Long Term Girlfriend Cheated.

[Draper]

Hang in there sbk, it's get's better man - it has too, because it can't really get much worse than this. Just like all the good times with our ex's have passed, so will these bad times.

 

I've been doing well - just trying to live life for me instead living in the past. I miss her, but I think I'm really coming to terms with the fact that she's gone. My life was focuses on her, but now with her gone it's a hell of a lot easier to see that there's a whole world out there. She betrayed me and left, so she doesn't get to explore that world with me. That's her loss and perhaps one day she will be the one losing sleep over it.

 

I mentioned above that I went home with a girl from the bar the other night - it was interesting, we were walking back to her place and she said 'you better not have a girlfriend because there's nothing i hate more than a cheater'. I find that kind of funny, seeing as my ex did just that. Anyways, I've talked to this girl a bit since that night and I like her, I think we're going to try to get together again next weekend - busy with midterms this week, sadly

 

Hope things get better - no matter how dark it gets, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

[pinkpositive]

Hang in there sbk, it's get's better man - it has too, because it can't really get much worse than this. Just like all the good times with our ex's have passed, so will these bad times.

 

I've been doing well - just trying to live life for me instead living in the past. I miss her, but I think I'm really coming to terms with the fact that she's gone. My life was focuses on her, but now with her gone it's a hell of a lot easier to see that there's a whole world out there. She betrayed me and left, so she doesn't get to explore that world with me. That's her loss and perhaps one day she will be the one losing sleep over it.

 

I mentioned above that I went home with a girl from the bar the other night - it was interesting, we were walking back to her place and she said 'you better not have a girlfriend because there's nothing i hate more than a cheater'. I find that kind of funny, seeing as my ex did just that. Anyways, I've talked to this girl a bit since that night and I like her, I think we're going to try to get together again next weekend - busy with midterms this week, sadly

 

Hope things get better - no matter how dark it gets, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Just move and enjoy your Life!!!! someday your ex will realize what she lost. Explore and keep moving forward

[Draper]

You doing okay SBK?

 

I've been doing good the past couple weeks but I'm a bit down today. I went home yesterday to spend the weekend in my hometown (where my ex lives/works). I haven't seen her thankfully but being around town and in my parents house is reminding me of all the times she was over for dinner and **** like that.

 

Still can't help but wonder what must be going through that messed up head of hers. Anyway, I'll be alright, we all have those days.

 

Hope all is well.

[sbk24]

Hi Draper.

 

Not too good going to be honest. I have been put on anti depressants and they are making me feel 10x worse, so I have decided to go without.

 

I just have been so low these past few days that I honestly feel like giving up. Anxiety and depression is evil. I just wish she was here to support me but **** happens and just got to face it. I really wish I could relocate but due to university and my mother being terminally ill I just can't right now.

 

I am glad you making progress me friend I wish I was in your position. You are bound to have good days and bad days but soon a lot more good than bad.

[Jersey born raised]

The body releases unbelievable hormones into your body. Sbk you are swimming in a vat of battery acid. You need hard, sustained physical activity daily to burn them these hormones off.

 

Right after my ex's (of 13 years) adultery I took a test that measured life expectancy. It gave e 6 months to a year and a half. 40 year old, recently went from type two to type one diabetes, unemployed professional, horrible short and mid term finances. I weighed 212 lbs in very poor condition, isolated from family dye to distance and

watched her go out of our hone several times a week to 97686(8(.

 

I took an overnight unloading truck at a big box hone improvement store for nine months. I took the pain, grief, loss into a non stop cardio work out. I dropped to 162 pounds and only stopped losing weight by eating over 4000 calories a day. 4 to 5 meals, and 4 to six lose weight (drink two a day with one meal) shakes,

 

It is a two decades later. I still have holes in my life, but it that exercise un-numbed me and I weigh 173 pounds.

 

While time might not heal wounds, we can learn to cope and become wiser.

 

Stay NC. If you meet, do not engage except for absolute social necessity,

[goodguy1]

Hey Sbk

 

How are you holding up? I'd say stop using the anti-depressants as they usually always make you feel worse. I know you're going through a lot of stuff right now but you have to be strong for yourself and especially your mom. You miss feeling needed by your gf but look no further, your mother needs your right now. Be strong for her.

[sbk24]

Hi good guy,

 

Going to be honest I have been really ill the past few weeks. I have been diagnosed with major depression and anxiety and on a **** load of meds which make me feel numb, but at least it gives me chance to process my thoughts.

 

I think I'm just scared of the future, I know I shouldn't be as it could be exciting but obviously at the minute just heart broken and everything else on top is overwhelming. Sort of feel like I'm existing and not living and I hate that feeling.

 

Anyway apart from me being depressing, how are you and Draper holding up?

[goodguy1]

Hi good guy,

 

Going to be honest I have been really ill the past few weeks. I have been diagnosed with major depression and anxiety and on a **** load of meds which make me feel numb, but at least it gives me chance to process my thoughts.

 

I think I'm just scared of the future, I know I shouldn't be as it could be exciting but obviously at the minute just heart broken and everything else on top is overwhelming. Sort of feel like I'm existing and not living and I hate that feeling.

 

Anyway apart from me being depressing, how are you and Draper holding up?

 

Hey the future is a scary place but we can't be afraid of it forever you know? I know how it feels to be ill because of depression, i was vomiting from stress and was diagnosed antidepressants but i threw the prescription away because meds will almost never make anything feel better. How are you doing in school right now? Tried anything new? Get a pet?

 

I'm doing good right now, still have my moments but I'm doing good. Been hanging out with friends a lot, working on a film project, and got two tickets for the star wars premiere in hollywood so I'm super excited for that.

[sbk24]

I have been neglecting university, work and business tbh. I have been with friends pretty much everyday but I feel like I burden them and it is tiring! Can't have a pet unfortunately due to time constraints.

 

Is there any particular method that you have used to stop thinking about your ex soon as she pops into your head? I am glad you are making progress.

[goodguy1]

I have been neglecting university, work and business tbh. I have been with friends pretty much everyday but I feel like I burden them and it is tiring! Can't have a pet unfortunately due to time constraints.

 

Is there any particular method that you have used to stop thinking about your ex soon as she pops into your head? I am glad you are making progress.

 

 

I know its hard but you got to get on with your studies. Don't let what happened ruin your future my friend and never feel like your burdening your friends thats what they're there for. Its been two months since everything went down for me and i still talk to my friends about it and they're always there for me just as i would be for them.

 

Honestly i don't have a method to offer you because i have difficulty getting her out of my head whenever she pops up like right now for instance and i feel overly depressed but i'm really not trying to let her ruin my life or have any power over me.

[sbk24]

Yep. I just have to get into my head that she can live a happy life with feeling no guilt for cheating why should I be the one taking the bullet.

 

I really wish I could just fast forward a year as everybody says that time is the only healer.

[Draper]

When my ex pops into my head or I'm feeling depressed about losing her and all that, I just try to think that she doesn't deserve to have the power to keep me down. Not after the way she handled everything - lying, walking out, being a general bitch to me when she and I both know I didn't deserve - I guess I just tell myself that she isn't worth the pain I've put myself through.

 

I've been doing well the past few weeks, just trying to stay busy, still going to the gym and trying to get out on weekends. I still have my moments, though, like the other day the whole thing hit me like a train and I kind of broke down for an afternoon but it's all good. It's been a month and a half since I last spoke to or saw her, truthfully every time I go to my hometown (where she lives) I'm ****ing terrified I'll see her.

 

It's kind of unfortunate because I've avoided going home, which means I haven't seen any of my family for over a month but oh well. Just keep telling yourself that you aren't going to let this keep you down, and you'll be better and stronger because of this.

[goodguy1]

Sbk24,

I know its tough and i was just wishing the exact same thing today that i could just wake up and it be a year from now cause the dreams have started up again the last couple days which have been real unnerving.

 

We just gotta keep on moving along and hey don't worry about how she feels. Worrying about how she feels will just keep you hung on her and you'll never be able to get over her. Time is the best healer but it won't do much if we don't allow it to. Time is only half of healing, our willingness to overcome what we've been through is the other half.

 

We're all in this together. Everyone on this forum is here to for you and us for that matter. Just hang in there i know its tough and still seems like the worlds going to end but its not we just gotta keep pushing.

 

Draper,

Don't let the fear of seeing her stop you from seeing your family. Your family and friends are your biggest support group. I have the fear of seeing my ex because her family lives relatively close to me and I've already run into her family several times so I'm afraid ill run into her and the new man when she comes to visit during breaks. Im not so much afraid as it will hurt me (and trust me it will hurt) but I'm afraid of what i'd do if i did see them.

 

I can easily say my brother and my best friends are the reason I'm doing ok right now. Without them i'd probably still be laying in bed never seeing the light of day. The ****ed up thing is. Right now i really miss my ex and its kind of messing with my head.

[stemac]

what goes around comes around

[sbk24]

It's just it's incredibly hard, especially in such a small town and having mutual friends. It's just I don't want to become a recluse and hide away from the world when I did nothing wrong. I am just disappointed that she has no respect. I just have to accept she has changed. It has just happened so fast and the thought of her with someone else just kills me inside. Especially after 8 years.

 

Tomorrow is a new day though and I'm going back to university just trying to submerge myself in work. Hopefully the anti depressants will kick in sometime soon as I'm losing the will to live.

 

Hope you guys had a better day today.

[Draper]

Hey man,

 

I know it's hard, i know it hurts, but don't let her take your will to live. That belongs to you and she doesn't deserve that. Your exactly right, you did nothing wrong, just like I did nothing wrong. We were just misguided about the people were they with, we didn't see who they really were and in the end we got hurt.

 

It still kills me inside to think of my future without her and looking back at all the good times i nearly bring myself to tears wondering how she could throw it all away. But, inevitably she did and in my mind that is her loss. We had all these plans for our future and walked away - but that doesn't mean the future is done for me, just as it isn't done for you.

 

It's their loss friend, they walked out on good men and one day they may see that. For us though, we come out of this the better person and some lucky girl will benefit from that at the end of the day because will be better and stronger because of this.

 

It's hard to see now, it still is for me, but I'm just focusing on the fact that she's the one who lied, cheated, and threw it all away. That is no fault of mine and I refuse to be stuck living with the results of her ****ty choices.

[goodguy1]

Happy Halloween you guys! Try and have a good day and a very fun night. Dress up, party, drink a little. Throw yourselves out there today.

[Draper]

Hey goodguy, hope all is well with you. How are you doing SBK?

 

I was going to go out tonight but I think I'll just have a relaxing night, play some video games and ****. Went pretty hard at the gym earlier so I'm a bit beat.

 

Lately, I've been missing the simple fact of having a relationship more so than missing my ex. I miss having someone to talk to all the time, someone to go out to eat with, all that stuff. It's getting better most days, though, I still have those days that blow me back a bit but overall I'm making progress.

 

It's hard when you don't have a lot of people close to you, especially when your ex was essentially the only person who you really shared your deepest feelings and thoughts with, but I take comfort knowing you guys are in this with me.

 

Hope all is well and you have a great night!

[sbk24]

Hey guys,

 

I am actually feeling better for a change. I did go out for Halloween and actually had a good time with a close friend and met a lot of new people which was nice. I am like you, some days I find hard but I have spoken to a couple of mutual friends and they just say she has changed and she is putting on a lot of weight due to alcohol and eating ****. Plus her new fella is a bit on the heavy side. This made me feel better.

 

I think I'm like you in that I'm missing just someone to talk to all the time rather than her. I have done pretty well with NC and I don't intend to talk to her ever again as she is a complete stranger and not someone I want to be associated with.

 

I would like to start dating again but I know I'm not ready yet, especially after a 8 year relationship, plus I'm not a c*** like the ex and would actually feel guilty even though I shouldn't be.

 

Have you had any contact with your ex?

[goodguy1]

Hey guys,

 

I am actually feeling better for a change. I did go out for Halloween and actually had a good time with a close friend and met a lot of new people which was nice. I am like you, some days I find hard but I have spoken to a couple of mutual friends and they just say she has changed and she is putting on a lot of weight due to alcohol and eating ****. Plus her new fella is a bit on the heavy side. This made me feel better.

 

I think I'm like you in that I'm missing just someone to talk to all the time rather than her. I have done pretty well with NC and I don't intend to talk to her ever again as she is a complete stranger and not someone I want to be associated with.

 

I would like to start dating again but I know I'm not ready yet, especially after a 8 year relationship, plus I'm not a c*** like the ex and would actually feel guilty even though I shouldn't be.

 

Have you had any contact with your ex?

 

Hey Sbk24,

 

So glad to hear you're feeling better thats a big improvement from when we last talked. Also super glad to hear you went out with friends and met new people you have no idea how great that is! Those people will help you heal and distract you from having thoughts about your ex. One note though. The next time you hangout with them tell them you wouldn't like to hear about your ex at all. It may make you feel better now hearing about her misfortune but your wound is still fresh and you continuously hearing about her will slow down your healing process and make you crave for her again.

 

Don't rush into dating someone seriously just yet. Yeah go on dates with different girls and everything but don't try and jump into a relationship with one just yet and i completely understand why you would feel guilty. I was with a girl last week and things were getting heated and i had an enormous sense of guilt come over me to the point where i just stopped and left, it sucked but it just didn't feel right yet.

 

As for you question. No my ex has not contacted me since my birthday in september where she said she wasn't mad at me -_- like she had anything to be mad at me about. I have also not sent her a text, call, or anything through social media and have had no contact with her on my part since september 1st so 2 months of NC yesterday. I have run into her family though which has been tough because i had a strong relationship with her family and her little sister and brother always wrap their arms around me and refuse to let go which is heartbreaking but its something that i have to get used to. I can't have a relationship with anyone close to her or i will never heal. I do miss them dearly and my ex for that matter but she's a different person and i mourn the girl i fell in love with 6 years ago.

[sbk24]

Our situations are so similar it's unbelievable. I was also very close to her family, her older sister is honestly one the nicest and genuine people I know and she texted me the other day to see how I was but I didn't reply as my friends say I have to cut all ties otherwise I'm never going to let my ex go. They are probably right but it's a shame to lose a friendship just because of her sister.

 

Yes you are right it's probably best to tell them to not even mention her name. It should be like Harry Potter in that "she who should not be named". I have accepted everything is over and tbh I'm still pretty shocked that so much has changed only in a couple of months. But hey ho that is life for you!

 

Have you completely blocked her from social media as well? If I ever bump into her I would actually completely ignore her, not even eye contact.

[goodguy1]

Our situations are so similar it's unbelievable. I was also very close to her family, her older sister is honestly one the nicest and genuine people I know and she texted me the other day to see how I was but I didn't reply as my friends say I have to cut all ties otherwise I'm never going to let my ex go. They are probably right but it's a shame to lose a friendship just because of her sister.

 

Yes you are right it's probably best to tell them to not even mention her name. It should be like Harry Potter in that "she who should not be named". I have accepted everything is over and tbh I'm still pretty shocked that so much has changed only in a couple of months. But hey ho that is life for you!

 

Have you completely blocked her from social media as well? If I ever bump into her I would actually completely ignore her, not even eye contact.

 

Yeah it does suck having to break off friendships with people in her family. Me and my ex's brother became very close, i was teaching him how to drive, drove him to his community college, and ironically i was there for him when his gf left him for another girl. But yeah staying in contact with her family will only keep your feelings for her from fading away. For instance her parents still wish we were together because they we're genuinely excited for my proposal to their daughter as they seen how happy i have made her and agreed that we were mature enough now for marriage since we lived in our own apartment, paid bills, and that i have finished my schooling. So its hard for me to talk to them because they always bring her up and wish things would be differently and for her to open her eyes. But to me if my ex even came back and told me she loved me all that would go through my mind would be "So you love me now but not 2 months ago?"

 

I'm not saying go all voldemort on her haha Just as your not letting her or her actions have power over you don't let her name have any power either. Cause one day sooner or later your going to meet someone with her name and your going to have to deal with it especially if its a common name. I'm still in shock over everything that has happened to. The ironic thing is the night before she left me i had a dream she broke up with me in the exact way she did and when i told her this before she left me she was just silent for a couple minutes.

 

I have blocked her from Facebook for my own sake because i know I'm not ready and probably will never be ready to see her happy with another guy so its for my own good. I also blocked friends who encouraged her to cheat and leave me as they were just fake friends and i can't believe how easily they turned their backs on me after everything i have done for them the last 5 years. One of my closest friends and our roommate even went as far to tell me "She found someone better than you Aaron just deal with it. You should be happy for her." You have no idea how angry i was that someone so close to me told me that. If i ever seen her in person i honestly don't know what would happen on my part because i know ill be an emotional mess fighting the feelings that'll resurface for her as well as the anger of her betrayal but i can tell you with the utmost certainty that if she saw me in public and being the coward that she is she will turn and run away like she always does.

[Draper]

Jesus, I've got the issue of her family too.. her parents love me and over the time together I have grown pretty close to her mother and younger sister. I was the only guy ever allowed to stay at their house with my ex, they invited me on family vacations, they constantly talked about how good I was to my ex, and the were actually encouraging us to move in together near the end of it.

 

When my ex left, her mom facebook messaged me a bit.. basically see if I was okay, and saying she hopes we can work everything out and that she would do anything she possibly could for me. They were important to me and it hurts like hell not being able to see or speak to them again, as they had become almost more of family then my real family, but I'm pretty sure my ex will come to realize what she threw in the trash one day.

 

As for your question SBK, no I haven't had any contact with my ex since back in September. Her family all sent me birthday wishes on my birthday, but she did not. Perhaps because I deleted her from social media, or perhaps she is just a bitch. I don't care either way, I have no desire to speak to someone who treated me the way she did.

 

And goodguy, I think it's good that you get those fake friends out of your life. People like that are purely toxic and can come to disrupt your life in so many ways. Don't ever let someone tell you that you aren't good enough, or that there is someone better than you, it's just not true. There was a time when we though our ex's were the best people in the world but now we now that to be completely false.

[JustAnotherLostLove]

I agree with the guy above. You both were very young, and missed the opportunity to develop independently. Which in my opinion, is essential. Add that to the fact that she's immature, and I'm not surprised this happened. However, what she did is horrible. And yes, there's a good chance she'll try crawling back, once her world crumbles. Me personally, there's no chance I'd accept her back. A side from all of that, guess what? You're going to be happy again, and when the time is right, you WILL find the one for you. When you do, you'll be glad this one never worked out.

[sbk24]

I'm glad you guys are not wanting to contact them. I honestly don't think my ex will ever come crawling back or even want to talk too me in the future tbh. I was deleting pictures of us on Facebook earlier as it kept reminding me of her but it did still hurt me to delete them as I know there isn't another copy but I think it is for the best.

 

I think Christmas will be incredibly hard for me. Just because we always buy each other something special and it will be the first time in 8 years. Just I really do hate the fact she threw away everything so easily like I meant absolutely nothing. I hope our memories haunt her the rest of her life.