In a bad place

[Dot1]

Hi all

 

I'm struggling badly from my breakup and I don't know what to do. The wanting her back is so pervasive in my mind and that I should be doing something about it that I'm nervous and anxious all the time. It was my birthday yesterday which was the first since we broke up and it was really tough.

 

To add some context we had been together for 5 years and it was a good relationship. Lat year I got a job that put us in a long distance relationship but I was back and for as much as I could (the job was 100 ,lies away). We were great together. My grandad then died in April and she was there for me every step , went on holiday spoke about having children. Not everything was perfect we were at loggerheads over how we work the long distance but that could be fixed in time.

 

She also has a lot going on, she does not know what to do with her life career wise (she and I are 26), her grandparents are sick and her home life is turbulent with no father figure. She got told she has depression aswell last year and is currently awaiting therapy

 

I could feel it coming but she asked for space at the end of May which I think we both needed. A couple of weeks later on her birthday she got in touch and we spent the week together. At the end of the week things ended again though and there has been little contact since.

 

I got desperate around August, got in touch with her and she was very cold with me saying we had grown apart and the love had gone. Not one for giving up I wrote a letter then asking her to marry me with a ring inside. Foolhardy yes and she said no but I hope you can understand the desperation. That was August 28 to and there has been no contact since.

 

I saw yesterday aswell now that I've now been unfrieded from Facebook. A slight turn of events occurred on my birthday yesterday when her auntie posted a happy birthday to me, we started chatting and said I needed to take a leap of faith and trust in giving her space but I don't know.

 

I'm completely lost and don't know what to do as I can give the space but how long? Do I make contact at some point I'm the future? What if someone else comes along in that time. I am so scared

[15Love]

Sorry you're struggling. It hasn't been long that you've been out of contact. What you're feeling is normal.

 

I think the classic applies here. Let her go. If she comes back (and that means she needs to do the coming back) she's yours. If she doesn't you wouldn't want that anyway.

 

Check out the movie Mr. Nobody. Look at his "second" wife. Very eye opening. Would you want to be with her if she was miserable and unhappy to be with you?

[Dot1]

It's my fear though she will never come back, do I have to re establish contact I'm time as friends and build from there?

[15Love]

So let's imagine you could prevent your worst fear at all costs.

 

Let's say you could make her come back.

 

Would you want her to be with you if she hadn't chose to come back?

 

If not...the only way to be sure it's her choice is to let her come back. On her

own.

 

If it's any help, desperation on a man is a women's greatest turnoff. If you want to chase her away forever, let her smell that on you.

 

Be cool. It's your only shot at her coming back.

[Dot1]

I know and I'm in no mental place to go back at this moment. I can't tell if I'm deluded , optimistic or of this is real and is worth fighting for (never ever thought I'd say that)

[15Love]

I know and I'm in no mental place to go back at this moment. I can't tell if I'm deluded , optimistic or of this is real and is worth fighting for (never ever thought I'd say that)

 

Lol. I wish any of us could figure that out! But we all seem to be working in vaccuumes here

 

Sometimes though fighting for something and shoving a square peg in a round hole don't look the same.

 

Give yourself a year. Then revisit your feelings. Spend that year working on you.

[Mcnulty]

As hard as it is to face mate, she said that the love had gone and refused to marry you. That is that, she's not feeling it and you're going to have to accept it I'm afraid. you'll only start healing, once you accept and let go. i wish you luck.