Author EO422 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 You did get gypped. It sucks that you invested 2 years & now she bailed. But I have to ask. . how old are you? If she's just starting college that puts her at 18-19. If you are old enough to go to a bar now (21 at least) that is a pretty big age gap & a huge / insurmountable life stage gap NC works better when you both use it. It's not a punishment. Mutually staying away from each other facilitates healing. We know you want her back but you have to realize that is not happening. Starting college opens a whole new world for most people & their pre-college relationships don't usually survive especially if it's a transition from high school Yeah it's a 1 year and 9 month gap Link to post Share on other sites
quattrob Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Me and my gf were long distance for 2 years...she said she loved me..but she broke up with me right before she went to college saying "she wasn't IN love with me anymore" I just hope that the relationship meant something to her even tho it was long distance. She DID love me. I know that 100%...but I feel like now that she is at college and will be getting a new relationship especially one that is not LDR...she will find it 100x better than ours and not miss me at all... When she got to college we were NOT going to be LDR anymore..her college was 30 min away and we were gunna hangout so much...but she bailed. Broke my heart. I waited for 2 years basically for us to not be LDR anymore. Then again. I feel like God hates me. Went out to the bar last night and failed miserably getting 2 girls numbers. It's just upsetting. I just want my ex back. But I feel that any relationship she gets now will be way better than what we had. Because we were LDR..and any new relationship will be better because it can have physical contact right away This is one reason why you shouldn't do Long distance relationships, stick to people around your area or at least don't let long distance last too long otherwise feelings can die/change. I don't see a point in a relationship when you can't see each other when you want to, be there when you need them, touch them, feel them etc.. That's not really a relationship at all imo. You took a risk on this girl and because your circumstances hasn't changed (nothing really is moving forward in getting closer to her geographically), she started to change her feelings. And you need to get a hold of yourself, read what you're typing and control your emotions. I understand it's hard and painful for you at the moment but it's not necessary to start so many threads about the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Yeah it's a 1 year and 9 month gap What were you doing with a girl who wasn't even 18 when this relationship started? Sorry, my man, but LDR with 17-year-olds don't generally have long staying power. How many times did you even meet this girl? Your first post on this matter makes it sound like in the two years you were "together," you almost never even were actually with her. I did a LDR for the better part of four years, with the first two involving virtually no physical togetherness, so I can't judge too harshly. I'm just saying that by the sounds of it, you had very little IRL time with this girl who wasn't even legally an adult when you started dating her. She's finally entering young adulthood and she wants to explore it. There's nothing wrong with that. I wouldn't even take it too personally. It's just how most people at that age feel to some extent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 What were you doing with a girl who wasn't even 18 when this relationship started? Sorry, my man, but LDR with 17-year-olds don't generally have long staying power. How many times did you even meet this girl? Your first post on this matter makes it sound like in the two years you were "together," you almost never even were actually with her. I did a LDR for the better part of four years, with the first two involving virtually no physical togetherness, so I can't judge too harshly. I'm just saying that by the sounds of it, you had very little IRL time with this girl who wasn't even legally an adult when you started dating her. She's finally entering young adulthood and she wants to explore it. There's nothing wrong with that. I wouldn't even take it too personally. It's just how most people at that age feel to some extent. Well, she was my best friend for years really..that's how it happened..more so our families were friends...then she went away!! And it wouldn't be long distance anymore..she is 30 minutes away from me now! And she is 19 lol Link to post Share on other sites
thejabberwocky Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 If you really care about her, you will still love her in 60 days! Plus that will give her time to miss you and get over GIGS. Just do NC, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Anything important that you need to say will be just as important in 60 days! She'll respect you more and miss you if you go silent for awhile. 60 days is nothing compared to the rest of your life. Plus, then you'll be emotionally stable and better able to assess whether getting back together is a good decision. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 If you really care about her, you will still love her in 60 days! Plus that will give her time to miss you and get over GIGS. Just do NC, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Anything important that you need to say will be just as important in 60 days! She'll respect you more and miss you if you go silent for awhile. 60 days is nothing compared to the rest of your life. Plus, then you'll be emotionally stable and better able to assess whether getting back together is a good decision. What is this 60 days BS? Absence does not fix a relationship. She's not going to miss him. She's going to heal & move on. He should too. NC is FOREVER. I do agree that in 60 days he will be further along on his path to recovery ,or at least he should be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
drseuss Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 The idea is that it makes no contact less daunting , you tell someone to do 30 days then when they get there it's easier to do 30 more making 60 and so on You can't tell an emotionaly broken and attached person to do nc forever from day one bacuse they don't like the sounds of it , it breaks it up in to easier chunks ,hopefully by 60 days he won't feel like contacting her Link to post Share on other sites
thejabberwocky Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 I say 60 days because it's hard to imagine spending the rest of your life never speaking to someone you care about ever again. 60 days is enough time to get emotions to settle. IMO, after 60 days, you usually are thinking more clearly and don't want to talk to them again. But if you have things that you still think are important to say after, better say them when you're a little more detached and emotionally stable than right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Sixty days is less daunting than forever, so in that regard, it's sound strategy. But given this situation, I think it's best to avoid saying stuff like she'll miss him. Even if she does, the likelihood of her wanting to resume the relationship is slim. Keep the focus of NC and its benefits strictly on yourself and not what it'll make the ex feel. Link to post Share on other sites
thejabberwocky Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Sixty days is less daunting than forever, so in that regard, it's sound strategy. But given this situation, I think it's best to avoid saying stuff like she'll miss him. Even if she does, the likelihood of her wanting to resume the relationship is slim. Keep the focus of NC and its benefits strictly on yourself and not what it'll make the ex feel. But maybe she will miss him. What I'm saying is that either way, it works out well for him. Either they're over and it'll help him move on, or they'll miss each other and get back together. NC does not have a downside (besides it being hard not to talk, of course). Link to post Share on other sites
hakim Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 OP, what you're doing is sooooo stupid. I was once with a girl, who was my best friend for 3-4 years before. We ended up dating for 3 years and I ended it with her because I had fallen for someone else. The best thing you can do during a break up, regardless of who's the dumper/ee, is to FOCUS ON YOURSELF which you're clearly not doing. You're going around in circles like a dog trying to catch it's tail. Praying beyond belief that she'll come back, when she won't. You need to face the facts and you need to get yourself back on track in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Tobin Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 OP, what you're doing is sooooo stupid. There are nicer ways to put things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 Sixty days is less daunting than forever, so in that regard, it's sound strategy. But given this situation, I think it's best to avoid saying stuff like she'll miss him. Even if she does, the likelihood of her wanting to resume the relationship is slim. Keep the focus of NC and its benefits strictly on yourself and not what it'll make the ex feel. Well, I know she misses me already. I know she does. I know her. She clearly is not reaching out to make contact. So I have my answer. Wether or not she will come around is a mystery. Anyone else's ex could come around as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 Hey all, I have a question. When she called me on the phone to tell me she wants a break and worried she was making a mistake she also told me she felt guilty. She felt guilty because she went to go hangout with her friends and this guy was there and they were all laughing and having fun. She said she felt guilty for 2 reasons, the first reason being that she was hanging out and another guy was around. The second reason being that he would text her in a group chat that her friend started. So he got her number and would text her, and she said she felt bad about texting another guy and had to tell me. Now idk if that is true or not. I told her if she likes him at all or anything and she told me "no, I don't like him at all he is just a friend"...idk if she truly felt bad or if she had feelings for him. I was sitting here last night thinking to myself. "Why would she feel bad if she knew it was nothing and they are just friends?" ..I mean don't get me wrong, my gf is the very guilty type. So it very well could have been she felt guilty texting another guy regardless. She asked me "do you text any other girls" and I told her no. So, after she told me she said she felt better. But I am still unsure, idk if she got feelings for him or what? If she did, I know she did not go out of her way to try and do it. If anything it was just one of those "crush" type things that we all get. I know she wouldn't purposely cheat. I know some of you may ask "well why the hell do you care anymore?"...well I do care because if she really did like him and was texting him and that was the reason for all of this happening, then it will make it easier for me to move on. It will hurt more, but then this would give me NO desire at all whatsoever to want her back. I will be set with moving on Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 Also, I know there is still no trace of that guy...nothing has happened between them since then. she doesn't like favorite his stuff on social media, haven't taken pictures. She isn't even by him anymore. He is back at home and she is at school. I still don't know though Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Well, she was my best friend for years really..that's how it happened..more so our families were friends...then she went away!! And it wouldn't be long distance anymore..she is 30 minutes away from me now! And she is 19 lol And now she wants to be single in college and experience that. Sorry. You're done. She's young, immature, and needs to grow and experience college. Without you. Accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 I SCREWED UP...me and her used oovoo all the time. And I was on the computer and I was trying to delete her from it..but I CLICKED HER and it started to call her. So much for NC...I am not sure if it actually called..all it did was say "connecting..." And I hit "X" right away to close the window. So it may not have called. I looked at the history and it did not show up in the call history. So HOPEFULLY it didn't go through because it was still "connecting" Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 20, 2015 Author Share Posted September 20, 2015 Alright. No one reply to this! I just need to get this out. I mean fee free to reply but I am angry. This is just a cent post. I don't get how she is moving on. How she is doing all this stuff. I don't know what she is doing. I haven't stalked her social media in weeks. But I am so mad. I don't get how she can so easily just blow me off. Like I was nothing. I want her feelings to come back. I want her to actually realize she made a mistake. She said she was worried she was making a mistake. Well SCREW her..I hope she realizes. I am trying to move on. Getting out, keeping busy. I want to try and at least hangout with girls or something. I want to get someone 100x better and prettier than her and make her cry when she sees me with her. This way she can message me and I can tell her to kick rocks or something. I waited so long for us to be close and SHE screwed my whole life up. I was in college, turned down so many girls. And NOW she left me?! Are u kidding?? Wth. I hate her Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 I am so confused. I looked at her social media. No bigger. Nothing set me back. But there is stuff on there that is like she Retweeted a photo of soemone that said "Can we stay in no contact" Me: "No" Then another post was a video of a girl crying and someone saying "stay strong, the relationship is supposed to make you happy. He should be coming back to protect you" ik I shouldn't look into it. But like wtf? She was pushing me away, she was slowly withdrawing from the relationship. I started to do Nc. I don't know if this is like "signs" to me or not. Idk what to do. If it is signs to me then that is stupid Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 She also posted them on the day she unblocked me too. Wth..I'm confused. If she wants me back I feel like that she should come back to ME. I broke up because I had no freaking choice. I was being dragged a long. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Share Posted September 24, 2015 That is i. I let go of all hope. She has changed. I'm at the point I don't even care. Tried to reach out for closure and I am so disgusted. I don't care one but anymore. She can move on. Glad for her..eww Link to post Share on other sites
Author EO422 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Share Posted September 25, 2015 Basically, my gf ended the relationship of 2 yrs. I think she had found someone else. This kind of makes me feel used. Like I was there just for her support and so she could feel loved. Not saying that is actually what happened..but when the one you love leaves you and someone else comes into the picture, it sure feels like that. I feel as if, I am just there and now she found something better. Ugh. Sucks. Is this how people regularly feel after this happens? How do you all feel? Link to post Share on other sites
serate Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 I feel your pain and living with it everyday. She was with me for a year and got back with her ex after our break up. She was talking to him near the end and claim he was just a friend. She basically emotionally cheated on me. I feel so betrayed and I want to fight for her but I don't know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 (edited) You have no proof that she's with someone, nor does it ultimately matter. You guys are done and she's not going to be single forever. It sucks, but once you accept this inevitability, you won't feel AS bad. Edited September 25, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 (edited) Folks, it appears that moderation has merged multiple threads on a similar topic from this member and some content may be duplicated. As always comments shall be directed to the thread starter in a civil and respectful manner. I also direct members to the announcement at the top of our forums regarding berating language and words that are incompatible with our guidelines Edited September 25, 2015 by William Link to post Share on other sites
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