Was the EX and now the OM

[thunderbiz]

Hello All,

 

I have never done this, or thought I'd ever do it, but I found this forum and I am desperate to talk to someone about it. So here is the story:

 

There was this girl (let's call her X) that I started dating in college, and I liked her a lot at some point, but I was never crazy in love with her. On the other hand, she was deeply in love with me. After dating for about 8 months, I started falling for another girl ( Girl Y ), and no matter how hard I tried not to, I couldn't do it, so I broke up with girl X.

 

A few weeks after that I started dating Y, and went on with her for about 2 years and we broke up a while ago. While at the same time, girl X dated two guys since we broke up, one of them she is still dating ( for about 2 years now) and it is pretty serious.

 

A few months back we started becoming friends again ( me and girl X ), and I felt it was perfectly normal to have a little bit of feelings towards her, but never acted upon them. Then her boyfriend left to work in another state, and we started getting closer and talking more.

 

I found myself visiting her ( which didn't happen before) and texting her (also didn't happen before, as we only hung out with our mutual friends) and having long looooong conversations for hours, and I started developing more and more feelings toward her. I told her that one night, and she hinted that she did too, but confirmed that she loves her boyfriend.

 

I was leaving town recently, and the night I was about to leave she told me that If I have anything to say, I need to do it face to face, and so I went to her place, confessed that I started liking her again, and we ended up sleeping together. Then the next day she told me to forget about what happened and that she felt guilty and so on.

 

The next weekend I went to visit, I slept at her place the entire time, and slept with her every night, and we went out together a few times as well. Now I don't know what's happening, I think I am falling for her or something. She says she doesn't know what she is feeling for me, and that she is planning to tell her boyfriend because she can't lie to him. I can't disagree on the telling him part, because we both ****ed up, and he needs to know. But I am starting to get really worried about how much I think about her all the time, it's affecting my work and my life very much. She keeps telling me that I need to not see or talk to her for a long time so she can't forget me, but then she kisses me, and acts like she doesn't want me to go.

 

PLEASE, PLEASE tell me what to do, what to expect? I am so lost, she says she is even more lost and confused. I was her first, and she was mine. She told me that when we were together, she loved me more than any other person, more than her current boyfriend, but that was a few years ago.She also told me that before we started becoming friends again, that she was planning on marrying her current boyfriend and that she was in an absolutely serious, committed relationship, and that now she doesn't know if she even loves him, but she needs to talk to him about all this. I just need help .. please ..

Edited September 16, 2015 by thunderbiz

[TerraIncognita]

You must be fairly young.

 

Sounds like she is confused all right. She loves you, she doesn't know how she feels, she loves her boyfriend, too. A lot of love going on.

 

Expect a lot of jerking around- she wants to be with you, she doesn't want to hurt him, she does love him, too... Oh, I don't know what to do, I am so torn up... You need to go, no please stay, I need more time, I need to give it a chance with him. Repeat.

 

All the while your head and emotions, OP, will be spinning out of control.

 

Save yourself. Extricate yourself from the situation. Nothing good will come out of it. She cheated on her bf with you. Even if you two end up together, will you ever be able to trust her not to cheat on you? If she can do it with you, she can do it to you.

[OldRover]

You must be fairly young.

 

Sounds like she is confused all right. She loves you, she doesn't know how she feels, she loves her boyfriend, too. A lot of love going on.

 

Expect a lot of jerking around- she wants to be with you, she doesn't want to hurt him, she does love him, too... Oh, I don't know what to do, I am so torn up... You need to go, no please stay, I need more time, I need to give it a chance with him. Repeat.

 

All the while your head and emotions, OP, will be spinning out of control.

 

Save yourself. Extricate yourself from the situation. Nothing good will come out of it. She cheated on her bf with you. Even if you two end up together, will you ever be able to trust her not to cheat on you? If she can do it with you, she can do it to you.

 

I disagree, a cheat is not always a cheat. She was attracted to you and while she should have left her BF first, she didn't and she needs to clear that up.

 

I'd take some time and see how this plays out. Seems like she and the OP could end up just fine and have more of a love than not.

[Popsicle]

I don't understand why you love her so much now but didn't the first time you dated? I can't help but wonder if you only want her so much now because she is not available (and you're not dating anyone else)....

[sandylee1]

I don't understand why you love her so much now but didn't the first time you dated? I can't help but wonder if you only want her so much now because she is not available (and you're not dating anyone else)....

 

I agree with this. What has changed?

You were with her before, but not crazy

[sandylee1]

I don't understand why you love her so much now but didn't the first time you dated? I can't help but wonder if you only want her so much now because she is not available (and you're not dating anyone else)....

 

I agree with this. What has changed?

You were with her before, but not crazy about her. Then did you cheat or just fall for girl Y?

 

You've come back in to her life now....what do you have to offer her? She was getting to marriage with her BF.

 

If she ended it with him, would you want a relationship with her?

Do you love her or is it intense attraction?

 

I suggest you stay away, until she decides if she wants you and only you.

[OldRover]

I agree with this. What has changed?

You were with her before, but not crazy about her. Then did you cheat or just fall for girl Y?

 

You've come back in to her life now....what do you have to offer her? She was getting to marriage with her BF.

 

If she ended it with him, would you want a relationship with her?

Do you love her or is it intense attraction?

 

I suggest you stay away, until she decides if she wants you and only you.

 

Good post and she does need to leave the BF if things will work out.

 

However, very often people don't get an attraction to someone, even over a long time, and then later on fall in love. Happens. Happened twice to me.

[thunderbiz]

I honestly don't know guys .. I am quite confused myself about my feelings .. I am not sure if I love her or not, but it is way too intense, it is making me do stupid stuff ( Like really stupid).

 

I like her now more than I have ever done before, but I myself thought about the theory you guys mentioned, which is that I am attracted to her because she isn't available, but its weird because that's not me. She is talking to her BF tomorrow when he visits her and telling him everything, and I tried to get to know what she wants, or if she will leave him ( I would really like that ) but I realize that I do not have the right to ask her that, as I was the one who left in the first place.

 

Overall, I am serious about dating her, I am not just looking for a side thing, because even though with all that have happened recently between us, both of us are not that type of people. She is devastated at what we did, and I honestly felt guilty at first, but I do not what so ever, because I really want her, I think about her all the time, I hear a song and instantly think of her .. Last time I felt this way was for the girl I left her for (Whom I really loved ).

 

I tried multiple times recently to separate myself for several reasons. One is not to fall too deep and then get rejected and by that screwing myself over. Two, It goes against everything I've ever thought of myself to chase a woman who is in a committed relationship. However, everytime I decide to do that, I find myself incredibly weak, and I lose it and text her. Just yesterday, I went crazy and drove right after work for three hours just to talk to her about it, didn't sleep and drove to work this morning from there ( THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER DONE BTW)

Edited September 18, 2015 by thunderbiz

[thunderbiz]

I agree with this. What has changed?

You were with her before, but not crazy about her. Then did you cheat or just fall for girl Y?

 

You've come back in to her life now....what do you have to offer her? She was getting to marriage with her BF.

 

If she ended it with him, would you want a relationship with her?

Do you love her or is it intense attraction?

 

I suggest you stay away, until she decides if she wants you and only you.

 

I dont know what changed, I didn't even think I had such strong feelings for her ever, I never did. But no, I didn't cheat on her, I fell in love with another girl while we were dating ..