Long Term Girlfriend Cheated.

[sbk24]

Hi guys, here is my update.

 

I am starting to feel normal again (just like before the break up). I no longer think about the ex everyday and I am starting to enjoy everyday life again. I have gained just over a stone in weight, which is 6.35kg! Which isn't bad at all from eating clean and going to the gym religiously. I also decided to get braces to sort my teeth out (they weren't bad just I was picky and want them perfect. So hopefully i will look the better than I have ever done!

 

Heard from friends that my ex is basically an alcoholic and has turned into a right snake. They say that she has turned into someone that seeks likes from Facebook statuses. Also apparently her bf has gained a lot of weight and is obese. So basically the grass is not always greener and I'm glad I am not with someone who has to turn to alcohol to escape reality all the time.

 

I have been seeing a few girls lately but it to be honest I am not really into them. They are lovely girls and very pretty but guess I just don't click with them.

 

Anyhow, how are you guys doing? Hope everyone is well

[Draper]

Hi guys, here is my update.

 

I am starting to feel normal again (just like before the break up). I no longer think about the ex everyday and I am starting to enjoy everyday life again. I have gained just over a stone in weight, which is 6.35kg! Which isn't bad at all from eating clean and going to the gym religiously. I also decided to get braces to sort my teeth out (they weren't bad just I was picky and want them perfect. So hopefully i will look the better than I have ever done!

 

Heard from friends that my ex is basically an alcoholic and has turned into a right snake. They say that she has turned into someone that seeks likes from Facebook statuses. Also apparently her bf has gained a lot of weight and is obese. So basically the grass is not always greener and I'm glad I am not with someone who has to turn to alcohol to escape reality all the time.

 

I have been seeing a few girls lately but it to be honest I am not really into them. They are lovely girls and very pretty but guess I just don't click with them.

 

Anyhow, how are you guys doing? Hope everyone is well

 

Doing pretty good man, it sounds like you're doing awesome!

 

It's excellent that you dont think about this **** everyday anymore, I don't know if I can quite say that yet but there are definitely times I realize 'hey, i haven't thought about it all day'. I do wish I could just erase her from my mind because I start to question myself thinking that it's pathetic to still be worrying about this after a few months but I guess these things take time.

 

On the plus side, I'm not sad when I think about her or anything and I certainly know that I have no desire to have her back, what I mainly feel is anger for the way she acted so perhaps the next step in this for me is at least letting go, if not 'forgiving' but I'm not sure you ever forgive something like that. You just learn to live with it.

 

I haven't heard anything about my ex since i last posted here, thankfully. If you can avoid knowing, avoid it all costs man. Finding out about her moving in with that guy really messed me up for a good couple of weeks. I was questioning everything, wondering where I went wrong, blaming myself for being so naive when she cheated, etc. And then I kind of just realized...who cares? I mean she got fired from her 5 year job as a result of her new-found drug habit and every person I've talked to about this has said the same general thing: You dodged a bullet.

 

And I did. Anyway guys, hope you all stay well. SBK I'm happy for you, it seems crazy how much of a mess we were both in just a few months ago. Don't forget to check in!

[sbk24]

Hi Guys,

 

I haven't head from everyone for a long time and was just wondering how is everyone feeling and getting on?

 

Life is getting a lot better for me finally. I must say that NC has done me wonders. Probably one of the hardest things to do but it really does break that attachment you get with that person.

 

Valentines day was a bit of a depressing day to be honest. First time in 8 years I haven't spent it with someone and it was kind of annoying just seeing couples upload pictures on social media all the time. Nevertheless, that day has passed and we must move on!

[Draper]

Hey SB good to hear from you again I have been wondering how everyone is doing.

 

I've been doing better for the most part but I've been struggling a bit to put the whole thing behind me. I feel so weak from it honestly man but there's a couple of different issues im having:

 

1) like you, my ex left for another guy straight away. it was a guy I had been worried about so it was tough when I found out that all my worries came to fruition. Anyway, ever since I've been stuck questioning basically every thing i did, wondering if it was my fault she left or if there was something wrong with me. I always treated her great but maybe too great? Maybe I was too weak and mild to keep her interested? I don't know I just find the whole thing humiliating and it really ****s with your confidence.

 

2) I did so well with NC until one night in december I was drinking and I texted her basically just telling her that it was obvious the relationship meant nothing to her since she cheated the whole time. I didn't say anything aggressive or anything, basically just ended with have a nice life. I really regret that day. I know I shouldn't have done it and really I didn't have a right to as she is free to do what she wants, I guess at the time I just wanted her to answer for the lies and ****. Never ended up getting a response from her just a message from her new BF saying 'grow up and get over it', so that was pretty ****ty.

 

I've been back on track with NC ever since but still regret it. It was made worse because I sent that text like a day before she got fired and I'm related to her bosses so she's been telling people I got her fired, but really I had no idea about the whole thing and hadn't been in contact with the relatives at all.

 

I guess it's just hard because I feel like I'm just the weak guy that got dumped for another dude. I've definitely realized I had a bit of dependancy issues going on and I really want to change that for the next time I find someone, but at the same time it's hard to imagine myself ever finding a person after all this you know?

 

Overall I'm not doing that badly, as in im not really sad about losing her, its just everything I mentioned above is still bugging me from time to time and it just makes me feel sick thinking about it.

 

Hope everything is well, any tips are appreciated. Thanks guys

Edited February 16, 2016 by Draper

[goodguy1]

Hey SB good to hear from you again I have been wondering how everyone is doing.

 

I've been doing better for the most part but I've been struggling a bit to put the whole thing behind me. I feel so weak from it honestly man but there's a couple of different issues im having:

 

1) like you, my ex left for another guy straight away. it was a guy I had been worried about so it was tough when I found out that all my worries came to fruition. Anyway, ever since I've been stuck questioning basically every thing i did, wondering if it was my fault she left or if there was something wrong with me. I always treated her great but maybe too great? Maybe I was too weak and mild to keep her interested? I don't know I just find the whole thing humiliating and it really ****s with your confidence.

 

2) I did so well with NC until one night in december I was drinking and I texted her basically just telling her that it was obvious the relationship meant nothing to her since she cheated the whole time. I didn't say anything aggressive or anything, basically just ended with have a nice life. I really regret that day. I know I shouldn't have done it and really I didn't have a right to as she is free to do what she wants, I guess at the time I just wanted her to answer for the lies and ****. Never ended up getting a response from her just a message from her new BF saying 'grow up and get over it', so that was pretty ****ty.

 

I've been back on track with NC ever since but still regret it. It was made worse because I sent that text like a day before she got fired and I'm related to her bosses so she's been telling people I got her fired, but really I had no idea about the whole thing and hadn't been in contact with the relatives at all.

 

I guess it's just hard because I feel like I'm just the weak guy that got dumped for another dude. I've definitely realized I had a bit of dependancy issues going on and I really want to change that for the next time I find someone, but at the same time it's hard to imagine myself ever finding a person after all this you know?

 

Overall I'm not doing that badly, as in im not really sad about losing her, its just everything I mentioned above is still bugging me from time to time and it just makes me feel sick thinking about it.

 

Hope everything is well, any tips are appreciated. Thanks guys

 

 

Hey guys!

 

It's been awhile. Glad to hear that you are doing better Sbk and Draper I'm pretty much in your exact situation. Ive been happier than i have been in the last couple of months and I've been getting out there doing new things. Valentine's Day was pretty tough as it was my ex's favorite holiday so it was a big deal for me and knowing she was spending it with the guy she left me for was a punch to the gut but I'm hanging in there. I seen her in december when i got my grandmother's ring back from her and i could see that she wasn't happy but from what she's told our mutual friends "She still in love with me and knows she made the biggest mistake of her life but she feels like it's too late to fix what she's broke." I find it kind of funny that she said that because it just reveals to me more of the person that she really is because instead of trying to make things right or atleast trying to make amends with me (no guarantee that i would give her the opportunity but its the actions that count) she has decided yet again to take the cowards way out and lie to herself that she's made the right decision.

 

For the last two months now my ex has been having her mail sent to my address instead of the address she lives at with the dude she cheated on me with 12 hours away i initially dropped of the first 3 days of mail at her parents place who live 10 minutes away from me and they told me she assured them that she'd change the address but yet i just received more mail of hers yesterday so I've taken it up with the post office to have all her mail to stop coming to my place. Another ironic thing thats happened to me lately is our old roommate got in contact with me (the same one who encouraged my ex to cheat) saying she was sorry with her part in what happened and that i didn't deserve what happened and that the new guy my ex is with treats my ex like **** and is pretty much using her for her money (which she doesn't have a lot of anyway) and from what I've heard he's pretty abusive (not sure if physically, mentally, verbally or emotionally).

 

What you have to understand Draper our exes cheating had nothing to do with us and everything to do with them. People such as our exes they will continue searching for the next best thing, its just how people today are. They expect better things to fall into their laps so that way they don't have to do the hard work to preserve something. They'll be in for a rude awakening one day or maybe they won't who knows but they'll never truly be happy searching for the next "spark".

 

And hey don't worry about what her new dude says he's just as much of a prick as your ex is. He'll feel the exact same way you do right now if she does to him what she did to you or hell maybe he'll do it to her. Ive heard from reliable sources that the guy my ex cheated on me with told several people that the reason he went after my gf was because i was going to propose and he didn't think that was anything serious and that he brags that he "made" my ex break up with me over Facebook because he knew she wouldn't be able to do it in person. I've accepted that he didn't make my ex do anything even if she's super gullible, in the end it was her choice to cheat and **** everything up, it was her choice to leave me for him. This dip**** is her preference in man now and if reflects the woman she has become. She's no longer the girl i fell inlove with and from i hear she's become quite the alcoholic which people defend with saying "oh she's just young and drinking to live life." Those are some of the most naive word i have ever heard.

 

Let her think what she thinks of you. You know the truth and thats all that matters, my ex still tells people that i cheated and thats why she left me but i know thats not the case cause i would never dream of hurting her the way she hurt me. All that matters is what we think of ourselves Draper. Yes we've taken a mighty blow against our own egos and confidence but its up to us to pick ourselves up and be better people for our own sake. The last 6 months I've been given a lot of advice and realized a lot of different things. 1.) nothing is guaranteed 2.) be wary of everyone 3.) those closest to you are the ones that end up turning the knife and stabbing you deeper than anyone else can.

 

Ive also learned a lot about myself especially within the last 2 months. One thing I've learned is that i still love my ex girlfriend like i did the when i first fell for her betrayal and all but that is not the only reason I'm stuck on her. I think the real reason I'm still stuck on her, dreaming of her, and thinking about her throughout the day is because much like her I'm scared of being alone and i think I'm afraid to let go and thats something I'm still learning how to do.

 

My advice just keep hanging out with friends, working out like you've been doing, and just keep being the best version of you. Don't try and be better than the guy she left you for because it will do nothing for you. Ernest Hemingway once said "There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self." Live by that quote and strive to be better than you were the previous day each and everyday forward.

 

I still feel pathetic everytime i think about my ex and i feel like i get punched in the stomach everytime i see a photo of her. It's a curse but once we must bare for a time.

[Draper]

Great to hear from you goodguy! Thanks for what you said man, I really need to read that.

 

Man your ex sounds like a real piece of work with the whole mail thing and telling her friends what a mistake she made but making no effort to make things right with you. And also the roommate coming back and apologizing out of nowhere is weird, but honestly I think you got two ****ty people out of your life and in the long run it will be better. I just hope that she isn't trying to bait you into re-initiating contact or something by tell people how much of a mistake she made and whatnot.

 

Valentines day was definitely a tough pill to swallow knowing she was out there with her new BF but I got through it. You know deep down I know that I WAS a good boyfriend and I treated her damn well. I wasn't perfect, as nobody is, but I truly put all I had into it. So in that sense, I know its not my fault that this happened to me - but at the same it's sometimes hard to shake the feeling that if I said different things or did different things, this never would have happened. I also fear that this same type of **** will inevitably happen to me in future relationships.

 

I think I can live with her and her dickbag boyfriend thinking whatever they want about me - I don't plan on ever speaking to either of them or any of her family again so what do I care. You know, I do obviously still have some feelings for her but like you, it's not necessarily that which is holding me back. Before this relationship I was alone for a long time while I watched my friends and others have relationships - but I was OK with it then. Unfortunately it seems now that I've experiences I feel really ****ty about the prospect of being alone for a long time again. I don't really have any really close friends or family so it was nice to have someone to be close to for once.

 

I've also done a lot of reflection on myself over the past months and I've come to see that I'm honestly just not that happy with myself. I mean I'm in great shape and I'm lucky to live in the most fortunate of circumstances, but I just don't have that confidence to put myself out there. I'm constantly worrying about what other people think and I need to change that. I know I need to be happy with myself before I ever have a shot at being in a healthy and happy relationship. I don't really know where to start, but it won't be for my ex and it definitely wont be to be better than the other guy - it will be for me so that I can be the person I want to be.

 

That's a good quote and I'll remember to come re-read when I'm feeling crappy. It is a curse and sometimes I honestly feel guilty for being so sad and messed up about it because I know that there are people out there who would trade their problems for mine in a heartbeat. I just hope I can get past this because I don't want it to prevent me from going forward and I definitely don't want to bring it with me into a new relationship if and when that happens.

 

Thanks again goodguy, your post really helped me out tonight.

[sbk24]

Hi Guys,

 

It has been a long while! I thought I would give you an update on how things are going. Of course last month we had valentines days, it was not as bad as I thought it would be actually! It was weird not doing something for the the first time in 8 years but hey ho.

 

Work is busy at the minute and I am doing very well at the gym! So this pretty much takes up most of my time. I have managed to gain approximately 10kg in muscle in just under two months so I am looking the best I have ever done!

 

I have heard from a friend today that my ex has cheated on her current bf, so really karma is a bitch and in this instance once a cheat always a cheat. I am glad that I have got out the relationship tbh as I would just hate to be with the person who she has become now. I have not spoken to her or her family in months and it is probably for the best.

 

A friend of mine has just gone through a break up. They were in a 10 year relationship and she just suddenly said to him that she no longer loves him. I feel his pain but there is only so much you can help someone with advice. All I said is that you have to go NC and that you cannot force someone to love you as they are not a possession. Yes it hurts but it goes eventually.

 

Anyhow, I would like to hear how you guys are getting along? I have been seeing a lot of girls recently but to be honest I really don't want a relationship as I just do not click with anyone. Some of the girls I have been seeing are complete whack jobs. I think I am going to just do my own thing for the time being and maybe if that someone special pops up it will just happen.

[goodguy1]

Hi Guys,

 

It has been a long while! I thought I would give you an update on how things are going. Of course last month we had valentines days, it was not as bad as I thought it would be actually! It was weird not doing something for the the first time in 8 years but hey ho.

 

Work is busy at the minute and I am doing very well at the gym! So this pretty much takes up most of my time. I have managed to gain approximately 10kg in muscle in just under two months so I am looking the best I have ever done!

 

I have heard from a friend today that my ex has cheated on her current bf, so really karma is a bitch and in this instance once a cheat always a cheat. I am glad that I have got out the relationship tbh as I would just hate to be with the person who she has become now. I have not spoken to her or her family in months and it is probably for the best.

 

A friend of mine has just gone through a break up. They were in a 10 year relationship and she just suddenly said to him that she no longer loves him. I feel his pain but there is only so much you can help someone with advice. All I said is that you have to go NC and that you cannot force someone to love you as they are not a possession. Yes it hurts but it goes eventually.

 

Anyhow, I would like to hear how you guys are getting along? I have been seeing a lot of girls recently but to be honest I really don't want a relationship as I just do not click with anyone. Some of the girls I have been seeing are complete whack jobs. I think I am going to just do my own thing for the time being and maybe if that someone special pops up it will just happen.

 

Hey Sbk! Nice to hear from you and super happy to see that you are doing better, thats awesome that your feeling more comfortable and working on yourself and everything! Its great to see how much you and Draper have progressed since we all first started talking. I agree that you should do your own thing for the time being, maybe the reason every girl seems like a whack job is because thats what they are haha. Don't force yourself to try and find someone special just trust that they will come along at the right time in your life.

 

I'm doing good i actually just got back to the US a couple days ago from my vacation in Thailand which i would recommend anyone to go to. The islands out there are beautiful as are all the girls you would meet on Koh Phi Phi Island (a lot of foreigners party there). Something weird did happen to me while i was in Thailand, in the middle of my vacation i got a message from my ex's mom out of nowhere asking if i was ok because her family was worried about me since i had not contacted them or my ex to say that i was alright. I thought it was pretty funny because i knew my ex had just showed back up in town literally the day i left for Thailand and now i guess things aren't going so well for her and the guy she cheated on me with and left me for. I ignored the message and had one hell of a vacation. I'm starting to follow one simple rule in my life, if your not trying to keep me in your life i won't try to keep you in mine.

 

Other than my trip to thailand nothing too new has been going on with me. I'm still looking for work and training my german shepard but i am doing way better than when out threads initially started. I do have to say i caught the travel bug after my vacation as i met a bunch of cool people who i hope to keep in touch with and travel the rest of the world.

[Venn]

What's really great here is that you did your best in the relationship and still she wanted out and even cheated on you. You did what you could in it and know that your ex even though you were 8 years together was not worth fighting for anymore. You did not have regrets in this relationship... moving on did not take years for you but only in months. Letting go was the best choice. You did good.

 

As for me... I wasted a great relationship ;'(... I wasted a great woman that was supposed to be worth fighting for... I took her for granted... only fought for her for 3 weeks, I did not give enough letters, I got mad and didn't fight for her enough... ;'( then came a time I had a fling and she also had a fling herself. When she saw that I got serious in courting with my fling she also went serious with the guy that was courting her... now that my new relationship did not work out, I tried to court my ex again... but it's already too late because she's moved on. She's moved on because I showed to her that "I can replace her"... now she will never be mine... regrets for the rest of my life and healing will take longer ;'(.

[Chi townD]

Hi Guys,

 

It has been a long while! I thought I would give you an update on how things are going. Of course last month we had valentines days, it was not as bad as I thought it would be actually! It was weird not doing something for the the first time in 8 years but hey ho.

 

Work is busy at the minute and I am doing very well at the gym! So this pretty much takes up most of my time. I have managed to gain approximately 10kg in muscle in just under two months so I am looking the best I have ever done!

 

I have heard from a friend today that my ex has cheated on her current bf, so really karma is a bitch and in this instance once a cheat always a cheat. I am glad that I have got out the relationship tbh as I would just hate to be with the person who she has become now. I have not spoken to her or her family in months and it is probably for the best.

 

A friend of mine has just gone through a break up. They were in a 10 year relationship and she just suddenly said to him that she no longer loves him. I feel his pain but there is only so much you can help someone with advice. All I said is that you have to go NC and that you cannot force someone to love you as they are not a possession. Yes it hurts but it goes eventually.

 

Anyhow, I would like to hear how you guys are getting along? I have been seeing a lot of girls recently but to be honest I really don't want a relationship as I just do not click with anyone. Some of the girls I have been seeing are complete whack jobs. I think I am going to just do my own thing for the time being and maybe if that someone special pops up it will just happen.

 

 

 

Great Attitude, dude. You've really come a long way. I thought you were supposed to go on holiday to Thailand? Did you go?

 

 

Dude, keep doing what you're doing. And you're right. Don't worry about dating right now. That will come in time. However, there's nothing wrong with going on a date if you're completely honest with the girl about your intentions.

 

 

By doing NC and making positive changes in your life, it sounds like you have your sh*t together. Where your Ex's life is falling apart. You can look back at that relationship and say to yourself, "You know what? HER LOSS!"

 

 

So do me a favor and do something fun for yourself!

[sbk24]

Hi venn, sorry to hear about your break up. Believe me it is **** and probably one of the worse feelings in the world but things will get better in time, I assure you. If you ever need a chat just post on here as I am sure all of us are willing to give advice. Nice to know that people can share their experiences!

 

Good guy, I was meant to go to Thailand but have massive medical bills to pay for my mother as she has gone private. So rather spend it on her and make sure she is comfortable.

 

I have a bit of a dilemma guys. Please don't judge but I sorta grew feelings with one of my best friends but I have cocked up and ruined things. On a night out we were having a good dance etc and before you know it she started kissing my neck and then we were at it all night. However, the dilemma here is that she has a boyfriend. They have been together for 3 years but he honestly treats her like ****. He once got banned from a night club because he shoved her against a wall. I just shouldn't have kissed her. I know it is wrong and to be honest it really is eating away at me. As I know what it feels like to feel betrayed. I have gone against all my morals. She has told her boyfriend but they are still together as it is the easy option. She has blocked me from everything and won't talk too me, even though I didn't make a move on her first. I just don't want to lose a friendship but I don't know what to do about it. She is constantly on my mind.

[Draper]

Hey guys sorry it's been awhile since I've checked in, im glad to see everyone is doing alright! I've been doing good in some senses and maybe not so great in others.

 

For the most part I've just been living, doing what I want - sort of trying to just chill out and figure myself out for awhile. I guess for the past little while my life has mostly been going to class, and then hanging out at my place playing video games with friends, schoolwork, reading, or just watching random crap on Netflix. It's been nice in some regard to just have no responsibilities and not be worried about pleasing others, though I do realize I'm going to have to get myself back out there at some point. Honestly I've been a bit worried about isolating myself or whatever but I do have a few friends that I'm in contact with daily so I think a few months of time to work on myself and do some self-reflection could be good for me. Truth be told, I still have some ego-repairing to do after getting tossed by the ex lol

 

The 'not so great' is the bad habits I've picked up along the way. Schoolwork took a hit from me not putting in the time/effort, I developed a bit of a nicotine addiction, and I could probably afford to give up smoking pot, or at least cut back.

 

I haven't seen or heard from my ex or her family in months, and that's a good thing. There are still times when I miss certain things, but honestly when I look back at my ex as a person nowadays I don't necessarily 'miss' it. I see a shadow of what she once was, or maybe what WE once were, but I'm aware of the fact that whatever it is I'm seeing doesn't exist anymore and never will again. It's the past and unfortunately we can't change it.

 

It's been a long-road since we all first posted on here with our stories and I we all ought to be proud about where we are today. However many months ago when I first posted, I thought my life was crumbling before my eyes. I didn't think I would survive! But, here we are. I still have a bit of a road ahead of me trying to sort myself out and get back on the right track, and as much as I wish I could say I was 100% over all of this and it was all okay, I would be doing a disservice to myself.

 

I spent a lot of time in a place where I didn't have much hope for the future, or at least much to look forward to if you get what I mean. Luckily, I think I'm starting to pull myself out of that as I realize now that if I just focus on my school and on being the person I really want to be, the rest will come in time. Summer is coming soon and honestly I'm pretty anxious (not in a good way) about moving back to the town where she lives and where we spent so much time. I've felt pretty pathetic for being worried about geographic area just because someone I used to know lives there, and I know I'll have to face it one way or another.

 

Hope everyone is still doing good, and happy easter

[Draper]

Hi venn, sorry to hear about your break up. Believe me it is **** and probably one of the worse feelings in the world but things will get better in time, I assure you. If you ever need a chat just post on here as I am sure all of us are willing to give advice. Nice to know that people can share their experiences!

 

Good guy, I was meant to go to Thailand but have massive medical bills to pay for my mother as she has gone private. So rather spend it on her and make sure she is comfortable.

 

I have a bit of a dilemma guys. Please don't judge but I sorta grew feelings with one of my best friends but I have cocked up and ruined things. On a night out we were having a good dance etc and before you know it she started kissing my neck and then we were at it all night. However, the dilemma here is that she has a boyfriend. They have been together for 3 years but he honestly treats her like ****. He once got banned from a night club because he shoved her against a wall. I just shouldn't have kissed her. I know it is wrong and to be honest it really is eating away at me. As I know what it feels like to feel betrayed. I have gone against all my morals. She has told her boyfriend but they are still together as it is the easy option. She has blocked me from everything and won't talk too me, even though I didn't make a move on her first. I just don't want to lose a friendship but I don't know what to do about it. She is constantly on my mind.

 

Hope your mom is doing good SBK, you seem like a really good dude looking after her and all.

 

Notice I said really good dude - so stop beating yourself up over what happened with the girl man! Honestly the fact that you posted it here and said it was eating away at you tells me that you didn't go against all of your morals. At worst, it was one bad judgement call. It happens. Sadly, I think there's little you can do now other than leave it be. Her BF probably made her promise to block you and all that crap, but the ball is still in her court now. The next move is hers no matter how you slice it.

 

Unfortunately I doubt any friendship is a possibility so long as her BF is in the picture.