She had an ONS, now she's "SOOOOOO" "remorseful" and wants to save the marriage

[HereNorThere]

While I definitely don't think OM has nearly to culpability that your wife does, it's still very possible to get him back without doing anything illegal or physically harming him.

 

Have you checked their workplace policy to see whether or not you could get him fired for this conduct? Does he have a girlfriend or spouse that you could inform? Does his family know that he destroyed yours? You'd be surprised at how much damage you could do without ever laying a finger on him.

 

You could easily create a webpage that come up first in searches for him name. That way any future employer would know exactly what he did and he would never work again. Use your imagination, OP!

 

Good luck and I hope you are doing a little better. We're rooting for you.

Edited September 21, 2015 by HereNorThere

[GrandFunkRailroad]

I think you need to walk away. A woman who loves and respects you doesn't go and have a one night stand with some guy. Move on, fine someone better, someone with actual love for you.

 

 

Where did I say that I aready decided to stay and not to walk away. I can't remember that and even if I would have done that, it's only the law that prevents me to close those accounts with him. If not the law he would curse the day he was born

[GrandFunkRailroad]

While I definitely don't think OM has nearly to culpability that your wife does, it's still very possible to get him back without doing anything illegal or physically harming him.

 

Have you checked their workplace policy to see whether or not you could get him fired for this conduct? Does he have a girlfriend or spouse that you could inform? Does his family know that he destroyed yours? You'd be surprised at how much damage you could do without ever laying a finger on him.

 

You could easily create a webpage that come up first in searches for him name. That way any future employer would know exactly what he did and he would never work again. Use your imagination, OP!

 

Good luck and I hope you are doing a little better. We're rooting for you.

 

 

From what she told me he is in a committed relationship and plans to marry his girlfriend. Yes, I do plan for him some surprise. I thought maybe to ask someone to contact her with all of my evidences. I just don't want any direct contact with him right now because I don't want to get into trouble with the law. I am checking more opportunities and as you say there are some. At some time I will ruin his life; no. not physicaly, and no, not by breaking the law, but with something more sophisticated. After I will clear everything with my wife, this will be my next goal in life. Once again, I already become more and more information as I updated my list with questions today. I don't know one we can make it with the Poly-Test, but once it is done I will let you all know

 

You could easily create a webpage that come up first in searches for him name. That way any future employer would know exactly what he did and he would never work again. Use your imagination, OP!

 

In all of that mess you made me smile. Internet and the web is what I am specialised in my professional life. HHHHH. Good HNT

Edited September 21, 2015 by GrandFunkRailroad

[stillafool]

 

My wife decided to chose whatever she wanted and he decided to be the filth of earth he chose. My wife as I said is paying a huge prize, but he walks free. He is a thief who may colaborated with someone (my wife) but in fact he is worse than the filth of earth. Good that he bet for his game and the only thing that prvents me to bet for my with him is the law. Playing games, being an immoral sewage, he is exactly the piece of **** that deserve this treatment. If not the law he would also get it. Clear as mud.

 

Why don't you feel this way about the person who made vows to you - your wife. I'm sure when his gf finds out she will say the exact same things about your cheating, conniving wife. Afterall your wife did know he was planning to marry his gf and that didn't stop her did it?

[drifter777]

I don't remember - did she quit her job? Did he work in the same department or team or whatever?

[GrandFunkRailroad]

Why don't you feel this way about the person who made vows to you - your wife. I'm sure when his gf finds out she will say the exact same things about your cheating, conniving wife. Afterall your wife did know he was planning to marry his gf and that didn't stop her did it?

 

Have you actually read what I said about my wife. I was at the begining even moderated. Have you read the other posts where I expressed my opinion about cheaters; well I can't remember that I said or had the attitude even close to what you describe. Where did I by the way already announced that I am staying. I can't remember that. I would not be hypocritical as many posters here to hold some bigoted moral lectures to his BGF and would certainly understand and have compassion with her.

[66Charger]

If one lesson can be learned from all of this, it is you never know who is on the other side of your infidelity. Regardless of what your AP tells you, it could be a doormat or you could be in real trouble.

[cgiles]

You should take some times and hits a punching bag, you seem in the anger stage, of the stage of griefs.

 

If you didn't read about it yet, you should.

 

It's the different stage we face when we mourn, and you are mourning a lot of things as now.

 

Did you got some support outisde of her parents ?

[GrandFunkRailroad]

I don't remember - did she quit her job? Did he work in the same department or team or whatever?

 

It's everything in my first post. She cut at the same evening all contact with the POS, quit the job waiting until the confession to tell me, asked to be referred to another department in the same district in the meantime (just in case) without telling me and until till she stops to work and was one week home before the confession while telling me and them she's ill and isn't feeling good. That happened before the confession. Once again read my first post. However, I still wait to verify the information. POS works in another district and naturally in another department, actually another part of the country, those workers do not always know each other and in many cases at all and meat for big events that this national corporation plans for workers once in a while. They met at this event. It is completely possible, I just don't believe her until I verify it with the poly. She had her emgagement and wedding ring and she told me he knew she was married because they also talked about their lifes. I do not defend her, but he's not better than her. I will for sure not see him as a saint if this is true; neither her. I made here an exception and answered you just a smal fragment that is relevant to POS. Please be patient with all the details and story as I will post it after the Poly-Test

Edited September 21, 2015 by GrandFunkRailroad

[66Charger]

One thing I will put on you Grandfunk. You cannot inflict retribution from the OM stronger than what you put on your wife. Your own code should prevent that. Do as you wish, but do not trash your own honor in this pursuit.

 

2nd Air and Naval Gunfire Liason Co 2nd Battallion

[GrandFunkRailroad]

You should take some times and hits a punching bag, you seem in the anger stage, of the stage of griefs.

 

If you didn't read about it yet, you should.

 

It's the different stage we face when we mourn, and you are mourning a lot of things as now.

 

Did you got some support outisde of her parents ?

 

 

I do such things. I went to shooting range. I am specialised in martial arts so I train anyway regularly. On the other side I do meditation and so on. Her parents support me even more than her. Her mother is really pisssed with her and actually talks a lot with me during the days.

[GrandFunkRailroad]

One thing I will put on you Grandfunk. You cannot inflict retribution from the OM stronger than what you put on your wife. Your own code should prevent that. Do as you wish, but do not trash your own honor in this pursuit.

 

2nd Air and Naval Gunfire Liason Co 2nd Battallion

 

 

You're probably right. Yet, he will not walk away free. I AM NOT GOING TO HARM HIM PHYSICALLY. yet, I will do everything to ruin his life within the law. My wife has ruined her life anyway by her ignorant actions. Mine was ruined by both of them. She at least pays a price which goes beyond her marriage as I wrote in a previous post, a huge price. Yet, withing the law he will pay a price too.

Edited September 21, 2015 by GrandFunkRailroad

[GrandFunkRailroad]

You should take some times and hits a punching bag, you seem in the anger stage, of the stage of griefs.

 

If you didn't read about it yet, you should.

 

It's the different stage we face when we mourn, and you are mourning a lot of things as now.

 

Did you got some support outisde of her parents ?

 

 

Besides her parents, I got help from my spiritual advisers. I will go to psychotherapy too.

[GrandFunkRailroad]

So guys, it's late night here and I need to take care of my sleep. Not the best the last days. I will keep posting when I have time

[Mrs. John Adams]

I want to address a couple of things GFR..... you keep saying your wife has remorse...she is remorseful...over and over.

 

Let me assure you...she isn't. She is scared, she is sorry, and she hurts.

 

and maybe this is the difference in true remorse and sorrow.

 

When you stop feeling sorry for your own pain...and you start feeling sorry for the pain you caused...you can begin to have remorse. I promise you....even though i do not know your wife...she is thinking about her own pain right now. She hurts....she has disappointed herself, she has disappointed you....and she is scared to death what she has done is going to end her life as she knows it. So right now....her emotions are not even capable of understanding true remorse.

 

I remember puking my socks up, writhing on the floor screaming how sorry i was. I was shaking uncontrollably....and my husband appeared to be as cool as a cucumber. He was in shock...total shock...and he went into deep depression. It was months before we could begin to "calm" down...so your wife's reaction is totally normal...but it is NOT remorse.

 

You seem very cool to me...very calculating.....and very dominating and very controlling. It makes me wonder if your military training is keeping you from expressing emotion....which causes you to come across here as a man who will not be told what to do....and has very strong opinions.

 

Your anger toward the OM should be anger placed toward your wife....my husband did the same thing....and i think it was because he wanted to reconcile...and he knew was angry...but he did not want to be mad at me. Eventually...he put his anger where it belonged...on me....and by the time he did that...he was also able to control his anger better.

 

You cannot let your anger consume you.....and regardless if you divorce or reconcile...(i still think you should divorce)....but you still have to let go of the anger....eventually.

[GrandFunkRailroad]

I want to address a couple of things GFR..... you keep saying your wife has remorse...she is remorseful...over and over.

 

Let me assure you...she isn't. She is scared, she is sorry, and she hurts.

 

and maybe this is the difference in true remorse and sorrow.

 

When you stop feeling sorry for your own pain...and you start feeling sorry for the pain you caused...you can begin to have remorse. I promise you....even though i do not know your wife...she is thinking about her own pain right now. She hurts....she has disappointed herself, she has disappointed you....and she is scared to death what she has done is going to end her life as she knows it. So right now....her emotions are not even capable of understanding true remorse.

 

I remember puking my socks up, writhing on the floor screaming how sorry i was. I was shaking uncontrollably....and my husband appeared to be as cool as a cucumber. He was in shock...total shock...and he went into deep depression. It was months before we could begin to "calm" down...so your wife's reaction is totally normal...but it is NOT remorse.

 

You seem very cool to me...very calculating.....and very dominating and very controlling. It makes me wonder if your military training is keeping you from expressing emotion....which causes you to come across here as a man who will not be told what to do....and has very strong opinions.

 

Your anger toward the OM should be anger placed toward your wife....my husband did the same thing....and i think it was because he wanted to reconcile...and he knew was angry...but he did not want to be mad at me. Eventually...he put his anger where it belonged...on me....and by the time he did that...he was also able to control his anger better.

 

You cannot let your anger consume you.....and regardless if you divorce or reconcile...(i still think you should divorce)....but you still have to let go of the anger....eventually.

 

 

 

Mrs. John Adams

 

Well, first of all let's begin from the end. Where did I say I not going to divorce. However, as oppose to those who origionally accused me of being cut and dry (remember) I have a more complex world view and understand that divorce is not the end of story, there are different ways to approach divorce as well as life that comes for us after the divorce. Her remorse is indeed important in that sense.

 

Now, a few words about remorse. If your view were less biased against what I believe you would see that my description and her behavior fits into your own definition of remorse. This leads me to assume that because of your pre-judgmental attitutde towards my beliefs, you either read only what you want in my responses, possibly you haven't read it all to understand it or you read and bend the fact to fit it in your belief system. You have a pre assumption that remorse is impossible and thus project it on each and every situation regardless the FACTS that are brought to you. I understand that there is a more neutral problem that I haven't posted everything, but still what IS posted is enough to support what I say

 

Next thing is my anger. As I expressed my anger towards my wife, I was accused of:

1. Being to cut and dry

2. Being at fault for her adultery (blame shiftting)

3. Creating a toxic environment for her

4. Beig unable of forgiveness and reconcliation

5. Being a troll

 

Now, that I allegedly do not do it, which is factually incorect, I am accused of

 

1. controlling my emotions

2. Dominant (maybe you mean and accusing me of being abusive by that?)

3. Leading (which is a good quality that one should not be ashamed of it)

4. Being unable to express my emotions

 

Com'on, you have to decide what I am because I can't be all that opposing things at one and the same time. The problem is not whether I am anything of what you say or can't take advise, but that some people based on my world view are hostile to them and thus biased against me. No matter what I will say here, they will accuse me of something. Sorry, that I don't want to take advise from people who are hostile and biased towards me. There where some people here that were more understanding and less biased. In the case of those people I did took their advise and implemented it into my situation. I think you must check your facts first.

Edited September 22, 2015 by GrandFunkRailroad

[S2B]

When is the polygraph?