Long Term Girlfriend Cheated.

[Draper]

I'm glad you guys are not wanting to contact them. I honestly don't think my ex will ever come crawling back or even want to talk too me in the future tbh. I was deleting pictures of us on Facebook earlier as it kept reminding me of her but it did still hurt me to delete them as I know there isn't another copy but I think it is for the best.

 

I think Christmas will be incredibly hard for me. Just because we always buy each other something special and it will be the first time in 8 years. Just I really do hate the fact she threw away everything so easily like I meant absolutely nothing. I hope our memories haunt her the rest of her life.

 

Who knows if they will come back or not, it's only them and time that can answer that question and we owe it to ourselves not wait around for either. I deleted those pics awhile back as well, it was hard as hell to look at all of those memories and think that I will never get to relive them.

 

I've been having kind of a rough day thinking about everything, and yeah its going to be hard to get through those special times like Christmas but we will get through it. I still feel lost half of the time because all I want to do is text her or be with her but I have to believe that this is all for the better and so should you.

[sbk24]

Yep it does seriously hurt like hell. Just so strange that we can be the priority in their lives to becoming a complete stranger who they give no f**** about which I think is pretty cruel.

 

Like you said earlier it is for the best for NC, as if they do reply it gives us hope and if they don't reply we would feel rejected so it is a lose lose situation really. How is going with that girl you met?

[Draper]

I haven't talked to the other girl much, but I'll be out this weekend hopefully meeting some new people. It's crazy to think that it's been nearly 2 months since I last spoke to her and kills me to think that i'll likely never hear from her again. Anyway, I try not to think like that if I can because I've come too close to driving myself insane wondering about what happened and where this is going.

 

It is strange that they can turn on us the way they did and I think that really just highlights their immaturity. It would be one thing if they didn't want to be with us and left respectfully and all that, but the way they did it to us man they just threw it all in our face. I'll never understand how you could do that to someone who cared for you so much, but I guess that's just something I will never know.

[goodguy1]

Hey you guys I know the holidays are going to be hard because they had a special meaning to us and our exes while we were together but we shouldn't let what they did stop us from having a good time. I'm glad to hear that you guys have deleted the pictures of your exes this is something I myself have yet to do just because everytime I see her face and what we used to be a sharp pain shoots through my chest and NC is the best way to go around getting over your ex.

 

As for dating other people. Don't feel the need to rush. Let yourself heal, you don't want to put the pain you have some on someone else you know? I went on a couple dates last month but ultimately decided that I wasn't ready enough to start dating yet. As for them casting us aside as we were nothing. Don't try to think about it too much or it will drive you crazy. Just remember they're not who we fell in love with.

[sbk24]

Hey guys, had a tough day today. I had counselling and I thought I would share some things that might help you. Basically the counsellor said that she wouldn't wish this upon anyone but if the ex had died it would have been easier to process as I would have accepted it better. She thinks that it's because there many losses, such as her and her family, plus other private things going on and the added fact of rejection and that she is still around with another fella it's just too overwhelming.

 

The counsellor also said that it will hit her very hard one day as she moved to the new guy straight away. No time to process the grieving of the break up and that moving so fast is a quick fix. The counsellor said just continue how I am even though it is so painful and I will become the stronger person out of it in the end.

[itisdanielle]

Hey guys, had a tough day today. I had counselling and I thought I would share some things that might help you. Basically the counsellor said that she wouldn't wish this upon anyone but if the ex had died it would have been easier to process as I would have accepted it better.

 

I kinda agree with this. My dad passed away six years ago and I feel that in my head it was final, there was absolutely nothing I could do except get on with it, I couldn't think things like 'what did I do to cause this? how could I have prevented it?'. Of course it was still difficult, it's the worst thing that has ever happened to me and of course I would rather be broken up with than my dad pass away. But I think with break ups, the other person is still around. There's still a possibility to reach out to them and the hope that the situation may reverse and you end up back together.

 

I hope this doesn't make me sound heartless.. I honestly don't mean that break ups are worse than death because of course they are not.

[sbk24]

Of course it doesn't mean you are heartless. I am actually starting to forget my ex's face now which is a good sign but then again I'm a bit **** with remembering people's faces anyway.

 

Her sister has texted me again today, I decided to ignore it as I know that all she wants to do is update my ex and her mum about it. I do feel bad as her sister is a genuine nice person and it is a shame for a friendship to be lost but I seriously have to cut all ties. I am going to get my number changed too next week.

[crederer]

I have been in similar situation.

 

It took me a solid year to get over it. Maybe even longer. I was a really good boyfriend to her, didn't understand why she would do this.

 

I've bumped into her a few times while out on the town and she always says stupid stuff that at first made me angry and now it makes me chuckle thinking of it.

 

For example, she came up to me drunk like a full year after we broke up and said "I've never loved anyone since you, I just wanted to tell you that." I basically got mad and told her to eff right off.

 

Another time I saw her I grew out a big bushy beard and kinda transformed into kind of a rough biker looking guy. Got pretty jacked, big bushy beard and wearing different style clothes. I always liked that look but I was in commercial sales so I had to be clean cut but now I flip houses. Anyway, she saw me and got all upset being like "omg what's wrong with you!? This isn't you man, I'm so sorry I broke you like this", etc, etc. I just laughed as if the bitch can tell me who I am and to think I am like this because of her or whatever.

 

And just recently she commented on my fb (I don't use it much and never bothered deleting her as I only go on there to get some information about bands that I like, show dates) and the comment was basically her reminiscing about an experience we had and how it was so much fun. I just deleted it, shook my head like "what the hell goes through your mind". Then she sent me 3 texts asking me why I deleted her off fb lol!

 

There are a bunch more examples similar to these but anyway the point I'm trying to make is that in the future I'm pretty sure you're going to look back on this situation, shake your head, chuckle and think, "wow, what the hell was she thinking!?" and feel pretty good about yourself.

 

It may take time, though. Like I said it took me at least a year, probably a little longer to get my head straightened out over it.

[sbk24]

Thanks crederer that was a useful insight. Can I just ask a few questions? Do you have any feelings for her at all like now? Also what was the reason why you broke up if you don't mind me asking.

[sbk24]

Hi guys, just thought I would give a quick update. It has been nearly 3 months now and I am making progress. I do think about the ex probably everyday still but I dont feel as much pain as before.

 

I have improved myself dramatically. I decided to take a year out from education to focus on my mother who's cancer has got worse but I also got a massive pay rise at work. I have been hitting the gym 3 times a week and I have met a lot of new people.

 

I can tell that I'm still not ready for dating as I'm just not interested at the moment so I must still be in love. I just have to keep reminding myself of what she has done and know that I deserve so much better.

[Chi townD]

Hi guys, just thought I would give a quick update. It has been nearly 3 months now and I am making progress. I do think about the ex probably everyday still but I dont feel as much pain as before.

 

I have improved myself dramatically. I decided to take a year out from education to focus on my mother who's cancer has got worse but I also got a massive pay rise at work. I have been hitting the gym 3 times a week and I have met a lot of new people.

 

I can tell that I'm still not ready for dating as I'm just not interested at the moment so I must still be in love. I just have to keep reminding myself of what she has done and know that I deserve so much better.

 

 

I like your attitude, but after a couple of months, it might be okay to go out on a date if you let your date know that you're not making any promises. The only thing you can promise is showing her a good time. It might be fun for you to go out and have fun with absolutely no expectations. If your honest with your date and tell her that you're not looking for a relationship, I think she might appreciate your honesty. And it might feel good and give you a little ego boost to know that someone from the opposite sex agreed to go out for an evening with you. That she WANTED to be with you and have some fun. I mean, what's wrong with that?

[Draper]

Good to hear your doing well SBK, its getting close to 3 months for me too and it really seems like the days are flying by. I certainly still have a day hear and there when I think about her a lot but for the most part ive begun to accept that this is just a girl i used to date, and thay the past doesn't always dictate the future.

 

I do find it really tough to be away from her house and her family and all that, as we made tons of great memories there and I had grown pretty close to them. Anyway, im getting through it, and im glad it sounds like you are too

[sbk24]

Thanks Chi townD, I guess you are right but some girls will think I will just be on the rebound don't you think?

 

I'm glad you making progress too Draper. I find it tough too as everything I have done was either with her or her family. However, life goes on and we have to enjoy it. Everyone says that we will find someone when we least expect it. I do find it weird being single still but I actually quite like it now as I can do what I want when I want. Also it's nice to talk to girls and not get an earful of thinking that I'm cheating.

 

Still think my ex is a c*** and I hope i never speak to her again.

[Draper]

How you doing brother?

[Chi townD]

Thanks Chi townD, I guess you are right but some girls will think I will just be on the rebound don't you think?

 

I'm glad you making progress too Draper. I find it tough too as everything I have done was either with her or her family. However, life goes on and we have to enjoy it. Everyone says that we will find someone when we least expect it. I do find it weird being single still but I actually quite like it now as I can do what I want when I want. Also it's nice to talk to girls and not get an earful of thinking that I'm cheating.

 

Still think my ex is a c*** and I hope i never speak to her again.

 

 

Dude, most women would agree with me. They value honesty over a lot of other things. If you are honest and tell them, "Look, I would love to take you out for an evening out to have a great time. But, I just want to let you know that I'm just coming out of a relationship and I'm not looking to jump into another one just yet. But, I like spending time with you and I have tickets to this concert (or whatever) and I would love to take you. I can't promise you anything more than going out and having some fun. That I can promise you".

 

 

BAM! There you have it! You were honest and let her know where you stand. The pressure is off. Now, you left the ball in her court whether she wants to spend an evening with you or not. She may say "yes" and she may say "no". But, at least you were upfront and honest and THAT is going to show her a lot of your character.

[goodguy1]

Its good to hear that your doing better SBK it really is. I know how hard this has been for you and i know the pain is still there and hey you shouldn't be afraid to go out with girls and i completely agree with Chi townD about letting the girl you hangout with know about your current situation and that you're not looking for a serious relationship or a relationship at all for the matter and just someone to hangout with.

 

Congrats on the pay raise by the way and i admire you for taking a year off of school to help your mother i know that decision couldnt have been easy but with what your currently dealing with id have to say it was probably the best decision you made right now so that way you aren't distracted and flunk out of school. Just make sure when you feel the time is right that you go back to school.

 

As for me i was doing good for a while, made an instructional film for the airforce and recently got a puppy to help me get over my ex but for some reason the past two weeks have been rough as the dreams have started up again and one completely destroyed me but other than that I'm hanging in there.

 

How are you doing Draper? It's been awhile.

[sbk24]

Hi Guys,

 

Yeah I am a lot better than I say a couple of months ago for sure. I have stuck to NC and it has done me wonders. I must say that in this instance, ignorance is a bliss.

 

Today thought I was feeling rather down, just I think I miss the ex quite a bit today I think it was because her sister has texted me again checking if I am okay but I haven't replied to her last three messages as I said I would cut all ties. Plus I know where her loyalties lie. So yeah basically still hurting like mad but I have to get on with life and cherish the time I have with my mum.

 

Goodguy I am glad it has been going good for you and how weird is it that I am getting some strange dreams about my ex too. I have had to take some meds to knock me out.

 

Just weird to think that our lives were so different just a few months ago ey?

[Draper]

Its good to hear that your doing better SBK it really is. I know how hard this has been for you and i know the pain is still there and hey you shouldn't be afraid to go out with girls and i completely agree with Chi townD about letting the girl you hangout with know about your current situation and that you're not looking for a serious relationship or a relationship at all for the matter and just someone to hangout with.

 

Congrats on the pay raise by the way and i admire you for taking a year off of school to help your mother i know that decision couldnt have been easy but with what your currently dealing with id have to say it was probably the best decision you made right now so that way you aren't distracted and flunk out of school. Just make sure when you feel the time is right that you go back to school.

 

As for me i was doing good for a while, made an instructional film for the airforce and recently got a puppy to help me get over my ex but for some reason the past two weeks have been rough as the dreams have started up again and one completely destroyed me but other than that I'm hanging in there.

 

How are you doing Draper? It's been awhile.

 

Glad to hear you've been doing good for the most part, I'm actually really jealous about the puppy. I've always wanted to get a dog and I would, but my apartment isn't pet-friendly and I'd like husky or a lab and an apartment isn't much space for them. It sucks the dreams set you back a bit, it really is like a wave of emotions - they just hit you out of nowhere just when you think your making progress. Anyway, it might have made you stumble but it didn't knock you down and you'll keep on moving.

 

I'm hanging in there as well. Like you, I have some bad days here and there, but largely I'm making progress. I am having trouble with something though and its strange, it have a weird 'fear' of being in my hometown. It just doesn't feel right being there, i don't know. I'm going to be home for a few weeks for christmas break and im kind of unnerved about being there, but we are going on vacation the day after christmas so I'm hoping that helps. Anyways, Ill get through it, it's just uncomfortable for the time being.

 

Other than that, I don't feel much sadness towards the whole thing lately. I'm not mad at her for leaving, as if she wasn't happy then who am I to stand in her why. I'm hurt about how she went about it and how she treated me, but I try to use that to my advantage. When I do feel like I miss her, I remember the way she treated me and try to snap out of it.

[Draper]

Hi Guys,

 

Yeah I am a lot better than I say a couple of months ago for sure. I have stuck to NC and it has done me wonders. I must say that in this instance, ignorance is a bliss.

 

Today thought I was feeling rather down, just I think I miss the ex quite a bit today I think it was because her sister has texted me again checking if I am okay but I haven't replied to her last three messages as I said I would cut all ties. Plus I know where her loyalties lie. So yeah basically still hurting like mad but I have to get on with life and cherish the time I have with my mum.

 

Goodguy I am glad it has been going good for you and how weird is it that I am getting some strange dreams about my ex too. I have had to take some meds to knock me out.

 

Just weird to think that our lives were so different just a few months ago ey?

 

Great to hear you're doing better man, NC really is the way to go. It's a win-win. Like goodguy, the wave you felt today might have made you stumble but I know you won't let it knock you down, we've come to far now.

 

I love what you said about cherishing the time with your mom - cherishing what we do have rather than mourning what doesn't deserve to mourned is something we all ought to do.

 

It's really weird thinking that I spent nearly everyday and night with her in the summer, and it's weird being in school knowing that last year I would get through a day of classes knowing that I could get in my car that night and drive home to spend the night with her - it makes things hard sometimes, thinking of what things used to be, but I try to say the past is the past, but it does hurt like hell sometimes.

 

I'm getting close to 3 months of NC now, it's crazy how time has flown.

[sbk24]

Hi Guys,

 

Having a real **** day tbh. Just I do not understand how heartbreak can hurt so much. Like I am just shocked that I am attached to someone. How strange that our feelings are just purely chemical reactions in our brains.

 

I am a bit surprised that I haven't had any kind of communication from her tbh. It probably is best but it is saddening that I mean so little or even exist to her.

 

Just feels like I just need to just sell up and go..

[goodguy1]

Hi Guys,

 

Having a real **** day tbh. Just I do not understand how heartbreak can hurt so much. Like I am just shocked that I am attached to someone. How strange that our feelings are just purely chemical reactions in our brains.

 

I am a bit surprised that I haven't had any kind of communication from her tbh. It probably is best but it is saddening that I mean so little or even exist to her.

 

Just feels like I just need to just sell up and go..

 

Hey dude I know how you feel.... My ex just got back into town a couple days ago and I've not heard a word from her which is pretty bittersweet because I now know she doesn't give a rats ass for what she did to me and I honestly wanted to see her to get me the closure I needed but I don't know why I thought I'd be thinking that because she could never be honest with me so she'd probably lie about everything anyway. I know your pain sbk and it's like we're living in our own personal hell. Like I've been waking up the last couple days completely dumbfounded on how all this **** happened anyway and I slowly have to explain to myself how I was betrayed by close friends of mine and the one person who I loved more than anything In the world. I then started looking back at out relationship and remind myself how selfish she was, she literally made me out to be the bad guy all the time for the littlest things like coming home late from work or forgetting one or two grocery items that she never told me to get. I would have given my life for that girl and she throws away our entire relationship for some coward she met in mexico. I know I'm better off without her but I know I still love her which sucks. We're in this together brother and I know we'll be fine sooner or later. We just gotta hang in there.

[lolablue17]

Have you ever thought about the possibility that her sister "likes" you?

[sbk24]

Hi Goodguy, how did you know that she has returned for a couple of days? Just honestly I understand that people fall out of love but why do people have to be d**** about it.

 

I feel guilty as I understand that I am still heartbroken and I am depressed from other doing factors but there are so many people who actually fighting for their lives and really have something to worry about. I just can't shake it off.

 

lolablue17 I doubt it to be honest. I think she is just checking so she could update her family so they probably don't have a guilty conscience. However, I do feel guilty for not replying. I have asked a few of my friends and they are split 50/50 whether I should reply with one message with saying "thank you for your concern I am fine, however, this will be my last message as I have to cut all ties". Where as the friends think just completely carry on and ignore but it plays on my mind. What do you guys think?

[goodguy1]

Hi Goodguy, how did you know that she has returned for a couple of days? Just honestly I understand that people fall out of love but why do people have to be d**** about it.

 

I feel guilty as I understand that I am still heartbroken and I am depressed from other doing factors but there are so many people who actually fighting for their lives and really have something to worry about. I just can't shake it off.

 

lolablue17 I doubt it to be honest. I think she is just checking so she could update her family so they probably don't have a guilty conscience. However, I do feel guilty for not replying. I have asked a few of my friends and they are split 50/50 whether I should reply with one message with saying "thank you for your concern I am fine, however, this will be my last message as I have to cut all ties". Where as the friends think just completely carry on and ignore but it plays on my mind. What do you guys think?

 

 

Sbk,

Her mother texted my mom that my ex was back in town. It's been really hard not contacting my ex as I have some stuff I want to get off of my chest but I know she won't see me because she's afraid and considers me an annoying part of her past that she wants to forget now. I'm starting to think that throughout our 5 1/2 years together that she never loved me and was only there because I was convenient and took care of her and as soon as I said I was moving so I could buy us a house for us to start our lives together while she finished her last year of school she figured I wasn't needed anymore.

 

Like I know I've been strong for the last couple months about all this but I'm just so tired now you know? Like I've been hanging out with friends alot and getting myself out there but I've been losing my will to do anything anymore... and there's no reason for you to feel guilty over your heartbreak. Everyone is going through some sort of pain in there life big and small and just remember people actually kill themselves after going through the stuff we've been through. Heartbreak and depression are a very serious thing hence why we have this amazing site to seek help from others who are going through or have gone through what we are.

[Draper]

There's no shame in what we've gone through, pretty much everyone will go through it at one time or another and it really is a terrible thing. I mean like goodguy said, there are people who let heartbreak destroy them, literally. I do think it is good to have some perspective on the whole thing, and I sometimes like to remember that there are people going through a lot worse things than me.

 

Anyways, I understand what you mean goodguy. Sometimes I just get tired of telling myself that im going to forget about her, you know? I wish it would just happen already, as im really getting tired of constantly having it in the back of my head.

 

Hope all is well.