EmmaStewart Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 (edited) Needed a place to get all of this out and hopefully get some support and/or advice. Here is a little backstory. I am 38, met my husband(40) when I was 12, we have been dating since I was 14. We have been married for 15 years and have two children, 17 and 15. Our marriage like many has been filled with it's ups and downs, we have both brought our own issues to the table. My husband has always had some problems in the bedroom, but about 8 years ago it got worse. I have been trying to get him to go to the Dr. for the last 7 years and he will not go. He says he will but just never does it. I understand that it is a very sensitive subject and embarrassing for him. I have tried to be so understanding. My issues are mainly communication. I don't like to talk, I don't like confrontation (grew up with a lot of fighting in my house). 4 years ago we separated and actually filed for divorce. We ended up reconciling and both made deals that we would work on our issues. Unfortunately, neither one of us has. I have tried but honestly, I know it hasn't gotten any better and I completely own my part. My DH says that he never realized how important us not have sex was. We have had sex once in last 2 years. He said that he is now just getting how much it affects us. We decided last week that we are going to separate and that this is finally it. He doesn't think that even if he did go to doctor and get his issues fixed that it would make any difference. I don't know if it would either. I guess after such a long history that I used to think was a blessing, you just don't know if it is worth saving. I feel like I am on a roller coaster, I go from being at peace to being really sad. I feel like a failure. Edited September 15, 2015 by EmmaStewart Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 My DH says that he never realized how important us not have sex was. We have had sex once in last 2 years. He said that he is now just getting how much it affects us. We decided last week that we are going to separate and that this is finally it. He doesn't think that even if he did go to doctor and get his issues fixed that it would make any difference. Were your H serious about fixing things, he'd address his issue proactively in the hopes it would contribute to a positive outcome. His continued inaction is not a good sign. What made you get back together after your last separation ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmmaStewart Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 (edited) I agree that he would. That is why it is so confusing for me. I know he loves me but have never been able to understand how he didn't see how important it was and why he never done anything about it. He says he never understood how much it took a toll on me and my self esteem and how it also hurt our intimacy, and not just in sex but in every way. As far as us getting back together last time. We do love each other and our kids had a really hard time dealing with. I had some health issues and he was there a lot to help with the kids. We ended up spending a lot to time together during this time, and I had just got the divorce papers. We talked and decided at the time to give it another shot and see if we could make it work. Edited September 15, 2015 by EmmaStewart Link to post Share on other sites
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