Stayign friends/still flirting after cheating?

[Guest]

Hello,

 

Me and a good friend of mine cheated together (mostly emotional, SOME physical), and even after we were "found out", we remain friends (although his gf is not really happy about it). He said that he doesn't want to hurt her, but he also doesn't want to hurt me by not talking to me. He still seems to get jealous if I talk about other guys to him. For example, I told him a mutual guy friend of ours called me, and he will say things, like Oh, so how ARE you and him anyhow!? And whenever I tell him about any other guys I talk to, he will say things like, Oh, he flirts with everyone, blah, blah... he just seems to act jealous? I missed school for awhile, and this guy also noticed I was gone and asked where I'd been? We can't email/call each other, but we can talk in school. This guy says that he is afraid to break up with the gf for me because I am married. I am, however, getting separated from my husband. The other guy said that he does not know my limitations, but he knows his gf's limitations, is afraid that he would never be able to make me happy, and is always asking if me and my husband are getting a divorce. Months ago, he said that he didn't want to lead me on, he liked me a lot, but he wasn't single and I was married. However, we still flirt all the time at school and stuff. He even still does sexual gestures to me sometimes from across the room, but then seems to feel bad about it, and will walk out of the room. We have remained friends. His gf said that eventually we will probably end up together... ????

[Guest]

I asked him if he wanted to marry the gf and he said "I want to marry someone like her who will put up with me."

 

?????

 

Sometimes when I tell him that I was in his neighborhood, he will ask where at? If I tell him my car broke down, he will also ask, where at?

[LucreziaBorgia]

If you had complete control over the future, what would be your ideal situation in terms of this working out? From your H's point of view? From yours? From the b/f? From the g/f? What are your expectations of him, and your relationship with him?

[Guest]

I'm really not sure what my expectations are from him, I suppose. I'm just very confused. I really like him a lot. It's all a lot.... I don't want to hurt him, the gf, or H. I don't want to get hurt, either....I guess there's just really no easy way around all of it.... I guess the ideal situation would be that it would all work out for reasons other than us cheating with each other... for example, if he and his gf break up, it would be for reasons other than just because of me, and if me and H break up, it is more reasons other than this guy, and then if me and the other guy got together, it wouldn't be under this type of circumstances.

[Monkeyonmyback]

Here's what i think, sounds like to me you got your self involved with a person that likes to have his cake and eat it too. I have met people like that and it stems from very poor self esteem. What i would do if "I" was you?... Dump the whole situation in the trash can, stop the affair because even though you dont want to, you are hurting everyone you dont want to, most of all yourself!

Let him go on his merry way and live his life and you live yours as well , simply tell him you can't go on with it anylonger that its not fair to any of you. Purhaps add that you like him alot and you would have liked to see you and him end up together in a perfect world, but its not, but in the future once he's free, but not now.To please stop sending you misleading signals because your done and it probably wouldnt be a very good idea to even be friends, the temptations too great the affair will go on.

If you things continue on the way they are, you will not be the only one with hurt feelins my dear, it sounds to me like you may have more feelings for him then he does for you. Attraction and love are 2 different things in a mans world, in a womens world they both go together. So if you think about it like that, to me it seems like he is attracted to you while may care for him, maybe even love!

Another thought, i know you might think that your special to him because he likes you so much to cheat with, hmm could there be others that is just as specail?

Becareful with your heart and your health and good luck!

May many good blessing come your way!

[Bunnylove]

Why dont you just back off....let him concentrate on HIS relationship and you on YOURS. GOD I HATE women like you.....you have no respect for peoples feelings at all! All very selfish!!! You say your GOING to separate from husband...implying you havent even done that yet!!!sheesh! If you are gona end up with him....can you not at least WAIT untill you are both single? Such greed....Karma baby...it will get its own back!

[Monkeyonmyback]

Wow! You really do have a good point there, i guess i was just tryen to say it in a nice way! I don't believe in that sort of thing either and KARMA is a son of a gun! It will sting, ouch!

Do unto others as you would want them to do to you!! Treat others the way you would like to be teated!

 

Have respect for life, its short and its sweet so buckle up and get ready for a bumpy ride!

[Cecelius]

So messed up...

 

If you want anything with this guy in the future and you don't want it tainted with all the Jerry Springer type stuff, just walk away from him for now. Let it cool off.

 

As to remaining friends with him generally, even if you do plan to stick with your man -- just don't.

 

A good female friend of mine just got dumped by a b/f because she was still pals with a guy she'd cheated with in her past (cheated on an a previous b/f). He just said it was too nasty a situation to look at. Just take what's happened in stride and don't make it any worse.