lost freind/crush 15 years

[alluetta_al]

I met a girl from my days back in prep school. she was the shy type, not many friends but was always academically perfect. We became friends when we became prefect partners. I attempted to ask her to join me at our graduation dance and spent an entire weekend writing a poem to do so, but only placing it in a book when i found out she was going with some one else. from this point, we never saw nor spoke to each other for seven years.

Last night, by coincidence, i ran into her at an event were a few of our old class mates were there. i began a conversation with her and at some point, decided to ask for her phone number but oddly she said she didnt give out her phone number. i found this a bit strange because we have known each other for 15 years (even though the last seven are questionable) and while she was there with her BF, in no way was i suggesting anything other than a platonic relationship and to catch up maybe over lunch and keep in touch. she also refused to give me any other medium of contact such as email or skype and after a bit, we hugged and she went off with her BF.

While many would say a crush this old is irrelevant and people change, she has not changed much and the little perk (those not of physical nature) which i came to like still exists. I feel a tad hurt along with still recovering from my ex who recently got married which made me some what emotional.

 

at this point, i just want your general two cents on the situation, and anything i could have or should have done.

[TaraMaiden2]

The feeling is far from reciprocal.

She has a boyfriend, and acted completely appropriately, correctly and decently.

I'm sorry to say, that, while you elevated her in your mind to something significant and worthwhile, a 'crush', she had no such feelings and sentiments for you.

 

Her refusal to give you ANY contact details, would denote that she doesn't consider you anyone of any significance, no matter how long your history.

The total lack of contact in the past 7 years is of no consequence to her whatsoever. She never saw you as dating material, and any romantic or sentimental connection is in your mind, not hers, at all.

 

In the words of Coco Chanel "I don't care what you think about me; I don't think about you at all."

 

The further significance of your sensitivity (due to your ex's situation) is also of no consequence to her, and is both irrelevant and immaterial here.

In other words, you are sensitive because of an incident in your life; it is your issue, and not one you can use as an additional effect, here. You are adding it, and increasing the pain for yourself. That is your choice....

 

I'm sorry it didn't go well for you, but I detect a lack of self-esteem, respect and worth.

Do not hang how you feel, onto the shoulders of others.

You need to do some reflection on why something like this would affect you so deeply.

And it has a great deal to do with your opinion of yourself....

[jen1447]

Agree, it was bad form to ask her number in that setting/context. Was her BF standing right there? It doesn't really matter what you presumed the reason to be (platonic contact et al), asking for a number is a gesture of implied social interaction on an interpersonal level. The only way it'd be construed as anything else (between unconnected men and women) would be business, and you'd have to ask for a card for that.

 

If you really had a viable claim to simply catching up, you should have pitched that in a neutral setting where her BF would have been included - lunch, etc.

[preraph]

i found this a bit strange because we have known each other for 15 years (even though the last seven are questionable) and while she was there with her BF, in no way was i suggesting anything other than a platonic relationship and to catch up maybe over lunch and keep in touch.

 

Yeah, right. You must think she's really stupid to not know you had a raging crush on her all those years. Women and men alike know when someone is crushing on them, and it usually only makes them uncomfortable. Look, I'm not trying to make you feel bad because you had a crush, but you seem really oblivious that anyone else has a working brain and can tell what's really going on, even though you've spent years trying to conceal your intense feelings from her. She has known all along and kept her distance because she does not reciprocate your feelings at all and will never be comfortable "just being friends" because she knows full well you want more and are hoping to get in close to her that way.

 

You may as well write this one off. Just be glad she had the assertiveness to be direct with you and tell you no so you wouldn't have any lingering doubt or harbor any false hopes.