minimariah Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 so... i'm not having a good week, not at all. this week... my biggest dream, well ONE of my biggest dreams... the dream i worked so hard for my entire life - will end. and i find it incredibly hard to accept and let go. i keep going back to all of the things i should have done in my mind and the regret is always there - for all the lost time and for many things i can't explain why i didn't or did do. i guess i'm just venting... i got over a lot of things in my life - illness, divorce, heartbreaks, death... but for some reason, it is almost impossible for me to let go and get over a dream. Link to post Share on other sites
MrNate 2.0 Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 so... i'm not having a good week, not at all. this week... my biggest dream, well ONE of my biggest dreams... the dream i worked so hard for my entire life - will end. and i find it incredibly hard to accept and let go. i keep going back to all of the things i should have done in my mind and the regret is always there - for all the lost time and for many things i can't explain why i didn't or did do. i guess i'm just venting... i got over a lot of things in my life - illness, divorce, heartbreaks, death... but for some reason, it is almost impossible for me to let go and get over a dream. Why will it end? Link to post Share on other sites
Author minimariah Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 hi, Nate. well... let's just say that i didn't work hard enough for it. there was a bump in the road & i couldn't get pass it. instead of getting up and moving on stronger - i just kept laying down. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kenmore Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 You are being vague about your dream and maybe it doesn't matter; I guess your point is it was very important to you and it's dying. You say it's because you didn't try hard enough and most people would ask why didn't you if it was so important to you but I think I know the answer. It's because you didn't know until too late that it wasn't good enough. Sometimes it is difficult to define good enough. Sometimes the extra mile is huge and the improvement can be minimal or even non-existent, so we judge what is the right amount of effort and aim for that or maybe even a little more. It's disconcerting when it's not enough. Maybe it could be that you knew you weren't putting in enough effort but didn't realize how important it was to you until it was ending. Whatever the reason and no matter how it came about, I'm truly sorry to hear about it and if I could help, I would. I'm about to say something that is going to make you cringe. You will scoff and maybe even be angry at me for suggesting it but here goes anyway: Oftentimes when I feel like you are feeling, I get down and feel like crap for a good long time but one day I realize that if things had worked out then, it would have been worse. I'm still angry for losing my marriage but if I hadn't, I would still be stuck in that situation instead of my life taking a completely different turn! Sometimes it takes the loss of a dream to truly understand what's best for us. I'm not saying that stuff to fill you full of sh*t or blow smoke up your skirt, I'm saying it because I have lived it several times lately. Life needed to kick me in my ass several times to straighten me out. Please don't lose sight of the fact it may be like that for you. But no matter what, I know it hurts. Ken 3 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 perhaps the sad thing here is that you are expressing loss over a single dream. you should have more than one thing you're striving for and more than one plan to meet it. there are always other roads to whatever you're pursuing. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 so... i'm not having a good week, not at all. this week... my biggest dream, well ONE of my biggest dreams... the dream i worked so hard for my entire life - will end. and i find it incredibly hard to accept and let go. i keep going back to all of the things i should have done in my mind and the regret is always there - for all the lost time and for many things i can't explain why i didn't or did do. i guess i'm just venting... i got over a lot of things in my life - illness, divorce, heartbreaks, death... but for some reason, it is almost impossible for me to let go and get over a dream. mini - I'm so sorry to hear that you're having a rough week. I know exactly how you feel. I've had dreams that didn't materialize despite my best efforts. One particular dream that has taken me 2 years to grieve and let go of. So, believe me. I know exactly how you're feeling right now. But here is the thing about life: there's always room for more than one dream. That's probably the biggest lesson I've learned with my own failure. So, when you feel better, sit down and think about other dreams you had that you put aside. Now you have time to pursue those. Life is too short to torture yourself over the loss of one dream, no matter how big it was, no matter how much work you put into achieving it, or didn't. Where one dream ends, another one can start. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MrNate 2.0 Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 hi, Nate. well... let's just say that i didn't work hard enough for it. there was a bump in the road & i couldn't get pass it. instead of getting up and moving on stronger - i just kept laying down. Ah, then that begets the question: Was it necessairily a dream of yours? There's no wrong answer of course, but it seems like there may have been a bit of ambivalence there. I guess a bigger question to ask is: If your dream was right in front of you and you had access to it by simply putting your heart and soul into it every day, would you? If so, then that means that dream may have been more of a smaller desire, and that is totally fine. Try not to beat yourself up too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author minimariah Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 (edited) perhaps the sad thing here is that you are expressing loss over a single dream. you should have more than one thing you're striving for and more than one plan to meet it. there are always other roads to whatever you're pursuing. i do & i will pursue this dream through other roads - none of that means that this loss is any less painful. let's say that this road was the most prestigious one, i can achieve the goal through other roads and i will - but it will be less impressive. i can compare it to college, for example - let's say you want to be a lawyer and you get into Harvard... then you get kicked out and the dream of you being a Harvard lawyer is lost. you will still be a lawyer and go to another school but that particular dream, THE dream is lost. that one road you wanted to follow is lost. THAT's what i'm talking about. (i'm not a lawyer and i don't want to be, this was the best example i could think of to kind of paint what i'm going through). Edited September 15, 2015 by minimariah Link to post Share on other sites
Author minimariah Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 Ah, then that begets the question: Was it necessairily a dream of yours? absolutely. I guess a bigger question to ask is: If your dream was right in front of you and you had access to it by simply putting your heart and soul into it every day, would you? i would and i had that chance... but life happened, i guess. i got distracted and lost my focus and when i snapped out of it... it was too late. If so, then that means that dream may have been more of a smaller desire, and that is totally fine. Try not to beat yourself up too much. it was a HUGE desire. still is. i think i literally burned out and sometimes i think i wanted it too much. You are being vague about your dream and maybe it doesn't matter; I guess your point is it was very important to you and it's dying. You say it's because you didn't try hard enough and most people would ask why didn't you if it was so important to you but I think I know the answer. It's because you didn't know until too late that it wasn't good enough. something like this... i took my time to get back up & it was a mistake. i guess i didn't take it serious enough. but that's what's hard to overcome - when you know you want and could do something but didn't... like, i know i can do it and be amazing at it but... i'm honestly at loss for words even. i don't know what had happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author minimariah Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 mini - I'm so sorry to hear that you're having a rough week. I know exactly how you feel. I've had dreams that didn't materialize despite my best efforts. One particular dream that has taken me 2 years to grieve and let go of. So, believe me. I know exactly how you're feeling right now. right...? i find it very hard to let go of this one particular dream, details and all. it's just... it wasn't supposed to happen this way, you know? but i guess that's life. i know i'll get back up, i know that. i'm just in a grieveing process right now. i think i'll always grieve for this period of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 This is so vague ....guess I'll just send hugs mimi. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 i can compare it to college, for example - let's say you want to be a lawyer and you get into Harvard... then you get kicked out and the dream of you being a Harvard lawyer is lost. you will still be a lawyer and go to another school but that particular dream, THE dream is lost. that one road you wanted to follow is lost. THAT's what i'm talking about. (i'm not a lawyer and i don't want to be, this was the best example i could think of to kind of paint what i'm going through). I know this is just an example, but at the risk of getting too deep into the irrelevant weeds, what I'd point out about that dream is that it's based on a lousy measure of achievement: after a handful of years, few people are going to care where you went to school, but rather how effective of an attorney you are. Does that have any applicability to your dream? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author minimariah Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 This is so vague ....guess I'll just send hugs mimi. i know! i'm sorry. i'd explain it but it would be a seriously loooooooooooooong story. I know this is just an example, but at the risk of getting too deep into the irrelevant weeds, what I'd point out about that dream is that it's based on a lousy measure of achievement: after a handful of years, few people are going to care where you went to school, but rather how effective of an attorney you are. Does that have any applicability to your dream? yes! my thing is - how do i look at my situation that way? i think for me, it's hard to focus on the future and on me achieving the dream i have... only by a different road? i'm sure folks won't care in 10 years and my dream WILL be achieved and i'll be happy... i'm just scared that my happiness will somehow be "less" because of this failure. not sure if i'm making sense. i know the thread is so random but you guys gave some good advice anyway, so thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 my thing is - how do i look at my situation that way? i think for me, it's hard to focus on the future and on me achieving the dream i have... only by a different road? i'm sure folks won't care in 10 years and my dream WILL be achieved and i'll be happy... i'm just scared that my happiness will somehow be "less" because of this failure. not sure if i'm making sense. I guess I'd suggest looking at your goal as the destination rather than the journey. There are many ways to get to that destination. You may be forced by traffic or weather to improvise and choose another path. You may get a flat tire or a broken belt that slows you down. But the pride to be had is not only in reaching your destination, it's also in the perseverance you demonstrate in the course of your journey. It didn't go according to plan, maybe not at all, but you saw it through nonetheless. ETA: I'd argue that maybe there's more accomplishment in continuing the journey despite obstacles, self-imposed or otherwise, than in even reaching the destination. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author minimariah Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 thank you. ^ i guess i have to keep my focus and just... think positive, i guess? thank you for the kind words. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MrNate 2.0 Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 absolutely. i would and i had that chance... but life happened, i guess. i got distracted and lost my focus and when i snapped out of it... it was too late. it was a HUGE desire. still is. i think i literally burned out and sometimes i think i wanted it too much. something like this... i took my time to get back up & it was a mistake. i guess i didn't take it serious enough. but that's what's hard to overcome - when you know you want and could do something but didn't... like, i know i can do it and be amazing at it but... i'm honestly at loss for words even. i don't know what had happened. Is it possible to still go for it? If so I think you absolutely should. Link to post Share on other sites
Author minimariah Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 Is it possible to still go for it? If so I think you absolutely should. yeah, i'll go for it... just a different route this time. i will keep working towards it and i'll work harder. i just feel sad and disappointed in me. i've been a hard worker my entire life and failed when i supposed to push my hardest. it's like i got tired 5 steps away from the finish line and never got to finish the race... you know? it's that type of feeling. i'm just sad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I had a dream to join the Marines when I was a little kid, all the way up to my mid twenties. Once I started getting involved in that direction though it turned out to not really be what I wanted. But it had been my dream since childhood so I pushed forward anyway with kind of half-hearted effort, to the point it didn't end up happening. I don't think you would have slacked off if deep down inside it was truly 100% what you wanted. =/ And maybe at some point you'll forgive yourself for that and view it for what it was. Instead of as some kind of failure. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 yeah, i'll go for it... just a different route this time. i will keep working towards it and i'll work harder. i just feel sad and disappointed in me. i've been a hard worker my entire life and failed when i supposed to push my hardest. it's like i got tired 5 steps away from the finish line and never got to finish the race... you know? it's that type of feeling. i'm just sad. You'll eventually get there, Everest isn't climbed in one day, Look toward the future, the tribulations you've surpassed will come into play, The taste of victory once you achieve it will be sweeter than most, For it will be a dream fulfilled, a rather large claim, to boast! If if makes you feel better, I feel like this for most of my dreams in my day, Mostly due to my own irresponsibility and partying ways, I have not lived any one of my dreams yet, although they are steep, I can only hope one day I have your persistence, and a goal in mind to keep. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MrNate 2.0 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 yeah, i'll go for it... just a different route this time. i will keep working towards it and i'll work harder. i just feel sad and disappointed in me. i've been a hard worker my entire life and failed when i supposed to push my hardest. it's like i got tired 5 steps away from the finish line and never got to finish the race... you know? it's that type of feeling. i'm just sad. Absolutely. I'm hard on myself too. But there's a bright side to this: the next time you're so close, you're going to look back at this, and I know it will give you the motivation to help you realize what you've been working towards. However with that said, don't beat yourself up too much now.... Because you got work to do, madam. Link to post Share on other sites
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