I am totally going to hell...

[superdub]

And I don't believe in anything close to it.

 

That's not true. I believe in "everything" being a possibility, religion-wise.

 

My GF is extremely unhappy in her marriage. I had a crazy relationship ending roughly a year ago. She was one of my "rocks" through the whole thing. Helped me get back on my feet, occupationally and creatively. Totally picked up and ran with what someone else had failed at/not given a damn about.

 

We've know each other since we were eight. We've always gotten along. We both moved away and got married to people much older than us.

 

We've been dancing around it for a solid six months. She showed up tonight, after months of an emotional affair in an amazing outfit that sent a very clear message. I was so kind, so polite, so failing to reject anything she was saying or doing, but sent her away.

 

I can't do it again and she absolutely will.

 

I am about to become the "other man" because she is unhappy but hasn't divorced him yet. I feel so strange, taking her away from him.

 

It's a curse.

 

And I'm going to do it either way. Even with the forethought that it will end badly, I am going to do this.

 

I am totally going to a Christian person's hell, whether I believe in it or not.

[Eighty_nine]

The only kind of hell I believe in are our personal ones, which we create for ourselves. That's where you're going. Consider whether you really want the pain and drama of being with a married woman.

[superdub]

The only kind of hell I believe in are our personal ones, which we create for ourselves. That's where you're going. Consider whether you really want the pain and drama of being with a married woman.

 

I know...the answer has always been no. However..our schedules line up, she's so smoking hot...her brain is amazing. She tries to get me. She accepts all of my nonsense. And...I'm lonely.

 

I know these are terribly superficial reasons to get involved but everyone else seems so insane that this is my "sane" choice.

 

Talk me out of it Lissvarna. Talk me down off this cliff. I am not this stupid or crazy, I swear. Tell me that the matching lace silver underwear and thigh high black leather boots under a rain coat are NOT a reason to ruin a friendship. No matter how horny and lonely I am.

[bluefeather]

You two sound like you deserve each other.

[BlueBlood]

So step back, and remember your wedding vows? You know the ones that probably didn't have an addendum saying it was ok to sleep with other people as long as they wore lace and thigh high leather boots? Tell Mrs. Raincoat to chill out, and you have a long hard think about what this could bring. Betrayal. Sneaking around. Lies. Hurt. Shock. Disease. Dismay. And loneliness. Lots of it. For what?

 

If you want to trip traipse down that path, just know it'll end with a dozen ramifications, half of which you'll never see coming, and none of which you'll be able to control.

 

Or... Talk to your spouse. Cut off ties with the OW. Work on the marriage you chose to enter. Give it a try. Or just file for divorce. At least then your spouse is saved the heartache of finding out, because they do tend to find out.

[superdub]

So step back, and remember your wedding vows? You know the ones that probably didn't have an addendum saying it was ok to sleep with other people as long as they wore lace and thigh high leather boots? Tell Mrs. Raincoat to chill out, and you have a long hard think about what this could bring. Betrayal. Sneaking around. Lies. Hurt. Shock. Disease. Dismay. And loneliness. Lots of it. For what?

 

If you want to trip traipse down that path, just know it'll end with a dozen ramifications, half of which you'll never see coming, and none of which you'll be able to control.

 

Or... Talk to your spouse. Cut off ties with the OW. Work on the marriage you chose to enter. Give it a try. Or just file for divorce. At least then your spouse is saved the heartache of finding out, because they do tend to find out.

 

Not to argue. I've been divorced myself since 2009. I had a girlfriend I thought was "the one" who was "the horrible one" and it's really only one side married here.

 

Not that that makes it any better. Just making a statement.

[rhymemepoet]

First, I have to say that you have already committed to her and to the relationship you and she want. Second, I doubt that anything, even wild horses can drag you away at this point.

 

Your affair is unique to you but not different than any others. I too was a divorced guy who completely went down on the rabbit hole with my married affair partner. Yes I remember the matching bra and panties. I remember the excitement watching this gorgeous woman walk from her car to my door and thinking that I could never afford her if she was to get paid what it was worth. Some woman are special and those are the ones we want. But.....

 

Realize who she is and right from the get go realize that this will end and you will be reeling from the most intense addiction you have ever experienced.

 

It's been over a year since we ended out three year affair. I still think about her constantly even though it's not an emotional feeling it is really hard to shake.

 

I think I got lucky because my affair somehow brought be back to my wife and kids after six years apart! I'm happy now that I have my kid's in my life everyday again.

 

My advice to you is to try as hard as you can to allow this affair to fix you. I know you don't want to hear this, because you can't refute my qualified opinion, but the only people who get into affairs like this are broken inside.

 

Here is some positive news, even though you will surely be up to your eyeballs in the passion and pleasure to notice. Through this affair I emerged as a new man, a new career and I emerged as an artist. I began to write in earnest and over the last four years I published two books on Amazon.

 

You are on a razors edge. My personal advice to you is always keep your ace up your own sleeve. She is a cheater and no matter how much you love each other she will burn you worse than any woman in the world. Cheaters cheat and eventually she will cheat on you. Good luck and enjoy your ride. Make sure her husband isn't the violent type before going all in.

[superdub]

 

You are on a razors edge. My personal advice to you is always keep your ace up your own sleeve. She is a cheater and no matter how much you love each other she will burn you worse than any woman in the world. Cheaters cheat and eventually she will cheat on you. Good luck and enjoy your ride. Make sure her husband isn't the violent type before going all in.

 

Oddly enough, I think I seem or type or sound more invested than I am. Honestly, I'm bored. I had something in mind for how my life would be and this is not it. The "she is a cheater" thing is ringing in my ears right now.

 

Thanks for your reply.

[Clay]

I am about to become the "other man" because she is unhappy but hasn't divorced him yet. I feel so strange, taking her away from him.

 

Won't it be really cool when you have been with her for a few years and all is going well and all the sudden she starts to detach little by little. That honeymoon phase has just ended and you start to notice she is staying late for work. You love her and care for her and want to support her. In all while your doing all these wonderful things for her she is setting up her next KISA and he writes on a blog somewhere. She is so hot. I don't think I can tell her no. To bad for the other guy.....

 

 

The odds of this ending well for you is less than your odds of winning a lottery. At least with the lottery you can buy more tickets. With her the fantasy will only go for so long before you become boring and she moves on.

 

You said your last relationship didn't turn out so well. Imagine just how badly this one might go down as.

 

Try setting your standards a little higher and get out and date. You never know you might actually find the ONE you have been looking for.

 

C

[rhymemepoet]

Let me clarify something because there is something I want to say to OP that you never hear on these boards.

 

I would not change a thing and I am thankful I got to experience such a profound feeling and sexual enlightenment through the affair.

 

After really having MW, and believe me I had all there was to take, I feel like I am beyond the allure and emotional chokehold that woman had on my life before the affair.

 

More than anything I don't think that there are accidents in life, and I believe that affairs play an important emotional and psychological role in some people's lives.

 

Superdub, there is no reason to be coy. It's only a matter of time before the oxytocin highs will have you delirious with the most insane emotions all owing to the fact that you will do anything to get your fix, including spending an hour begging and cajoling her to come over, and you will beg, with eyes watering and snot running down your nose, because that oxytocin high is stronger than crack and heroin combined and concentrated.

 

Just saying, be aware of what will happen to you and you can keep your head above the waterline.

 

You know you see this sh*t go down every day in the news, today there was the professor who shot his SO and professor #2 who must have been the OM shagging the guy's SO.

 

So take my advice and feel free to swim in the sultry warm waters of your MW's love bath. But like a roller coaster ride, know is not real, it will eventually choke to an end and you will have to leave and not turn back. Try to have an exit strategy before you hit the door.

[bluefeather]

I will say one more thing here and then I will unsubscribe and stop participating in this thread.

 

Think what you are going to gain out of this? What are the possibilities? Just sex with this one girl? Ok, is it worth it? That's up to you to decide.

 

What could you loose out of this? What are the possibilities? A friendship that lasted as long as you say it has? Is it worth it? Again, up to you to decide.

 

 

It will no doubt feel good, but to look at it as a simple male, once you orgasm, you could be over the good feeling. And if she wants to continue the affair and you don't, there come the problems

 

The opposite is also possible, if it's so good that you want to do it again later, and she begins to feel guilty, there come the problems.

 

One of you will most likely become distant eventually. And one of you will hurt the other. Or maybe you think you can keep this up. Maybe both of you think you can continue to be *special friends forever. Right. Think about it...

 

And we're not even bringing up the potential of the other man finding out and doing something crazy to her, and you.

 

Alright I'm done.

 

edit: I forgot to add one more thing that would be very important to me. If she cheats on him with you, you are not "stealing her away from him." You are being used.

Edited September 15, 2015 by bluefeather

[Grapesofwrath]

Superdub: Welcome to LS. You already know what you're going to do, so let's just move on to Phase 2.

 

You are lonely. She knows that. Might she be taking advantage of your vulnerable state in order to get her own needs met? You may think otherwise, but there is a high likelihood that you will develop feelings for this woman. Your post already indicates that you have an emotional attachment to her. That's when your real hell begins.

 

There is a saying, "Satisfaction is the death of desire." Because of the nature of this type of relationship, your desire takes a very long time to die because you are not satisfied for a loooong time. Eventually it will, though, for one or both of you. The question is simply how long it will take and what collateral damage will occur.

[superdub]

Superdub: Welcome to LS. You already know what you're going to do, so let's just move on to Phase 2.

 

You are lonely. She knows that. Might she be taking advantage of your vulnerable state in order to get her own needs met? You may think otherwise, but there is a high likelihood that you will develop feelings for this woman. Your post already indicates that you have an emotional attachment to her. That's when your real hell begins.

 

There is a saying, "Satisfaction is the death of desire." Because of the nature of this type of relationship, your desire takes a very long time to die because you are not satisfied for a loooong time. Eventually it will, though, for one or both of you. The question is simply how long it will take and what collateral damage will occur.

 

Interestingly enough, after reading what people thought and reading around loveshack in general, I broke it off with her. I really am not trying to become a stereotype and I am not trying to be a home wrecker. I just told her I couldn't do it.

 

It's odd what the internet can change these days.

[Clay]

See good for you for doing it. I think for me its not so much about what other people say. Its more about just knowing if she can do it to him she will do it to you. You are probably right she is very attractive and she probably gets attention all she wants.

 

She probably has four of five other guys already lined out. I think personally if I was you I would drop a anon letter over to her husband so he can get away from her. Honestly why not help her be single and go out and live the life she wants.

 

Other than that she would no longer be on my list of friends. Who needs friends like that

 

C

[Grapesofwrath]

Interestingly enough, after reading what people thought and reading around loveshack in general, I broke it off with her. I really am not trying to become a stereotype and I am not trying to be a home wrecker. I just told her I couldn't do it.

 

It's odd what the internet can change these days.

 

If we have accomplished nothing else by participating on LS, at least maybe we had a small role in your decision-making. One less miserable, heartbroken, stressed-out human on this planet!

 

Very proud of you for making the difficult choice and stepping away. I guarantee that, in a few months, you will look back on this and feel great about what you've done. don't let her reel you back in. It wouldn't surprise me if your declination makes her pursue your more rigorously, at least initially. Stay strong. You have made a brilliant decision here.

[superdub]

She probably has four of five other guys already lined out. I think personally if I was you I would drop a anon letter over to her husband so he can get away from her. Honestly why not help her be single and go out and live the life she wants.

 

Other than that she would no longer be on my list of friends. Who needs friends like that

 

C

 

I thought about this for a really long time and since no one I know has any clue I post on loveshack, I'm going to respond. I sort of took your advice.

 

She kept calling (as predicted) after we wrapped our last creative thing. This week, I went up to her house for a party. We were all getting relatively sloshed and I took her husband aside and said: Look, man. I've know you guys for a really long time. This is going to be my last time up here but I want to let you know that your wife and I have feelings for each other. We didn't take it any further but you might want to pay her some more attention, talk to her, etc.

 

He was upset but understood and I think he appreciated it. Maybe it was the wrong thing? Maybe. Who cares. I felt good doing it.

[TaraMaiden2]

Gave up on the 'Hell' idea then?

Realise now that Heaven and Hell are self-created, here and now?

Good to know, huh?

[OldRover]

Super,

 

Good for you getting out before things exploded.

 

However, one comment..... A lot of folks say she will cheat on you... once a cheater always a cheater.... etc. That just ISN'T true. A person can cheat once and never again, it all depends.

 

But, getting involved with a married person that still has a good relationship with their spouse sucks. Chances are, it will bring you pain that isn't worth it. That's usually the way these things go.