idk440 Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 I have been reading a lot of the forums on this page as well as others around the internet to really get a feel of what is going on with everyone else and realizing that it is not just me. History - Wife and I have been together around 9 years now. I'm 28 she's 26. We've been married for a little over 5 years and have a 3 (almost 4) year old. House/Dog/Fish/2 Cars/Debt - your classic family get-up I guess. Things have been rough lately. There is a lack of communication between both of us, we live by different values in our work lives and we basically have no romance at all between us (once a quarter if that). There have been signs looking back on it from even before we were married, fights, different beliefs in life/work/etc. and we always overlooked most of that. Lately though I think we are both starting to see that things are more like being roommates than being married. We have both said things like "not in front of the kid" that make me think she might be realizing this as well. She is an amazing person and Mom but I am not IN love with her. This might be unconventional but we've had a vacation booked for sometime now, we leave in a couple days and are gone for a week with about a 8-9 hour drive. We are actually leaving our child at home as well with family to getaway and spend some time together, at least that was the plan. The more I think about vacation I picture just myself enjoying the different aspects of what we are doing but not with her. The one main question I have is... would it be wrong to bring up getting a divorce and talking this over on the ride back home after vacation? I know that you want to have time to talk without anyone especially kids present but I also know that whenever the conversation is done there isn't escaping each other until we are back home. I know her emotions and I know no matter where/what/how I say it they will be in all directions. I also do the driving and I don't get emotional (one thing that drives her nuts) in terms of crying/sobbing/etc. so I am not worried about the my actions of driving while having this talk. Is this a good/bad idea. I don't want to put it off and I don't want to drag it on as we get towards the holiday season either. Link to post Share on other sites
warshaw Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 The drive home is as good a time as any to have "the talk". Definitely better than the drive up there! I always chuckle when people say they have fish. As if it matters lol Link to post Share on other sites
Spaceman85 Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I also know that whenever the conversation is done there isn't escaping each other until we are back home. Well this is one reason I'd avoid talking divorce in the car, but the other is that you both deserve the full attention of the other. She may find it more than disrespectful if you are discussing something like this without even looking at her. Wait until the kid goes to bed and discuss it at home. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 She is an amazing person and Mom but I am not IN love with her. Is there a reason you're not trying MC? You seem awfully quick to step to the exit given there's a child involved. No one's "IN love" with their spouse every day but successful couples work hard together to keep intimacy alive. Counseling can help you with some strategies for positive communication and resolution. Were my spouse to accompany me on a romantic week-long vacation (if you get my drift) and then dump me on the way home, I'd feel tricked, used and deceived. If separation is on the horizon, might not be the starting tone you'd want. Just curious - is there another person involved, even emotionally? Are you discussing your marital issues with a "close" female friend? If so, certainly not helping your marriage... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beanie66f Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I'm with Mr. Lucky on this. If my DH and I went on a week long vacation and he brought divorce up in the car on the way home I think I would dump hot coffee on his head. If you want to talk about the marriage and you are thinking about divorce, do it during the vacation where you can sit and face each other and talk. Not once the vacation is over. Or...wait until you get home. Or here's an idea - go into the vacation with more an open mind that its an opportunity to reignite your relationship, or talk about things that matter. I also agree with the other posters - no one is in love every day...especially with a toddler!! You both are probably exhausted and sleep deprived. It takes effort and work. Maybe talk about therapy/counseling as opposed to the Big D. With a toddler, divorce is going to mean you are still going to have to communicate and interact with your "ex" for years down the road. Anything you could glean from a counselor on how to communicate better could either help your marriage - or if it still ends - help you down the road when you are dealing with an ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueBlood Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Breaking up your marriage. Without ever trying to go to MC or suggest it. In a car six or more hours from home, so there is nowhere to escape to. After a romantic vacay. What could possibly go wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Wait until mid-october. Link to post Share on other sites
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