She had an ONS, now she's "SOOOOOO" "remorseful" and wants to save the marriage

[GrandFunkRailroad]

They are all "remorseful" when they are afraid of paying the consequences of what they did. It's the same with alcoholics and junkies - they are so, so sorry and will never to it again. They swear on everything holy. Then they get the urge and it starts all over again. You would be a fool to believe her "remorse" until you've done your due diligence and investigated her whole story. You are likely going to find that she's lying about pretty much everything and that she told you because her lies were closing in on her and it was her only choice. Maybe I'm wrong but you are much better off believing me than you are believing her at this point in time.

 

 

I don't "believe" anything per se at the moment. What I have is a list of 50 question and a full detailed explanation, both written and voice recorded, about the whys as well as what happened pre-affair and at the night of the ONS. Next step she agreed to Poly-Test so I can cross check all the versions. I also asked her if she would agree to two different Poly-Tests and she said yes (so that I can cross check not only the written and recorded confession but even the Poly-Tests). So, I don't "believe" anything that comes out of her mouth as I said per se. This is why I stated that what I do right now is not giving yet a second chance nor is it yet an offer of reconciliation. Right now I want the truth and only the truth. However, I do continue to observe what happens as it is "Circumstantial Evidence" in addition to the Poly-Tests.

[Chrisstro6692]

GFR,

 

I completely understand your thought process on what has happened to your marriage and what you wife did to you personally. I am an Officer in the military. In the U.S. Army we live by an acronym: LDRSHIP.

1. Loyalty

2. Duty

3. Respect

4. Selfless Service

5. Honor

6. Integrity

7. Personal Courage

 

The most important of these is INTEGRITY. Without integrity nothing else matters. Your wife did not show integrity. Doing what is right when no one is looking. Once you betray that trust with someone, it cant be taken back. You have a right to be pissed. She caused this not you. You honored your VOWS not her. She did this. I think people in general like to play the poor woman card to much and feel sorry for her. If she would have kept her legs crossed then you wouldn't be at the place in your marriage.

 

I know that you said that you didn't want to know who the other guy was, but I would want to know. If it was a friend or acquaint that I knew, I would personally want to know. I want know who my friends are and were I stand with people. I can not stand dis-loyalty. It makes me sick to my stomach.

[Got it]

They are all "remorseful" when they are afraid of paying the consequences of what they did. It's the same with alcoholics and junkies - they are so, so sorry and will never to it again. They swear on everything holy. Then they get the urge and it starts all over again. You would be a fool to believe her "remorse" until you've done your due diligence and investigated her whole story. You are likely going to find that she's lying about pretty much everything and that she told you because her lies were closing in on her and it was her only choice. Maybe I'm wrong but you are much better off believing me than you are believing her at this point in time.

 

I think you mean "regretful". Remorseful is something else. One can regret they got caught, caused pain, created drama. Being remorseful of it is at a whole other level and it is an emotional, physiological and behavioral game changer.

[drifter777]

I don't "believe" anything per se at the moment. What I have is a list of 50 question and a full detailed explanation, both written and voice recorded, about the whys as well as what happened pre-affair and at the night of the ONS. Next step she agreed to Poly-Test so I can cross check all the versions. I also asked her if she would agree to two different Poly-Tests and she said yes (so that I can cross check not only the written and recorded confession but even the Poly-Tests). So, I don't "believe" anything that comes out of her mouth as I said per se. This is why I stated that what I do right now is not giving yet a second chance nor is it yet an offer of reconciliation. Right now I want the truth and only the truth. However, I do continue to observe what happens as it is "Circumstantial Evidence" in addition to the Poly-Tests.

 

Tell me, does it matter to you if there is nothing more to the story? That she screwed some guy because, well, it was exciting and fun and felt good. Can you accept her as a wife?

[GrandFunkRailroad]

GFR,

 

I completely understand your thought process on what has happened to your marriage and what you wife did to you personally. I am an Officer in the military. In the U.S. Army we live by an acronym: LDRSHIP.

1. Loyalty

2. Duty

3. Respect

4. Selfless Service

5. Honor

6. Integrity

7. Personal Courage

 

The most important of these is INTEGRITY. Without integrity nothing else matters. Your wife did not show integrity. Doing what is right when no one is looking. Once you betray that trust with someone, it cant be taken back. You have a right to be pissed. She caused this not you. You honored your VOWS not her. She did this. I think people in general like to play the poor woman card to much and feel sorry for her. If she would have kept her legs crossed then you wouldn't be at the place in your marriage.

 

I know that you said that you didn't want to know who the other guy was, but I would want to know. If it was a friend or acquaint that I knew, I would personally want to know. I want know who my friends are and were I stand with people. I can not stand dis-loyalty. It makes me sick to my stomach.

 

 

Thank you so much. It almost brought me to tears because this IS WHAT I FEEL. You are maybe the first one to completely get it here. Anyway, as to the details about POS, maybe later I will want to know the details about him. Given my training, if that scum of earth falls in my hand, I would end with charges at the police station. From what she confessed and it must be crossed checked with the Poly-Tests she didn't know him before that evening. I will maybe post it later here so that people can give feedback. So, right now I don't want to get into troubles and prefer to put this information aside.

[drifter777]

... Anyway, as to the details about POS, maybe later I will want to know the details about him. Given my training, if that scum of earth falls in my hand, I would end with charges at the police station.

 

Why do you feel this way? General principal? Your wife is the one who chose him - chose him - to screw. It could have been any guy - she alone is at fault.

 

From what she confessed and it must be crossed checked with the Poly-Tests she didn't know him before that evening.

 

This makes it even more likely that he didn't even know she was married - at least while they were doing it. Your anger is very misplaced but I guess if it keeps you from violence with your wife it's worth it. But I think you are dead wrong about blaming him.

[GrandFunkRailroad]

Tell me, does it matter to you if there is nothing more to the story? That she screwed some guy because, well, it was exciting and fun and felt good. Can you accept her as a wife?

 

 

I want to post the information a little bit later so you people can give more reality based feedback. I am adding more questions today and will get some more answers. I actually wanted it to be crossed check with the Poly-Test and then post it so that there is no speculation including what you mentioned. Once proven by the Poly-Test as true, you will see then why I say it is game-changing. If this is enough? Once again, if you followed my conversation with CGILES you would see that we are talking about different things than the common posters here talk about reconciliation and exploring other options.

[GrandFunkRailroad]

Why do you feel this way? General principal? Your wife is the one who chose him - chose him - to screw. It could have been any guy - she alone is at fault.

 

 

 

This makes it even more likely that he didn't even know she was married - at least while they were doing it. Your anger is very misplaced but I guess if it keeps you from violence with your wife it's worth it. But I think you are dead wrong about blaming him.

 

 

Without the Poly-Test, I can tell you it does not necessary have to be so that he didn't know. Just have a little bit patience and I will post the information so we don't have to speculate but talk about facts. Regarding the guy I completely disagree with you. He's like a thief, a burglar, that broke into my house and stole what he wants; whether my wife collaborated with him this is another question and she reaps now the consequences; even very harsh consequences. Her marriage is hanging by a thread. Her relatioship with her family does not look good; especially with her mother. She is half step of losing everything and ruining her life. As I said what I do right now at this point is not giving a second chance and it is yet not an offer of reconciliation. However, right now scum of earth didn't pay anything for what he did and walked free. If at all they are both responsible for what happened not only her. He broke also the code and must pay. Whether we want it or not people are interconnected and each action has a consequence. What my wife did is one thing; what he did is another thing. He is as responsible as her, but right now doesn't pay anything. I am not going to do anything simply because I don't want trouble with the law.

Edited September 21, 2015 by GrandFunkRailroad

[qubist]

Without the Poly-Test, I can tell you it does not necessary have to be so that he didn't know. Just have a little bit patience and I will post the information so we don't have to speculate but talk about facts. Regarding the guy I completely disagree with you. He's like a thief, a burglar, that broke into my house and stole what he wants; whether my wife collaborated with him this is another question and she reaps now the consequences; even very harsh consequences. However, right now scum of earth didn't pay anything for what he did and walked free. If at all they are both responsible for what happened not only her. He broke also the code and must pay. Whether we want it or not people are interconnected and each action has a consequence. What my wife did is one thing; what he did is another thing. He is as responsible as her, but right now doesn't pay anything. I am not going to do anything simply because I don't want trouble with the law.

whatever you do do not get in trouble with the law. I was in situation where i wanted to really hurt some guy, lucky i never ran in to him. now looking at it it makes me laugh at myself and how crazy mad I used to be.

take your time before you make any decision, if you can consider all possible options do it

[stillafool]

Suppose the other man didn't even know your wife was married? Is he still to blame? He didn't break into your house and steal anything, your wife gave it to him on a silver platter. She is the one to blame. She made the vows to you. If OM knew your wife was a MW and still decided to screw her I agree he is to blame as well. Still not as much as the person who made the vows to you.

[GrandFunkRailroad]

Suppose the other man didn't even know your wife was married? Is he still to blame? He didn't break into your house and steal anything, your wife gave it to him on a silver platter. She is the one to blame. She made the vows to you. If OM knew your wife was a MW and still decided to screw her I agree he is to blame as well. Still not as much as the person who made the vows to you.

 

 

Once again, in theory if he didn't knew it is another issue. However, it has not to be so by default. This is why I am saying again let me guys verify the information and I will post it here so we can discuss facts. My wife can offer him what she wants. Yet, if he would have morals, integrity, loyalty and hold the code he would not do this. I have never cheated and had the option, exactly because of that and many more. Her making wovs is one thing; him holding basic human morals is another thing. The only exception he didn't knew completely. Otherwise, him not making wovs, does not mean he can do anything. I am not buying into the do what you want just because the opportumity was here. Read the officers thread. He is a POS and scum of earth and it has nothing to with my wif's decisions as her decisions have nothing to do with him and as I criticized her in a very harsh way as well.

[Winterina]

Without the Poly-Test, I can tell you it does not necessary have to be so that he didn't know. Just have a little bit patience and I will post the information so we don't have to speculate but talk about facts. Regarding the guy I completely disagree with you. He's like a thief, a burglar, that broke into my house and stole what he wants; whether my wife collaborated with him this is another question and she reaps now the consequences; even very harsh consequences. Her marriage is hanging by a thread. Her relatioship with her family does not look good; especially with her mother. She is half step of losing everything and ruining her life. As I said what I do right now at this point is not giving a second chance and it is yet not an offer of reconciliation. However, right now scum of earth didn't pay anything for what he did and walked free. If at all they are both responsible for what happened not only her. He broke also the code and must pay. Whether we want it or not people are interconnected and each action has a consequence. What my wife did is one thing; what he did is another thing. He is as responsible as her, but right now doesn't pay anything. I am not going to do anything simply because I don't want trouble with the law.

 

You are being completely unreasonable now. Your analogy of a burglar sucks too. This is more like your wife let him into your house and told him to take anything because she doesn't mind and it is all her stuff. So he did not knowing you even exist and own the stuff when he took it.

 

Now you are really out of line. You can be pissed at her all you want but some guy that met a woman at a party when he was drunk and had sex with her doesn't owe you anything and he probably didn't even know about your existence. It could have been a person that would actually feel completely different if he knew about her marriage... So what now? You are planning to throw your anger and beat the **** out of some guy who might be completely innocent in all this? Wow.

[autumnnight]

You are being completely unreasonable now. Your analogy of a burglar sucks too. This is more like your wife let him into your house and told him to take anything because she doesn't mind and it is all her stuff. So he did not knowing you even exist and own the stuff when he took it.

 

Now you are really out of line. You can be pissed at her all you want but some guy that met a woman at a party when he was drunk and had sex with her doesn't owe you anything and he probably didn't even know about your existence. It could have been a person that would actually feel completely different if he knew about her marriage... So what now? You are planning to throw your anger and beat the **** out of some guy who might be completely innocent in all this? Wow.

 

He's a coworkeer. Her I need her. Calm down and read the thread.

[GrandFunkRailroad]

whatever you do do not get in trouble with the law. I was in situation where i wanted to really hurt some guy, lucky i never ran in to him. now looking at it it makes me laugh at myself and how crazy mad I used to be.

take your time before you make any decision, if you can consider all possible options do it

 

Me not getting into trouble is the ONLY reason why I do nothing. He is actualy lucky I didn't caught them red handed. I don't know if I could hold myself back in that situation. I had actually luck too. I don't want to kill him but would probably hospitalized him in a wheel chair for the rest of his life so that he would not be able to screw other married women or at all again

[GrandFunkRailroad]

You are being completely unreasonable now. Your analogy of a burglar sucks too. This is more like your wife let him into your house and told him to take anything because she doesn't mind and it is all her stuff. So he did not knowing you even exist and own the stuff when he took it.

 

Now you are really out of line. You can be pissed at her all you want but some guy that met a woman at a party when he was drunk and had sex with her doesn't owe you anything and he probably didn't even know about your existence. It could have been a person that would actually feel completely different if he knew about her marriage... So what now? You are planning to throw your anger and beat the **** out of some guy who might be completely innocent in all this? Wow.

 

Once again, you recycle speculation that he didn't knew. When I will post the verrified information we will talk about fact. If he didn't knew it is one thing; if he knew they collaborated and they are both responsible for the stealing. If he doesn't own me anything, so me either to him. He screw my wife (with her permission; if not the low I would do excatly what I said).

[GrandFunkRailroad]

He's a coworkeer. Her I need her. Calm down and read the thread.

 

autumnight, I have more information than they have. I just want to veify it by Poly-Test so that it is not speculation. Then I will post it as facts. I understand that people project those speculations because that or the other reason. Let's wait for the result although I have an intution what the result will be

[latinmex]

Without the Poly-Test, I can tell you it does not necessary have to be so that he didn't know. Just have a little bit patience and I will post the information so we don't have to speculate but talk about facts. Regarding the guy I completely disagree with you. He's like a thief, a burglar, that broke into my house and stole what he wants; whether my wife collaborated with him this is another question and she reaps now the consequences; even very harsh consequences. Her marriage is hanging by a thread. Her relatioship with her family does not look good; especially with her mother. She is half step of losing everything and ruining her life. As I said what I do right now at this point is not giving a second chance and it is yet not an offer of reconciliation. However, right now scum of earth didn't pay anything for what he did and walked free. If at all they are both responsible for what happened not only her. He broke also the code and must pay. Whether we want it or not people are interconnected and each action has a consequence. What my wife did is one thing; what he did is another thing. He is as responsible as her, but right now doesn't pay anything. I am not going to do anything simply because I don't want trouble with the law.

 

I don´t understand why you wait for the Poly-test if is all clear like the water.

First the guy is not thief is not a burglar and he doesn´t stole anything from you, He play his game and your wife get in the game by her own choose.

Your wife had a lot of time to say NO! and NO CROOS THE LINE

She walk out f the party with Him, She had time to say NO!, She walk to the elevetor to go to his room, She had time to say NO!, She was into the elevator with Him, She had time to say NO!, She walk out from the elevetor and walk to his room, She had time to say NO!, She walk inside of the room, She had time to say NO!, He take her clothes off, She had time to say NO! and STOP and RUN out of the ROOM, but She didn´t She stay because She wants to do this, She choose to stay and go to His bed.

The guy just bet for this game She liked the game and accepted.

He didn´t put any gun in the head of your wife to take her to his bed.

SHE CHOOSE TO GO TO HIS ROOM, SHE CHOOSE TO GO TO HIS BED, SHE CHOOSE TO HAD SEX WITH HIM.

CLEAR LIKE WATER

[road]

The OM does not matter at all.

 

 

Whether he knew or did not know anything.

 

 

Even if the OM knew who killed cock-robin

 

 

 

 

or even curt-robin

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQPWkIyFvGY

 

 

for that matter.

[Spectre]

I think you need to walk away. A woman who loves and respects you doesn't go and have a one night stand with some guy. Move on, fine someone better, someone with actual love for you.

[autumnnight]

I don´t understand why you wait for the Poly-test if is all clear like the water.

First the guy is not thief is not a burglar and he doesn´t stole anything from you, He play his game and your wife get in the game by her own choose.

Your wife had a lot of time to say NO! and NO CROOS THE LINE

She walk out f the party with Him, She had time to say NO!, She walk to the elevetor to go to his room, She had time to say NO!, She was into the elevator with Him, She had time to say NO!, She walk out from the elevetor and walk to his room, She had time to say NO!, She walk inside of the room, She had time to say NO!, He take her clothes off, She had time to say NO! and STOP and RUN out of the ROOM, but She didn´t She stay because She wants to do this, She choose to stay and go to His bed.

The guy just bet for this game She liked the game and accepted.

He didn´t put any gun in the head of your wife to take her to his bed.

SHE CHOOSE TO GO TO HIS ROOM, SHE CHOOSE TO GO TO HIS BED, SHE CHOOSE TO HAD SEX WITH HIM.

CLEAR LIKE WATER

 

Why do we think it is effective to SHOUT at a recently betrayed husband?

 

I mean, good grief.

[bigman1]

If OM did not know, then leave him alone. He's a victim too. If, he's married/in a relationship then blow him up, whether he knew about you or not, because he's ruining someone else's life and they deserve to know. If he knew about OP, then he get's flamed as well.

 

In sum, a single guy with no knowledge of OP who was just getting some walks away. Everyone else needs to worry.

 

Still, once that is done, then those pesky side issues will be done.

[Spectre]

If the guy knew this woman was married or had someone, YES..he is a piece of utter scum. If he didn't know? Then meh, it just means your wife was a lying whore who lied to this guy and made him think she was single. Either way it's your wife that is the problem.

 

This is not like a thief, because something that is willingly given away can't be stolen. Your wife willingly banged some other dude. It's her nasty self you should be truly mad at. She didn't have the decency or the self control to not bang another dude.

 

The good news is now you know the type of person this woman is. Boot her to the curb, of course she is remorseful, they always are..*after* sex has been had of course.

Edited September 21, 2015 by Spectre

[Ramius]

You are doing the right thing. Collecting data. It's good to know exactly what you are dealing with. When you were on deployment, you wanted every piece of intelligence possible, BEFORE you headed out on the mission. Same thing here.

 

Not to sound glib but no one should buy a car without at least reading up on it a bit. You can make the buying decision regarding divorce or reconciliation after you have the CarFax (poly graph).

[GrandFunkRailroad]

I don´t understand why you wait for the Poly-test if is all clear like the water.

First the guy is not thief is not a burglar and he doesn´t stole anything from you, He play his game and your wife get in the game by her own choose.

Your wife had a lot of time to say NO! and NO CROOS THE LINE

She walk out f the party with Him, She had time to say NO!, She walk to the elevetor to go to his room, She had time to say NO!, She was into the elevator with Him, She had time to say NO!, She walk out from the elevetor and walk to his room, She had time to say NO!, She walk inside of the room, She had time to say NO!, He take her clothes off, She had time to say NO! and STOP and RUN out of the ROOM, but She didn´t She stay because She wants to do this, She choose to stay and go to His bed.

The guy just bet for this game She liked the game and accepted.

He didn´t put any gun in the head of your wife to take her to his bed.

SHE CHOOSE TO GO TO HIS ROOM, SHE CHOOSE TO GO TO HIS BED, SHE CHOOSE TO HAD SEX WITH HIM.

CLEAR LIKE WATER

 

 

He is a scum of earth who played the game and the law is the only reason that prevents me to play my game with him. My wife could say a lot of things and do do much more of them and he could do all the things I sayed. He can chose whatever tactic he wants, I can chose my too. Once again, it is only the law that prevents me to do so.

 

My wife decided to chose whatever she wanted and he decided to be the filth of earth he chose. My wife as I said is paying a huge prize, but he walks free. He is a thief who may colaborated with someone (my wife) but in fact he is worse than the filth of earth. Good that he bet for his game and the only thing that prvents me to bet for my with him is the law. Playing games, being an immoral sewage, he is exactly the piece of **** that deserve this treatment. If not the law he would also get it. Clear as mud.

Edited September 21, 2015 by GrandFunkRailroad

[GrandFunkRailroad]

If the guy knew this woman was married or had someone, YES..he is a piece of utter scum. If he didn't know? Then meh, it just means your wife was a lying whore who lied to this guy and made him think she was single. Either way it's your wife that is the problem.

 

This is not like a thief, because something that is willingly given away can't be stolen. Your wife willingly banged some other dude. It's her nasty self you should be truly mad at. She didn't have the decency or the self control to not bang another dude.

 

The good news is now you know the type of person this woman is. Boot her to the curb, of course she is remorseful, they always are..*after* sex has been had of course.

 

Her willingly giving or not giving is irrelevant for the scum of earth to what he knew he is not allowed to take. You not knowing the law does not prevent you from it's punishment. His only luck is I don't want to get involved with that stupid law. It is the only reason I do nothing.