Long Term Girlfriend Cheated.

[Draper]

It's pretty crazy that our attachment for one person can have such an effect on the basic necessities of life. I've been eating like **** because I just feel crappy, and then when I am hungry I lack the ambition to do anything about it. I guess because I'm used to saying 'let's go get some food'..

 

Last night sucked, I kept seeing that picture I saw on facebook in my head. Today's another day though man we can only go up from here, right?

[qubist]

SBK24 what happened to you and draper happens all the time. There are hundreds of stories similar to yours in this forum. You were together since you both were 13. During the last 8 years she loved you and dreamed of being your wife and mother of you kids. She noe feels she was trapped in those feelings. The new guy sort of saved her from the trap in her mind. She hasn't grown up yet she felt she needed to try things before she commit to you or anybody else. It could be drugs or maybe just the silly single life. Trust me it has nothing to do with you, she probably knows he's s a bust and you are much better. But for her now all what matters is the freedom to do what she really wants now.

You are lucky, others had similar situation with kids involved. You are still young and should be able to move on.

[sbk24]

Thanks for your post. You are right in that we are young and I have basically dodged a bullet, however, it is still no excuse for cheating.

 

Draper, do you have kik messenger? i just downloaded it (use your initiative).

[Draper]

I don't have it, no, but I will download it!

 

Hope today is going well, friend.

[goodguy1]

Hey Draper and sbk24,

 

i just went on a date last night and i honestly didn't think of my ex at all, i just had loads of fun. I don't think anything serious will happen between me and this girl and i really don't want anything to happen as we've been really good friends for awhile but I'm tell you guys it may not seem like it and you guys might feel you're not ready to try it but i swear last night was one of the best nights i've had in a while so keep your heads up. You don't have to find someone who you can emotionally attach yourself too just find someone you can have fun with, lifes all about having fun.

[sbk24]

Good I am so glad for you! You are on the right path my friend! Do you think anything it will go on further?

 

I am actually pretty scared of dating atm. I guess it has been a while!

 

Also Draper, on kik just do a search for my username.

[goodguy1]

Im not sure at the moment I'm content with just hanging out and having fun right now. and i completely understand where you're coming from if you have the time check out this movie if you haven't watched it already. "Swingers", it'll help you understand the process of all this and its a good movie and just remember 'You're money Baby!"

[Draper]

Way to go goodguy, glad to hear you're doing good.

 

I'm getting out of the apartment tonight and heading to the campus bar

[goodguy1]

Way to go goodguy, glad to hear you're doing good.

 

I'm getting out of the apartment tonight and heading to the campus bar

 

Yeah dude go out and have some fun live it up!

[Draper]

Yeah dude go out and have some fun live it up!

 

Planning on it! It's kind of a bittersweet day because on one hand I'm feeling a lot better, but on the other I've spent a lot of time wondering if she'll send me a happy birthday message. Her mom and sister both sent me messages, which kind of hurt but at the same time it was nice know they care. Her sister said "Happy birthday, we miss you :(". Despite everything, it does mean a lot to me that they still give a ****.

 

The ex is probably pissed I deleted her off facebook, but clearly if she's posting pics with other guys she doesn't spend much time worrying about how I feel so why the hell should I care.

[goodguy1]

Planning on it! It's kind of a bittersweet day because on one hand I'm feeling a lot better, but on the other I've spent a lot of time wondering if she'll send me a happy birthday message. Her mom and sister both sent me messages, which kind of hurt but at the same time it was nice know they care. Her sister said "Happy birthday, we miss you :(". Despite everything, it does mean a lot to me that they still give a ****.

 

The ex is probably pissed I deleted her off facebook, but clearly if she's posting pics with other guys she doesn't spend much time worrying about how I feel so why the hell should I care.

 

My friend receiving a text from her on your birthday is the last thing you want. it'll do more harm then good because it'll give you false hope. This is your day! Don't let her bring you down man.

[Draper]

True enough, I guess I'm almost looking for the false hope if that makes sense. Been NC for 8 days now, the last time we spoke she said 'you deserve to be treated a hell of a lot better than this, I'm sorry. You treated me like gold, I just want to be alone and by myself'

 

And then a few days later is when I saw the FB pictures. It just pisses me off that she still won't come clean. Would it make me feel any better? Likely not, but the lies just kill you.

[goodguy1]

Don't count on her coming clean, she's already shown you how dishonest she is. Be better than her, don't let her control you, and show her that you don't need her to be happy. Be the person you we're before you were with her because i can assure you that you were happy before you got with her and by gum you can be happy after she pulled that crap.

 

I know it may be a while before you feel better but one day you'll wake up like i did and be like "Why the hell am i just sitting here depressed? I'm wasting precious moments of my life that i could be exploring the world and making far greater memories."

[Draper]

You doing good SBK?

[sbk24]

Hi Draper,

 

Still the same really, ups and downs and set backs but I am still sticking at it. I can tell I am making progress though, as even if I do think about her everyday, it is not constantly.

 

What about you?

[virgo83]

Hi Sbk24,

 

I just read your post and I'm sorry to hear about what happened.

 

I can still remember that soul-crushing feeling of being cheated by the one you love.

 

Take care and try not to think about the past. Onward and upward!

[Draper]

Hi Draper,

 

Still the same really, ups and downs and set backs but I am still sticking at it. I can tell I am making progress though, as even if I do think about her everyday, it is not constantly.

 

What about you?

 

I'm feeling the same. Last night was a pretty big setback but it seems like I'm feeling less empty everyday. I still find it hard to find the will to do anything, but I can tell I'm letting go. I'm still hurting, I still wish to the gods that I could go back and change things, but maybe fate is telling us that these aren't the ones we're meant to spend our lives with.

 

I'm not a religious man but I try to think everything happens for a reason, and that we all have our own destiny. These people didn't treat us the way we deserve, but maybe they didn't come into our lives to hurt us. Maybe they came to teach us something about ourselves, to make us stronger. Someday we'll find it in us to love again, and the next women in our lives will have better men because of this.

[sbk24]

That is the way to look at things my friend. The feelings of single life is so weird for me but atleast now I can do what I want where I want. I just need to focus on my career and getting back on my feet. As otherwise who are we going to attract?

[goodguy1]

That is the way to look at things my friend. The feelings of single life is so weird for me but atleast now I can do what I want where I want. I just need to focus on my career and getting back on my feet. As otherwise who are we going to attract?

 

Glad to see you're starting to think this way sbk24. Thats all you gotta do! live your life for you. For most of your life you were living it for her and now for the first time you have the opportunity to do something grand for yourself!

[rngrl12]

Hey guys,

 

I'm a girl dumpee going through the same thing with my ex, a male dumper. I have a long thread on here but to put it short he cheated on me, dumped my by text message (after telling me his cheating was my fault) and picked up a new girlfriend in 2 weeks.

 

To put the icing on the cake we're in the same program of 20 kids. I get to see him daily. And I occasionally get the pleasure of running in to him AND his new girl. He bragged to a friend a few days ago about how breaking up with me was "the best thing ever" and he has so many girls, he's so happy etc

 

You'll get through it. I'm 2 months post BU and have to see the guy daily. I'm making it through. You all will too.

 

I'm also younger (21) and ex is 22. Dated off, but primarily on, for 5 years. I think he left me due to "GIGS" and not wanting to commit. My mindset on this is that if you truly love someone let them go. I don't want to keep someone trapped in a relationship with me. I treated my ex like gold, and always had his back. His family knew and recognized this and thinks he is beyond dumb for dumping me. However if he needs to be single and free he can be. I can recognize my own self worth. No woman he dates will compare to me. Sounds big headed but it's true.

 

If he needs to go out and be single then he can go. Stick to NC. I'm off all social media and it's helped a lot.

Edited September 25, 2015 by rngrl12

[sbk24]

Hi Goodguy, how are you getting on? You seem to be the most positive out of us in the same boat!

 

rngrl12, wow I do not think I could face seeing my ex everyday but I am glad you are a strong independent person who is not scared. I live in a small town and for some reason I do not want to face people, even though I did nothing wrong at all.

 

Draper I think the same but I think they didn't mean to hurt us. I believe that my ex was just immature like a lot of people have said and didn't really know how to act. Plus I think she has a wire loose somewhere. It is getting better. Hopefully in a years time or so, we will be like what the hell were we thinking about getting so depressed. Especially over just a girl!

 

In the bigger picture of things, we should be grateful for what we have as at the minute I am taking things for granted. Friends, family and just everyday life. A lot of people do not even have a roof over their heads! However, I guess it is easier giving advice than actually dealing with it!

[goodguy1]

Hi Goodguy, how are you getting on? You seem to be the most positive out of us in the same boat!

 

rngrl12, wow I do not think I could face seeing my ex everyday but I am glad you are a strong independent person who is not scared. I live in a small town and for some reason I do not want to face people, even though I did nothing wrong at all.

 

Draper I think the same but I think they didn't mean to hurt us. I believe that my ex was just immature like a lot of people have said and didn't really know how to act. Plus I think she has a wire loose somewhere. It is getting better. Hopefully in a years time or so, we will be like what the hell were we thinking about getting so depressed. Especially over just a girl!

 

In the bigger picture of things, we should be grateful for what we have as at the minute I am taking things for granted. Friends, family and just everyday life. A lot of people do not even have a roof over their heads! However, I guess it is easier giving advice than actually dealing with it!

 

Hey sbk24,

I'm doing good. Still thinking about her from time to time but thats mainly because we had planned to do something today two months before all this happened but I'm not even worrying about it right now. Went and hungout with a friend yesterday who's been working on some music videos and we're planning on making a film together which is sweet since thats what i went to school for. You just gotta keep telling yourself whats most important to you in life and thats honestly yourself. Your ex and no other person in the world can make you happy the only people who can make us happy in the world is ourselves. Take a look in the mirror and you'll see your greatest enemy "yourself", we tend to prevent ourselves from being happy and sett little traps for ourselves to set ourselves back so just say to yourself "i'm going to be happy, I'm better than this, she does not control my life." It's not so much that i miss the relationship but the routine of knowing i had someone to go home to and talk to and now its just the dishonesty that gets to me because she was never honest with me during this whole ordeal. But lifes an adventure and all about taking risk and thats what I'm going to do

 

If you find it hard being happy just fake it till you make it because you'll start pretending to be happy for so long that you'll actually fool yourself into being happy which is pretty funny when i write it down on here. So you guys just keep your heads up the best revenge is living well, go work out and get into the best shape of your life! Hell go to six flags or whatever amusement parks you guys have near you. Go skydiving, do all the things you never thought you'd do in your life. I am terrified of heights so I'm making it my goal to obtain my pilots license and I'm preparing to go to the himalayas when i go on my trip next summer. Keep in mind i have absolutely no money to travel the way i want to but I'm buying a one way ticket and going to figure thing out on my own because I'm my biggest supporter and i know what i can accomplish just like all of you know what you can accomplish. Keep in touch if you guys have any questions or just want to talk ill be checking in on this thread to offer my support and keep you guys up to date on how I'm moving along.

[Draper]

Ugh we don't have any amusement parks up here in rural Canada, it's too damn cold Hahaha.

 

I'm feeling pretty good the past couple days. Like you, I don't really miss the relationship as much as knowing I had someone there for me, someone to tell me they loved me and all that jazz. The lies get to me often. I still ask myself 'How could she do this to me' and stuff like that but I try to just tell myself that she doesn't deserve to be though about, and she's not worth the agony I'm putting myself through. I'm getting pretty good at blocking out those thoughts.

 

It's strange how people can change so fast despite everything else around them being in order, but I guess they do what they feel is best for them. It just sucks they hurt people in the process and all have our ex's could have done it in manner that was more respectful to what we once were. I signed up and went to the gym yesterday, and I plan on going back today. Not only did I let out some anger and built up emotions, but it's one of the ways I want to walk out of this a better version of myself despite being crushed.

 

I'm on 11 or 12 days of NC now. Haven't heard a word from her, and truthfully I have no desire to hear anything from her at this point let alone speak to her myself. She can go live whatever sort of life she thinks is right but at the end of it, we will be happy ones. She gave up the life we could have had with the marriage and the house and the dog in favour of the life with the drinking and the partying - it doesn't take a genius to know that kind of life only provides happiness for so long, especially when everyone around you grows up.

 

Anyway, I'm nursing a hangover after a 3-day bender so I'm going back to bed.

Edited September 26, 2015 by Draper

[sbk24]

Hi Goodguy and Draper, I think that we are all at similar points in the healing process, obviously it is different for each of us.

 

I had a pretty bad night last night, not just the relationship but just other s*** going on and just needed support. However, that triggered it because she was the one who was normally there.

 

However, today is a new day so hopefully I will be back on my feet again. Like you have both said we just have to accept and let go as it is the only way for us to move on. In time we will look back at this thread and think what the hell were we thinking. All this pain and depression over a girl.

 

I do hope that I will be a stronger person out of this. At this moment in time I am still struggling to enjoy things and it is expensive trying to do things everyday with friends. I try not be left alone by myself as my mind wonders a lot.

[goodguy1]

Hi Goodguy and Draper, I think that we are all at similar points in the healing process, obviously it is different for each of us.

 

I had a pretty bad night last night, not just the relationship but just other s*** going on and just needed support. However, that triggered it because she was the one who was normally there.

 

However, today is a new day so hopefully I will be back on my feet again. Like you have both said we just have to accept and let go as it is the only way for us to move on. In time we will look back at this thread and think what the hell were we thinking. All this pain and depression over a girl.

 

I do hope that I will be a stronger person out of this. At this moment in time I am still struggling to enjoy things and it is expensive trying to do things everyday with friends. I try not be left alone by myself as my mind wonders a lot.

 

Hey sbk24,

i want you to do me a favor it may help you. Buy yourself a journal and do a daily entry about what you did each day, how you feel, if you thought about her, what you thought about. Do that and after a couple weeks read your entries and it'll make you feel better because you'll start to realize a lot of things about yourself especially about her. It's always good to write stuff or say stuff out loud so you can vent and i feel like this would be good for you. You should try it too Draper. I feel like it could help both of you and if you ever find yourself in this situation again you have your journal to reflect on.