Long Term Girlfriend Cheated.

[Draper]

Hey guys,

 

Found out today that my ex is still with the other guy and moved in with him 2 months after she dumped me. Hit me like a baseball bat to the gut. I don't really know where to go from here, I just keep feeling like I wasn't enough and then I get angry at her for be so dishonest the whole time.

 

Tells me she sees a future with me and cares about me and all this crap when she ended it, but its obviously clear now that was a lie. So where do I go from here? Ive had this urge to text her and tell her how ****ty she is but I know thats a bad idea. Its been 3 months of NC and I thought I was making progress, and then the last two weeks i felt like i was thinking about her a lot and now I find this out. It s rather painful..

[greenleaves54]

Hey guys,

 

Found out today that my ex is still with the other guy and moved in with him 2 months after she dumped me. Hit me like a baseball bat to the gut. I don't really know where to go from here, I just keep feeling like I wasn't enough and then I get angry at her for be so dishonest the whole time.

 

Tells me she sees a future with me and cares about me and all this crap when she ended it, but its obviously clear now that was a lie. So where do I go from here? Ive had this urge to text her and tell her how ****ty she is but I know thats a bad idea. Its been 3 months of NC and I thought I was making progress, and then the last two weeks i felt like i was thinking about her a lot and now I find this out. It s rather painful..

 

Hey Draper.

 

I highly suspect that my ex is now together with the "classic" male friend of her that I always was suspicious of during the relationship.

 

I saw a picture of them together a few days ago and it hit me pretty hard.

 

But after the initial shock I realized I had known all along that she was flirting with other guys. That's the reason they broke up with us after all, wasn't it? Yeah, you saw hard evidence of their relationship, and that's of course very hurtful. But we already suspected it, didn't we?

 

So she's still with that guy. There are two possibilites:

1. It's a rebound. She's enjoying the excitement of being with someone new. It will wear off and she will be lost and unhappy.

2. They were made for each other, will get married and live happily ever after.

 

If the second one is true, maybe that's fine too, in a way? I don't know about you, but the guy that my ex is (most likely) dating is quite different from me and quite frankly someone that I consider a lesser man than myself. If that's the one she chooses over me, then I wish them good luck. Obviously that shows that we were not meant to be together and that there are plenty of girls who are better matches for me out there. If those are the qualities she was looking for in a man, I'm glad we didn't waste any more time together.

 

It's natural that we think of our exes more during the holidays. This bump in the road is natural and actually part of the healing itself. As you said, contacting her to release your anger is bad idea. Maybe you should try to forgive her instead, for your own sake? My ex is young, inexperienced and very emotional. I forgive her for being confused about her thoughts and for saying one thing and then doing the opposite. It feels easier to move on that way I think.

 

I don't know if I helped much, but at least we're in this together!

Edited December 30, 2015 by greenleaves54

[Draper]

Hey Draper.

 

I highly suspect that my ex is now together with the "classic" male friend of her that I always was suspicious of during the relationship.

 

I saw a picture of them together a few days ago and it hit me pretty hard.

 

But after the initial shock I realized I had known all along that she was flirting with other guys. That's the reason they broke up with us after all, wasn't it? Yeah, you saw hard evidence of their relationship, and that's of course very hurtful. But we already suspected it, didn't we?

 

So she's still with that guy. There are two possibilites:

1. It's a rebound. She's enjoying the excitement of being with someone new. It will wear off and she will be lost and unhappy.

2. They were made for each other, will get married and live happily ever after.

 

If the second one is true, maybe that's fine too, in a way? I don't know about you, but the guy that my ex is (most likely) dating is quite different from me and quite frankly someone that I consider a lesser man than myself. If that's the one she chooses over me, then I wish them good luck. Obviously that shows that we were not meant to be together and that there are plenty of girls who are better matches for me out there. If those are the qualities she was looking for in a man, I'm glad we didn't waste any more time together.

 

It's natural that we think of our exes more during the holidays. This bump in the road is natural and actually part of the healing itself. As you said, contacting her to release your anger is bad idea. Maybe you should try to forgive her instead, for your own sake? My ex is young, inexperienced and very emotional. I forgive her for being confused about her thoughts and for saying one thing and then doing the opposite. It feels easier to move on that way I think.

 

I don't know if I helped much, but at least we're in this together!

Thanks so much for the reply greenleaves, it truly helps going theough all of this with you guys rather than alone. In fact reading your post was possibly the first smile I had all day!

 

Indeed, the guy she's with know is way different then me. I would say I'm a lot more mature, I don't want a relationship that revolves are partying and all that - I would much rather settle down and be invested in the relationship. It seems like they're partying, living it up. He's not someone I would consider a 'good' guy and I can only imagine what her family is thinking seeing her move in with him like this, as they always loved me.

 

It doesn't matter though, like you said. It's clear to me now that she isn't my 'one and only', she was a stepping stone and all I can do is learn something. So far I've learned never to forgive cheating regardless of the severity, and now im working on my own demons - insecurity, etc. As someone in another thread said to me, "i point to the sky and say my angel is waiting for me". For now all we can do i focus on ourselves, as when that angel comes we will be even better men than before.

[Draper]

Hey Draper.

 

I highly suspect that my ex is now together with the "classic" male friend of her that I always was suspicious of during the relationship.

 

I saw a picture of them together a few days ago and it hit me pretty hard.

 

But after the initial shock I realized I had known all along that she was flirting with other guys. That's the reason they broke up with us after all, wasn't it? Yeah, you saw hard evidence of their relationship, and that's of course very hurtful. But we already suspected it, didn't we?

 

So she's still with that guy. There are two possibilites:

1. It's a rebound. She's enjoying the excitement of being with someone new. It will wear off and she will be lost and unhappy.

2. They were made for each other, will get married and live happily ever after.

 

If the second one is true, maybe that's fine too, in a way? I don't know about you, but the guy that my ex is (most likely) dating is quite different from me and quite frankly someone that I consider a lesser man than myself. If that's the one she chooses over me, then I wish them good luck. Obviously that shows that we were not meant to be together and that there are plenty of girls who are better matches for me out there. If those are the qualities she was looking for in a man, I'm glad we didn't waste any more time together.

 

It's natural that we think of our exes more during the holidays. This bump in the road is natural and actually part of the healing itself. As you said, contacting her to release your anger is bad idea. Maybe you should try to forgive her instead, for your own sake? My ex is young, inexperienced and very emotional. I forgive her for being confused about her thoughts and for saying one thing and then doing the opposite. It feels easier to move on that way I think.

 

I don't know if I helped much, but at least we're in this together!

Thanks so much for the reply greenleaves, it truly helps going theough all of this with you guys rather than alone. In fact reading your post was possibly the first smile I had all day!

 

Indeed, the guy she's with know is way different then me. I would say I'm a lot more mature, I don't want a relationship that revolves are partying and all that - I would much rather settle down and be invested in the relationship. It seems like they're partying, living it up. He's not someone I would consider a 'good' guy and I can only imagine what her family is thinking seeing her move in with him like this, as they always loved me.

 

It doesn't matter though, like you said. It's clear to me now that she isn't my 'one and only', she was a stepping stone and all I can do is learn something. So far I've learned never to forgive cheating regardless of the severity, and now im working on my own demons - insecurity, etc. Finding this out was certainly a setback but I hope to use it as a tool, to finally say that this chapter of my life is over. I can't let it send me back to day 1.

 

As someone in another thread said to me, "i point to the sky and say my angel is waiting for me". For now all we can do i focus on ourselves, as when that angel comes we will be even better men than before.

[Draper]

Whoops, look like that posted twice for some reason. But by the way greenleaves, I also had that gut feeling that something more was going on with this guy throughout our relationship. She denied it and almost made me out to be some crazy, paranoid, jealous boyfriend - turns out I was right all along. I'll never ignore that feeling again.

[Jax13]

Indeed, the guy she's with know is way different then me. I would say I'm a lot more mature, I don't want a relationship that revolves are partying and all that - I would much rather settle down and be invested in the relationship. It seems like they're partying, living it up. He's not someone I would consider a 'good' guy and I can only imagine what her family is thinking seeing her move in with him like this, as they always loved me.

 

This is exactly how I feel about my ex's new "boyfriend". They party all the time, he's a low life and when we were together, that was everything she didn't want In a LTR.

 

 

I received Merry Christmas messages from her and her entire family. Her parents and I have a good relationship and they said they loved and missed me. That was especially hard but made me feel good that someone close to the situation still see's I'm a good guy.

 

 

I had been in NC for about 2 weeks with my ex when I received her Merry Christmas message. We chatted briefly about Christmas that day. Then a couple days later she messaged me again and we talked about some stuff that we had been doing during NC. I mentioned a couple items about hanging out with friends and some new things I'd been doing. She seemed genuinely interested and surprised I was actually making some changes. I ended that conversation on a high point and again felt good.

 

 

This past Monday, she messaged me and we talked a lot about lots of things. I mentioned something about a dream I had about her cats and she said she had a similar dream, the same night (really freaky if you ask me). Again we chatted and she mentioned that she is moving in with her sister in a month. Everything just seemed like it was 2 months ago and we got along great! I was my happy self and we joked and talked about lots of things close to her. We even flirted a bit and she was fine with it. I was so happy after this because it reminded me how much I love this girl. I have never had a connection with anyone else like this.

 

 

Yesterday she texted me at 2pm about her getting a new position at her job that will give her hours up until she leaves for school. I was really busy when I saw the message and ended up forgetting about it until later in the evening. I replied at 8pm saying that it was great news for her. I never got a response The previous couple days she had responded within 10 minutes with long answers. Yesterday...nothing! Really made me worry that she was with her new guy and didn't want to talk at all again. I just don't understand how a girl I have so much chemistry with, can go from happy, funloving, best friend, to ignoring me completely.

 

 

The No contact period for me was good. I focused on my hobbies and hung out with friends. I realized that everything happens for a reason but even after NC, I still realized that this girl is something special and I really want it to work out between us.

 

 

New years eve is going to be very difficult for me. I pretty much know that she'll be out with her new "guy" and his friends and that she'll spend the night at his place. I'll just have to focus on having fun with all of my friends. That should be fairly easy since I have about 15 friends home for the holidays and we all hang out and get along so well.

 

 

That's the one great thing I have found through all of this... I have an amazing support system in place for anything. I have so many good male and female friends that support me at all times and my family is always there for me anytime I need them. I have even heard from cousins that I rarely talk to offering support for me. Haha even her family and friends are offering me support. The other thing that this has made me realize is that I needed to build a closer relationship with God, and I am slowly working on doing that.

[Draper]

Jax, Im glad you're feeling better. Being seen by most people as the 'good guy' in the relationship does help. Her mom messaged me a few times right after the breakup to see if I was okay and stuff and she told me she'd do everything in her power to help me out. It felt good that her family could see I was a good guy and they genuinely wanted me in their daughters life, which I have a hard time believing is the case with this new guy but thats not my problem.

 

I have to say though Jax, I think you need to stop talking to her. It's only prolonging your pain and if 12 days of NC helped you so much, just imagine where you will be in a few months. I firmly believe that if someone leaves you, especially for someone else, there is no logical reason to fight for them or take them back.

 

I just don't want to see you hurting more than you need to be, as I know how bad it is. We in this together tho.

[Jax13]

Jax, Im glad you're feeling better. Being seen by most people as the 'good guy' in the relationship does help. Her mom messaged me a few times right after the breakup to see if I was okay and stuff and she told me she'd do everything in her power to help me out. It felt good that her family could see I was a good guy and they genuinely wanted me in their daughters life, which I have a hard time believing is the case with this new guy but thats not my problem.

 

Oh boy do we sound like we are in the same situation. I know her family wants me in their life and for me to be their daughter's husband honestly. To me that means a lot! The problem is that my ex, although she loves her parents, doesn't like them telling her what to do all the time. I can 99.9% guarantee that this other guy will not work out.

 

 

Side story here about this other guy... I found out last week that another one of my female friends had "dated" this guy for a short time (I don't really know details). Apparently they broke up and she then went on to date a Pastor. Her reason for doing this was because her previous relationships had nothing to do with God at all. So that tells me that this guy with my ex has no religion at all in his life, yet my ex told me she wants a future relationship based on faith in God because her and her family are quite religious. It just doesn't add up so I know whatever's going on between my ex and this guy is going to blow up eventually.

[Draper]

I doubt my ex's relationship will work out either. To me, moving in with someone after dating for not even 2 months is recipe for disaster. It doesn't matter though, because even if it fails miserable and she comes running back to me there is no way I will ever let her back in my life.

 

She lost my respect and my trust. Some betrayal can never be repaired - this is one of them.

[greenleaves54]

...

 

Jax, you really need to stop small-talking with her. What good could ever come out of it? You can't make her come back by chatting with her. Set some boundaries! You will only feel much worse.

 

You need way more than 2 weeks of NC to feel improvement. You need months, probably a year or two!

[Draper]

I just hope finding out this news doesn't set me back too far. I mean I was really starting to be proud of the progress I was making and now I'm worried this whole thing is going to send me back to day 1. I don't want to be sitting here a year from now still feeling sorry for myself, you know?

 

I guess I'm the only one with the power to dictate how long it will hurt for but I sure hope it's not too much longer.

[greenleaves54]

I just hope finding out this news doesn't set me back too far. I mean I was really starting to be proud of the progress I was making and now I'm worried this whole thing is going to send me back to day 1. I don't want to be sitting here a year from now still feeling sorry for myself, you know?

 

I guess I'm the only one with the power to dictate how long it will hurt for but I sure hope it's not too much longer.

 

 

Don't worry about it. It won't set you back. Maybe getting nasty surprises like that hurts in the short run but actually speeds up the healing in the long run? In a way, I want to see a picture of my ex kissing another guy. A faceslap like that could be helpful to force myself to forget about her and to be able abandon any hope of reconciliation that still lingers around.

 

 

Anyway, I'm glad the holidays are soon over. I can't wait to start the new year, socialize with new people and do new things. I had some slight contact with my ex during Christmas. It felt a bit sad, but not too bad. Now I just want to be able to leave it all behind me!

 

Time will do the work for us all, I'm sure.

[Jax13]

Well I will admit that last night was very tough. I was hanging with my friends but couldn't shake the thought of her with some other guy. Even though we have been getting along great the last few days, I still am not sure how she feels about me.

 

A couple days ago I went to bed early after exchanging some quick messages with my ex about family, vacations, etc. I had mentioned that id love to go on a friends trip somewhere tropical or with a significant other. She asked when I changed to be more independent. I mentioned that this whole breakup made me reconsider my life and what's important. Her reply was the a sad face followed by "why didn't you figure that out a couple months ago". A while after this I had to go to bed early for work the next day.

Shortly after midnight I get a text from her saying that she'd like to talk about everything. She said that it doesn't need to be right away, but she's been thinking a lot lately. She also said again that she got herself in a really bad situation, feels awful, but yet doesn't know how to fix it.

 

Now I assume she's referring to the other guy as the bad situation but who knows.... I kinda left it at that and went back to sleep.

 

But then tonight I hear she was out drinking hard with this guy and he was acting like they were a serious couple. I know my ex and I know she can get out of hand pretty quick when drinking. I just don't see how she can go from one extreme to the other in a matter of 24 hours in terms of her thinking about this relationship situation. Here's the thing though, if she was truly moving on and happy with this other dude, I honestly don't think she'd be texting me regularly, with more than small talk, and she wouldn't even say she's in a bad situation. If he was great, she'd think the situation was ok and work with him to fix it.

 

I'm really considering starting up NC again to give her some more time to think about everything.

[Draper]

Don't worry about it. It won't set you back. Maybe getting nasty surprises like that hurts in the short run but actually speeds up the healing in the long run? In a way, I want to see a picture of my ex kissing another guy. A faceslap like that could be helpful to force myself to forget about her and to be able abandon any hope of reconciliation that still lingers around.

 

 

Anyway, I'm glad the holidays are soon over. I can't wait to start the new year, socialize with new people and do new things. I had some slight contact with my ex during Christmas. It felt a bit sad, but not too bad. Now I just want to be able to leave it all behind me!

 

Time will do the work for us all, I'm sure.

 

That's what I'm hoping, green. It definitely hurts knowing she moved on like that, but I try to focus on the fact that I clearly dodged a bullet since she moved in with someone a few weeks after leaving me. I don't want to be with someone like that, or a cheater for that matter. It's also pretty obvious that she isn't worth agonizing over but it's still feels crappy to have someone who you thought you had something with living with someone else.

[greenleaves54]

Well I will admit that last night was very tough. I was hanging with my friends but couldn't shake the thought of her with some other guy. Even though we have been getting along great the last few days, I still am not sure how she feels about me.

 

A couple days ago I went to bed early after exchanging some quick messages with my ex about family, vacations, etc. I had mentioned that id love to go on a friends trip somewhere tropical or with a significant other. She asked when I changed to be more independent. I mentioned that this whole breakup made me reconsider my life and what's important. Her reply was the a sad face followed by "why didn't you figure that out a couple months ago". A while after this I had to go to bed early for work the next day.

Shortly after midnight I get a text from her saying that she'd like to talk about everything. She said that it doesn't need to be right away, but she's been thinking a lot lately. She also said again that she got herself in a really bad situation, feels awful, but yet doesn't know how to fix it.

 

Now I assume she's referring to the other guy as the bad situation but who knows.... I kinda left it at that and went back to sleep.

 

But then tonight I hear she was out drinking hard with this guy and he was acting like they were a serious couple. I know my ex and I know she can get out of hand pretty quick when drinking. I just don't see how she can go from one extreme to the other in a matter of 24 hours in terms of her thinking about this relationship situation. Here's the thing though, if she was truly moving on and happy with this other dude, I honestly don't think she'd be texting me regularly, with more than small talk, and she wouldn't even say she's in a bad situation. If he was great, she'd think the situation was ok and work with him to fix it.

 

I'm really considering starting up NC again to give her some more time to think about everything.

 

 

Well she's keeping you as a backup plan Jax. You shouldn't let her do that.

 

You are too available. That's not very attractive. Tell her you're not interested in being friends and go NC. She will respect you for that.

 

You need to let her new relationship fail on its own, without you being around. She won't ever take you back if you continue like this.

 

With space and time you will become strong, independent and attractive. Your ex will have to be a very lucky girl to be given a second chance by that time.

[sbk24]

Hi Guys,

 

Just thought I would see how you guys are doing and let you know how far I have progressed.

 

It has been since end of August since my ex cheated. Time has gone so fast and 2015 was the worse year of my life. (Not just because of the break up but other factors too). New year was hard for me as even though I have fantastic friends and family I still had a sense of loneliness. New Years Eve, I did go out with a few friends and enjoyed myself but I still was pondering on the fact that how much my life has changed and is it really for the best? Either way I have no choice and just have to continue with it.

 

I think it has reached the staged where I do not think about my ex everyday. Yes I did love her so much and would have given my life for her but obviously she did not feel the same way. Over time I have become less attached and to be honest have started to forget what her face actually looks like. I have not spoken to her at all and I am kind of surprised she has not tried to make contact once; which kind of breaks my heart. However, I know it is for the best. No point hoping for something that will probably will never happen and honestly NC is the best way. It gives yourself some respect and stops you from getting hurt! I know its tough but you will so much better at the end of it.

 

I am speaking to a lot of new women. They are all genuine nice people but I guess we just didn't click or I am not in the mood. To be honest being only 21 I do not really want a serious relationship as in my opinion a lot of people do not truly know what they want. I will just take it as it comes.

 

I also think about a lot 'does she actually think about me?'. I guess it is natural human behavior to think this but like I have mentioned earlier, it is just a waste of time to even think that.

 

I do hear about my ex sometimes through friends. They say she has changed a lot in the fact that she is more confident and outgoing and is always in the pub. I am glad she has become more confident in herself as maybe it allowed her to be who she truly wants to be. A lot of my friends said that her new bf has gained a lot of weight and is pretty fat, which made me feel better. One friend said that she said she does not think about the break up. Maybe she is suppressing it to try and hide the guilt. It is a shame as we could have had a brilliant future as I am doing quite good with myself now! I hope it does hit her hard one day.

 

Anyhow, I do feel so much better in myself. Do not get me wrong, the break up was probably one of the worse feelings to experience but it has made me such a stronger person. I do have trust issues but I am sure it will fix itself in time.

 

I saw a video on youtube, not sure if you guys might have seen it, but there is two people who broke up probably 2 years back and they met up and asked each others questions to why things happened and why the broken up. It is quite interesting as it brought back a lot of emotion for them and allowed closure to some questions that they may have stuck in their head since the break up. The man actually cheated on the woman and he basically said he did it because he was just bored and was young and it was just too easy to cheat. You guys should have a look at the video sometime.

[kgcolonel]

SBK, it is good to hear back from you....you are healing and you'll know when it is time for you to re-enter the relationship arena. I too saw the video you referenced and it was a great video. I at two years post breakup from my college girlfriend would have really liked the chance to participate in a similiar video however I suspect that the answers i would have gotten then and even now 34 years later would not have been truthful. Keep up the good work and continue to look forward. You, IMO dodged a bullet as what if the relationship with your EX had continued into marriage and family and then she made her left turn....that with a broken marriage and children would have definitely been worse.

 

You deserve better and will find the right person who will value you and your principles.

[Draper]

Great to hear from you SBK, I was wondering when you were coming back! I'm glad you're doing good and in fact you should be proud of how well you handled the whole thing and got back on your feet in no time.

 

I agree with the others in that you definitely dodged a bullet, as did I and likely most people who have shared stories in this thread.

 

I'm doing better too after hearing after my ex's new living situation, it knocked me down for a couple of days but most it all just further confirmed to me that it's over for good and that I should be glad its over for good.

[sbk24]

Draper - I guessed it gave you some closure. I am glad you have got better as it also hits me hard when I hear about my ex from other people. I didn't sleep too well last night as I was having a reflection of the whole situation.

 

kgcolonel - Nice to hear from you, long time no speak. Maybe in a couple of years time I will get in touch with the ex and see if I can make a similar video. Hopefully by then I will be happy and have completely moved on. I guess the first love is one of the hardest to get over. Especially after 8 years. It just seems she got over me rather quick; as in I do not exist.

 

Goodguy- how are you keeping? Have not heard from you for a while.

[Chi townD]

Thanks for the update, dude. I think you could be doing more for yourself. I could be wrong, but it sounds like you're the same guy; just minus a girlfriend.

 

 

What positive changes have you made? Have you picked up new hobbies? Have you joined any new clubs? Have you traveled? Have you been hitting the gym? Have you been improving your personal image?

 

 

Don't get me wrong. You're making progress and good on ya for that. But, does NC help heal you up? Yep! Does doing NC in conjunction with making positive changes heal you up faster? Absolutely!

[goodguy1]

Hey sbk!

Yeah it's been awhile sorry about that. Things have been a little hectic hear. I'm really glad to see that you and draper are doing well and healing. My holidays were pretty great I just hungout with family and friends since I haven't been home for xmas or new years in I don't know how long due to me being away at school. I'm doing good I hit a little rough patch about two weeks ago but got out of it fast. I'm actually happy. I've been working out alot getting fit, started playing my violin again and learning guitar, trying to learn a new language, some producers actually liked one of my film ideas and have offered to fund the project which is amazing and I've started writing again which is something I haven't done since the break up. I am also going on vacation to Thailand in February so I'm just keeping myself doing thing after thing which has been great.

 

Here's a twist I seen my ex gf in person two weeks ago because she came back to town from uni so I went over to pick up a ring I gave to her 2 years ago that had belonged to my grandmother and when I got there she refused to give me the ring until I talked and she when on saying that she hated me for cutting me out of her life and she misses me and wishes I would stop being so stubborn and that she cheated on me because she didn't think I loved her which is a laughable accusation. I told her I didn't care what she had to say because she's put me through enough I told her you know what Yeah I love you still and hope one day that goes away but I survived 4 months without you being in my life and I'm 100% sure I can keep on living my life without you. I tried to leave and she jumped up crying and hugged me but I got the ring and left.

 

Ran into her mom yesterday at the store and apparently ex is visiting new boyfriends family for the first time and informed me of how miserable my ex is which I kind of already knew. So she tells me that after she left me for him they immediately move into and apartment together and that he says he needs to "help" his friend with his psychotic episodes at random times of the night. Comes to find out that my ex's mom discovered this dude is going to his ex's house and cheating on my ex but she's too stubborn to believe it. So yeah I guess karma does catch up to everyone. I do feel bad for her though because I don't believe anyone should ever know what being cheated on feels like and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

 

But yeah all in all I'm doing good you guys and I'm glad to hear that you guys are doing better I really am. We've been through alot over the past 4 months and honestly I got so used to reading your guys updates that It's become second nature to me haha.

 

Jax NC is the golden rule. It'll be tough but it'll help you through everything. Just stay strong my friend.

[Draper]

Damn going over to see your ex must have been tough goodguy - glad to hear it didn't phase you too badly.

 

Oh how the tables have turned - I learned today that my ex got fired from her dead end job for calling in sick, booking a lot of time off, and bragging about the hard drugs she's apparently been doing with her new BF and co. This means she's now living with this guy with rent due, no job, and on drugs.

 

It's really getting clearer and clearer that I dodged a bullet. Looking at her now, I don't miss her. Honestly, more than anything, I feel like a dummy for buying into her **** and not realizing she was whacked sooner. Obviously I don't wish ill for her, but at the same time she's made a series of poor life decisions and having to live the consequences of them ought to do her some good.

 

The only thing bugging me now is the fact that I did end up sending her a message when i found out she was dating/living with the guy. I sent it basically because I always had a feeling there was something going on with him, but at the time she made me out to be some crazy paranoid boyfriend. So I basically just said something like 'you couldn't even be straight with me when you ended it, and i guess it turns out that i wasnt crazy all along after you cheated and lied about him'. I think I ended with have a nice life or something. She never responded, but I admittedly feel kind of ashamed for sending - it was in the heat of the moment after finding that stuff out and I'm kind of..embarrassed for sending it.

 

So yeah, I'm doing alright now. Its quite clear she ain't the girl for me so I think things are going to be better from here on out.

[sbk24]

Hi Guys,

 

Been a few days since the last update. I have been so busy with working in London this past couple of weeks for an exhibition and has been very stressful! Met a lot of incredibly good looking women on the way and tbh slept around a bit (very unlike me but let out my wild side!)

 

I felt a bit down about initially going as last year I took my ex with me and we had a good time. I just still cannot believe how much things have changed to be honest. It does feel that my world has been shattered and I have rebuilt it. Just I have noticed I am getting a bit fed up with things atm.

 

Chi townD - I think you are right. I have tried many new things and getting into motorsport but it is a very expensive hobby! Just I find everything a bit boring after a while! I am hitting the gym; I have actually gained a stone in weight, which is rather a lot for me when I have a small frame! I am probably looking my best! Have you picked up any new hobbies?

[Chi townD]

Hi Sbk24! Good to hear from you and it's awesome to hear that you took some advice on here and kept yourself busy and found new hobbies and are doing things to do that YOU enjoy!

 

 

New hobbies? Well, if anyone on here knows me, I love to travel. In September, I plan on being in your neck of the woods and go to London. I've been there before, but I miss it. And I don't have Nando's here! HAHA! But, I think I'm also going to shoot out to Salisbury to check out Stonehedge. Why? Because I've never seen it!

 

 

So, I read a lot of travel mags and I was reading an article of a guy hiking the Appalachian Trail. The photo's provided were stunning. The only thing that I've done remotely close to that is cycling the Camino De Santiago. But, when you're done riding for the day, you have to stay in a hotel or hostel. You're not allowed to camp on the Camino (only in certain locations are you allowed). so, you're always in a city, town or village.

 

 

Now, I'm a city boy. Always have been and when I travel, it's usually to another city. But, maybe it's time for me to see the beauty of nature. You know, snowcapped mountains and remote lakes, fields of wild flowers or being on top of these mountains looking down at small towns tucked away in these valley's.

 

 

Now, Am I going to hike the Appalachian Trail? Absolutely NOT. I can't dedicate 4-6 months to walk the damn thing. I have to work and make a living. But, come springtime, I might start with a couple of day hikes and working my way up to get away weekend hiking trips. Who knows! I may love it or hate it! I may hate having to deal with the three B's. Blisters, Bugs and Bears. But, I'm never going to know until I try.

 

 

See, that's the beauty of NC and making positive changes. You're always doing something new. Always looking for that next adventure. Getting your revenge by living a full life.

[Draper]

Hi Guys,

 

Been a few days since the last update. I have been so busy with working in London this past couple of weeks for an exhibition and has been very stressful! Met a lot of incredibly good looking women on the way and tbh slept around a bit (very unlike me but let out my wild side!)

 

I felt a bit down about initially going as last year I took my ex with me and we had a good time. I just still cannot believe how much things have changed to be honest. It does feel that my world has been shattered and I have rebuilt it. Just I have noticed I am getting a bit fed up with things atm.

 

Chi townD - I think you are right. I have tried many new things and getting into motorsport but it is a very expensive hobby! Just I find everything a bit boring after a while! I am hitting the gym; I have actually gained a stone in weight, which is rather a lot for me when I have a small frame! I am probably looking my best! Have you picked up any new hobbies?

 

Hey there SBK, glad to hear from you again. It seems pretty crazy sometimes how the months have gone by since we were both on here not knowing what the hell to do when our SO's peaced out.

 

I get you about being fed up every once in awhile - at times it feels like I'm just going through the motions and wasting days away, but I try to just trust that everything will work out if I keep going! My gym visits have been sporadic over christmas and stuff because I was visiting people at home and stuff, but I'm starting to get back into my normal routine and today I'll get back into my regular gym schedule.

 

I think I have, for the most part, come to terms with what happened. There are moments when I miss the good times and other moments where I miss being in a relationship in general (having someone to do things with, wake up to, etc) but honestly I don't want my ex back and I've accepted that I'm better off without her.

 

The whole thing kind of made me realize that I have faults just like every once else - I think I have some insecurities about myself and perhaps even some self-esteem issues, which I guess is why I found it so hard to let go even though I knew she was treating me like crap. Anyway, I'm just trying to improve my lifestyle and get 'unstuck' so that I can first be happy by myself before I go out and find someone to be happy with.

 

The fact that she left for someone else didn't help either as I found myself feeling like I lost some kind of competition. I know my ex should by no means be considered a prize, but it definitely doesn't do wonders for your confidence when someone bails on you like that. In my case it kind of made me question a lot of things about myself, you know? I was always a nice guy to her, relaxed, gave her what she wanted and did what I could to make her happy. It's kind of weird but it almost makes a guy wonder if being nice is his downfall.

Edited January 21, 2016 by Draper