so what if I don’t want to give up on her?

Rob: You don’t call.

Mike: But you said I don’t call if I wanted to give up on her.

Rob: Right.

Mike: So I don’t call either way?

Rob: Right.

Mike: So what’s the difference?

 

Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can’t do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.

 

Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?

Rob: Right.

Mike: Well that sucks.

Rob: Yeah, it sucks.

Mike: So it’s just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?

Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.

Mike: What do you mean?

Rob: I mean at first you’re going to pretend to forget about her, you’ll not call her, I don’t know, whatever… but then eventually, you really will forget about her.

Mike: Well what if she comes back first?

Rob: Mmmm… see, that’s the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.

Mike: There’s the rub.

Rob: There’s the rub.

 

Edited September 11, 2015 by AnOldshoe

[Bradt]

Huuuuge mistake to check her s/m...but all hope is not lost...you learned a good lesson.I done the same last year and it hurt lik a mf! We made up and 6 months later broke up again..Now its been 3-4 months and I have not contacted her....etc etc

Its hard now but you will get better trust me and don't bad mouth her....you will regret it later...take each day as it comes and break down and cry if you have too.Let it out and go out...

Delete her number and all connection you have.Put the stuff that remind u of her far far away or toss them.

I know cliche cliche...but it works...and I know right now a month seems loooooong...but you can make it.

[Nolan 93]

To think I've been in NC for almost a year. Time flys and life goes on.

[EO422]

Thanks man. Here is the thing tho. After the break up I did NOT send any threatening texts. I didn't really do anything except wish her the best..I never lashed out at her either..the only time I did was when I broke up with her because of how she treated me during the break and didn't hold her end of our deal.

[EO422]

Will do. I am just feeling lost. Lost without her. I can't really explain how I feel. Lost, and so many other things. I want this pain gone now

[jphcbpa]

I shut down FB for 4 months

I shut down instagram and never got back on.

 

SM is not what is seems and do not read into it or make up any stories.

 

Also remember, what ever she is doing is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS !

 

Take care of you, block, delete, throw away, untag, unfriend then shut it down for a few months. You will not miss anything. It is the same stuff over and over again. Look at me, look at me on FB.

[jphcbpa]

Will do. I am just feeling lost. Lost without her. I can't really explain how I feel. Lost, and so many other things. I want this pain gone now

 

There are no short cuts....best to learn to work with the pain. Use it and move it around. I suggest lots of meditation....not medication.

[EO422]

It's hard to let go...I want her name to come up on my

Phone all the time like it used too..I can't understand that she is gone

[MINDSHIFT]

It's hard to let go...I want her name to come up on my

Phone all the time like it used too..I can't understand that she is gone

 

I FEEL FOR U M8. I was at this stage at one point the first few weeks. Now i think i would dread a call from her.

 

You need to accept that its over. 2 months post breakup and this week has be awful the worst, only now im getting better. Don't prolong your pain dude. A smart man will learn from his mistakes, but a wise Man Learn From Mistakes Of Others. Read what people have told you about looking at her social media.

 

Stop looking at her social media it will set u back. Ive done it today and its not so bad but earlier on in the week I turned into a wreck. As tomorrow theres no going back for me, I will not look at anything (third attempt). Improve yourself, grow and life is funny I bet once your forgetting about her she will pop up on your phone. Dont waste time dwelling on somebody who is moving on living life, she winning again!!! Have the last laugh, **** her and her life, whatever she doing dont care. She one of many people in the world, take this time to grow as a person.

 

The greatest revenge is massive success.

[hakim]

QUOTE=EO422;6539598]I just looked at her social media. It was a huge mistake. She seems totally happy and Okay without me. How could she do this? How could I mean so much to her and now she is just ****ing going on so easily. I am about to cry. I hate her so muchz[ QUOTE]

 

She's happy because she got over you weeks before she ended it with you. That's how most women function.

 

She probably knows you're going through a hard time too. She has probably asked about you through your friends and figured out you're having a bad time which, in turn, is helping her get over you too.

 

I recommend you delete any means of using your social media accounts. You could block her, but that'll tell her something.

 

 

I just don't use any of it at all now... I'm focused on me and making myself happy.

[hakim]

QUOTE=EO422;6540849]It's hard to let go...I want her name to come up on my

Phone all the time like it used too..I can't understand that she is gone[ QUOTE]

 

You have to stop this melodrama. You're putting her on some damn pedestal when you should be thinking 100% about you and what you want.

 

 

I can assume the break up was recent, because this is how most men function after a BU.

 

 

Think about what you truly want in life and what really makes you happy.

[EO422]

Okay, I KNOW that NC is for me and not her. But if she comes back and wants me I will give it a go.

 

BUT, what if she contacts me soon with just a "hey" ..do I respond? Or do I just leave it?

 

Should I be ignoring her until I get a message saying exactly "I miss you and I want you back and I want to try things over again. I made a mistake"

 

Basically, am I replying to everything they text me or ignoring it until I hear what I want?

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

Nope. Do not reply to ANYTHING.

 

The only thing she can say that warrants a response is "I made a mistake and want to get back together."

[mightycpa]

Okay, I KNOW that NC is for me and not her. But if she comes back and wants me I will give it a go.

 

BUT, what if she contacts me soon with just a "hey" ..do I respond? Or do I just leave it?

 

Should I be ignoring her until I get a message saying exactly "I miss you and I want you back and I want to try things over again. I made a mistake"

 

Basically, am I replying to everything they text me or ignoring it until I hear what I want?

Your desire to get back together and NC are fundamentally incompatible. You've not yet made the commitment to get over her, you're just going through the motions. You're executing Plan B, leaving some room for Plan A to miraculously show up one day.

 

It doesn't work that way, which is why you have the questions you have. You know that a correct application of NC will probably tank your chances of reconciliation.

 

So if that's what you want, you need to do two things if she ever does contact you:

 

1) Respond

2) Brace yourself for a truckload of disappointment.

[warshaw]

Do not respond until she makes it unequivocally clear that she made a mistake by dumping you, or 30 days, whichever comes LAST.

[EO422]

Okay now I am confused. Am I replying or not to small talk like "hey"..or am I ignoring her until she is basically sending a specific text saying"I want to get back together" That simple

[warshaw]

Thought my post was about as clear as it gets, and it seems to be in unanimous agreement with what everybody else wrote.

 

NO

 

(but I doubt you're going to hear from her, you come across as rather weak and needy and she probably knows this and she's probably the strong personality type, who, once she makes up her mind, there's no turning back.)

 

So don't bother yourself with the "what if" mind games, it's not going to happen.

[mightycpa]

Okay now I am confused. Am I replying or not to small talk like "hey"..or am I ignoring her until she is basically sending a specific text saying"I want to get back together" That simple

Well, first of all, you don't have to worry about getting that second type of text. It won't happen. You definitely ignore the other kind.

 

Second, NC really means that you never see any of her messages, breadcrumbs or otherwise, whether it is in a text, a chat client, an email, a FB post, a tweet, or instagram or any of it. The only way you should ever know that she is even attempting to contact you is because you've closed all avenues, and she has to show up at your door. If she does that, you'll know she's serious, and at that point, she's not going to bother with the small talk.

 

Then you decide.

[warshaw]

The only way you should ever know that she is even attempting to contact you is because you've closed all avenues

 

Right. If you're really committed to breaking free of this dumper, you need to be proactive and like the poster above said, "close all avenues of contact" rather than saying you're going no contact to move on with your life but really you're waiting and hoping for your phone to light up.

[EO422]

Got it, thanks all! I was just confused...I'm not really the clingy needy type...but we had our things we always did together..I only got clingy once I saw her pulling away with it really...maybe I was a bit clingy..and I know how she is very stubborn..but as I was too..It was a great relationship...just maybe a few times I got clingy because I saw her pulling away

[Thegreatfrazzle]

Ignore everything, in fact, block her to such an extent that none of her messages or calls actually get through to you. I got back together with my ex after she dumped me for the first time. Didn't work out, just got 2X the heartache. It really isn't worth it.

 

Her loss in the long run. Ride the storm, see it out. Things do get better buddy.