Each day has been so different..

[Hrtbroken316]

Hi all. I posted a couple weeks ago about my ex breaking up with me and how I was confused, wanted answers, etc. In particular, how she broke up with me was really bad, but I guess it doesn't really matter how or why they do it. I realize now that she isn't right for me, and the ironic thing is that I was considering breaking it up before she even did it. I guess as a result of rejection, the ego has taken such a big hit. Someday's I wake up with such clarity and confidence that I will become a better man from this and learn for my next love. Some days I wake up and feel lonely, scared of the future, feeling like I'm getting old (28), and that I will not find true love. Somedays I don't think about any of those things, like today, and I just miss having her in my arms and being proud of the girl that's next to me, and I start to ask the same why ?s, how could she do this? What is she thinking? Was there another man? Why would she let go when I clearly wasn't ready to?

 

Anyway, I just wanted to reach out for some guidance on the day to day emotional swings that come with this. In my heartest of hearts, I know I will move on from this and be better. At the moment, all I feel is a mix of emotions, including "what did I do wrong? How could she leave a man like me?" All her bfs were horrible, she told me I was the only man that had given her hope for men in general, and then she dumps me.

 

I have started taking meditation to clear my mind, registered for red cross to help others, and really started to want to work out even harder. But all of this seems like an escape. An escape from reality, an escape from the truth, and when my "highs" from distraction finally come down, I realize that I'm still alone, she's still not by my side, and the fear really kicks in.

 

Stupid question, but can anyone relate? These things that I'm doing to distract myself and learn to love myself again seem great in the moment, but then almost feel like I've been avoiding the truth. I feel like I'm trying so hard to move on, and each step is just a walk in mud, each step is harder than the next. It's getting easier, but I'm not sure how much more I can take. This is easily one of the hardest, biggest blow to my ego.

[marcusdevilliers]

Hi all. I posted a couple weeks ago about my ex breaking up with me and how I was confused, wanted answers, etc. In particular, how she broke up with me was really bad, but I guess it doesn't really matter how or why they do it. I realize now that she isn't right for me, and the ironic thing is that I was considering breaking it up before she even did it. I guess as a result of rejection, the ego has taken such a big hit. Someday's I wake up with such clarity and confidence that I will become a better man from this and learn for my next love. Some days I wake up and feel lonely, scared of the future, feeling like I'm getting old (28), and that I will not find true love. Somedays I don't think about any of those things, like today, and I just miss having her in my arms and being proud of the girl that's next to me, and I start to ask the same why ?s, how could she do this? What is she thinking? Was there another man? Why would she let go when I clearly wasn't ready to?

 

Anyway, I just wanted to reach out for some guidance on the day to day emotional swings that come with this. In my heartest of hearts, I know I will move on from this and be better. At the moment, all I feel is a mix of emotions, including "what did I do wrong? How could she leave a man like me?" All her bfs were horrible, she told me I was the only man that had given her hope for men in general, and then she dumps me.

 

I have started taking meditation to clear my mind, registered for red cross to help others, and really started to want to work out even harder. But all of this seems like an escape. An escape from reality, an escape from the truth, and when my "highs" from distraction finally come down, I realize that I'm still alone, she's still not by my side, and the fear really kicks in.

 

Stupid question, but can anyone relate? These things that I'm doing to distract myself and learn to love myself again seem great in the moment, but then almost feel like I've been avoiding the truth. I feel like I'm trying so hard to move on, and each step is just a walk in mud, each step is harder than the next. It's getting easier, but I'm not sure how much more I can take. This is easily one of the hardest, biggest blow to my ego.

 

 

i know exactly what you mean bro. right now idk where my relationship is going, she dumped me but i still try and try because i want to make it work. now im hoping she tries. best advice my friend. dont do new stuff to take her off your mind. do things you like, old things and hobbies before her. do those things that make you happy. like my ex wasnt a huge sports fan or play alot, but im a sportsman and i was before her. so i do things i run i play cricket football, and helps me to keep her off my mind. understanding women is impossible, they can love you with all there heart and then drop you the other day like you never existed. so love yourself, no one else will. take care.

[Hrtbroken316]

Anyone care to help?

[Oregon_Dude]

I realize now that she isn't right for me, and the ironic thing is that I was considering breaking it up before she even did it.

...

 

This is easily one of the hardest, biggest blow to my ego.

So you know it wasn't the right fit, and you were considering breaking up, but your ego is hurt because you didn't get to do it first. Got it.

 

Screw your stupid ego. What's important is that now you are free to be yourself again, and maybe find someone who IS right for you.

 

You will get through today, and the next and the next. Each day will be different. Some days you'll struggle; others you'll feel pretty good. Such is recovery from a breakup.

 

Be a man about this, not a child who feels sorry for himself. Some b*tch didn't want you? F*ck her. You didn't want her either. I don't really see the problem here.

[Ellie35]

For two months, I walked around in a foggy cloud crippled with severe anxiety. I found this site as I was still obsessing, analysing and reflecting on him, the relationship, what he did, what I did...and that was when I wasn't keeping super busy meeting friends, exercising, going away, working etc...

 

Week 9: thanks to some advice here, I lost the anxiety. Still occasional pangs but the physical anxiety is gone.

 

Week 10: made more plans for the future and hung out with friends and family. Had conversations where I didn't try to talk about him or relationship. Laughed and genuinely meant it.

 

Week 11: began obsessing about if I would ever hear from him again!! What that meant ??? Blah blah!!!

 

I am still week 11 but I am in a much better place than I was in. Sometimes I wake fresh as a daisy, last night I didn't have a great sleep. Today was a busy and productive day in work which I really enjoyed!!

 

I am just excepting my feelings each day as part of a process that I am going through and that some day the good days will totally take over and I will learn great things about myself!!!

 

You are being far too hard on yourself. Allow yourself this time, watch your thoughts and notice how the negative thoughts snow ball. One minute you are ah **** happens next minute I'll never meet another person again!!! It's crazy when you realise the impact of these thoughts.

 

You will be ok again, I promise but it takes time ( not good for impatient women) and no contact to find yourself again. Take care

[Hrtbroken316]

So you know it wasn't the right fit, and you were considering breaking up, but your ego is hurt because you didn't get to do it first. Got it.

 

Screw your stupid ego. What's important is that now you are free to be yourself again, and maybe find someone who IS right for you.

 

You will get through today, and the next and the next. Each day will be different. Some days you'll struggle; others you'll feel pretty good. Such is recovery from a breakup.

 

Be a man about this, not a child who feels sorry for himself. Some b*tch didn't want you? F*ck her. You didn't want her either. I don't really see the problem here.

You are right. I am acting like a child, I do feel that my ego got hit hard because I didnt get to do it first.

 

At the same time, my mind plays tricks on me and I look back on the relationship and see us as a match. Though I know deep down, these are just tricks and my ego getting the best of me.

 

I will move on, day by day and I will continue to get stronger. I will be a man about it and do my best. Part of becoming a man are these exact things, are they not?

 

You and I are both hurting, I've seen your posts and they are much more vulnerable than your replies to my pain. Try to be empathetic and see it from my side. Some of this is new to me, and some of this isnt. You giving me tough love helps, but I also am a man of philosophy and reason, and until I reason with myself, I tend to do bask in it. Maybe its best if I stop posting here? At what point is me posting on here and seeking help just an excuse to bask in my pain and feel sorry for myself?

[Hrtbroken316]

For two months, I walked around in a foggy cloud crippled with severe anxiety. I found this site as I was still obsessing, analysing and reflecting on him, the relationship, what he did, what I did...and that was when I wasn't keeping super busy meeting friends, exercising, going away, working etc...

 

Week 9: thanks to some advice here, I lost the anxiety. Still occasional pangs but the physical anxiety is gone.

 

Week 10: made more plans for the future and hung out with friends and family. Had conversations where I didn't try to talk about him or relationship. Laughed and genuinely meant it.

 

Week 11: began obsessing about if I would ever hear from him again!! What that meant ??? Blah blah!!!

 

I am still week 11 but I am in a much better place than I was in. Sometimes I wake fresh as a daisy, last night I didn't have a great sleep. Today was a busy and productive day in work which I really enjoyed!!

 

I am just excepting my feelings each day as part of a process that I am going through and that some day the good days will totally take over and I will learn great things about myself!!!

 

You are being far too hard on yourself. Allow yourself this time, watch your thoughts and notice how the negative thoughts snow ball. One minute you are ah **** happens next minute I'll never meet another person again!!! It's crazy when you realise the impact of these thoughts.

 

You will be ok again, I promise but it takes time ( not good for impatient women) and no contact to find yourself again. Take care

Thank you for sharing your experience. I understand I am being too hard on myself, and sometimes I just allow the pain to rush in, acknowledging each day as another day towards recovering.

 

I have some other issues including depression I wasn't fully aware I had until recently. This is the first time Ive actually felt real PAIN, as before I was numb and using marijuana to cover it up. I am not only recovering from a breakup, but to some extent dealing with many other issues I have failed to expose.

 

The other person that also replied to my post has told me in different ways that I've been feeling sorry for myself. It is hard for me to gauge at what point I am feeling actual grief from a loss and at what point my other childish issues are at play. Do I just completely let go and allow what comes to me in the form of crying, laughing, anger, sadness...etc... or do I strive to be more self aware and heal?

[Oregon_Dude]

I've seen your posts and they are much more vulnerable than your replies to my pain. Try to be empathetic and see it from my side. Some of this is new to me, and some of this isnt. You giving me tough love helps, but I also am a man of philosophy and reason, and until I reason with myself, I tend to do bask in it. Maybe its best if I stop posting here? At what point is me posting on here and seeking help just an excuse to bask in my pain and feel sorry for myself?

Sigh. You're right. I'm better at giving advice than taking my own. TBH, I feel like this whole board (breaking up, coping and second chances) ALL needs a huge dose of tough love. We do way too much feeling sorry for ourselves here. If only someone could say, "Dude, man the f*ck up, she was just a girl who didn't want you. Stop putting so much time and energy into crying about it. There will be more." - then maybe we wouldn't dwell so much.

 

So, no, don't stop posting. You're perfectly normal and so are your feelings. But the fact is, all of us on here all feel the same way. Rejection and b/u's are totally normal parts of life. They suck, but the pain lessens with time and social activity.

 

So let's try not to take our own pain so seriously. This sh*t is universal. Same sh*t, different person.

[Oregon_Dude]

I am not only recovering from a breakup, but to some extent dealing with many other issues I have failed to expose.

I'm a recovering alcoholic and marijuana user.

 

You are not alone in this.

[Hrtbroken316]

Sigh. You're right. I'm better at giving advice than taking my own. TBH, I feel like this whole board (breaking up, coping and second chances) ALL needs a huge dose of tough love. We do way too much feeling sorry for ourselves here. If only someone could say, "Dude, man the f*ck up, she was just a girl who didn't want you. Stop putting so much time and energy into crying about it. There will be more." - then maybe we wouldn't dwell so much.

 

So, no, don't stop posting. You're perfectly normal and so are your feelings. But the fact is, all of us on here all feel the same way. Rejection and b/u's are totally normal parts of life. They suck, but the pain lessens with time and social activity.

 

So let's try not to take our own pain so seriously. This sh*t is universal. Same sh*t, different person.

Thank you for being honest. Your honest response finally gave me a sense that I am not alone, and that self pity is to our detriment and to remember that things will get better with time.

 

I've promised myself to only post in times that I need actual support, and less clarification. I think the best thread are the productive ones and not the ones to find reason.

[Ellie35]

The other person that also replied to my post has told me in different ways that I've been feeling sorry for myself. It is hard for me to gauge at what point I am feeling actual grief from a loss and at what point my other childish issues are at play. Do I just completely let go and allow what comes to me in the form of crying, laughing, anger, sadness...etc... or do I strive to be more self aware and heal?

 

Some days, I felt so sorry for myself. I thought poor me , everyone eles is happy, I'll be alone forever etc etc

 

You are grieving for al loss and also other past rejections and losses may surface from childhood or previous breakups.

 

Be more self aware and allow the feelings in so you can process them. All the feelings. Write them down , talk them out.

 

Healing comes with time.

[Ellie35]

So let's try not to take our own pain so seriously. This sh*t is universal. Same sh*t, different person.

 

This.

 

Sometimes when I am being particularly self pitying, crazy or obsessive. I laugh at myself and say shut the **** up ellie35, you absolute crazy girl. But I love it. Aren't we all a bit crazy!!!

[Oregon_Dude]

I've promised myself to only post in times that I need actual support, and less clarification. I think the best thread are the productive ones and not the ones to find reason.

Post whenever you want, amigo. Just be careful not to fall into the trap that so many posters on here do, which is of the why-me variety. If you're going to take the risk of falling in love, you're opening yourself up to devastating heartbreak and rejection. And usually, it happens. It's rough, but them's the breaks. It doesn't make us any less amazing or cool in any way. People grow apart, want different things, and part ways. This is fine.

 

Fact is, I'm the same guy my ex supposedly fell in love with. That means that someone else will also fall in love with me. I didn't change. And I don't want to change at my core. Yes, lessons were learned, and will be applied to the next r/s.

 

You're right that every day is different. Be prepared to ride the rollercoaster for a while. Soon enough it'll be a kiddie rollercoaster that is neither scary nor thrilling. Then it'll be a carousel of mundane, boring life.