I regret breaking up with my ex boyfriend?

[Christos]

There may not be such a thing as "the one" but there certainly is such a thing as "not the one". If you don't click, if you dont have the chemistry, if you don't have enough in common, it's just not going to work.

 

 

 

That's ridiculous, we cannot pair with anyone. As I said you need chemistry, communication, similar interests, sexual compatibility, and countless other factors to make it work.

 

 

 

You should never break up with someone who loves you? Even if you don't love them, or if they're a drug addict or they're abusive, etc.

 

Again, this is ridiculous as well. The love- and compatibility- and a host of other factors need to be in place for a relationship to work. One way love is not nearly enough.

 

1) If someone is like you describe, no chemistry, no attraction, not enough in common, then you shouldn't be in relationship in the first place... Even so, those matter when the dating pool is large. Fundamentally, if for example you lived in a secluded village with only 20 people, you could pair with the only available woman around and you would be fine. You can have the luxury to be picky because you live in a 7 billion world now...

 

2) If someone loves you, then they will never be abusive to you. Someone who loves you, by definition treats you right. And if they are a drug or other addict, if they love you, they will find the strength to fix their problem. Those are niche cases you use to justify overriding the rule, which says you should be grateful for the one who loves you and love that person back. Not being a spoiled brat.

 

Do you know why western society is such a mess, and most people are on meds? Because of your attitude...

 

Go on, justify the cheater. Give her comfort that she did the right thing. Rejoice when someone else treats you the same way... After all, they did what you said they had the right to...

Edited September 17, 2015 by Christos

[Tobin]

Fundamentally, if for example you lived in a secluded village with only 20 people, you could pair with the only available woman around and you would be fine.

 

No they wouldn't necessarily be fine if they picked from an available selection of only 20 possible mates. Stastically, it could, and probably would be worse than staying single.

 

If someone loves you, then they will never be abusive to you.

 

Where do you get this nonsense from?

 

Go on, justify the cheater. Give her comfort that she did the right thing. Rejoice when someone else treats you the same way... After all, they did what you said they had the right to...

 

She wasn't into him anymore, she dumped him and she moved on. Nothing wrong with that. I wasn't addressing any cheating she may have done, I would never condone or justify cheating so please, don't paraphrase me inaccurately. You've got enough inaccuracies in your posts already.

[Christos]

No they wouldn't necessarily be fine if they picked from an available selection of only 20 possible mates. Stastically, it could, and probably would be worse than staying single.

 

 

 

Where do you get this nonsense from?

 

 

 

She wasn't into him anymore, she dumped him and she moved on. Nothing wrong with that. I wasn't addressing any cheating she may have done, I would never condone or justify cheating so please, don't paraphrase me inaccurately. You've got enough inaccuracies in your posts already.

 

1) No, the reason people are not happy with their mates, is always because they feel they can do better. ALWAYS. If there is no temptation, then they will be content with what they have. They will still have arguments and conflicts, but will remain together forever.

 

2) People who LOVE you, LOVE you, let me repeat, LOVE YOU, don't abuse you. Because they LOVE you. I am talking about LOVE, NOT LUST.

 

3) No, everything is wrong with her dumbing her boyfriend. You don't dumb someone just because the butterflies are no longer there. You stay and develop a more powerful bond. That's what true love is about.

 

If a relationship is to be kept for as long as you are lustful for the other flesh, then why have relationships anyway? For convenience? There is no point. Marriage? No point? Commitment? No point.

 

You are terribly wrong, and can't even see it.

[Tobin]

1) No, the reason people are not happy with their mates, is always because they feel they can do better. ALWAYS.

 

Nah. I can recall one woman I dated for a while, there was compatibility, strong chemistry, great sex, but we argued. The arguments led to stress and anxiety for me. I kept saying to myself, I can't be with a person like this, I had enough stress in my marriage, I'm not going to do it again. I didn't think "I can get a better woman, or a woman with whom I don't have these arguments". I just wanted out, I wasn't looking for a better replacement. After being in countless relationships in my life I had no guarantee I'd meet anyone better, I would rather be single than deal with the stress and aggravation of a bad relationship and I'm sure others would be too, especially those stuck in long term marriages with no sex, with no communication, constant fighting, etc.

 

If there is no temptation, then they will be content with what they have. They will still have arguments and conflicts, but will remain together forever.

 

Or, they will split up, and live alone, in peace. Some people prefer to be alone, especially if the alternative is constant strife.

 

People who LOVE you, LOVE you, let me repeat, LOVE YOU, don't abuse you. Because they LOVE you. I am talking about LOVE, NOT LUST.

 

Some people are abusive because that's their nature, it's how they were raised, they've got anger management issues, they're impulsive, they're high on drugs, they lack self control and self awareness. A guy might love his wife but he can't control his impulses or she triggers something from his childhood and he smacks her. That's abuse, she dumps him, he is devastated because he loves her but he let emotions control his actions.

 

No, everything is wrong with her dumbing her boyfriend. You don't dumb someone just because the butterflies are no longer there.

 

Why do you keep saying "dumbing"? I can understand a single typo but you do it every time.

 

You are terribly wrong, and can't even see it.

 

I assume you are a woman. If you were the only woman in the world I would prefer to live alone and single rather than be with you. That alone disproves almost your entire argument.

[Samuel_22]

Wow some of you are so mean...

Mean? seriously? You dumped the poor guy, his guilt? loving you with everything he had...and you thought you could do better...you thought you were superior, you though, if he loved you with everything he had, then he was weak, you thought he wouldn't find a better person, and would die without you.... well guess what? not only isn't he miserable, he is living a nice life....he is happy to the point that he does not even remember you...I don't mean to be mean but that's all I can be with people like you...well go out there and find someone else....live with it he is happy without you period

[Tobin]

Mean? seriously? You dumped the poor guy, his guilt? loving you with everything he had...and you thought you could do better...you thought you were superior, you though, if he loved you with everything he had, then he was weak, you thought he wouldn't find a better person, and would die without you.... well guess what? not only isn't he miserable, he is living a nice life....he is happy to the point that he does not even remember you...I don't mean to be mean but that's all I can be with people like you...well go out there and find someone else....live with it he is happy without you period

 

Easy tiger, you must be triggering over your own breakup.

 

She never said or implied she's superior and that he'd die without her or any of that nonsense. She broke up with him and guess she's guilty of kissing another guy at one point.

 

The backlash is undeserved.

[PaperCrane]

Easy tiger, you must be triggering over your own breakup.

 

She never said or implied she's superior and that he'd die without her or any of that nonsense. She broke up with him and guess she's guilty of kissing another guy at one point.

 

The backlash is undeserved.

 

I usually concur that inflicting more pain is bad, but in certain circumstances involving cheating/lying...well...you reap what you sow.

 

She needs help and we can offer that. She also needs to understand, and I usually feel that certain actions should come with the shame involved.

 

What she did was bad. It was underhanded and the only person being thought of is herself and her own value after the breakup.

 

If she wanted to split. That's fine. If she wanted another dude, that's cool too. But stepping out of line and cheating? No.

 

I see this a lot on here. Someone will post their breakup story or whatnot, and little details get put into other threads about how they may or may not have cheated on them or have been spending a lot of time with another woman/man.

 

If you intentionally neglected to share that information in the original post, you were obviously ashamed of it and how it would reflect on you as a person by the people replying to this thread.

 

Take care of that part of yourself first.

[Samuel_22]

Easy tiger, you must be triggering over your own breakup.

 

She never said or implied she's superior and that he'd die without her or any of that nonsense. She broke up with him and guess she's guilty of kissing another guy at one point.

 

The backlash is undeserved.

Stop backing her up...these people deserve no sympathy...Confused!!! BS... it didn't even take her a minute to decide, when my ex left me she told me she felt confused...well guess what she had already moved on... she spent 2 months with both me and her fu**** ex...and I did not know that... if you want to back her up...go on...do it. she never said she felt superior? huh? well she thought she could do better hey? didn't she? she has to live with it...he is happy....super happy...and now it is eating her up....WELL BURN GAL

Edited September 17, 2015 by Samuel_22

[Samuel_22]

I usually concur that inflicting more pain is bad, but in certain circumstances involving cheating/lying...well...you reap what you sow.

 

She needs help and we can offer that. She also needs to understand, and I usually feel that certain actions should come with the shame involved.

 

What she did was bad. It was underhanded and the only person being thought of is herself and her own value after the breakup.

 

If she wanted to split. That's fine. If she wanted another dude, that's cool too. But stepping out of line and cheating? No.

 

I see this a lot on here. Someone will post their breakup story or whatnot, and little details get put into other threads about how they may or may not have cheated on them or have been spending a lot of time with another woman/man.

 

If you intentionally neglected to share that information in the original post, you were obviously ashamed of it and how it would reflect on you as a person by the people replying to this thread.

 

Take care of that part of yourself first.

She does not deserve any help mate...she deserves none

[Bo34]

You're looking for sympathy because you expect people to tell you you're the victim. You probably will get that from close family and friends for obvious reasons, but to any outsider they look at you, not your ex, as the reason the relationship ended. Furthermore, you cheated on him. I think you deserve every bit of this pain. You made your own bed, now lie in it and suffer.

[Tobin]

Stop backing her up...these people deserve no sympathy...Confused!!! BS... it didn't even take her a minute to decide, when my ex left me she told me she felt confused...well guess what she had already moved on... she spent 2 months with both me and her fu**** ex...and I did not know that... if you want to back her up...go on...do it. she never said she felt superior? huh? well she thought she could do better hey? didn't she? she has to live with it...he is happy....super happy...and now it is eating her up....WELL BURN GAL

 

I'm not backing her up, I'm simply pointing out that your attacks on her are undeserved.

 

She felt he wasnt right for her, that she could find someone better for her, not "a better person". She didn't leave him for some guy she cheated on him with, she specifically stated she tried dating here and there but found no one.

 

This isn't anywhere near what your ex did to you which was to cheat on you for months and then dump you- your anger towards your ex is understandable and deserved but you're projecting your anger towards the Op on this thread, which is way over the top.

 

People have a right to end relationships. Feelings change, people get confused, sometimes they make bad choices.

 

 

That's all I'm saying.

[thejabberwocky]

You know what, you broke up with him for a reason. Why not do a 60 day No Contact? After that, your emotions should calm down and you can see more clearly whether you really do want him back.

 

During that time, he will probably miss you. If after 60 days, you decide you DO want him back, you can contact him and schedule a meeting to talk this out. It'll be best case scenario either way - either you'll miss each other and get back together, or you'll be able to detach enough to walk away. Good luck!

[frigginlost]

Stop backing her up...these people deserve no sympathy...Confused!!! BS... it didn't even take her a minute to decide, when my ex left me she told me she felt confused...well guess what she had already moved on... she spent 2 months with both me and her fu**** ex...and I did not know that... if you want to back her up...go on...do it. she never said she felt superior? huh? well she thought she could do better hey? didn't she? she has to live with it...he is happy....super happy...and now it is eating her up....WELL BURN GAL

 

Just. Wow.

 

You are projecting so badly, the smoke can be seen from across the Atlantic.

 

What she did was wrong, yes. But people can and do make mistakes. To absolutely rip someone apart to make yourself feel better about what happened with your own relationship is just mean.

 

OP,

 

You are getting a first-hand look with what your actions created with your ex. I'm sure it hurts, but you have to understand that he is not doing anything but moving forward with his life, that sadly, you have created. Take what happened as a massive learning lesson on how a person if free to make any choice they want... but they have to deal with the consequences of that choice.

 

Stay away from dating for a while. Don't use another person to find happiness right now. Learn to forgive yourself, and let happiness return to you in time.

[Samuel_22]

I'm not backing her up, I'm simply pointing out that your attacks on her are undeserved.

 

She felt he wasnt right for her, that she could find someone better for her, not "a better person". She didn't leave him for some guy she cheated on him with, she specifically stated she tried dating here and there but found no one.

 

This isn't anywhere near what your ex did to you which was to cheat on you for months and then dump you- your anger towards your ex is understandable and deserved but you're projecting your anger towards the Op on this thread, which is way over the top.

 

People have a right to end relationships. Feelings change, people get confused, sometimes they make bad choices.

 

 

That's all I'm saying.

That still, does not change a thing, cheating is cheating...and don't talk about confusion that's 110% pure bull****...feelings change? her feelings have changed again now? I would say, she needs to drop in on a psychiatrist then...because normal people don't sleep and wake up with changed feelings...bad choice? so let her live with it...she got what she wanted...hu? or does she want him back, because she can't find any one else? either way I am done here, I can never figure out your type...too kind...too forgiving...

[kevin smithy]

Wow some of you are so mean...

 

hello.. you may think what they saying is mean but the truth is alot of us knows how your ex feels and to be treated like that. the same thing you did to him my girl did to me just a few things diff.. let me tell you exactly how he feels. you all had something good, things were flowing nicely and you just decided you want diff things and you dont want him no more. he is lost, confused and shredded to pieces by hurt and pain.maybe the new girl he has is just a way to take his mind of u cause when ur in the siruation he is in you need sumn to get the break up out of your head or you will go crazy.

 

its really hard to be dumped like that when you put in alot into a relationship and truly love someone. the never is a one so dont believe that, there are just people out there who are in love and want to make sumn work. best advice to give you, give him plenty space right now, he needs it. will also give you time to make up your mind. see you get the guy back and u have the same feeling that hes not the one, youll just break his heart again. so give him his space, stop checking up on him. and in some time u should message him if u really believe u want to be with him. u will know what to do from there ok.

[Blanco]

I don't have much sympathy for the OP, but this thread has kind of degenerated. Having lurked a lot here in recent weeks and thus, being familiar with many posters and their stories, it's pretty obvious that some of the more vocal contributors in this thread are projecting a lot of their own pain and misery from their current BU onto the OP.

[Samuel_22]

Just. Wow.

 

You are projecting so badly, the smoke can be seen from across the Atlantic.

 

What she did was wrong, yes. But people can and do make mistakes. To absolutely rip someone apart to make yourself feel better about what happened with your own relationship is just mean.

 

OP,

 

You are getting a first-hand look with what your actions created with your ex. I'm sure it hurts, but you have to understand that he is not doing anything but moving forward with his life, that sadly, you have created. Take what happened as a massive learning lesson on how a person if free to make any choice they want... but they have to deal with the consequences of that choice.

 

Stay away from dating for a while. Don't use another person to find happiness right now. Learn to forgive yourself, and let happiness return to you in time.

Dude!!! did she even think about what her ex went through when she broke up with him? did she? and now she is sad because her ex is happy? this is a shame!!!

Smoke? what smoke? did you see my post the other day? my ex's boyfriend left her again...her sister contacted me, I did not reply... so no I am not angry... I am not sad... Karma has already taken my revenge on her....but these people deserve no sympathy... that's all

[sandylee1]

When you dump someone, you should not expect them to sit around pining for you. It's not just that they got over you that easily.....it's a realisation that if you loved them as much as they loved you, you would not have dumped them.

 

When that reality hits home.....they try and climb out of the sadness and function properly again.

 

To be dumped out of the blue is very hurtful...he didn't see it coming and he'll be looking for a girl who will not cause him such hurt again. I certainly wouldn't want my son getting back with a girl who broke his heart like this.

 

You'll find a guy you love enough in the future and when you're happy in that relationship, you won't feel claustrophobic. That was a sign that he WASN'T THE ONE for you

[xUnknown]

And another thing: I noticed in another thread that you mentioned "cheating on him". Well, you didn't specify him, but it is obvious you meant this guy. Why you never mentioned it here?

 

We both know why...

 

You reap what you sow...

 

 

You sir, the one that knew her history and called her out on this...

 

You da real MVP... and her ex, props to him for moving on.

[Blanco]

Now, as for the actual OP:

 

I was in a somewhat similar situation. No cheating or anything involved, but I think we were both unhappy with the relationship and it had become obvious that we were hugely incompatible in a lot of ways. Sure, we COULD keep adding on the years to our relationship. And yet, things had become so tattered and toxic that doing so would've just been throwing proverbial good money after bad. We both knew we weren't each other's ideal long before it finally ended. And I think there was a sense of relief for both of us when it finally did. Now, I technically was the one to pull the plug, but it hurt to do so. In doing so, I was admitted defeat in a way; it felt like I had failed, even though I know neither of us were really at fault for the relationship expiring.

 

Well, she moved on very quickly, as she has from every relationship that's ended. I felt much like you. I wasn't looking to date at that time, so I wasn't seeing anyone or had any interest in doing so. It hurt that she had moved on so fast, even though our thing was certainly done or beyond repair. I felt jealous, angry, and betrayed.

 

But she didn't do anything wrong. We didn't have a real future together. She wasn't the one or one of the ones. She's a good person, but just not someone who's able to give me what I need in a relationship. Only recently, six months after the fact am I starting to have perspective. If she clicks with this new guy and they have a future together, then who am I to obstruct it? I know deep down I don't want her and that my hurt just stems from a bruised ego and the sadness that comes from something that meant a lot to you coming to an end.

 

It sounds like this is similar to what you're feeling. Do the right thing and own your decision and step aside so this guy can proceed and try to get his life moving on again.

[Tobin]

That still, does not change a thing, cheating is cheating...and don't talk about confusion that's 110% pure bull****...feelings change? her feelings have changed again now? I would say, she needs to drop in on a psychiatrist then...because normal people don't sleep and wake up with changed feelings.

 

They sure can. Feelings can change in intervals as short as a few minutes.

 

That's just how our minds work. We don't wake up one day and say "I'm done with this person" and that's it. There's lots of back and forth, dumpers remorse is common, people are not always in touch with their feelings and sometimes after time and space they realize they made a mistake.

 

Dude!!! did she even think about what her ex went through when she broke up with him? did she? and now she is sad because her ex is happy? this is a shame!!!

Smoke? what smoke? did you see my post the other day? my ex's boyfriend left her again...her sister contacted me, I did not reply... so no I am not angry... I am not sad... Karma has already taken my revenge on her....but these people deserve no sympathy... that's all

 

You're not angry Samuel, you are furious. And not at the Op on this thread. You're like the guy who gets reamed by his boss at work and comes home and kicks the dog because he knocked over his water bowl.

 

So what you didn't reply to your ex's sister, that has nothing whatsoever to do with whether or not you've got these strong feelings of anger towards your ex for what you perceived she did to you.

 

You need to work through this. This type of situation is why people bring guns to shopping malls...

[Samuel_22]

I don't have much sympathy for the OP, but this thread has kind of degenerated. Having lurked a lot here in recent weeks and thus, being familiar with many posters and their stories, it's pretty obvious that some of the more vocal contributors in this thread are projecting a lot of their own pain and misery from their current BU onto the OP.

Nah..dust in the eyes...just put yourself in her ex's shoe for a minute, I am not talking for me, nor do I want to feel better myself...I already feel great...because my ex got what she deserved...and now she regrets it too.... I have nothing personal with the OP...nor do I care, what she wants, how she feels, I just wish her ex would be happy after what he has been through...and the OP's intentions? crystal clear, even if she went back, and the boy took her, she would hurt him again....

[PaperCrane]

This is going nowhere and it's getting way more replies than I figured. I'll toss out some assistance and be on my way.

 

To OP;

 

It's okay to feel down after they move on quickly. Regardless of being the dumper or dumpee, seeing someone you were so close to move on so quickly hurts. Even people who are friends who have a falling out feel this way. The pain being felt is usually from the loss of the closeness you had.

 

Other pain comes from feelings of replacement. That hurts your ego and self worth because you're placing what you're worth into the hands of the other person and how they see you.

 

I won't reiterate my other points, but you should reflect on them as well.

 

I will state again that NC overall will take care of this situation you're having.

[Samuel_22]

They sure can. Feelings can change in intervals as short as a few minutes.

 

That's just how our minds work. We don't wake up one day and say "I'm done with this person" and that's it. There's lots of back and forth, dumpers remorse is common, people are not always in touch with their feelings and sometimes after time and space they realize they made a mistake.

 

 

 

You're not angry Samuel, you are furious. And not at the Op on this thread. You're like the guy who gets reamed by his boss at work and comes home and kicks the dog because he knocked over his water bowl.

 

So what you didn't reply to your ex's sister, that has nothing whatsoever to do with whether or not you've got these strong feelings of anger towards your ex for what you perceived she did to you.

 

You need to work through this. This type of situation is why people bring guns to shopping malls...

Come off it mate...guns?...shopping malls? I am just a teacher...you are exaggerating things... I don't blame you for doing so...we are just too different...that's all... You forgive and forget...I hate and forget...but my attacking the OP had nothing to do with my own story....she deserves what she is going through.... and for the first part of your reply, if one is considered a stable person, the person's feelings don't change this fast...only the emotionally immature people, change this fast...you love someone or you don't...you don't love someone a minute and feel indifferent the other...or do you? I am out of here, this is pointless... keep pampering her... she doesn't deserve the pain anyhow

[adiamond]

Move on and let him be happy. You made a mistake and people do that all the time, just learn from it for the future. You'll be fine!